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The next morning she was woken by the continual ringing of the phone on the bedside table. As she came to she was aware of Alex still in her arms but stirring. Olivia let her go when she pulled away gently and reached for the phone. Olivia realised they hadn't moved since falling asleep in the early hours of the morning. She winced when pins and needles rushed down her arm into her fingers as blood flowed into her arm.
"Hello?" she heard Alex answer the phone and with a groan rolled onto her back and flicked her fingers, getting the blood pumping. She turned to look at Alex when she felt her stiffen and saw her looking down with a flush across her cheeks
"Yes she's here, she must have slept in, we were up pretty late last night" the flush deepened and she looked away. Olivia grinned, Alex Cabot could be shy. "I'll go wake her and send her in Elliott, Ok thankyou it sounds good...yes soon...Ok bye"
Alex hung up and lay back down on the bed on her back. She refused to look at Olivia though so Olivia waited until Alex worked through what she wanted to say. Olivia didn't intend to leave until she got some answers to a few questions.
"Elliott called, you're late to work" Alex told her and Olivia merely raised a brow and gave a shrug
"Guess they can wait, I'm owed plenty of time" she replied and looked at Alex patiently "I've got all day Alex, I'm not leaving until I know what is going on"
Alex sighed and looked away. She should have known Olivia would want to know. Once she got a whiff of something she was like a dog with a bone.
"It was nothing, just a nightmare" she tried to shrug it off and felt Olivia move beside her until she was kneeling and reaching out to cup her face pulled it gently around until they were face to face. Serious brown eyes met embarrassed blue.
"Lex, don't downplay last night, I know all about nightmares after my under cover experience, you know that" she spoke quietly, reassuringly "You called me for a reason Alex, now let me in"
Alex looked at Olivia a long time, she had called her, she trusted her. Olivia made her feel safe, she didn't know or understand why. Maybe it went back to their friendship prior to her shooting, maybe it was from when she was lying bleeding on the footpath and Olivia's voice became her focal point to stay alive. She didn't know but she knew she needed to confide in someone and Olivia was the only person she could think of.
"OK, but it might take a while" she finally capitulated and Olivia nodded, reaching across her and grabbing the phone to dial work. With a few quick words to Cragen she had some time off and didn't have to go in until the following day. Hanging up she looked back at Alex and raised a brow.
"We should get dressed and go to another room" Alex tried to procrastinate again but Olivia took her hand and held her firm. She lay back down among the pillows and simply waited. Alex sighed and lay down next to her, holding her hand tight. She wasn't sure where to begin so she guessed she would start at the beginning.
"You know my shooting affected me greatly, I lost so much and had to deal with it on my own. Not just the physical healing but the psychological as well. Every time I thought I was better something happened to drag me back down. The Connors trial, being moved, mother's death, the re incarnation of Alex. That one threw me completely and I didn't handle it well." She sighed and cuddled closer in to Olivia as the old fears started to overwhelm her. Olivia offered her a reassuring smile and wrapped and arm around her waist as she cuddled close.
"You know all that, I explained it last time. I got a lot of help then, came back to the unit, thought I was the old Alex again. I was enjoying myself, the nightmares stopped completely and when I was offered a spot in the Congo I jumped at the chance. I thought I could make a difference, prove that I had never been a victim. Oh Liv I have never been so wrong" she sighed her body shaking and Olivia pulled her in tighter.
"It's Ok Lex, take your time" she whispered, stroking her hair soothingly and Alex sighed.
"At first it was an adventure, the countryside was beautiful and it hid the ravages of corruption and evil over there. The fact we had armoured guards with us around the clock didn't compute at first and then we ventured out of the safe zone, into camps" she shuddered again "The first time I heard gunfire I screamed and hit the ground. They tried not to show it but they were laughing at me, especially the security team. It didn't get much better after that. I managed not to scream but I couldn't stop the shakes and the nightmares started again. Sometimes it was Connors, sometimes it was the men I was prosecuting daily.
I could hide it at first but they got worse, I couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate, couldn't eat. I eventually confided in one of the other women and the next day I was on a plane heading home. Once I have myself sorted again I can become a recruiter, organise fundraising but I'm too risky to have back"
"I'm sorry Alex" Olivia tried to be, really she did, but she didn't want her friend over there in that situation "I'll help you Lex, as long as you need it. You still need to get professional help though"
"I know" Alex sighed "When I got back to New York again I thought I would be fine, no gunshots to remind me, no men yelling that they would make me pay. I was back in my safe zone" she laughed dryly "How wrong I was. I was worse, it all started here. I dream of them finding me, coming to America and killing me, it's driving me crazy. It's been a week since I was back and I was falling into all the old usual traps from before." She blushed and looked away and Olivia raised a brow in surprise.
"You didn't do a subordinate on your desk did you?" Olivia asked and Alex shot her a warning glare before her lips twitched and she chuckled.
"No I did not" she rolled her eyes and they held each other and chuckled for long minutes "That is the last thing on my mind at the moment. I contemplated shutting myself away but.." she paused and bit he lip and Olivia waited expectantly
"But what?"
"But I kept thinking about you" Alex admitted quietly "how I missed you, your friendship just having you around, the feeling I get when I am with you" she shrugged and tilted her head up to look at Olivia who was watching her with serious brown eyes. Alex could tell she was curious and smiled "You make me feel safe Detective Benson. I fell asleep quickly for the first time in weeks last night. I may have dreamed but you were here and you held me and I slept peacefully after that. I haven't felt that safe since before I was shot, longer in fact, maybe since I was a girl and my daddy was my hero"
"Wow" Olivia blinked "Those are pretty big shoes to fill, you idolised your father". Olivia couldn't help but feel slightly humbled and a little proud that Alex had sort her out. She promised herself that whatever Alex needed she would provide the best she could, as long as it didn't interfere with work.
"I'm not asking you to fill them Liv, I just need my best friend"
"Sure, when I'm not at work and if you need me I am just a phone call away" Olivia promised and Alex flushed around a smile, happy to have Liv's support. Now if only she could get Olivia to agree to her next request.
"Ah, I was hoping I could maybe convince you to stay with me for a while, help me get back on track, be here if I have nightmares, talk to me after I've seen a psych" she shuddered at the idea.
Olivia's mouth fell open in shock. Alex wanted her to move in for a while, spend time with her support her? Did she really need to think about it? 1, her friend needed her. 2, this apartment was at least 3 times as large and luxurious as her own. 3, she would get to spend time with Alex, go out, be normal and get a social life.
"Move in with you?" Olivia grinned and Alex relaxed "Such a hardship, living in luxury, having you cook my meals... ouch!" she jumped and laughed as Alex pinched her side "Ok ok do my washing then" she laughed again when she got another pinch "Darn my socks" she teased next and soon they were laughing and rolling over the sheets as Alex tried to tickle her.
Olivia finally had enough and pinned Alex beneath her and held her down with her hands by her head and her legs pinning Alex's.
"You need to put a bit of meat on those bones counsellor" she grinned then quickly rolling off Alex and the bed headed out of the room "Be ready in ten minutes, I'll take you to breakfast and we'll go get some stuff for me to stay"
Alex grinned and leapt out of bed racing for her en suite. Olivia was going to stay with her, help her. She knew with Liv around her chances of getting better were greatly increased.