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Alex listened to her reasoning but decided to give the psych a go first before involving George. So the pattern was set for the next couple of weeks. Alex worked from home for the organisation that employed her. They actually used her to review case files to see if any could be re opened and what investigators should look for. She actually enjoyed doing it and it gave her freedom to go out when she could. She took time out to see her old friend Serena Southerlyn and her old boss Liz Donnelly but gave nothing away to either of them about her job or Olivia.

Olivia worked hard, putting up with Elliott's teasing when they were alone. She gave him permission to tell Kathy who apparently wanted them over for dinner one weekend. Olivia told them to hold off for a few more weeks, let them get used to themselves as a couple first.

These days Olivia made the effort to get home early, staring at and reviewing case files was no longer her way to pass time. Alex rewarded her for her efforts when she got home, greeting her with a passionate kiss before they had intermission for dinner and they ended up making out on the couch afterwards.

Some of the kisses they shared had the ladies severely tempted to go further but as yet hadn't. Olivia courted Alex, had brought her chocolates, flowers, bottles of wine and even a teddy bear. Alex loved every gift and showed her appreciation in ways that left Olivia hot and bothered and struggling to remember her own name.

They went out again a couple of times when Olivia wasn't on call that night and on the third date they braved themselves and went dancing at a ladies only club. Olivia had to growl at a few ladies that tried to make a move on Alex and Alex loved Olivia being possessive.

The only downer was Alex continued to relive her shooting and talking to the psych didn't seem to be helping. Olivia hadn't made it to one appointment, they had just hauled in a perp and Cragen wanted her to break him as he hated women. She had begged him in his office but he refused to budge. She got angry and told him he had to explain to Alex.

Alex had given him such an ear lashing that he had promised to send Olivia next time, they'd find a reason to hold the perp for an hour or try and get the boys to break him first. It was the first time Alex hadn't been waiting for Olivia at the door when she had gotten and Olivia was worried.

"Alex?" she called and there was no response. Hanging up her jacket she made her way into the kitchen and turned on the light. No sign of Alex in here, the breakfast dishes were still sitting on the sink which was unusual.

Placing the Italian dinner she had brought home on the table along with Alex's favourite wine she headed for their bedroom. She paused at that, yes it was their bedroom, she spent 75% of her nights there and had some clothes already moved in. She was just stalling on the actual moving in, maybe it was time but it didn't feel right to move in before they became lovers.

Once she was in the bedroom she could hear the shower running and relaxed slightly but as she approached the door she could hear the gut wrenching sobs coming from inside. Slightly panicked now she tried the door handle and was relieved to find it open and knocking slightly she opened the door and called in.

"Alex, babe what's wrong?" she asked her heart breaking as Alex merely cried harder and she hurried in "Alex talk to me" she pleaded and thought she heard her mutter something in between chattering teeth. Olivia looked around and noticed the decided lack of steam in the room. Swearing she ripped open the shower door and felt the water. It was like ice!

"Jesus Alex" she turned the cold down and realised that's all Alex had running and turned it off completely. Who had a deliberately cold shower in March? Someone with a lot deeper issues than just nightmares. She swore again and reached for a bath towel before crouching next to Alex who was curled up in a ball, left side towards her and shivering madly.

"Come on babe, you need to get out, your freezing" Olivia bent and wrapped the towel around Alex, trying not to stare at the gorgeous naked body and keeping her libido under control.

"Don't" Alex flinched away from her and Olivia stared in disbelief. Alex flinched from her touch!

"Ok if you don't want me touching you" Olivia held her hands up and backed away as Alex rounded on her fire in her eyes

"Touch me, you couldn't even look at me just then! Am I really that ugly?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Olivia's own anger flared "You're so damn beautiful and classy you make me feel like a mixed breed mutt standing next to a pedigree pup with papers of excellence"

"Then why won't you touch me!" Alex yelled "It's been weeks and we're barely past first base. You won't touch me, won't look at me, we can't even take our shirts off to get to second base and you refuse to come to bed with me knowing I need you, knowing it may prevent me from dreaming. When you do touch me you avoid my right shoulder, don't think I don't notice"

Olivia sat stunned wondering where this outburst had come from. Was it because she hadn't come to the appointment? It had to be it. Had they discussed the scars Alex had?

"Alex I'm crazy about you, and the only thing I hate about your scars is that they're there because I didn't do my job, I didn't protect you" she stated evenly and sighed as she stood up "I hate myself for that and El doesn't think much of himself either. For your information I don't touch either of your shoulders because I am so damn infatuated with your ass. I can't get enough of it" That had Alex's startled gaze shooting up to meet hers "As for taking so long Alex it's for several different reasons. One I have no idea what I am doing. Two I don't want to stuff this up Lex, I want to be with you in a year, 5 years hell 50 years. Three I don't trust myself around you, I'm a passionate person and you're so slight and I could hurt you, that is if I can get over my 4th reason. I'm petrified Alex. Ever wonder why I can't handle being pinned to a wall? Why I have to be on top?"

Olivia paused and let what she said sink in and saw the moment Alex understood her eyes going wide and her hand coming up to her mouth. She looked horrified

"Yeah, figured. You're not the only one with hang ups Lex. Just that everyone hasn't forgotten about yours" Olivia stood and reached in to help a shivering Alex to stand "Your cold, have a shower, a warm one this time and I'll meet you in the kitchen. I brought pasta and garlic bread home with your favourite bottle of wine"

Then she turned and left Alex staring after her. Alex groaned. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Throwing the towel out of the shower she turned it back on full and hot until she had warmed sufficiently to stop shivering and hopping out quickly dried herself before pulling on her dressing gown.