Believe

Disclaimer: Not mine

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long, but this one shot is dedicated to Barb4psu! As requested!

This is Ram's point of view when Stephanie is taken, and the moment they get the call and figure out that Steph is in Vegas.

Enjoy!

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Ram POV

I'm not a firm believer in believing.

Ironic, huh?

I never saw the point in believing in something I couldn't see or prove was real. People always said that the point of believing was to give people something to hope for, even when all hope became lost. I always took action, never put much stock in hope, just went all in, for so long, that I needn't believe in anything but my team. Flesh and blood men who were willing to lay their lives on the line everyday so those very same people could hang on to their hope. Their belief.

I know how I must sound to you. Arrogant. A heathen, an atheist. I don't blame you, but you have to understand; I never had reason to be anything but. I sorted out my own problems. Battled and faced demons on my own. So what was the point in believing in a celestial being that I couldn't conclusively prove existed? Please; I mean no insult. But honestly, the only two things I let myself believe in, was my team, and one angel named Stephanie Plum.

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I walked down to five, feeling rested after sleeping for the first time since Steph came back from the hospital. My dreams were fraught with nightmares before, but when Steph came back to Haywood, they stopped. I still worried, but at least I knew she was safe here.

At least, that's what I thought.

So you can imagine my surprise when the elevator slid open to reveal pandemonium.

The first thing I saw was Cal slam his fist down on to a desk; the distinctive rattle of everything on the desk reaffirmed everyone's desire to never tick the Flaming Skull off.

When Cal dropped into his chair, head in his hands, I knew something major was off. Something Steph related.

"What happened, man?" I asked, advancing towards him.

"She's gone," his voice, though muffled by his palm, struck a deep chord of fear and fury in me.

"What do you mean, she's gone?" I snarled. I hated the idea of her going to see her mom from the get-go; I knew something was going to go wrong.

"There was a bomb."

My heart stopped and time stood still.

Was she…

"No!" Cal stopped my thought abruptly. "She's alive." I breathed out a ragged sigh of relief. Oh, thank you, thank you…

"What happened then?" I asked gruffly.

"Morelli got her in the confusion," he growled. "We have no idea where she is."

"Damn it!" I cursed, my fists curling in anger. "What are we going to do?"

"The Boss man is here!" someone shouted out. Almost all at once, the men streamed to the stairs and the elevators, all rushing to see whether Bomber was fine. They would find out that this time, she wasn't.

###

Three days passed like three months. Never before had time passed so slowly, as though it were personally mocking us. On the morning of the third day, I decided I couldn't handle the tension at Rangeman, and I went to visit Paul for an hour or so.

"Bro!" Paul answered the door, looking like he had slept about as much as the men at Rangeman the past 48 hours. "Any news? Found her? Is she okay?"

"Nothing," I replied haggardly. "Nothing yet."

"She's going to be okay, bro," he clasped my shoulder, seeing the need for comfort. I nodded wearily. He let me in and we sat at the kitchen table with a beer.

"How's your boss holding up?" he asked. "They were dating, weren't they?"

"He's a ghost," I muttered. "He hasn't slept or eaten, at least not much. He's burning the midnight oil without any sign of slowing until he has her safe and in his apartment again."

"Good," Paul declared. "She deserves nothing less."

"They're great for each other," I commented, a fleeting smile passing on my face.

"So, level with me bro, you never fell for her?" he asked me curiously.

"I did, at first," I admitted. "So did half the men at Rangemen. But then I began to see her as a little sister, thanks in large part to seeing the way she is with the boss. You should see them, Paul," I shook my head in wonder. "She knows it the minute he steps into the room, without needing to see him come in. He knows it, feels it, the minute she's in trouble, whenever she needs his help. They can have full conversations just by looking at each other and they defy all their doubts and fears when they're together; Steph's no longer afraid of settling down again, Ranger's no longer afraid of letting someone into his life. When they're together…as a team…they're fricking formidable."

"I know the feeling," he grinned, a soft look entering his eyes.

"I think that maybe I might too," a small smile found its way to my face. Only she could make me smile in a time as dire as this. "Her name's Hannah. I've been seeing her about two months now, Steph's the only one that knows."

"I'm so happy for you, bro," Paul clapped my back with a smile. We still worried and were scared to death for our little sister, but for one moment, we smiled.

I left Paul's about an hour and a half later. On the drive back home, I did something I never thought I would be doing.

I stopped at a church.

It was a small church I had always passed, never taking much heed to. Like I said; I never believed in believing, so what was the point really? Maybe it was an act born of desperation, or the curiosity of a skeptic who wanted to find hope in a situation where he was helpless, but whatever it was, it brought me to the front of the chapel, and saw me lighting a candle and dropping to my knees. I had no idea what I was supposed to do to help my little sister, so what could I do but try to ask for help from the one being I had no belief in?

"I don't know what I'm doing here," I whispered, feeling a little silly, but also a little liberated. "I haven't set foot in a chapel since my mom died when I was a kid. I don't mean to offend or anything, but I don't think I really actually believe or anything, just ran out of options…or maybe…maybe I just want this to be an option since we're kinda running short on those these days. I guess I'm not making a whole lot of sense, but I just…I need help. Strength. I need for Stephanie to be okay. She's one of the best people in the world; I know I have no right to expect anything from you, what with the kind of things I've done, but Steph; she's the epitome of all that's good in the world. She's the icon of most of the things you stand for, right? Do it for her…she doesn't deserve for all of this to happen to her. So please, just…help. Just give me some kind of sign, anything, so we can help her…so we can find her…anything…please."

I opened my eyes and aside from the candle burning bright and strong in front of me…nothing.

See?

No point in ever believing.

I drove back to Rangeman and fought off my feeling of growing anger and bitter disappointment in myself. Why had I allowed myself to believe that anything would come of that? I needed to do something productive or I would go insane. I joined the men at the control room while they were strategizing.

We were in the middle of discussing the possibility that Morelli's cousin would know where he was when the video call came in.

It was them.

I was frozen in my disbelief.

Just give me some kind of sign so we can find her…please…

"Thank you," I muttered inaudibly. "Thank you."

###

I'm not a firm believer in believing.

Ironic, huh?

I never saw the point in believing in something I couldn't see or prove was real. It wasn't until I had no hope left, that I turned to what I had always believed to be false. It was only when I could perform no action, when the flesh and blood that I could see, touch, feel to be real, was rendered moot, that I realized that I needed to believe in something to give me hope. Needed to believe in something I never necessarily understood. I'm not saying that I'm turning my life around and becoming a believer in the word of a God. I'm not saying that I'm going to become a man of the church. I'm not saying that I'm going to fall to my knees every time I face a crossroads or a crisis.

I'm just saying that believing, is not such a bad thing.

I'm just saying that it couldn't hurt to believe in something bigger than what we know and can comprehend.

I'm just saying that belief? Sometimes, it's all you can do.