Disclaimer : Nothing's mine.

Hi guys !

Do you know what ? This story is over. It has been written and beta-ed. I almost cried when I realized it. After that one, there's one long chapter and the epilogue. And it's done. As everything is ready, I'll update soon.

Please, as it is the end of a two years adventure, take the time to leave a review. It would be wonderful.

Thanks and enjoy !

Chapter Thirty

Aftermath

There were many things to do after the horror of the night. Everyone was so utterly dejected that no words were spoken. Not about the case, not about what had happened... not about anything.

Once they had returned to the Hub, Jack had called Chief Cadogan and explained what he could. Torchwood was really trying to cooperate with the local police now, and this was something big.

The Chief was surprised to get the call, too used to Torchwood not keeping them in the loop. But his surprise quickly turned to sadness the longer he listened to the leader of Torchwood 3. Cadogan thanked Jack for the call and told him that they would be willing to take the rest of the case off Torchwood's hands if they didn't want to deal with it. Almost by habit, Jack opened his mouth to decline. But then his gaze fell on Buffy coming out of the medical bay, eyes red and lips quivering.

He thanked the Chief and accepted, asking him to stay in touch and to call them immediately if they needed backup.

By the time he had hung up the phone, the sight of a distraught Buffy had disappeared. Only to be replaced by Ianto standing in his doorway. Jack could see the anguish in his eyes. He let Ianto take his time, staring into the office but not at Jack.

"Is this what it always feels like?" Ianto finally asked.

Jack crossed his arms. "What?"

"Victory. We've won, right? So this should be what victory feels like."

The Captain sighed. "Yes, we won. The world is still spinning away."

"A man is dead, a young woman may never wake up again, and so many people are broken. How could this be a victory?" He shook his head. "Did they always have to pay such a high price?"

The thought had crossed Jack's mind too. Everything felt so wrong. They had won, so why did it feel like a building had collapsed on his chest? Why did he feel so guilty, so bitter, that he wanted nothing more than to drink himself to oblivion?

"I understand it better now."

Jack looked up, surprised and asked, "You understand what?"

"How they could look at those pictures without any feeling. How long have they been doing this? A decade?"

"Yes, they were fifteen at the beginning."

"They were children."

The immortal stared into space and repeated, "Only children."

A movement near Jack made him jump. With a start, he realized that Ianto was beside him, sitting on the edge of his desk.

"Are you all right, Jack?"

He decided not to answer. How could he be? But he felt like he had no right to say anything. He had been part of the horror, by following the plan and stopping Dawn's heart, he had been part of the chaos. He knew he had no other option and he didn't regret his part in it. It had been their only chance to win. To survive. It had been bigger than them; it was for the sake of the world. But since then, Buffy hadn't talked to him or even looked at him. And now, she had left. Would she come back? Slowly but surely, she had gotten better. And then he had taken her sister away. Would she be able to forgive him?

Would he be able to forgive himself?

Buffy was the only one to go back to the Hub, but only because of Dawn. She wouldn't leave until after making sure that Owen would take care of her. She met Giles at his hotel where he had taken Willow to rest. Things were tense. No one talked.

She felt completely numb. She walked unthinkingly, her mind blank. It was like she was a robot; moving forward, acting, doing what needed to be done without thinking, without feeling. Oh, she could feel the emotions inside of her. All of them, ready to drown her but she kept them at bay. Honestly, she wasn't sure if she would be able to put herself back together if she let them out.

It was as if she had died and been ripped out of Heaven all over again. Only worse. Because not too long ago, there had been hope. She had begun to believe that a better future was possible. One where she could have a happy and trusting relationship with her sister. Where she would keep in touch with Giles, talk to him and trust him like she used to do when she was a young Slayer and he was her Watcher. She had even begun to believe that maybe she could get to know her two former best friends again. Maybe they could, if not trust, respect each other. She had been healing, but now she was broken and afraid to allow herself to feel anything.

The rest of the week was a blur and would stay that way for her. She didn't do much except sit around and stare into nothingness. It was Giles who did everything as, once again, he took the role of the father. He had brought a broken Willow back to their hotel room and locked her inside a magical barrier, containing her. The redhead was exhausted, drained of magic, and broken by the death of her best friend. It would have been easy for her, now that she was free, to draw the needed power from the Earth. Nevertheless, she didn't. She obeyed Giles, letting him direct her around, like a puppet. The Coven which had helped her after her breakdown was on their way to take her back with them and, hopefully, help her to heal once again. If it was even possible this time. They all feared that it might have been the last straw for the powerful witch.

Once Willow was in capable hands, Giles called Cleveland and let Faith know what had happened. It wasn't a pleasant conversation. The Dark Slayer asked questions, wanting to know more. However, she didn't make accusations or start crying and the Watcher was grateful for that. He could hear the strain of her voice, knew how much it was affecting her but she kept a clear head and they talked about what to do next. The Council had lost its directors. Willow, Xander, Dawn, even Buffy. They would have to do without them for now. Faith was now in charge of the American branch and assured Giles that she would let the others know what had happened and she would deal with the reactions and the questions. If one day someone would have told him that Faith Lehane of all people would have been the person he would rely on during a crisis, he would have laughed himself to a hernia. Right now, he wanted to hug her.

After that, he organised Xander's funeral. Buffy's link with the local police made it easier to get the body back and he planned its return to Cleveland. He talked with Chief Cadogan himself, who sped up the process of releasing the body. Cadogan asked after Buffy and Giles reassured the man that he would look after her. He always had and always would. She was his Slayer, after all.

That done, he pulled some strings to have Dawn eventually transferred to a private medical institution which dealt with victims of supernatural phenomena. It had been one of the long time partners of the Council. Already a week had passed by and there was no sign of her waking up. He couldn't leave her inside of the Hub and this was bigger than any other injury she had had over the years. While he organized her transfer, he found himself inundated with questions from Torchwood. Buffy had had no contact with any of them since that fateful day. She hadn't even gone back to her apartment. The Watcher explained sadly that she hadn't contacted anyone since then. She had locked herself in silence and had barely talked to him. He promised them that he'd look after her and would keep them posted. He was about to call Derek when Buffy seemed to finally wake up and asked if she could do it. Seeing the pain in her eyes, he handed her his cell.

The first time Buffy talked to her sister's fiancé was on the phone to tell him that the woman he loved had been injured and was lying in a hospital, comatose, and might never wake up. She was surprised to hear him answer with a hoarse voice punctuated by a rather sexy Australian accent. The conversation had been short as he made the decision to drop everything and come to Cardiff on the first available flight.

The first time Buffy saw her sister's fiancé was in the airport as she waited for him. It wasn't the best of circumstances to meet your future brother-in-law (hopefully) but Summers girls weren't known for doing things like other people.

The man that appeared was nothing like she had expected. He was tall and lean, clad in a three-piece grey suit. The vest was thrown over his left arm as he was carrying a small suitcase with his right hand. Dark blond curls fell around his face, hanging just over the tips of his ears. He had a golden skin tone, piercing blue eyes and full lips. As he approached, she could see slight lines around his eyes and on his forehead, the kind you get after laughing too much. The man was handsome, in that classy yet completely relaxed way, tainted with a slight arrogance.

She was about to make wave him over but he saw her first and she could instantly see the recognition in his eyes. He walked toward her quickly and was by her side before she even realized it. There were no greetings, no introductions. He just said four words.

"Take me to her."

She obeyed.

She hadn't been back to Torchwood since she had walked away a week before and there was no one there when they arrived, despite the fact that it was the middle of the afternoon. Derek didn't comment on the Hub, didn't ask any questions. He just followed her. When he saw Dawn, he froze for a couple seconds before grabbing the stool and sitting by her side. He took her hand, caressed her cheek and looked at her, his face contorted with sadness and despair and his eyes bursting with love.

"Tell me what happened."

And she told him everything. From the moment she found Dawn on her doorstep to the moment when she saw her fall, lifeless, before Owen brought her back. She told him how obvious it had been that she loved him and how sure she had been that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She told him that Jack had been the only one to know about the plan and that her sacrifice had saved the world. She let him know that Giles had made some arrangements and that she would be moved tomorrow. She added that it could only be temporary if he had a better idea.

When he stayed quiet, just staring at Dawn and caressing her cheek and her hair with gestures full of love and tenderness, she walked away, leaving him alone with her. She didn't know where to go, what to do. She didn't realize that she had been moving until she found herself in Jack's office.

It was as good a place to wait as any other.

When Jack finally got back to the Hub, he heard whispers and realized that he wasn't alone. He didn't recognize the voice and followed it. The scene he discovered made him stop. A blond man was sitting by Dawn's side and was whispering to her while one of his hands was lovingly stroking her hair. He knew that the girl was engaged but hadn't really realized it until now. Her sacrifice took on a whole other dimension. Someone would have had to accompany him to the Hub and he started searching for that person, hoping it wouldn't be Giles.

He entered his office and found Buffy sitting on his sofa, legs up, her arms wrapped around her knees, staring into nothing. He stopped, not sure of what to do. It was the first time that he had seen her since the case. She had been through so much and now, he was part of the reason her hazel eyes held so much pain. Never before had he felt so much guilt. Never before had it hurt like this. The blonde girl was unique. Only two other people had made their way through his heart like that. Ianto wasn't far behind but he wasn't sure if the young man would ever make it entirely. Buffy, however, she was already there, he realized suddenly.

He walked to the sofa and sat down beside her. She flinched and sent him a tentative smile as she seemed to reconnect with reality. She rested her cheek on her knees, looking at him.

"How are you?"

He opened his mouth and closed it again, too shocked to form a coherent thought. Was she actually asking him how he was? After he nearly killed her sister? When said sister was still lying in a coma and no one could tell if she was ever going to wake up?

"I-I'm sorry," he blurted out.

Her eyes filled with tears but she actually smiled.

"Don't be. You don't have too."

"Buffy, I..."

"Shh."

She put a finger to his lips, still holding her legs against her chest with one arm.

"Hear me out, ok? I-I couldn't have made it. That decision. Dawn — the Key — it was our only way to win this. I should have thought of it, but I couldn't. I couldn't have made that decision, not with her. I know how hard it is. I led young girls to war and I saw them die. It was my fault but we had no choice. Someone had to lead. Someone had to decide. I was the one in charge back then and I did it. It still haunts me. I have a hard time remembering them alive and smiling but I can still see their last expression when Death took them. It still haunts me and I know that it will haunt me forever. But I couldn't have done it with Dawn. So don't be sorry. You helped save the world."

"I wish–" he was stopped by Buffy's hand over her mouth and corrected himself, "I would have preferred to find another way."

"I know."

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes."

Her eyes were pleading now and tears silently began to roll down her pale cheeks. To be honest, he wanted to cry too. She seemed so small and so vulnerable and he held his breath waiting for her answer.

"Hold me tight."

He understood and immediately took her into his arms. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and he held on to her even tighter. Soon, her body was shaking from heartbreaking sobs. He just held her, caressed her hair and closed his eyes. It was the least that he could do.

Right now, the only thing.

It was strange how life could still go on even after your whole world could shatter. The members of Torchwood wouldn't disagree with that. The world had been on the brink of destruction, lives had been ended, loved ones had been lost. But still, life went on. Days passed, which turned into weeks. A month after Xander's death, Willow's breakdown, and Dawn's fall, Buffy realized that, somehow, life had found a new rhythm. There was no big bad, no world ending threat, just work and life and visits to her sister.

Derek hadn't left Dawn's side for the entire month and Buffy didn't know how he had explained his absence to his boss. After a month of Dawn being in a coma, no one really knew if she was ever going to wake up. There was nothing wrong with her, physically or magically.

She had talked to Giles and he was trying to see if they could move her back to the states, somewhere near Cleveland, where Derek lived and worked. He had asked Buffy if that would bother her at all, having her comatose sister across an ocean, where she wouldn't be able to visit her as often. She had thought a moment and answered that there were more people back there who loved Dawn just as much as her. She would visit. She didn't say out loud that having her so close was killing her. Putting her somewhere far away was a simple way of pushing away a constant reminder.

She sat in Dawn's room now. She looked across Dawn's still form at Derek, sitting in the same seat he had occupied for hours a day, and most nights, a book in his hands. They hadn't talked much since he had come to Cardiff. He seemed, to Buffy, to be a nice guy and his love for Dawn was obvious to her. Dawn would've had a wonderful life with him. She could easily imagine her sister with him: living together, laughing, talking, and loving each other. But it wasn't going to happen now. The supernatural had taken her sister away like it had taken everything else.

Like Xander. Buried in Cleveland, resting near the fallen slayers. All killed too young, and too brutally. Like Willow; lost in her own mind, being taken care of by a Coven of witches somewhere in England. She hadn't shown any sign of being aware of her environment since Xander's death. She had not talked, or laughed, or cried. There was always someone by her side. She ate, took care of herself when reminded of it but nothing more. In a way, she was dead too.

Buffy looked at her sister. She stood up from her chair, ready to do what needed to be done and walked to her bedside. She looked at her, taking in everything, memorising every little detail so she wouldn't forget how amazing and how beautiful her little sister was. She bent down, kissed her forehead and breathed in.

Buffy cradled her cheek and whispered, "I love you."

She straightened up, whipped the tears from her cheeks and walked away. Just before she made it to the door, Derek's voice broke the silence.

"Don't you think she'll wake up?"

Buffy stopped and didn't turn around. Why did he have to ask her that? "I don't know, Derek."

"You just said goodbye to her. Don't you have any hope?"

"It doesn't matter. If she's meant to wake up, she will."

"I'm truly sorry, Buffy."

"For what?"

"For your lack of hope."

"Don't be. Hope kills."

She tried to leave but once again, he stopped her.

"Are you just going to walk away? When your sister is lying here like this? She loves you! She always talks about you. She idolizes you. She has never forgiven herself for what happened between the two of you. She needs you right now and you're going to just walk away? Is that your way of getting back at her?"

She tightened her fists and tried to keep her anger in check. She exhaled slowly before turning around. His hansom face was contorted with despair and a bit of anger. She looked at her sister, lying in her bed. She cleared her throat before answering, not wanting to falter while saying what she needed to say.

"One day, I asked her to be strong for me. I told her that living was the hardest thing to do in the world and that she had to do it — to live — for me. She did. As hard as it was and as young as she was, she lived, for me."

Buffy stared into Derek's eyes. She saw his understanding long before he consciously acknowledged it.

"She saved the world. We are here thanks to her. I don't know if she will ever wake up but I know that if I keep thinking about it or waiting for that miracle to happen, it will drag me down. There is so much left unsaid between the two of us and we were close to being ready to make it work. She's my sister and I love her. So I'm going to do what she did for me, what I asked of her years ago. I'm going to leave the room and put my life back together. Right now, I don't even know how to live, but I'm going to find out and make sure that her sacrifice won't have been in vain. I'm going to live. For her."

He closed his eyes for a second and nodded. He understood her better than she thought, but he couldn't try to think about what she was telling him. He loved Dawn; he was supposed to marry her, to have kids with her. They had this whole wonderful life planned. How could this happen? How could he ever live without her? She was his life. She was the one he had been waiting for his whole life and now she was just... gone. She was still there, beautiful, breathing, her skin still so soft and warm under his hands, her smell still so familiar. How could she be so close and yet so far away? He wanted to laugh at himself because even he had a hard time following his own thoughts. He wanted to cry, to yell, to beg. He was feeling so many things at once. He couldn't be as accepting as Buffy, or as determined as her. No, he couldn't think like Buffy right now, even if deep down he understood her choice. He still needed to have hope.

Maybe she was right... maybe hope would kill him.

Buffy looked at Derek one last time before she finally turned and left the room. She had a lot to do to keep her promise.

¤ ¤ tbc ¤ ¤