Lin's Journal
Halloween
Sunday
Seven-ish
Today... has really not been the best day. It doesn't feel like a holiday at all, just another day where my parents are yelling at me for lazing around and not doing anything. Yeah, that's right- I chose to sit at home holed up in my room and whine to my book instead of go out and trick-or-treat. It's not that I think I'm too old... it's just that today seems kind of dead to me... and really, I guess I could say I've been having a bad day. I dunno, almost as bad as a whole day with my parents gets...? Agh. Kaito and Miku are apparently having some kind of fight over a chorus or a duet or something... and he quit one of the choruses we were going to sing in together. I'm not sure if that's because of that other thing... but if it is, I will find a way to meet him in person and slap him across the face. I should've known better than to start feeling at ease around him just because he's being nice-ish to Len again. He's a jerk, he always has been. There's friction between us, and I know he doesn't care about it, but he rubs me the wrong way. Constantly. ALL THE FREAKING TIME.
Urgh. I should stop sighing. I feel so pathetic. Maybe I'm just being childish, but I don't care. I don't want to do anything. I was about to sing something for Halloween, maybe write something, maybe I was about to... but all my motivation is just gone. It feels like someone's twisting my heart inside my chest; maybe I should a doctor about that. Or a psychiatrist. After all, I have no idea why I'm feeling like this. My one relationship is over. Love is dead to me. Romance is for romantics. I gave that up when I decided that I didn't want to be stereotypical any longer. Sure, sometimes I have my fun little illusions about "love" and "like"... but they're nothing serious.
I believe I was truly in love once. That lasted about five seconds- maybe, probably, most likely the happiest five seconds of my life. Then it was back to an illusion the next day. Maybe that was about when I developed my phobia of healthy communication.
Agh. Maybe all this relationship junk and drama just makes me miss him. I just miss him, is all. Urgh... I can't even bear to just write his name any more.
Nope. No. No more talk of this... write... of this. Oooh, sad song time. I think I can safely say this is the worst Halloween I've ever had. I don't recall trick-or-treating only lasting from five to seven thirty before. I mean, really? It only barely gets dark, and it starts way too early in my opinion.
I still have a cold of sorts. I stayed the night at Zatsune's and she smoked the whole damn time- and of course I just had sing for her new boyfriend because my voice is so pretty and moe~! So now my throat is horribly sore and my nose is completely stuffed up... again. And of course, THE EXACT DAY I GOT OVER MY COLD FROM BEFORE. It hurts when I talk and sing, but like the idiot I am, I keep doing it. And now I have a sinus headache, too. Augh.
In closing, today I got new curtains. They're blue and fairly ugly.
Anyone else ever had a day like that? Nothing goes too wrong, but nothing goes quite right either..?
Agh. Maybe I'm just out of it because I didn't sleep well. orz
Anyway, uh... ten chapters! Yay..? X'D Honestly, I don't think this will ever really end.