Lin's Journal
10-15-10
Friday

Seven thirty-ish

I seriously... don't even know anymore.

What kind of line is that? Urgh, I'm trying my best not to sound like a stereotypical angsty teenager, but I just am. I know all my faults though, which might be why I try and see myself as being a little different.

I'm self-centered and selfish. I'm lazy and I force my problems on anyone who listens, which is probably why most people don't listen and why I have this wonderful façade of cheerfulness. I can't accept help because it makes me feel weak. In relation to that, I hate feeling weak or helpless. Remember my "I hate being a girl" rant? Yeah. That. I'm well-acquainted with denial and know what most people would deem "way too much for my age". And I have that guilty conscience. I'm young and stupid with several thousand delusions about "like" and "love". I can't stand it when people talk down to me, but that has to do with my pride and stereotypicality.

I honestly hate when people peg me as a stereotypical teenager, even if I am. Maybe I imagine all my problems so I can pretend not to be one. Delusions of grandeur on a less grandiose scale. My only delusion is that I'm not normal. I hate being normal. I despise being predictable.

Eight-thirty-ish

Ah, writing really helps me relax. Maybe it's better for me to write something not angsty in here.

I'm still kind of mad at Miki, though. After all, she made me feel all guilty. It's hard to complain about your own problems when somebody else has far worse ones and lectures you for it (Am I a compulsive complainer? Probably.). Of course, with my guilty conscience and hatred of my own weakness, guilt always seems to turn into depression or rage.

Let's change the subject. Drama CDs help my issues. Just hearing other people talking and not knowing I'm there or expecting me to answer... the friendly voices help, I guess.

In other news, I have foot fungus now. It's horrible. My mother gave me some stuff to put on it a while ago, and I've basically been peeling some old skin off every time my feet are bare. It's so gross- the last piece I pulled off almost was barely attached at all, and it was all greasy and distorted... I don't have the vocabulary to describe it in all its gloriously retch-inducing slime and stink.

Also... today I went to the library. All through the school day I called it "Operation Library or Bust". Of course, I stole my computer (since mother takes it to work with her every day) and I wanted to stay there longer, but... I forgot that the library closes at five. I wandered around the city for an hour and considered staying over at Zatsune's, but I don't have the guts for that. We haven't talked in a while and I'm kind of terrified of what I could be talked into doing over there. So instead, I went home and got lectured at. Of course, I'm gonna be grounded the whole weekend. I saw this coming yesterday when I started scheming, so I guess I can't complain. It doesn't even seem like I "taught her a lesson" about talking down to me. Of course, it's totally impossible to say what I want to to her, but I don't have the heart to tell her that. "You can tell me anything" does not apply here, because I never really have the guts to say what I want to. I have that blush reflex and I'm constantly gulping down that stupid lump in the back of my throat so I don't cry- you try being taken seriously when your face is red and you're on the verge of tears! If I do cry, I can maybe get a few pity points, but I can still never really say what I need to.

Hence, you exist. Be glad my parents don't get me, Journal. You'd just be an abandoned book if they did.

Shortness, yay. orz

Foot fungus is not as fun to have as it is to say. Anyway, you heard the girl, I'm grounded. ._.

Miki has her own major problems in my world, which is why she talks down to Lin when she starts complaining. You try being a robot (not to mention her wardrobe)! It's not easy! Also, Zatsune is so much of a badass that Lin is scared of her. The "horrible things Lin could be talked into doing" part is also part of that emo-Miki universe story. X'D Maybe I'll put it up as a fic once it's finished.