Disclaimer: I don't own GLEE or its characters though I wish I did.
Author's Note: Double update night! This was a big chapter so I put detail into it. I wanna finish this story before I get back to school so I'll start triple udating again...just have to type faster! Thanks for reading and reviewing! ENJOY!
She treks idly down the hall toward the choir room, preparing for the worst. She doesn't really know what to expect from everyone. Hostility? Joy? Shock? It's unpredictable.
After completing two of the five things on her 'Finding Rachel Berry' list the previous night, she's eager to complete the third task of quitting New Directions. She's nervous as hell because she doesn't want to see him or deal with any of their ignorance or judgment. She wants to be finished with all of it.
But unfortunately that requires announcing it. Maybe it'll release her of a burden in being able to see their expressions when she declares her resignation.
She approaches the choir room door and takes a deep breath. It's now or never. It's time for Rachel Berry to leave New Directions in the dust.
Pushing open the choir room door, she strides into the room with purpose. Everyone turns away from their conversations to look at her and she smiles apprehensively under their stares. Artie gives her a huge smile and a thumbs-up and she returns it, avoiding the rest of the group. She can feel his eyes on her but she tries to ignore it, walking over to Mr. Schue who's looking over sheet music at the piano.
"Excuse me" she murmurs. "Can I say something, Mr. Schue?"
"If it's anything but an apology for rudely skipping practice yesterday and worrying everyone," he says flatly without removing his eyes from the sheets. "You can sit down."
She grinds her teeth, anger sparking. "It's important."
"Well it can wait" he says dismissively, gesturing towards the papers in front of him. He points at the group. "Go sit down."
"No it can't wait" she snaps, gaining his attention fully. He looks up from his papers in surprise. "I have something to say."
"When don't you, RuPaul?" Santana asks as everyone apart from her, Artie and Finn scoff.
"Just shut up, Santana" she says in annoyance. "No one cares what you have to say."
"Rachel" Mr. Schue barks warningly. "You can't talk to someone like that. Just go and sit-"
"You know what, Mr. Schue, you're the biggest hypocrite I've ever met" she says with irritation. "You just heard someone verbally abuse me and then I defend myself and then you decide to step in. Why don't you just admit that you don't like me? It's better than encouraging everyone to make fun of me and yell at me."
"Stop" Mr. Schue shouts. "You cannot speak to me like that."
She laughs bitterly. "Why don't I just say what I need to and then you don't have to worry about me disrespecting everyone, okay?"
Mr. Schue's jaw drops open as she uncharacteristically sneers, turning to face the shocked club. "I'm done" she says with a shrug. "I'm quitting Glee." She doesn't bother to gauge the silence before clicking her tongue as if to say 'yep, it's really happening'. "Alright. That's it. Good luck at Regionals."
She turns to go, hoping that's the end of that but of course, she's stopped. "You can't quit" Finn exclaims. "You love performing!"
She rolls her eyes and continues to walk away from it all. "You're such a drama queen" Mercedes calls. "You're not really done. You just want attention."
"You're so selfish" Tina chimes in as everyone murmurs in agreement. "You can't abandon us! We're your only friends!"
"She won't survive on her own" Santana scoffs. "She's just being a bitch."
Several more things are shouted at her and she feels the anger bubbling and roaring her chest with various things to retaliate with. What the hell she thinks with a sigh, turning around and glowering wearily at them. "Shut up" she groans loudly, silencing everyone. "Just please shut up."
She huffs crossing her arms. "Why don't you all stop pretending you know me, okay?" she growls sourly. "Because you don't. You don't know anything. You're all ignorant and judgmental and so self-centered. You all assume I don't get what it's like to be bullied and humiliated and hurt by people when I know it better than any of you. I get that we all get so mortified by all the popular people out there and it's horrible but instead of being grateful that here you're free to be yourself, you all complain and whine about how hard your life is. Then you take it out on me. I have it worse than all of you. I've been used as a slushy target, a punching bag -both emotionally and physically- and as a magnet for insults. But do I complain? No, I don't. I don't because I try to be positive. But you all think that since I'm different and not a frigging belly-acher that I'm a-a-a robot without feelings!
"I'm sick and tired of taking all your crap. The only reason I've hung in this long is because I felt bad for all of you. And I thought that eventually you'd all learn to appreciate everything I do for you. But now I finally learned that you don't have the capability to be considerate people. I thought that someday you'd all realize how treating me the way you do wasn't right but you're all tpo self-centered. You can argue and say you were oblivious to all the turmoil you've put me through but really you did it because you're all malicious.
"I love performing but having to be around you people isn't worth it right now. I invested all my time in Glee Club and in Finn and in pleasing everyone else that I've completely lost who I am. When Finn left me, I didn't know who I was supposed to be. I've lived with labels for so long and now I don't know who I really am. I need to find out who I want to be...not what you all think I am. I need to find my inner rockstar, per se." She gives him an icy, sarcastic glare. "You can all accuse me of being selfish and dramatic but I kept this club together because I wanted you to be happy. I wanted everyone to feel included and accepted but I got the shaft. Losing Finn and being banned against -even worse than usual- by people I thought were my friends put me in the position of an identity crisis because the people who I jumped through hoops for abandoned me. Do you know how that feels? To be hated by everyone and getting bashed every time I open my mouth? No...you don't. You don't know how it feels to be left with a mess and having to pick up the pieces and attempt to repair your life. You don't know how it feels to have no one stand up for you ever. You don't know how it feels to have people telling you to just die already. You don't! So stop pretending your life is harder than mine because it isn't!"
She pauses, growling in exasperation. "I'm finished with all of this...this-this twisted thing you call a family! I stayed to make everyone feel included but I'm done allowing you all to push me around. I'm done caring about your happiness before mine. You can all have fun ripping each other's heads off because I'm not your punching bag anymore!"
She turns to her only friend who's smiling proudly at her. "Artie, please don't let these people change you. Don't let them walk all over you because they'll just take advantage of it and before you know it, you'll be in the position I'm in now." Artie smirks with a nod. She then turns toward a flustered Mr. Schue with a bitter glare. "Mr. Schue, I have nothing else to say to you except that I'm finished letting you take out all your angst on me. As for the rest of you..." She turns back toward the crowd with a shrug and a phony salute. "This is goodbye. Despite everything you've all done to me, I wish you luck. I don't wish you harm or bad fortune but I'm done pretending we're a family because we're not. Before you start to make even more assumptions, I'd like to inform you that I'm taking a break from performing...not betraying you and going the Vocal Adrenaline or something. I'm doing you all a favour, too...you won't have to listen to me anymore." With a sigh, her hard mask softens. "I guess I'll see you around."
Without waiting for anymore reactions, she gives them all one last look, her eyes lingering on Finn's. His eyes are pleading and sad but she shakes her head and departs. Leaving them behind. Wanting to leave him behind.
Her third task was complete. She was moving on.
Why was she shaking with silent tears?
AN#2: I love Rachel standing up for herself :) more to come... ;)
Next Chapter: ? WHO KNOWS! i don't ;) but hints for future plot will be More than words by Extreme, begging of forgiveness and confrontations galore...Finn redeeming himself maybe ;)
THANKS FOR READING AND PLEASE REVIEW! I WANT 100 (eventually haha)!