"I'm so sorry, Seth. I should have been closer." Edward was still apologizing, and I didn't think that was either fair or appropriate. After all, Edward hadn't completely and inexcusably lost control of his temper. Edward hadn't tried to rip Jacob's head off-Jacob, who wouldn't even phase to protect himself and then accidentally broken Seth's shoulder and collarbone when he jumped in between. Edward hadn't almost killed his best friend or Leah.
Not that the best friend and Leah didn't have a few things to answer for, but, obviously, nothing Jacob and Leah had done could have Mitigated my behavior. So shouldn't I have been the one apologizing? I tried again "Seth, I-" "Don't worry about it, Bella, I'm totally fine," Seth said at the same time that Edward said, "Bella, love, no one is judging you. you re doing so well." They hadn't let me finish a sentence yet.
It only made it worse that Edward was having a difficult time keeping the smile off his face. I knew that nether Jacob nor Leah deserve my overreaction, but Edward seemed to find something satisfying in it. Maybe he was just wishing that he had the excuse of being a newborn so that he could do something physical about his irritation with Jacob and Leah, too.
I tried to erase the anger from my system entirely, but it was hard, knowing that Jacob and Leah where outside with Renesmee and EJ right now. Keeping them safe from me, the crazed newborn, Carlisle secured another piece of the brace to Seth's arm and Seth winced. "sorry, sorry!" I mumbled, knowing I'd never get a fully articulated apology out.
"Don't freak, Bella," Seth said, patting my knee with his good hand while Edward rubbed my arm from the other side. Seth seemed to feel no aversion to having me sit beside him on the sofa as Carlisle treated him. I ll be back to normal in half an hour," he continued, still patting my knee as if oblivious to the cold, hard texture of it. "Anyone would have done the same, what with Leah and EJ and Jake and Ness-" He broke off mid-word and changed the subject quickly. "I mean, at least you didn't bite me or anything. That would've sucked."
I buried my face in my hands and shuddered at the thought, at the very real possibility. It could have happened so easily, and werewolves didn't react to vampire venom the same way humans did, they'd told me only now. It was poison to them. I m a bad person." "Of course you aren't. I should-," Edward started. " stop that," I sighed. I didn't want him taking the blame for this the way he always took everything on himself.
"Lucky thing EJ and Ness Renesmee aren t venomous," Seth said after a second of awkward silence. "Cause they bite Jake and Leah all the time." My hands dropped. "they do?" "Yeah they do whenever Jacob, Leah and Rose don't get dinner in her mouth fast enough. Rose thinks it's pretty hilarious." I stared at him, shocked, and also feeling guilty, because I had to admit that this pleased me a teensy bit in a petulant way.
Of course, I already knew that Renesmee wasn't venomous. I was the first person she'd bitten. I didn't make this observation aloud, as I was feigning memory loss on those recent events. Well, Seth," Carlisle said, straightening up and stepping away from us. "I think that's as much as I can do. Try to not move for, oh, a few hours, I guess." Carlisle chuckled. "I wish treating humans were this instantaneously gratifying." He rested his hand for a moment on Seth's black hair. "Stay still," he ordered, and then he disappeared upstairs. I heard his office door close, and I wondered if they'd already removed the evidence of my time there. "I can probably manage sitting still for a while," Seth agreed after Carlisle was already gone, and then he yawned hugely. Carefully, making sure not to tweak his shoulder, Seth leaned his head against the sofa's back and closed his eyes. Seconds later, his mouth fell slack. I frowned at his peaceful face for another minute. Like Jacob, Seth seemed to have the gift of falling asleep at will. Knowing I wouldn't be able to apologize again for a while, I got up; the motion didn't jostle the couch in the slightest. Everything physical was so easy. But the rest Edward followed me to the back windows and took my hand. I could hear Jacob, Leah and Rosalie outside on the front steps bickering quietly over whose turn it was to feed the twins. Their relationships where as antagonistic as ever; the only thing they all agreed on now was that I should be kept away from my babies until I was one hundred percent recovered from my temper tantrum.
Edward had disputed their verdict, but I'd let it go. I wanted to be sure, too. I was worried, though, that my one hundred percent sure and their one hundred percent sure might be very different things. Other than their squabbling and Seth's slow breathing, it was very quiet. Emmett, Alice, and Esme were hunting. Jasper had stayed behind to watch me. He stood unobtrusively behind the newel post now, trying not to be obnoxious about it.
I took advantage of the calm to think of all the things Edward and Seth had told me while Carlisle splinted Seth's arm. I'd missed a whole lot while I was burning, and this was the first real chance to catch up. The main thing was the end of the feud with Sam's pack which was why the others felt safe to come and go as they pleased again. The truce was stronger than ever. Or more binding, depending on your viewpoint, I imagined.
Binding, because the most absolute of all the pack's laws was that no wolf ever killed the object of another wolf's imprinting. The pain of such a thing would be intolerable for the whole pack. The fault, whether intended or accidental, could not be forgiven; the wolves involved would fight to the death there was no other option. It had happened long ago, Seth told me, but only accidentally. No wolf would ever intentionally destroy a brother that way.
So Renesmee and EJ where untouchable because of the way Jacob and Leah now felt about them. I tried to concentrate on the relief of this fact rather than the chagrin, but it wasn't easy. My mind had enough room to feel both emotions intensely at the same time. And Sam couldn't get mad about my transformation, either, because Jacob speaking as the rightful Alpha had allowed it. It rankled to realize over and over again how much I owed Jacob and Leah when I just wanted to be mad at them.
I deliberately redirected my thoughts in order to control my emotions. I considered another interesting phenomenon; though the silence between the separate packs continued, Jacob and Sam had discovered that Alphas could speak to each other while in their wolf form.
It wasn't the same as before; they couldn't hear every thought the way they had prior to the split. It was more like speaking aloud, Seth had said. Sam could only hear the thoughts Jacob wanted to share, and vice versa. They found they could communicate over distance, too, now that they were talking to each other again.
They hadn't found all this out until Jacob had gone alone over Seth's and Leah's objections to explain to Sam about the twins; it was the only time Jacob had left Renesmee since first laying eyes on her. Leah had never let EJ side.
Once Sam had understood how absolutely everything had changed, he'd come back with Jacob to talk to Carlisle. They'd spoken in human form (Edward had refused to leave my side to translate), and the treaty had been renewed. The friendly feeling of the relationship, however, might never be the same.
One big worry down.
But there was another that, though not as physically dangerous as an angry wolf pack, still seemed more urgent to me.
Charlie.
He'd spoken to Esme earlier this morning, but that hadn't kept him from calling again, twice, just a few minutes ago while Carlisle treated Seth. Carlisle and Edward had let the phone ring.
What would be the right thing to tell him? Were the Cullen s right? Was telling him that I'd died the best, the kindest way? Would I be able to lie still in a coffin while he and my mother cried over me?
It didn't seem right to me. But putting Charlie or Ren e in danger of the Vulture s obsession with secrecy was clearly out of the question.
There was still my idea let Charlie see me, when I was ready for that, and let him make his own wrong assumptions. Technically, the vampire rules would remain unbroken. Wouldn't it be better for Charlie if he knew that I was alive sort of and happy? Even if I was strange and different and probably frightening to him?
My eyes, in particular, were much too frightening right now. How long before my self-control and my eye color were ready for Charlie?
"What's the matter, Bella?" Jasper asked quietly, reading my growing tension.
"No one is angry with you" where even a little surprised, really. Well, I suppose we are surprised. Surprised that you were able to snap out of it so quickly. You did well. Better than anyone expects of you."
While he was speaking, the room became very calm. Seth's breathing slipped into a low snore. I felt more peaceful, but I didn't forget my anxieties. "I was thinking about Charlie, actually." Out front, the bickering cut off. "Ah," Jasper murmured.
"We really have to leave, don't we?" I asked. "For a while, at the very least. Pretend we're in Atlanta or something." I could feel Edward's gaze locked on my face, but I looked at Jasper. He was the one who answered me in a grave tone. "Yes. It's the only way to protect your father."
I brooded for a moment. "I'm going to miss him so much. I'll miss everyone here." Jacob, I thought, despite myself. Though that yearning was both vanished and defined and I was vastly relieved that it was he was still my friend. Someone who knew the real me and accepted her. Even as a monster.
I thought about what Jacob and Leah had said, pleading with me before I'd attacked them.
You said we belonged in each other's lives, right? That we were family. You said that was how you and I were supposed to be. So now we are. It's what you wanted.
But it didn't feel like how I'd wanted it. Not exactly. I remembered further back, to the fuzzy, weak memories of my human life. Back to the very hardest part to remember the time without Edward, a time so dark I'd tried to bury it in my head. I couldn't get the words exactly right; I only remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother so that we could love each other without any confusion or pain. Family. But I'd never factored a daughter into the equation.
I remembered a little later one of the many times that I'd told Jacob goodbye wondering aloud who he would end up with, who would make his life right after what I'd done to it. I had said something about how whoever she was, she wouldn't be good enough for him.
I snorted, and Edward raised one eyebrow questioningly. I just shook my head at him.
But as much as I might miss my friend, I knew there was a bigger problem. Had Sam or Jared or Quil ever gone a whole day without seeing the objects of their fixations, Emily, Kim, and Claire? Could they? What would the separation from the twins do to Jacob and Leah? Would it cause them pain?
There was still enough petty ire in my system to make me glad, not for there pain, but for the idea of having the twins away from them. How was I supposed to deal with having the twins belong to Leah and Jacob when they only barely seemed to belong to me?
The sound of movement on the front porch interrupted my thoughts. I heard them get up, and then they were through the door. At exactly the same time, Carlisle came down the stairs with his hands full of odd things a measuring tape, a scale. Jasper darted to my side. As if there was some signal I'd missed, "Must be six," Edward said.
"So?" I asked, my eyes locked on Rosalie, Jacob, Leah, Renesmee and EJ. They stood in the doorway, the twins in Rosalie's arms. Rose looked wary. Leah and Jacob looked troubled.
Renesmee looked beautiful and impatient. EJ looked beautiful too and very bored.
"Time to measure EJ and Ness er, Renesmee," Carlisle explained.
"Oh. You do this every day?"
"Four times a day," Carlisle corrected absently as he motioned the others toward the couch. I thought I saw EJ sigh.
"Four times? Every day? Why?"
"there still growing quickly," Edward murmured to me, his voice quiet and strained. He squeezed my hand, and his other arm wrapped securely around my waist, almost as if he needed the support.
I couldn't take my eyes off the twins to check his expression.
they looked perfect, absolutely healthy. there skin glowed like backlit alabaster; the color in there cheeks was rose petals against it. There couldn't be anything wrong with such radiant beauty. Surely there could be nothing more dangerous in there lives than there mother. Could there be?
The difference between the children I'd given birth to and the ones I'd met again an hour ago would have been obvious to anyone. The difference between the twins an hour ago and the twins now was subtler. Human eyes never would have detected it. But it was there.
there bodies where slightly longer. Just a little bit slimmer. There faces weren t quite as round; they where more oval by one minute degree. Renesmee s ringlets hung a sixteenth of an inch lower down her shoulders; EJ s hair hung a sixteenth of an inch lower down to it was now almost to his shoulders. Rosalie handed the twins to Jacob and Leah. And one by one the twins where measured first Renesmee how stretched out helpfully in Jacobs's arms while Carlisle ran the tape measure down the length of her and then used it to circle her head. He took no notes; perfect recall. Then it was EJ s turn he two stretched out helpfully as Carlisle ran the tape measure down the length of him and then used it to circle his head still taking no notes.
I was aware of the looks on Jacob and Leah s faces as they watch the twins being measured there brows were mashed together into one line over there deep-set eyes.
they had matured from a single cells to a normal-sized babies in the course of a few weeks. they looked well on there way to being a toddlers just days after there birth. If this rate of growth held My vampire mind had no trouble with the math.
"What do we do?" I whispered, horrified.
Edward's arms tightened. He understood exactly what I was asking. "I don't know."
"It's slowing," Jacob muttered through his teeth. And Leah nod in agreement.
"We'll need several more days of measurements to track the trend, Jacob. I can't make any promises."
"Yesterday they grew two inches. Today it's less."
"By a thirty-second of an inch, if my measurements are perfect," Carlisle said quietly.
"Be perfect, Doc," Jacob and Leah said,
making the words almost threatening. Rosalie stiffened.
"You know I'll do my best," Carlisle assured them.
Jacob sighed. "Guess that's all I can ask." Leah sighed to but didn t say anything I felt irritated again, like Jacob and Leah where stealing my lines and delivering them all wrong.
The twins seemed irritated, too. Renesmee started to squirm and then EJ started to squirm too, they reached there hands imperiously toward Jacob and Leah. How leaned forward so that Renesmee and EJ could touch there faces. After a second, Jake and Leah sighed.
"What does she want?" Rosalie demanded "Bella, of course," Jacob and Leah told her, and there words made my insides feel a little warmer. Rosalie looked at me. "How are you?"
"Worried," I admitted, and Edward squeezed me.
"We all are. But that's not what I meant."
"I'm in control," I promised. Thirstiness was way down the list right now.
Besides, the twins smelled good in a very non-food way.
Jacob bit his lip but he and Leah still hand Renesmee and EJ to me. Jasper and Edward hovered but allowed it. I could see how tense they all where, and I wondered how the room felt to Jasper right now. Or was he focusing so hard on me that he couldn't feel the others?
The twins reached for me as I reached for them, smiling they fit so easily in my arms, like they'd been shaped just for them. Immediately, they grasped each others hands then they put there little hands against my cheeks. There hands felt so different, Renesmee s head was hot but EJ s head was cold.
Though I was prepared, it still made me gasp to see the memory like a vision in my head. So bright and colorful but also completely transparent.
they where remembering me charging Jacob and Leah across the front lawn, remembering Seth leaping between us. they'd seen and heard it all with perfect clarity. It didn't look like me, this graceful predator leaping at her prey like an arrow arcing from a bow. It had to be someone else. That made me feel a very small bit less guilty as Jacob and Leah stood there defenselessly with there hands raised in front of them. there hands did not tremble.
Edward chuckled, watching the twins's thoughts with me. And then we both winced as we heard the crack of Seth's bones.
The twins smiled there brilliant smiles, and there memory eyes did not leave Jacob and Leah through all the following mess. I tasted a new flavor to the memory not exactly protective, more possessive as the twins watched Leah and Jacob.
I got the distinct impression that they where glad Seth had put himself in front of my spring. They didn't want Jacob and Leah hurt. Jacob was Renesmee s and Leah was EJ s.
"Oh, wonderful," I groaned. "Perfect."
"It's just because they tastes better than the rest of us," Edward assured me, voice stiff with his own annoyance.
"I told you she likes me, too," Jacob teased from across the room, his eyes on Renesmee. Leah had her eyes on EJ But she didn t speak. Jacob s joking was halfhearted; the tense angle of his and Leahs eyebrows had not relaxed.
The twins patted my face impatiently, demanding my attention. Another memory: Rosalie sitting with Renesmee and EJ pulling a brush gently through EJ s hair then Renesmee s curls. It felt nice.
Carlisle and his tape measure, knowing they had to stretch and be still. It was not interesting to Renesmee or EJ.
"It looks like there going to give you a rundown of everything you missed," Edward commented in my ear.
My nose wrinkled as they dumped the next one on me. The smell coming from two strange metal cups hard enough not to be bitten through easily sent a flash burn through my throat. Ouch.
And then the twins where out of my arms, which were pinned behind my back. I didn't struggle with Jasper; I just looked at Edward's frightened face.
"What did I do?"
Edward looked at Jasper behind me, and then at me again.
"But they where remembering being thirsty," Edward muttered, his forehead pressing into lines. "they where remembering the taste of human blood."
Jasper's arms pulled mine tighter together. Part of my head noted that this wasn't particularly uncomfortable, let alone painful, as it would have been to a human. It was just annoying. I was sure I could break his hold, but I didn't fight it.
"Yes," I agreed. "And?"
Edward frowned at me for a second more, and then his expression loosened. He laughed once. "And nothing at all, it seems. The overreaction is mine this time. Jazz, let her go."
The binding hands disappeared. I reached out for the twins as soon as I was free.
Edward handed them to me without hesitation.
"I can't understand," Jasper said. "I can't bear this."
I watched in surprise as Jasper strode out the back door. he paced to the river and then launched himself over it in one bound.
The twins touched my neck, repeating the scene of departure right back, like an instant replay. I could feel the question in there thoughts, an echo of mine.
I was already over the shock of there odd little gift. It seemed an entirely natural part of them, almost to be expected. Maybe now that I was part of the supernatural would myself, I would never be a skeptic again.
But what was wrong with Jasper?
"He'll be back," Edward said, whether to me or Renesmee and EJ, I wasn't sure. "He just needs a moment alone to readjust his perspective on life." There was a grin threatening at the corners of his mouth.
Another human memory Edward telling me that Jasper would feel better about himself if I "had a hard time adjusting" to being a vampire. This was in the context of a discussion about how many people I would kill my first newborn year.
"Is he mad at me?" I asked quietly.
Edward's eyes widened. "No. Why would he be?"
"What's the matter with him, then?"
"He's upset with himself, not you, Bella. He's worrying about self-fulfilling prophecy, I suppose you could say."
"How so?" Carlisle asked before I could.
"He's wondering if the newborn madness is really as difficult as we've always thought, or if, with the right focus and attitude, anyone could do as well as Bella.
Even now perhaps he only has such difficulty because he believes it's natural and unavoidable. Maybe if he expected more of himself, he would rise to those expectations. You're making him question a lot of deep-rooted assumptions, Bella."
"But that's unfair," Carlisle said. "Everyone is different; everyone has their own challenges. Perhaps what Bella is doing goes beyond the natural. Maybe this is her gift, so to speak."
I froze with surprise. The twins felt the change, and touched me. they remembered the last second of time and wondered why.
"That's an interesting theory, and quite plausible," Edward said.
For a tiny space, I was disappointed. What? No magic visions, no formidable offensive abilities like, oh, shooting lightning bolts from my eyes or something?
Nothing helpful or cool at all?
And then I realized what that might mean, if my "superpower" was no more than exceptional self-control.
For one thing, at least I had a gift. It could have been nothing.
But, much more than that, if Edward was right, then I could skip right over the part I'd feared the very most.
What if I didn't have to be a newborn? Not in the crazed killing-machine sense, anyway. What if I could fit right in with the Cullen s from my first day? What if we didn't have to hide out somewhere remote for a year while I "grew up"? What if, like Carlisle, I never killed a single person? What if I could be a good vampire right away?
I could see Charlie.
I sighed as soon as reality filtered through hope. I couldn't see Charlie right away.
The eyes, the voice, the perfected face. What could I possibly say to him; how could I even begin? I was furtively glad that I had some excuses for putting things off for a while; as much as I wanted to find some way to keep Charlie in my life, I was terrified of that first meeting. Seeing his eyes pop as he took in my new face, my new skin. Knowing that he was frightened. Wondering what dark explanation would form in his head.
I was chicken enough to wait for a year while my eyes cooled. And here I'd thought I would be so fearless when I was indestructible.
"Have you ever seen an equivalent to self-control as a talent?" Edward asked Carlisle. "Do you really think that's a gift, or just a product of all her preparation?"
Carlisle shrugged. "It's slightly similar to what Siobhan has always been able to do, though she wouldn't call it a gift."
"Siobhan, your friend in that Irish coven?" Rosalie asked. "I wasn't aware that she did anything special. I thought it was Maggie who was talented in that bunch."
"Yes, Siobhan thinks the same. But she has this way of deciding her goals and then almost willing them into reality. She considers it good planning, but I've always wondered if it was something more. When she included Maggie, for instance. Liam was very territorial, but Siobhan wanted it to work out, and so it did."
Edward, Carlisle, and Rosalie settled into chairs as they continued with the discussion. Jacob and Leah sat next to Seth protectively, looking bored. From the way Jacob s eyelids drooped, I was sure he'd be unconscious momentarily. Leah looked tier to.
I listened, but my attention was divided. The twins where still telling me about there day. I held them by the window wall, my arms rocking them automatically as I stared into each pair eyes. And as they stared back.
I realized that the others had no reason for sitting down. I was perfectly comfortable standing. It was just as restful as stretching out on a bed would be. I knew I would be able to stand like this for a week without moving and I would feel just as relaxed at the end of the seven days as I did at the beginning.
They must sit out of habit. Humans would notice someone standing for hours without ever shifting her weight to a different foot. Even now, I saw Rosalie brush her fingers against her hair and Carlisle cross his legs. Little motions to keep from being too still, too much a vampire. I would have to pay attention to what they did and start practicing.
I rolled my weight back to my left leg. It felt kind of silly.
Maybe they were just trying to give me a little alone time with my babies as alone as was safe.
The twins told me about every minute happening of the day, and I got the feeling from the tenor of there little stories that they wanted me to know them every bit as much I wanted the same thing. It worried them that I had missed things like the sparrows that had hopped closer and closer when Jacob and Leah had held them, all of them very still beside one of the big hemlocks; the birds wouldn't come close to Rosalie.
Or the baby formula that Carlisle had put in there cups; to Renesmee it smelled like sour dirt but To EJ it smelled like sweet suger. Or the song Edward had crooned to them that was so perfect they played it for me twice;
I was surprised that I was in the background of that memory, perfectly motionless but looking fairly battered still. I shuddered, remembering that time from my own perspective. The hideous fire After almost an hour the others were still deeply absorbed in their discussion, Seth, Jacob and Leah where all snoring in harmony on the couch the twin s memory stories began to slow. One haft got slightly blurry around the edges and drifted out of focus then the other haft got slightly blurry around the edges and drifted out of focus before both hafts came to their conclusions. I was about to interrupt Edward in a panic was there something wrong with then? when renesmee s then EJ s eyelids fluttered and closed. They yawned, there plump pink lips stretching into two round O s, and there eyes never reopened.
there hands fell away from my face but they did not let go of each other as they drifted to sleep the backs of there eyelids were the pale lavender color of thin clouds before the sunrise. Careful not to disturb them, I lifted there hands back to my skin and held them there curiously. At first there was nothing, and then, after a few minutes, a flickering of colors like a handful of butterflies were scattering from there thoughts.
Mesmerized, I watched there dreams. There was no sense to it. Just colors and shapes and faces. I was pleased by how often my face both of my faces, hideous human and glorious immortal cropped up in there unconscious thoughts. More than Edward or Rosalie. I was neck and neck with Jacob and Leah; I tried not to let that get to me.
For the first time, I understood how Edward had been able to watch me sleep night after boring night, just to hear me talk in my sleep. I could watch Renesmee and EJ dream forever.
The change in Edward's tone caught my attention when he said, "Finally," and turned to gaze out the window. It was deep, purply night outside, but I could see just as far as before. Nothing was hidden in the darkness; everything had just changed colors.
Alice came into view on the other side of the river. Alice swung back and forth from a branch like a trapeze artist, toes touching hands, before throwing her body into a graceful flat spin over the river. Esme made a more traditional leap, while Emmett charged right through the water, splashing water so far that splatters hit the back windows. To my surprise, Jasper followed after, his own efficient leap seeming understated, even subtle, after the others.
The huge grin stretching Alice's face was familiar in a dim, odd way. Everyone was suddenly smiling at me Esme sweet, Emmett excited, Rosalie a little superior, Carlisle indulgent, and Edward expectant.
Alice skipped into the room ahead of everyone else, her hand stretched out in front of her and impatience making a nearly visible aura around her. In her palm was an everyday brass key with an oversized pink satin bow tied around it.
She held the key out for me, I headed Edward one of the twins so that I could open one of my hands. Alice dropped the key into it.
"Happy birthday!" she squealed.
I rolled my eyes. "No one starts counting on the actual day of birth," I reminded her. "Your first birthday is at the year mark, Alice."
Her grin turned smug. "We're not celebrating your vampire birthday. Yet. It's September thirteenth, Bella. Happy nineteenth birthday!"