Elsa and Loki finally left the palace for a tour of the North Mountain. The scenery was almost as new to her as to him. It was the first time she had been so far from home since the night the trolls erased Anna's memories. As they circled outward from the palace, Elsa almost wished that she had magicked herself some more practical clothes; the cold didn't bother her, but the snow almost made her stumble. Once they reached the tree line, she ducked under the shadows of an evergreen, tugging on Loki's arm.
"Are you hiding from someone, your highness?" he asked.
"The snow is deep," she said. "And it hurts my eyes in the sun."
"Well, her grace mustn't strain those pretty eyes of hers," Loki said, leaning beside her on the tree trunk. He reached over and covered Elsa's eyes with one hand. "Is that better?"
"A little," Elsa said, trying and failing not to smile.
Keeping one hand over her eyes, Loki leaned forward and kissed her. "And now?"
"Much better," she said.
Elsa could not see the burst of light that made the snow even more blinding, but she heard the crash of thunder that accompanied it, and gasped. Loki took his hand away and turned toward the sound, but not before she caught the roll of his eyes and the disgusted twist of his mouth.
"What was that?" she asked, stepping away from the tree. Its boughs stirred as though from a gust of wind, but she had not felt it while standing beneath them.
"A most ill-favored interruption," Loki grumbled.
They retraced their path back up the mountain and found the source of the noise. Loki's brother Thor stood at the foot of the staircase to the palace, brandishing an enormous war-hammer, his red cape swirling around him. Compared to the glare of the sun on his armor, even the snow seemed dull. Elsa blinked and squinted as she looked at him.
"Brother, it is time we took our leave of this place!" Thor called out.
"You did not need to wait for me," Loki said. "I am capable of traveling without you and your war-bride, as you are well aware."
"We departed Asgard together, and so we must return," Thor replied. "If I leave you here, Father will ask questions. We were not to become involved in matters of this realm, he said. We have done more than enough in paying our respects to her majesty." He paused to incline his head toward Elsa. "Heimdall may have seen what happened, and in any case, it is time."
Feeling a surge of dread, Elsa reached for Loki's hand. "Do you have to go?" she whispered to him.
He looked at her, again his shrewd eyes sweeping over her face. "I do," he said. "And so do you."
"Loki," she said. "I…"
"Brother, we must go," Thor bellowed, even though the distance between them did not require the volume. "The queen's sister seeks her, and I am weary of this realm and its capricious winters. If I had wanted a cold and desolate holiday, we could have snuck off to Jotunheim."
Winters? Sister? Elsa wondered. "Anna is looking for me?" she asked.
"She fled the kingdom on horseback for that purpose," Thor said. "Not long after you, and just after my brother began his own search. It appears your sister has no magic?"
"No, she was born…normal," Elsa said.
"Then she will have a difficult time of it, finding you," Thor said.
"I daresay you could have given her some help," Elsa said, not without a touch of sullenness.
"It would have been unbefitting," Thor said. "Our father said—"
"Yes, yes, Father said," Loki interrupted. "We were not to interfere with the affairs of this realm." He turned back to Elsa with an expectant look. "But he said nothing against bringing visitors to our realm," he added quietly.
"If Anna is looking for me…" Elsa said.
"She will try to take you back there," Loki said. He turned his whole body to face her, grasping her hands. "I saw the fear in their faces, Elsa, and I heard what they called you. This land is undeserving of you, but you know what I could give you. Come with me now, while there's still a chance."
"But…" She wanted and did not want to go. Her mouth did not know the words to speak.
"Ah," Loki said, clearly offended by her hesitation. "You say you will only do as you like…and you mislike my invitation."
"It's not that," Elsa said. "I want to come with you. But it's Anna—now that I know she's looking for me, I have to see what she wants."
Her expression was pleading as she looked up at him. His teeth seemed to be clenched behind his closed lips, and his eyes darkened for a moment, his expression hardening. A second later, it softened, and the change almost broke her heart. When he spoke again, his voice rasped.
"Elsa," he said. "Please."
Elsa did not dare speak. She did not trust her voice or her tongue to say the words she knew she must. She could only shake her head. The dark, hardened look returned to Loki's face, and he let go of her hands as though casting her away from him.
"So be it," he said. "Stay in your lofty palace, your highness, if you insist on being alone for the rest of your days."
"Alone is all I've ever had," Elsa said. "Alone protects me. Alone protected my sister for 18 years. It protects everyone from me."
"And how did she repay that protection? By exposing you to hatred and fear and ignorance? By letting you flee?"
"It's not her fault! She never knew what would happen—she couldn't have!"
With one more look of contempt, Loki turned and stalked away, toward his brother, fists clenched, his green cloak dragging in the snow.
"Loki, wait," Elsa said, taking a step toward him.
"No!" he snapped. "A queen must abide by her royal decrees, after all. Stay there"—he pointed at the tower of ice—"if you insist. It suits you, after all. Beautiful…cold…and empty."
Elsa's lips parted in shock, as much as if he had slapped her across the face. Loki resumed his march, but by then even Thor looked uncertain. He seemed almost pitying as his younger brother came toward him, refusing to look back at her.
Elsa stayed where she was. It took all her strength and willpower to keep from releasing the tears that burned her throat. After what he had said, she could not let him see her weep. Yet she could not look away. As the brothers Odinson stood side-by-side, Elsa wondered what would happen if she ran forward, if she threw herself at Loki, begged them to let her come with them after all. Her knee twitched, as though preparing for that very action, but still Elsa kept her position.
Then Thor shouted something to the heavens, and Elsa gasped again as the two Asgardians were engulfed in a shaft of rainbow-colored light. When the light was gone, so were they.
Disoriented by what had just happened, Elsa stayed where she was for a long time. Still and silent, she stared at the spot where Loki and Thor last stood. The light had left a strange pattern in the snow. The wind stirred her hair and the cape of her dress, but she hardly noticed. She did not know how many minutes—or if they had stretched into hours—passed by before she lifted her feet and made her way back to the palace.
Conceal…don't feel…
Better to be numb than to regret. She could not regret. She had made her choice, and she had to live with it. She slowly climbed the stairs that spanned the canyon and walked through the double doorway into the entry hall. Had Loki really meant what he said? Cold and empty. It was true enough, she supposed. It had to be.
Elsa's eye caught the fountain in the middle of the room, made of the same glass-smooth, colored ice as the rest of the palace. Its frozen waterfalls glittered so that they almost seemed to flow. As she crossed the room, she paused to run a hand across the basin. She had made this herself, like everything else in this place, but this piece was special. She had been holding Loki's hand at the time. Even he, with all his mysterious and otherworldly magic, could no longer suppress her. She had been so proud…
Well, she would be proud of it again. Elsa took a deep breath. Even that seemed loud in the cavernous chamber. This was her home now, and still the finest anywhere, a testament to her powers. She had made her decision, and she could not let doubts creep in—especially not when it was too late to change anything. It would be all right; she was where she belonged.
What would Anna think if she saw it? Elsa felt a surge of delight at the idea of showing off to her sister, remembering how much Anna had loved her tricks in the past. The excitement was quickly followed by apprehension. Was she really coming? Elsa had not thought that Anna would try to find her. She might have expected some kind of a search party—one full of villagers carrying torches and pitchforks, like in the old days. For Anna to come after her was something of a surprise. But then, after all these years of near-silence, she supposed she could not expect to know Anna very well at all.
Elsa could not guess where to begin looking for her sister, and so she waited, hoping that Anna would find her. By the time the sun set, she was worried. She hoped that she had not gotten lost in the forest.
The young queen toured her palace all over again, now in solitude. She put new details in the doorways and added a few more windows. She wanted to explore more of the mountainside, but she dared not risk her sister finding the palace empty. Over and over she climbed to the highest tower, but from the balcony she saw no signs of life except eagles and the occasional moose. Once, she heard wolves howling and shuddered, hoping that Anna would not meet them when they were hungry.
Elsa also did her best not to think of Loki. She'd had plenty of practice in the past few years, but now that he had been here again, it was harder. Yet it was more important than ever. Elsa had seen the hurt in his eyes and heard his bitter tone. She had no illusions about his ever coming back. So she stood at her balcony, looking over her mountainous empire, and tried to content herself with mere memories of his wicked smile, the glitter in his eyes, the way he kissed her.
What if she had gone? She could be in Asgard at this moment. She could have met his mother, his father, seen the wild forests and rolling hills and golden city that he spoke of. She did want to see them. But it was too late.
At long last, she had something else to distract her. From well within her palace, she heard several echoing thuds, then a long creak of doors opening. If it was not her sister, it was Loki returned, and Elsa would gladly welcome either.
As she approached the entry hall, she heard a girl's voice. Emerging from behind a crystal wall at the top of the grand staircase, she saw her sister crossing the floor.
"Anna," Elsa said. She did not have to call loudly—the words echoed down to her. Standing at the bottom of the stairs, Anna stared up in astonishment.
"Elsa?" Anna gasped and stammered. "You look different—a good different! And this place is amazing."
"Thank you," Elsa said. She was not surprised that Anna was impressed, of course, but it pleased her all the same. "I never knew what I was capable of."
"I'm so sorry about what happened." Anna set her foot on the next step up, her mittened hands grabbing the bannister for support. Elsa's instincts kicked in and she began to draw back.
"You don't have to apologize," she said, hoping to discourage Anna from coming closer. What if she tried to touch her? "But you should go. It's a long way back to Arendelle—where you belong."
"And you!" Anna said.
"No, Anna, I belong here," Elsa said. "Where I can be who I am." Beautiful, cold, and empty. "I won't hurt anyone here."
But do I have enough control not to hurt anyone now? Perhaps it still was not worth the risk—not when her powers were beyond Loki's ability to suppress them.
"Elsa, come back," Anna said. "We were so close. Now that I know…I remember…we can be like that again."
Being close…Elsa knew what that meant. Unbidden memories flooded her mind of that night, thirteen years ago. The jet of ice—the laughter that turned to silence, then to screams—the frantic race to the troll's valley. No matter what her powers were now, she could not let that happen again.
"No," Elsa found herself saying. Anna protested, but she began to back away. "I'm just trying to protect you!"
"But I'm not afraid!" Anna called. Elsa hurried away, up the stairs to the highest tower, but Anna's voice did not sound any further away. She looked back, and saw that her sister followed. I thought I was the stubborn one, Elsa said to herself.
"Please don't shut me out again," Anna said. "You don't have to keep your distance anymore!" No matter how far Elsa ran, or how high she climbed, Anna was still behind, closing in on her. "For the first time in forever, I finally understand…"
Elsa was in the tower room now. She headed toward the balcony, but Anna would only keep coming toward her.
"You don't have to live in fear," Anna was saying. "For the first time in forever, I will be right here!"
You were always right here, Elsa thought. I wasn't—I couldn't be. I didn't want you to hate me, but I wouldn't blame you if you had, she wanted to say. You never knew.
Out loud, she said, "Anna, please, go back home. Your life awaits. Go enjoy the sun, and open up the gates." Just don't marry that boy. Not yet…please… "I know you mean well, but leave me be." She turned away again and strode out to the balcony. Maybe if Anna saw the view, she would understand. She would see how Elsa belonged here, and couldn't go back. "Yes, I'm alone—but I'm alone and free!"
Anna did follow her, but she never took her eyes off her sister. The sight of the dawn over the peaks did not sway her. Elsa wondered how else to convince her.
"Just stay away," she said, backing away. "You'll be safe from me."
"Actually," Anna said timidly, "we're not."
"Not what?" Elsa turned to face her. "What do you mean, you're not?"
"I get the feeling you don't know."
It was like she was asking Elsa to bless her engagement all over again. Elsa wished Anna would just get on with it and say what she had to say. "What do I not know?"
"Arendelle's in deep…snow." Anna said. She cringed, as though fearful of Elsa's wrath. Well she might be, after what happened at the castle.
There was that feeling again—like a hole had opened up beneath her feet. Elsa had meant to be done with that feeling forever. She hung in midair, and time did the same.
"What?" she could only gasp. Maybe she had misheard her.
"You kind of set off an eternal winter everywhere," Anna said.
"Everywhere?" Elsa repeated.
"Well, I don't know if it's everywhere," Anna said. "In Arendelle, at least. The ships are frozen in the fjord, and there was snow coming down. I had to stop and buy boots and everything. It's okay, it's not really eternal either, you can just unfreeze it!"
Just unfreeze it? "No, I can't," Elsa said. "I don't know how!" She may not have known what she was capable of, but she knew what she was not capable of. Deliberately controlling the seasons was one thing, for a start.
"Sure, you can—I know you can!" Anna said. She looked so confident, so trusting. Why? What had Elsa done to make Anna believe in her like this?
You foolish child! Wanting something hard enough doesn't get it for you. Wishing doesn't make it true. I should be proof enough of that.
Winter—everywhere? How had this happened? How had she let it happen? Elsa felt her heart beating faster, her breath coming in pants as panic rose up within her. What was she going to do? If Loki were here… But even he could not stop her now. If the fjords were frozen, then everyone was trapped in Arendelle. Did they think she had schemed this? It didn't matter what they thought, what mattered was that it happened, and there was nothing to set it right.
"For the first time in forever, you don't have to be afraid!" Anna said.
I've always been afraid, Elsa thought. She had lied when she told Loki she had always been alone—she had never been alone. Fear was there. Every memory, every breath, every second of her life, fear was there. She would never be without it, no matter what she wanted, no matter what was promised her.
"I'm such a fool," Elsa groaned, unaware of whether she spoke the words out loud. Anna was talking—did she even hear her? "I can't be free!" I told Loki I could control it. I thought I didn't need his help anymore. "No escape from the storm inside of me…"
"We can work this out together!" Anna said.
"I can't control the curse," Elsa said. "Born, or cursed?" the elder troll had asked of her powers. Why can't it be both?
"We'll reverse the storm you've made," Anna said.
"Anna, please!" Elsa said. "You'll only make it worse!"
"Don't panic, we'll make the sun shine bright!"
"There's so much fear." Elsa gasped. She could feel herself losing control. My gloves, she thought. Where did I leave my gloves? They might help…but it was too late to find them. Fear had done its work. She had to get Anna out, away from her, back to safety. "You're not safe here!"
"We can face this thing together," Anna said.
Does she think more words will help? It wasn't words that caused this.
"Everything will be all right!"
"I can't!" Elsa threw her head back as she screamed. She felt the cold power erupt from her skin, and heard a gasp. Was it her own? She looked around and saw Anna on her knees, clutching her chest.
No, no, no, no, please. Helpless, she watched Anna stagger to her feet. She heard a man's voice, and for the briefest moment, she knew what hope felt like. But the voice had called Anna's name, and the man who rushed into the chamber was a stranger to Elsa. He slid across the icy floor.
"Are you all right?" he asked Anna, without so much as a glance in Elsa's direction.
"I'm fine," Anna said, glaring at her sister as she let the man help her to her feet.
"Who's this?" Elsa asked. He was not Prince Hans, but some commoner—and not a man, but a boy no older than she. Had Anna changed her mind already? "No, it doesn't matter, you have to go."
"No, we can figure this out together!" Anna said.
"How?" Elsa asked. Is she really this stupid? "What power do you have to stop this winter? To stop me?" Even Loki couldn't do it.
Then a horrible thought came to her mind. Had he known? Thor had said something about the land's capricious winters. She thought he meant the cold, snowy mountains, but he must have meant what she left behind in Arendelle. Loki had followed her shortly before Anna. He must have seen what was happening. Why didn't he tell me?
"I'm not leaving without you!" Anna said.
"Yes, you are!" Elsa said.
She did not know exactly what would happen, but something inside her compelled her to cast her magic. She struck the floor with jets of ice, and a pale creature emerged, growing rapidly. Soon a massive snowman—a snowgiant—stood between the sisters. Elsa gaped, wide-eyed, at what she had just made. This was no Olaf—it was at least fifteen feet tall, with snow-legs bigger than tree trunks and claws of ice. It picked up Anna and her companions and carried them outside the palace. Elsa watched from the balcony, cringing as the thing threw them into the snow. She knew it would not hurt them. She created it only to frighten them away, and make sure they did not return. Still, she could not bear to watch as the monster pursued them into the trees.
The real monster is still here, she thought. Beautiful, cold, and empty.
"I'm sorry, Anna," she whispered into the air. I did it for you. Everything I've done has been for you.
Why, Loki? Why didn't you tell me about the winter? Elsa stared into the sky, above where Loki and Thor had vanished, as though she could find some sign of him if she looked up long enough. If she remembered the words that Thor had called out to summon the rainbow that carried them away, she would shout herself hoarse.
Can you see me now? I was wrong about my magic—I still can't control it. It's too much for me. Come back. Come back and help me find a way out of this. I'll do anything, I'll go anywhere you want me to, if you could fix this.
She had no way of knowing if he had the means to bring summer back to Arendelle, but his power was greater than hers—wasn't it? His mother's was still greater, he said. Perhaps she could help. But if he could see her now, he could not hear her pleas, even if she spoke them aloud. And if he did, he was probably laughing to himself—laughing at the foolish girl from a realm he disdained, the snow-queen, cursed from birth with power she could not bear.
The sky gave her no answer, but she heard the snow-monster roar in the distance. She turned away, wrapping her arms around herself. Sinking down to her knees upon the floor of ice, she succumbed to the tears she had held back for so long.
For the first time in her life, Elsa felt cold.