Disclaimer: Sadly, nothing belong to me.

First of all, my deep apologies! I meant to update but real had been really really really busy. So, I'm coming really quick to tell you that I haven't forgotten you and this story. This chapter is a little longer than usual so enjoy! And don't be mad and hit the llitle button at the end of the story to tell me what you think of it (even if it's to yell at me for being so late ^^)

Then, I have to explain something. In the late chapter, even I found my Buffy a little too whiny. So I tried to correct that but I have to clear a point. Her life has been really hard and she finds herself alone. She has to build a whole new life and she has a lot of time to actually think about the past. In the late seasons, I felt like it was only her role as a Slayer that kept her totally sane. So, you can say that in this fic, she fell into a little depression. That's why she's like on a rollercoaster. Totally whiny then brightening up before falling into depression again. For living with my mom who had several depressions, I can tell that most of the time, she isn't even aware of her own mood and how she is whiny and depressed. So keep that in mind for this fic for now on

Enjoy ^^

Chapter Fifteen

Unexpected visitor

The end credits of the show scrolled by and commercials were soon to follow. Buffy grabbed the remote control and turned off the television. She was lying on her sofa in jogging pants and a pullover; what she had been for the past two days. She hadn't left her apartment and hadn't talked to anyone in that time. She ignored her telephone when it rang and didn't check her e-mails at all. She was supposed to be taking care of herself but the only thing she could do was wallow and brood.

When she had gotten home, two days ago, she had cried. She thought of her friends, of what they had meant to each other, of her past and of everything that went wrong—everything she had been through. And she had cried harder. She was tired of fighting and acting like she was happy.

For the first time in two years, she had thought of Spike. He was the one who had helped her out of her depression when she was brought back from the dead. He had helped her feel alive when she had felt dead inside. She had tried to forget him after his death. Because every time she thought of him, it just hurt too much. She hadn't grieved for him. She couldn't. No one understood her relationship with Spike. And she couldn't talk to anyone. She just felt so alone! So she hadn't left her apartment. She just ate, watched TV, slept and showered.

She groaned, rolled onto her back and hid her face in her hands. She had quit the Council. And Jack hadn't seemed too happy about that. But he had offered her a job, hadn't he? Because she just couldn't be unemployed. Not in her current state of mind. She needed to have something to do with herself.

Knocking on her front door disrupted her depressing thoughts. She didn't move, hoping for whoever was there to leave her alone. She didn't want company. She wanted to mope, and brood and be depressed. Because she had the right to do it, damn it. But the annoying person didn't leave. The knocking became louder and louder. Until...

"Buffy, I know you're in there! Open the door!"

She sighed and reminded herself that Andy was her friend. She couldn't kill him. He called her name again and she rolled onto her side, stood up and went to the door. She half-opened it.

"What do you want?"

The blond man pushed open the door and forced his way in, bags in his arms.

"God Buffy, when was the last time you aired the place out?"

She groaned and went back to her sofa. He disappeared into the kitchen for a few minutes. Then he opened almost all the windows.

"You look like shit."

"Thanks. Are you done?"

He didn't seem the least bit fazed by her deadly glare. She grabbed a pillow and held it tight against her chest. He glanced at her answering machine.

"Have you forgotten how to answer a phone?"

"No. I didn't want to."

He sat on the sofa beside her and took the pillow from her.

"Gwen called me when she and Tosh couldn't reach you. It seems that Jack's worried. And Owen wants to make sure your injuries are healing well."

"So what? You're a Torchwood errand-boy now?"

She felt guilty when she saw the hurt on his face.

"I'm going to pretend you never said that."

"Sorry."

He sighed. "Listen, I know the past few weeks have been bad. Jack explained to me what happened. And I'm sorry. But do you think locking yourself up in your apartment is the solution?"

"I just… I don't know. I think I just forgot how hard it was."

"What?"

"To live."

He didn't know that she died. Not one of them knew about that or her depression after her return. She didn't want to talk about it now. She stood up.

"I just needed to clear my head. To be alone, think about everything, grieve."

She realized something. "Did you talk to all of Torchwood?"

"I walked by the Plass to get a drink with Gwen. They were worried."

"Rude-Guy really asked you to check on me?"

"I was just as surprised! But apparently, you were injured and as your doctor he wanted to make sure that you were healing well."

"There's almost nothing now."

She snorted when she realized that everyone had asked about her, except Ianto. She didn't know what she had done to him, but he was avoiding her. He was the only one who did that. Even Owen talked to her. Okay, it wasn't really pleasant when they talked but at least they did. Then, she realized how pathetic and selfish she was. Letting herself fall into a depression wasn't going to be of any help to anyone. She wasn't that kind of girl. She was the Slayer! She was supposed to be a mystical warrior. Now she was finally in charge of her life. And she wasn't going to move forward by wallowing in self-pity. Okay, so she had a bad phase. But was she really going to let that ruin her life? She had her own friends here, her own job—or at least she would soon. Instead of hiding in her apartment, she should be out and about, building her new life.

Her brooding was done. It was time to move on. With a resolve filled expression on her face, she looked at Andy.

"Make yourself at home. I'm going to shower and change. Then we're going out."

He smiled. Then, he adopted a stubborn face.

"Wait, what if I don't want to go out?"

"You don't want to?"

"I'm kidding! Go take that shower. I wasn't lying when I said you look like crap."

"Thank you very much. You sure know how to talk to women."

He threw the pillow at her and she disappeared into the bathroom. Half an hour later, she emerged fully dressed and feeling more human than she had in days. Andy smiled at her.

"That's much better!"

She went to the kitchen and looked at what he brought. He had shopped for her. She shook her head.

"You know, I don't know why you're still single. You're a real treasure."

"Apparently, you're the only one to think that," he replied while leaning against the doorframe. She had missed the little knowing smile on his lips.

He watched as she quickly put away the groceries. She wasn't smiling but at least she looked a little more human than before. When she was done, he grabbed her jacket, threw it at her and yelled, "Come on! We're getting you out of here—breath in some fresh air and let the sun shine on that beautiful face of yours."

"Wow, what's gotten into you?"

He smiled at her.

"While you were brooding, life went on out there, you know?"

"So, what did I miss?"

"I met someone."

"No way! Who? When? How? And you said nothing earlier when I teased you about you being single!"

"You were the one to assume that I was still single."

"Stop teasing and tell me everything."

She smacked him on the arm, hard. But he didn't complain and just laughed. Then he told her about Sarah, how they met at the police station where she was filing a complaint after having been robbed on the street. She had come several times and after they had caught the thief, he had asked her out—in a blushing, babbling and embarrassing way. Buffy could actually imagine it. They had gone out dozens of times since then.

"And you're telling me this now? Why did you wait so long?" she asked.

"Because of the almost-apocalypse and then your period of wallowing?"

She made a face. He had a point.

"I'm sorry."

She put her hands in her jean pockets. They walked a little while in silence. He carefully watched her. After a few minutes, he said, "The sad face is back."

"I'm sorry."

He grabbed her arm and faced her. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I think I'm going to whine again," she said with a face.

"I'm listening. You might feel better after."

She told him about the fight with the First and everything that happened and the consequences. They sat on a bench and he listened in silence, only interrupting when he had a question. People continued walking around them but they took no notice. Buffy ended the tale by telling him about Jack's offer.

"I quit the Council. It was the first time I really told my friends how I felt about what happened."

"Maybe you needed to do that. To really move on."

"The truth is, they were right. Partially. I mean, without them, I wouldn't be alive right now. They helped me through so much. They were my lucky charms. And at the end, I was a bitch. I had to be. They were all looking to me, expecting me to lead them through a war I knew some of them wouldn't survive. Willow was still fragile, barely able to perform the simplest spell. Giles and Robin were more preoccupied with killing Spike than helping to save the world. And Xander was just human and saw me like the big hero. I wasn't one. I'm still not one. But they wanted the Slayer, not Buffy. And I didn't know if I would've been able to lead them if I'd stayed Buffy. I couldn't take the chance of feeling something, anything. They needed someone strong and fearless. I needed to be like that."

"But it destroyed your friendship."

She didn't tell him that dying and being brought back to life had already stained their friendship. Or that she had been locked in a deep depression since then, never really coming out of it.

"You're not all right," Andy said. "I think you came to Cardiff to heal but it's not as easy as you were expecting, is it?"

"No, it's not. Most of the time, I don't think of it and I'm happy. But then, something happens and I remember everything and it drags me down. It's like I'm on a roller coaster. My own personal roller coaster of misery."

"We've all gone through bad phases. The most important thing is to keep going. I haven't known you for long, but for I've seen that you're a great woman, a great warrior, and a great friend. You have no reason to be ashamed of anything. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Your friends forgot that you were a girl before being some mystical warrior. You spent so much time fighting that you forgot that you were friends and not an army."

Her eyes were shining with tears. He hugged her and she said, "Sometimes living hurts so much!"

"I know. But it's because you know how it feels to hurt that you recognize happiness. It's a balance. You need bad things to make good things feel real."

She sniffed and moved away.

"Thanks. This Sarah is a really lucky girl."

"I'm the lucky one. Such a great girlfriend and such a great best friend. Now come on, it's a beautiful day and we have plenty of time left to enjoy it."

They stood up and walked on, arms linked at the elbow. Buffy was feeling a little better. She had always hated feeling so insecure. But like everyone else, sometimes she needed someone to listen to her and to help her back to her feet. She had thought a lot these last few days. It had been hard for her to talk to the Scoobies because she knew that meeting them face to face like that was going to be the last straw. There was no going back. She was also aware that she was a part of the problem. She could've been more open after her death instead of shutting them out and choosing to confide in Spike instead.

But at that point, they had been so deeply buried in their own problems. Xander had left Anya at the altar; Willow had lost Tara and then tried to end the world; Giles had been trying to begin his life in the Mother Country again, and Dawn was trying to get through her mother's and her sister's deaths. Could she blame them for not having been there for her? Not really. When the First attacked, they were all so weak! They were barely able to keep themselves together. The First had known it and had used that against them. It had slowly but surely turned them against one another. They were all under pressure and finally they had lost it. After all, they were only human.

After that, they could have tried to patch up the broken relationships. But it only got worse. None of them apologized for what they did to her. Never. She could have talked to them but she didn't. And her resentment grew and ate at her from the inside. Now it was all too late. She needed time for herself—time to begin her new life. Time to work through all her problems. It would take time but it was selfish to just walk away from the Council like she did. Nevertheless, she was done with being the hero, the savior of the world. If she wanted to at least patch things up with her sister, she needed some time to heal before attempting it.

The next day, she went to the police station where she asked to speak with Cadogan. The chief welcomed her and she could see the worry in his eyes but she was glad he didn't say anything. Since she had started working with Torchwood, the police force wasn't being as friendly with her anymore. Even if she hadn't changed her behavior with them at all. She respected them, explained to them what she could and took the time to get to know them. Cadogan and she made small talk for a while. Soon, however, he tired of it.

"So, why are you here?" he asked.

She smiled a little and told him. "I'm going to work for Torchwood."

His expression went blank immediately and he sat back on his chair. She spoke before he could say anything.

"I need a change of career. I don't know if the INC will send someone here or if I'll be left in charge. What's important is my attitude towards you won't change. So your relations with Torchwood will be improving. That's good news, right?"

She looked expectantly at him. She didn't want to lose their respect just because she decided to change careers. She liked working with them. They had considerably improved her view of police forces around the world. They weren't complete morons. In fact, they did a great job. Maybe only the American police were the incompetent ones? After a little talk about how things were going to change, they decided to wait a bit longer until she learnt more about her possible replacement in Cardiff. She left later feeling a little more subdued.

Two days later, Giles made a surprise visit. He arrived a little after noon. Very politely, he asked her if he interrupted anything and offered to come back later. She shushed him, dragged him inside and made him tea without even asking if he wanted any. Once they were comfortably seated, she asked, "So, how's everyone reacting?"

"They're feeling a little down since your speech. And Faith is doing a great job to remind them of it when they seem to be forgetting."

She smiled at that because she could easily imagine Faith and her perceived tactlessness without any problems.

"I've received some complaints from Dr. Paisley," he announced.

She cringed. She was supposed to work with the scientist but after she had seen his obvious desire to perform experiments, she knew that she couldn't trust him. Since then, she had worked with Owen almost every time. Rude-Guy agreed because of his curiosity too, but he worked with weird things all the time and knew what, and what not, to do. Like experimenting on living things. Or unliving. Paisley had tried to call her but after numerous calls, she didn't answer anymore. She explained that to Giles and added, "You can't trust them. They're going to cross the line sooner or later. Torchwood, at least, understands boundaries."

He sighed and polished his glasses and she was glad to see it because it was just so Giles-y that it was comforting.

"Speaking of Torchwood, have you talked with their leader yet?"

"Yeah, I talked with Jack. But it didn't go well. I kind of lost it and broke down in front him."

His eyes went wide with surprise and concern.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm doing better. He sent me home. I stayed locked in here for a couple days but Andy made me see how stupid and selfish I was being. I'm supposed to be back at work. or whatever it is on Monday. I'll talk with Jack about the job offer. He didn't want to make any decisions with an unstable me."

"Wise choice."

"Jack's a wise man."

Giles put his cup of tea on the low table in front of him.

"Are you aware that when you work for Torchwood, it's a one way ticket?"

"It was supposed to be that way with my Calling. The only difference is, with Torchwood, it'll be my choice."

"Is that the reason you're so determined to work with them?"

She pulled her feet under her and got more comfy. She knew this conversation was coming eventually so she had already thought of what she would say.

"That is part of it. I never had a choice. And since my…my death, I just kept going on. I want—no, I need—to find something other than a 'destined calling' that makes me want to get up every morning and live my life. Before, I had Dawn. But she doesn't need me anymore. I need to find something for myself. Maybe that's Torchwood. Or maybe I'm making a huge mistake. But it's my mistake to make. I'm still searching for what I want to do with my life."

"I guess that's a good enough reason. I am just concerned about you making a bad decision."

"But it's my right to make one now that I'm not the only Slayer."

"It is. But without sounding soppy, you're still my only Slayer."

She didn't know what to say. Her eyes were burning. She hugged him hard enough to make him understand how much his words meant to her. After a while, she pulled back, wiped away her tears and said, "Not soppy at all. Thank you. Giles, can I ask you a favor?"

"Anything you want."

"Take care of them, okay? Just because we have issues and we don't talk anymore, it's not like I don't care about them. I want them safe and happy. They deserve to have a better life."

"As do you. I really hope you find what you're searching for Buffy."

"Thank you Giles."

They talked about what her quitting would mean for Cardiff and the INC. Giles thought it would be difficult to send another Slayer. Buffy knew the city, the policemen, and her connection to Torchwood, even if unwanted at first, was very handy. So they agreed that she would keep her job watching over the city.

Her cell emitted a high-pitched chime. She grabbed it and read the text. She smiled at her watcher.

"How'd you like to meet Torchwood?"

"I would feel a little better if I personally knew the people you'd be working with."

"Come on then. Gwen sent me a text. It's a quiet evening so they decided to eat out. They invited me. You could come and meet them."

He frowned. "How would they know if something happened? Is someone staying behind?"

"No. You see, Tosh got this computer-thingy, like the one you gave me but way more complicated, that will warn her if anything weird happens. And besides, it's still early. Weevils usually cause problems later in the night."

"Maybe you should ask them?"

"Do you want to meet them, yes or no?"

"Of course! But I can't arrive unannounced!"

"You're so British!"

He lifted an eyebrow:

"And so are they if I'm not mistaken?"

She frowned. "Jack's American. I think. And they're more Welsh than British."

"Wales is part of Great Britain. So, they're British too."

She threw her hands in the air in frustration.

"Fine, alright! Are you coming or not?"

He tried to hide his smile. It had been a while since he had seen her acting so Buffy-like.

"Of course, Buffy. I'll come."

"Great. Seriously, you can be so annoying sometimes..."

He said absolutely nothing and just enjoyed the moment. Buffy sent him a not really scary glare before disappearing into her room. He wouldn't tell her but he was proud of her. After her resurrection, he had watched her sink into darkness without knowing what to do. In fact, he had been scared of what it could have meant. Never, ever had he heard of someone being brought back from the dead. And what could he have said to her? She had been in Heaven and her friends had ripped her out. And things had just gotten worse. There had been Willow and then the First. So he was glad to see her slowly pulling herself out of the depression that never really left her. And now he was curious to meet the infamous Torchwood who had helped her with that.

"Is she coming?" Tosh asked when she saw Gwen read the text she had just received.

"Yes. She'll meet us in front of the pub. Ready to go?"

Team Torchwood took the SUV and drove to their favorite place. The owner knew them and they were sure to grab a table quickly. Jack went inside to let them know they were there and he was told they had to wait half an hour before their table was free. So, they waited outside. It wasn't even dark yet.

None of them had talked to Buffy since she had broken down in Jack's office. They had tried to call her but she never answered. They had finally sent Andy and he had called Gwen earlier to say that she was going to be alright. She just needed some time to herself.

Just before the half hour wait was over, they saw Buffy arrived. She was dressed simply; blue jeans with a pink top and a black leather jacket. She had a smile on her glossed lips and was talking to someone. Jack frowned when he saw the man beside her. He was in his fifties, with graying hair and glasses that didn't hide the tenderness in his eyes when he looked at Buffy. He was walking with her and listening as she talked. At one point, he rolled his eyes, obviously exasperated by what she just said, but not really if his playful smile was anything to go by.

They finally reached the waiting group and Buffy hugged Gwen and Tosh. Then she introduced her friend:

"Guys, this is Rupert Giles. He's my Watcher and is currently the head of INC. Giles, this is Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Gwen Williams, Toshiko Sato and Owen Harper. Owen's my neighbor and the doctor I work with instead of that idiot Paisley."

Before anyone could say anything else, a waitress came out and informed them that their table was ready. Jack asked for them to set out another place setting. They waited while the waitress worked under the flirty presence of Jack. They finally were seated and Buffy explained how Giles came this afternoon without warning and she invited him to diner since he wanted to meet them. The rest of the meal went well. The Torchwood team asked a lot of questions about Buffy, taking their chance to learn more about their future coworker. Of course, they didn't talk about the bad cases or the deaths and the heartbreak. No, the anecdotes were light and funny. Most of them were from high school and some of them made Buffy blush and send a glare towards Giles.

By the time dessert arrived, the team was laughing so much they were crying. Even Giles was having a hard time keeping his expression serious. Buffy's pout certainly wasn't helping them. She glared at her Watcher who had just finished telling them—with plenty of details—of the time when she was transformed into Neanderthal-Buffy. Even Ianto was laughing at her expense. Her ego was so hurt! She crossed her arms and kept glaring at Giles.

"Maybe you want me to talk about the time when your friend turned you into a Fyarl demon? Or when you became a teenager again and slept with my mom? Twice? On the hood of a police car?"

Giles froze and sent her a "You wouldn't dare…" look. Gwen wiped away her tears and said, out of breath, "I think I need some lady time."

Buffy stood up with her. "I'm coming with you."

Tosh joined them in going to the bathroom. Owen watched them disappear before turning back to his companions.

"Why do women always go to the bathroom in a pack?"

"I think that's one of humanity's biggest mysteries," said Jack with a playful smile on his lips.

When he turned towards the other three men, he wasn't completely surprised to find Giles looking at him seriously. The Englishman nodded in his direction and said very politely but in a tone that clearly indicated he would not tolerate a negative answer, "I would like to talk with you in private."

"Of course."

Jack stood up, sent a reassuring look to his two team members and followed the older-lookin man outside. Once on the street, they walked a short distance in silence.

"You did a nice job with her Ripper" Jack said while looking at the stars.

Ripper shivered. "I'm not him anymore."

Jack turned on his heels and looked at the man in front of him. He tried to see the younger and rebellious man he had met three decades ago, the one going by the nickname Ripper. Oh, what troubles he had caused back then! He was daring, dangerous smart and had done everything he could to upset his parents. He proved to himself that he could be the man he wanted to be, and not the man they wanted him to be. But finally, his parents had won.

The two had met while Jack was investigating a strange event in London for Torchwood. Instead of aliens, he found a group of gifted young people with enough knowledge, efficacy, logic, and the need for independence and vengeance to be really dangerous. Ripper was one of them. He had befriended them, curious to know why they were acting like they were and how they could do such amazing things. He had been aware of the supernatural and magic for a long time but that had really been his first close up view of it.

"I was hoping that the Jack Harkness Buffy was talking about was someone else," Ripper said.

"Why? You're not happy to see me again?"

Giles smiled a little. He was no longer the young man he had been, but looking at Jack, he remembered why he had been so impressed by the captain all those years ago when he crashed into their little group of friends, full of questions and curiosity. He had the same charisma, the same presence. And if he had doubts about Buffy's decision, they had disappeared when he had recognized Torchwood's leader. After all, wasn't he the one that made them understand how wrong their actions were? Without him, he could have still been Ripper, they all could have stayed the same rebellious youths. Eyghon was not the only reason for his change. Jack was there. He didn't order them around or talk about morality. No, he befriended them, learnt why they did the things they did, what their problems were. Eyghon destabilized them and Jack took the opportunity to show them how wrong and immature they were being. And then he had disappeared from their lives as quickly as he had appeared.

Giles chose to not answer Jack's question. Instead, he said, "I've looked after her the best I could. She hasn't had an easy life. She has suffered so much. But I can't do anything more for her now."

Jack didn't miss the fatherly expression on the man's face. So many years had passed since they had seen each other. He obviously cared for Buffy as much as a father could care for his daughter. It was hard to think that this was really Ripper. Where was all the anger? The sarcasm? The hate? He remembered the little Buffy had told them about Giles, and what he had learnt during the meal. Ripper had become a good man, a role model for those teenagers and Jack couldn't help but feel a little proud of that. He smiled reassuringly at him.

"I'll take care of her the best I can."

"She's not easy. She doesn't let people get close anymore. I'm glad she befriended your group."

"Even if we're Torchwood?"

"Life is always complicated."

Giles looked at him with curiosity. "I always knew there was something strange about you. What are you?"

"Just an old man."

"You're more than that. There are pictures of me at Buffy's apartment. You recognized me a long time ago. Why didn't you tell her?"

"What about mystery? I like being mysterious."

"She'll know you're special sooner than later."

"Let it be later."

They were interrupted by the group who was walking towards them. Buffy had a big smile on her face but a strange expression in her eyes. She bounced towards them and grabbed Giles' elbow.

"So, are you finished with your secret men-talk?"

"Yes, we are," Giles answered.

"It's getting late and my Watcher's an old man who needs sleep," the Blonde said. Ignoring said Watcher's cry of indignation, she went on, "So, we're going to abandon you. Good night!"

Jack exchanged a last glance with Ripper and nodded slightly. Then, the watcher looked at the others.

"It was a pleasure to meet you all. Good night."

Buffy dragged him away and the Immortal watched them disappear. Ianto appeared at his side.

"What did you talk about?"

Jack smiled at the young archivist. "Things. Is Buffy's contract ready?"

Ianto sent him an offended look. The Captain turned towards his team.

"You know what? Go home. It's quiet tonight. I'll call you if I need you."

No one offered to stay. Owen almost ran away before he remembered they all came together. On the Plass, Gwen and Tosh bid their goodnights and left. Ianto looked at his captain. "I need to finish Buffy's contract."

"You can do that tomorrow."

"It seemed urgent. I'd prefer to finish it tonight."

They stood on the march and sunk into the ground. They disappeared into the Hub, knowing fully well that Buffy's file had been done for a long time now.

¤ ¤ tbc ¤ ¤