Disclaimer: I don't own GLEE or its characters though I wish I did.
Author's Note: Hey everyone! Thanks for all the reviews! PHEW...last chapter was INTENSE! Believe me...FINN'S GONNA SUFFER :) Anyways enjoy this chapter and I might have 2 more chapters up tonight...one more for sure. My nose is killing me from getting a ball in the face yesterday which is causing me a MASSIVE head ache but I'm really into this story! I WANNA GET 100 REVIEWS (at some point haha) ENJOY! I like this chapter.
9 new voicemails.
"Hey Rachel, it's Artie. Are you okay? I haven't seen you around today and everyone's wondering where you are for Glee. I hope you're okay. Please call me back or text me or something because I'm worried. What happened last night? Call me...I'm here for you. Talk to you soon. Bye."
"Hey Berry, it's Puck. Where are you? Are you dead or something? Hope not. I know I haven't talked to you in a while and all but I hope you're okay. Hudson's throwing a fit so can you save us all and call someone to tell them where you are? Umm...okay...bye."
"Hello darling, it's Kurt. Call me. Tell me what happened last night. Bye."
"Hey Rachel, it's Artie again. What's going on? Everyone's acting weird. What happened last night? Why is Finn freaking out and pouting? I'm really worried. Call me back, please. Bye."
"Rachel, you're freaking me out. You always have your phone on. Call me back! My stepbrother just got home and he's hiding in his room again playing classic 80's rock. Help me! Call me!"
"Rachel this isn't funny anymore...I'm worried sick! What happened last night, darling? Tell me! Blaine's worried, too. Call me or text me...at least tell me you're alive. Seriously, I'm freaking out."
"It's Artie again. What's happening? I'm scared. Call me or text me please! I called Kurt and he's freaking out. Please, Rachel. Okay, call me. Bye."
"Rachel Barbara Berry if you don't call me back this instant I am going to call 911! Or I'm coming over and breaking in! What did my stupid stepbrother do? TELL ME! Please, Rachel. Call."
"Hey Rach, it's me...umm...it's Finn. Well I think you knew that. Umm...where are you? I've been looking for you and you weren't at Glee and-and-and I'm...I'm worried. I didn't mean it, Rach. I-I was just angry and-and I can't remember a thing and I checked Puck's Facebook and I called Santana your name so I don't really know what's going on. Just call me back, okay? Please? Okay...bye."
13 text messages.
*Hey Rachel. i know i don't really talk 2 u but i was wondering if ur ok. i haven't seen u around much. k bye -Sam*
*It's me again. what's happening? i'm worried. plz call me or text me ok? i just need 2 know ur ok. -Artie*
*It's me Rach. u didn't respond 2 my message so i'm kinda scared cuz u always have ur phone on. anyways plz call me back. -Finn*
*RACHEL BERRY WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU! i am this close to calling the cops. if this is a joke so help me! i'm scared! plz call me, darling. -Kurt*
*Hi Rachel. r u okay? i haven't seen u 2day & everyone's freaking out. we missed u Glee. hope i c u 2morrow rehearsal. bye. -Mike*
*Rach call me so i can tell u the english assignment. i know how u like 2 be ahead. -Finn*
*Rachel plz, plz, plz call me back. tell me what happened. -Artie*
*My stupid stepbrother locked me out of his room and is not responding to my excessive screaming. what's going on! plz call me. plz contact me. i'm almost crying. -Kurt*
*C'mon Rach. i'm sorry, ok? stop this...i'm worried. just let me know ur ok. kurt is freaking out. plz Rach. i'm serious. -Finn*
*RACHEL. I'M SERIOUS. -Kurt*
*ok i'm losing it. CALL PLZ. i'm scared. -Artie*
*Rach...i need u 2 pick up the phone. plz. we need 2 talk. -Finn*
*Rach this isn't funny. PICK UP THE PHONE. please. -Finn*
She scans over the last message and growls loudly, snapping her hand back and throwing her cell phone blindly as tears blur her vision. It smacks against the wall and falls to the carpet to silence the messages for good. The quiet is eerie for a moment but is filled when she huffs loudly, her face twisting again. She flops back on her head and curls up, closing her eyes tightly in attempt to disappear from the buzzing world around her.
She stayed in the bathroom or the majority of the day before deciding to just go home. She didn't care about her classes or Glee Club. She just ran away to forget. She couldn't face the world.
If you weren't suck a freak...maybe someone would actually like you!
She squeezes her eyes shut tighter as his words echo in her head. His words so harshly spoken. The words she's heard thousands of times hurting her so severely when spoken by him. If the person she loves more than anything thinks she's a freak, maybe she is one.
She rolls over and rubs a hand over her face with a loud exhale. She's done so much for him. She loved him with everything she had. She told him so every chance she had. She worked so hard to make him happy. She jumped through hoops. She forgave him for every stupid mistake he made. She forgave him before he apologized which was rare. She let him come up with excuses so he didn't have to apologize. She let him slide out of her grasp on his hand when he saw popular people around. She loved him despite his love for his reputation. She went to all his football games and cheered him on. She let him blow her off for parties. She let him walk all over her. She let him tell her all her flaws. She worked hard to be what he wanted. She let him touch her and kiss her the way no one else has. She did everything for him selflessly.
He took her for granted. He accused her of being selfish, prude and scary. He used her. He manipulated her. He abandoned her. He checked Santana out. He didn't apologize or take responsibility for anything he did. He blamed her. He didn't care about her needs. He was selfish. He lead her on. He was embarrassed if they ever got caught holding hands by the popular people. He never walked her to her classes. He forgot things and didn't listen constantly. He hurt her too many times carelessly. He left her when she made one stupid mistake. He called her a freak.
She releases another strangled sob. Why is this so hard? He was mean and selfish and neglected her needs. She should hate him.
But she doesn't because she could also be bossy and controlling. She could be selfish and could over-talk. She could be demanding. She could be overbearing. But he was patient. He was kind. He was sweet and funny. He was adorable and clueless at times. He said 'I love you' a few times.
But it was always when they were alone. When no one was looking. When he wasn't scared of what people would think. The second someone would appear, her Finn would vanish. He did the bare minimum.
She sits up and buries her face in her hands, wishing the tears would stop. They continue to slide down her cheeks and blur her vision mercilessly. She can't stand it anymore.
Maybe you're the one that needs time.
She slowly raises her head as Carole's words replay in her head. Time. Time to find who she is. Time to meet her needs and be happy. Time to be Rachel Berry. Time to think of herself first.
Time to leave him behind.
She needs it. She needs time. She needs to find out who she is and be happy. She needs to pick herself up, dust herself off and face the world on her own.
With a slight determined nod of the head, she reaches over and yanks open the drawer of her nightstand. She pulls out her gold pen and unused journal and with a new-found willpower, starts to scribble furiously.
FINDING RACHEL BERRY
1. Clean my room
2. Put all things associating with Finn Hudson in a box and stuff it on the top shelf of my closet
3. Quit New Directions
4. Try to explore different hobbies (take a break from performing)
5. Leave Finn Hudson behind
She reads over her list and smiles, ready to finally break free of the burdens. She doesn't know what lies ahead but maybe that's what she needs right now. Instead of planning every second of every day, she needs to try to go with the flow. She needs to find out who she is without the titles and labels that people constantly bombard her with.
She's wounded and hurt and mortified. But she knows she'll be okay. She's not a freak. She's different. People's opinions don't matter. Only hers does.
Walking over to pick up her phone, she decides that calling the hysterical Kurt and Artie and telling them her new mentality would be necessary before beginning her list.
"I will find my way
I can go the distance
I'll be there someday
If I can be strong
I know every mile
Will be worth my while
I will go almost anywhere
To find where I belong..."
AN#2: GO RACHEL! Find yourself! haha...quoted "Going the Distance" from Hercules at the end. I thought of that song the other day and just knew it had to be in here.
Next Chapter: Rachel QUITS Glee. dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
THANKS FOR READING AND PLEASE REVIEW!