The rest of the tour had been amazing. The cast never ended up in the beds they picked out. In Vegas, Courtney and Matt had spooned in Quinn's bed while Rachel and Quinn curled up together once again. It had only been awkward for Courtney and Matt the following morning but the two quickly got over it. In Miami, Brooke and Courtney had slept in Quinn's bed after a girls' night slumber party, while Rachel and Quinn had yet again ended up snuggled together. In Dallas, it had been Scott who had wormed his way into Quinn's bed. The difference had been that Quinn and Rachel curled up with Scott while David slept peacefully in Rachel's bed. In Seattle, Quinn and Rachel slept together in Quinn's bed while Chase stayed in Rachel's after Cameron had broken up with him. The two had become his confidants about his relationship woes and they had humored him with ice cream and plenty of hugs until the time for sleep rolled around and Rachel preferred to curl up to Quinn instead of their costar.
In New York, things changed. They had two shows in New York City. The first night, Rachel and Quinn stayed in Matt's bed while Scott, Courtney, and Brooke slept in Scott's bed and Matt slept passed out on the floor. There had been a little celebration after their first big show in New York. Rachel had adamantly refused to let any of them drink. Junk foods, laughter, and the movie Selena led them into the early hours of the morning when the majority of the cast passed out in the same room. Matt had been banished to sleeping on the floor after one too many "J-Lo's ass" comments and hints at a threesome with Rachel and Quinn.
The second night, Quinn stayed in Matt's bed again. This time it was because Rachel had Josh in their room and Quinn wanted to give the couple some privacy. He hadn't actually gotten to stay with them in Chicago and he had practically begged Quinn to let them have the room alone. So Quinn bunked with Matt and Scott. Scott ended up sleeping in David's room after they played videogames all night. Somehow Chase ended up claiming Scott's bed. Then the three of them proceeded to get really drunk while Quinn complained about being alone.
"I just feel like I'm never going to have anybody, you know. You ever feel that way?" Quinn slurred, taking another chug from her beer.
"My girlfriend broke up with me because she doesn't like that I'm successful and she's jealous of you and Rachel. I feel you, girl," Chase mumbled, taking a long pull from his own beer.
Matt high fived him just as Courtney appeared in the doorway.
"Are you two seriously getting Fabray tanked in here?" Courtney asked with disgust.
"We're having a bro night. Are you a bro? Nope, you can't join," Matt responded, drunkenly.
"We had a girls night with Chase in Seattle," Quinn burped.
Courtney raised an eyebrow at Chase and attempted to hide her amusement at the idea of a girls night with their costar.
"Cameron broke up with me right before Seattle," Chase answered her unspoken question.
"And you didn't tell us?" Courtney challenged, immediately concerned.
She knew that boys dealt with things in different ways but they had become a family, especially on tour. She couldn't believe that Chase didn't tell any of them that Cameron broke up with him.
"I didn't want to deal with it on tour."
"We had ice cream," Quinn blurted, spilling a little beer in her enthusiasm for the ice cream.
"You had ice cream with beer?" the brunette inquired with a grimace.
"Not tonight. In Seattle. Girls do ice cream. Boys do beer," Chase shrugged, holding up a can toward Courtney.
"I don't even want to know what the hell you guys are talking about. Did you get dumped Quinn? You had a girlfriend and didn't tell us? Everyone's keeping shit from me."
"No, Court. I had one. Once. In college. She was a bitch. She liked boys. Same old story. They always like you until they like their boyfriend. Then they only like their boyfriend and you're alone," Quinn muttered.
Courtney was silent for a moment. Quinn was beyond drunk. Sure, they all liked to drink and the tour had been no exception. The whole experience had basically been some strange whirlwind with crazy nights and screaming fans. This was the drunkest Quinn had ever been around any of her cast mates.
"Where's Berry?" Courtney asked.
"Huh?" Matt questioned back, obviously confused.
"You know, Rachel Berry. Our costar. About five one. Tiny. Really loud. Cute. But really loud," Courtney rolled her eyes.
"I don't know. I think she went to dinner with Josh," Chase replied with a mouth full of potato chips.
Courtney stared at the two guys. They were stuffing their faces with potato chips. Quinn was drunkenly dancing by herself between the two beds. Courtney rolled her eyes. She was not getting in the middle of it. The tour was almost over and she was exhausted from not sleeping the night before.
"You two are disgusting. If I find out tomorrow that you got her drunk and double-teamed her, I will kill you," Courtney groaned and left.
"Ew! Don't double-team me!" Quinn gagged.
"We wouldn't! Oh man, that is…I will never get down with Chase Cardell in the room," Matt laughed disbelievingly.
"Gross man. I never wanna see your junk," Chase snorted.
All three dissolved into giggles as Courtney left. When Quinn woke the next morning, she was wrapped securely in Matt's arms. He was snoring into the back of her head but had her held tightly against him as if protecting her. She attempted to wiggle free. She blinked rapidly, trying to remember the night before but quickly realized too much blinking made her nauseous.
"Morning, Sunshine. Feel like hell?" Chase asked with a grin from the other bed across from her.
Quinn groaned in response and buried her head in the pillow.
"There's room service on the way. You have a Bloody Mary coming. Don't smell it when it gets here. Just drink it. A little alcohol will help with the hangover," Chase replied.
Quinn pulled away from Matt and smacked his head none too gently. Matt sputtered and sat up quickly. Then immediately flopped back down into the pillow with a groan. Quinn and Chase laughed before clutching their heads.
Quinn gingerly got out of bed and showered in the boys' room. She threw on Matt's shorts and one of Chase's t-shirts before eating breakfast with the guys. Her head was pounding.
"So on a scale of one to super embarrassing, how bad was it?" Quinn asked while chewing on a piece a bacon.
"You cried a lot," Matt laughed, chomping on eggs.
Quinn internally groaned. Of course she cried. She was either a cuddly drunk, an angry drunk, or an emotional drunk. It really just depended on the type of alcohol. Beer drunk was usually angry. Wine drunk meant emotional, as evidenced by her many heartfelt confessions she'd shared over the past few months with Rachel. Tequila and most liquor made her a cuddly drunk. Crying over beer was new but not entirely surprising.
"Yeah and if I meet this Jessica bitch, I'll hit her. Okay no, I won't. Guys shouldn't hit girls. But I'll tell Rachel to hit her. No, Rachel's tiny. We'll get Court or Brooke to do it," Chase nodded.
"That's it? Just a lot of Jessica crying?" Quinn asked.
She searched her brain for anything but couldn't remember much after Courtney left. She still wasn't sure what prompted her need to get drunk. She just knew she had feelings she didn't want to deal with. She had wanted to forget everything. Squash it all down again once more. Life was moving too quickly and changing every second. She wanted time to herself, time to deal with all of the changes, and her changing feelings.
"Yep. And you really don't like Josh. You made that clear," Chase laughed.
"Josh? Really? He's okay," Quinn cringed.
"Nah. You think he's an asshole because he reminds you of some Brody guy. Must've cheated on Rachel or something. It was basically nonsense by that point. Then you passed out," Chase grinned, before shoving toast into his mouth.
"Nothing else?" Quinn questioned, trying to appear nonchalant.
"Oh yeah. You think Court and Matt should get married," Chase chuckled with more food in his mouth.
"You did not say that," Matt rolled his eyes.
Quinn breathed a sigh of relief. She watched her friends shovel food in their mouths. They were disgusting but they were good guys. They took care of her. She had really found a home within the cast. Matt and Chase were the older brothers she never had. They were protective but teased her. They were kind but blunt. Somehow they were closer than any of the guys she had been friends with in high school. Maybe that was because she dated most of her male friends back then.
"Yeah….and there is some dude named Puckerman whose ass we're totally kicking," Chase said, then chugging his Bloody Mary.
"Puckerman? Really? I regressed all the way to Puck? Man, I must have been wasted," Quinn groaned.
"Yeah, you said if we took advantage of you like Puckerman and you ended up preg with one of our kids, you'd have our nuts," Matt laughed, nodding his head proudly.
"Oh God."
They ate in silence for a second. Quinn was fighting a smile around her toast. She loved her friends. She never thought she'd get to experience all of these things or find such a great group of friends after the New Directions. Even with the glee club, she'd often pushed them away. This group wouldn't let her. Maybe spending days at work together, meals after work, tours, press conferences, flights, and really nearly every hour of every day together had forced her to let them in. She'd never felt more accepted.
"So you really only had sex with a dude once and you were wasted? How do you know you're lesbian for sure, if you've never given it a second go?" Matt asked, before bursting into more laughter at Quinn's face. "Kidding! I'm kidding!"
Quinn threw a pillow at him with a grin and an eye roll.
The last stop on the tour was in Los Angeles. There were no hotel rooms booked. Two shows and then back to their own homes after each. Josh stayed over with Rachel both nights. The first night Mark, her former roommate, picked Quinn up after the show and let her stay at his house. They spent the night catching up and of course fueling gossip when she left his house in the morning and was caught by the paparazzi in the same outfit from the night before. It hadn't been quite how she had expected for the media to start speculating about her 'showmance' with her former roommate, but it worked none the less.
The second night, Quinn stayed with Matt. Courtney showed up in the middle of the night and Quinn took to the couch. Courtney and Matt had obviously reconciled once again. After about an hour of trying to ignore whatever was going on in Matt's room, Quinn went across the courtyard and knocked on Scott's door. The boy let her in without a word and they both curled up in his bed. Scott was all-knowing guru of the group. He could just read people. He probably knew Courtney and Matt were going to get back together before they did.
"How long?" Scott asked.
It was dark enough that they could barely make out each other's shape in the bed since they weren't touching. Quinn's back was just a dark lump beside him. Scott watched her breathing and knew she was still awake.
"What?" Quinn questioned back.
"It's Rachel, right. She's the one who's had you all in a funk the past few days. Rachel and Josh."
Quinn stiffened and didn't reply.
"You don't have to tell me. I was just curious. I don't think anyone else knows."
Quinn made a noncommittal grunt. She wasn't really sure what to say. She knew out of everyone in the cast, well everyone except Rachel, that Scott was the person she trusted the most. She wasn't really sure when but he had become her confidant of sorts. Chase and Matt were her older brothers but Scott was the epitome of the relationship she wished she'd had with Frannie. He was always open, always honest. He never judged. He was just there for her. If she'd had a brother like him when she had been pregnant...her entire life would've been different if she'd had somehow who just inherently understood her the way that Scott seemed to.
"It is Rachel, right? How long have you been love with her?" Scott asked softly.
He reached over and rested his hand next to hers, palm up. Her pinky grazed his lightly. Quinn let her hand hover over his until finally she locked their fingers and squeezed his hand.
"I'm not in love with her. I- I just…I don't know," Quinn whispered.
"It's been a while though. Right? Like you feel something, don't you?"
Quinn nodded then realized he couldn't see her in the darkness.
"It's been a while," Quinn confirmed.
"Q-tip," Scott sighed.
Quinn rolled over into his open arms and hugged him. She felt all of the feelings she'd been ignoring swirl around in her stomach, threatening to burst.
"I know it's stupid. It hasn't been a problem before. I could just squash it down. I could ignore it. I just feel like…the tour changed things ya know. We're roommates. She's my best friend. Of course I care about her. It'st just…on stage, we'd take our final bow and there she was. Her hand in mine. In front of all those people. It was the first time I thought I could do this. I don't have to be afraid. I could tell the world who I am. Then she'd let go and I'd nearly suffocate," Quinn explained barely above a whisper.
She hadn't even let herself acknowledge those thoughts until she was voicing them aloud to Scott. She was shaking a little as she confessed everything she hadn't let herself feel. Maybe it was love. Maybe it wasn't. She certainly felt something more than platonic for her best friend. This cast- these friends made her feel okay with being herself. Rachel made her feel like she could be even better. Rachel made her feel like she was good enough. Rachel made her feel like she didn't have to hide.
"Look, Josh is a dime a dozen. Guys like him will come and go for girls like Rachel. He's on Broadway. She's Hollywood now. For him, she's a step up. For her, he's…convenient, familiar. She won't need a guy like that. He'll be gone before you know it and you'll still be here," Scott assured.
"What if I'm only okay with me, when I'm with her?" Quinn asked.
"You won't be. You've known Rachel forever. She's home for you. She's your safe place right now. It makes sense. Someday, some girl is going to make you feel proud to be yourself and not only that she'll make you ten times better. You'll feel safe and you'll make her safe. Right now Rachel is all you know. One girlfriend years ago and now a roommate. Of course, you're close. Of course, it's easy to think it's something else. You wanna know something? The reason Court and Matt are back on? You guys got closer and it was easy for Courtney to think it was something else. Courtney thought Matt had feelings for you. Hell, I thought Matt had feelings for you," Scott chuckled gently.
"Courtney knows I'm gay," Quinn rolled her eyes with a tiny laugh.
"Yeah but Matt's not. That's all it took. Seeing somebody else potentially take what's yours. Courtney was freaked. You and Rachel have had this bubble that was all your own. Josh burst it. Now you're freaked. We've all been in this little SING! bubble. You had Courtney freaked. Matt was her constant in this mess. Rachel's been yours. It doesn't have to mean anything more than that. It doesn't have to mean you're in love with her. Only you can really figure out what it means."
"You think I want to feel like this? I keep going back over things from high school and seeing them in a totally different light. It's like rewriting my entire history. It's totally messing with my head and I don't know what to make of it. My entire life changed in a year. Everything is upside down and I know it's been stressful. She's been constant but…even our history looks different now."
They both were silent while Scott absorbed that information. Quinn stared into the darkness. Her eyes were adjusting so she could finally make out the patterns in his ceiling. She traced each curve around the dark lighting fixture. She let her eyes follow each swirl out into the rest of the vast ceiling. All her feelings starting at a focal point in the same way but spiraling out into a multitude of directions. Which swirl was how she really felt? Stress and the need for a constant person in the insanity? Josh bursting her bubble? Or was it a different swirl to the left? Picking on the girl she secretly admired? Tearing her down to avoid letting her too close? Knowing deep down that Rachel had always been the only person with the ability to completely destroy her? Knowing deep down that she's loved her all along?
"So this has definitely been going on for a while," Scott cleared his throat.
"Quite a while," Quinn agreed.
They snuggled into each other. Quinn traced the swirls of the ceiling until her eyes grew heavy. She let herself get lulled into a sense of comfort by the easy in and out of Scott's breaths. Eventually her mind stopped racing long enough for her to fall asleep. Scott held her a little bit longer and then pulled away. He got up and went to his living room.
His phone was flashing on the kitchen table from several missed calls. He shook his head and hit the call button beside the latest missed call.
"Yes, she's here," Scott said with a smile after the other person picked up.
He listened to the relief in the other voice.
"I think she went there first but I'm pretty sure Courtney and Matt are back on. I know she was at her friend Mark's the night before," Scott replied after another moment.
There was a long rant on the other end of the line. The caller picked up volume in somewhat of a panic. He shushed gently.
Scott shook his head with a grin, "She's fine, Rachel. She just wanted to give you guys some privacy. Let me enjoy my Quinn-time tonight. You can have her back tomorrow."
Rachel's voice softened on the other end. Scott nodded to himself as he listened to her explanation of the evening's events in her apartment.
"Call him back if you want to. If not, maybe you and Josh need some time to cool off. Let him shake it off a little. You can get some sleep and he can stay at his place for a night…because we, guys in particular, are idiots…don't worry so much. Quinn is fine…of course I will take care of her….I will return her to you in the morning in perfect condition," Scott laughed.
There was a moment of silence before Rachel responded again.
"Good night, Rachel. I promise. She's fine," Scott answered before hanging up.
He stared at the screen for a minute. Eleven missed calls. All from Rachel Berry desperately looking for Quinn Fabray. Scott shook his head again with a small grin. He crawled back into his bed as quietly as possible. Quinn rolled over and snuggled into his side.
Scott stared at his ceiling. He traced the familiar swirls and wondered if Quinn had any idea how much Rachel cared. He wondered if Rachel even knew how much she cared. He drifted off to sleep with a lullaby in his head that sounded vaguely like the aching relief in Rachel's voice upon knowing Quinn was okay mixed in with the smooth gentle yet pleading tones of Quinn's voice wishing Rachel cared- the beautiful symphony of a love not yet known.