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Jacob

Instead of stopping by to see Nessie after work, I head straight home. The last thing I want to do is lose control in front of her. And I am not so sure I can keep my composure with her tonight. I need some time to think about what is happening.

For everyone else it seemed so easy. I mean Sam and Emily started dating with no troubles. As did Paul and Rachel. Why can't it be like that for Nessie and me? I thought for sure I would be the one she wants that way. That being said, I would never push her to choose me.

I will never do to Nessie what I did to Bella. I am here for Nessie in whatever way she wants me. I'll leave her life forever if that is what she wants. It would probably kill me though.

I hadn't realized it, but I have been slamming doors shut and throwing a real hissy fit since I got home. I toss 8 pieces of bread on the counter and pull out the peanut butter. Once I am done soaking the bread, I shove them on to a plate and storm over to the couch. Plopping down, I begin eating my anger away.

My stomach growls a large appreciation growl when I am done. Within seconds, I am asleep, lost in nightmares of what the little punk might do to my Nessie. I see his tiny little girl hands sliding up her legs. His lips graze her neck. She tells him stop but he doesn't. He keeps pressuring her to go further.

A loud rapping sound on my front door pulls me from these terrors. I stand up and wipe my eyes as I make my way to the door. I don't even have to open the door to know who is on my porch. I would recognize that sweet smell from anywhere. "Nessie," I grin in spite of all the hurt inside me.

"Jacob," she says very diplomatic. She slips under my arm into the house where she makes herself at home on the couch. "I need to talk to you."

"I know," I admit. This is already hard for me. I don't know how I will handle it once she tells me the rest.

Nessie stirs a little and begins to fidget with her fingers. "It's uh…well I was asked out on a date today."

"I know," I say again as I take a seat on the furthest end of the couch.

"Mom and Dad gave me permission…so I think I will go." These are the words I have been waiting on. I am surprised when the only anguish I feel is because Nessie's tone. She doesn't sound excited about her date.

"Is this what you really want?" I ask because I must be sure before I give her a blessing. Somehow I know that is what she is here for.

She ponders my question. Her intensity causes the cutest little crease to form between her eyebrows. Once again I am shocked at how perfect she really is. "I think so," she replies.

I don't know how to word what I need to say so I waste some time by pulling a piece of gum out of my pocket. I give Nessie one too. "Well if you really want to do this, then I support your choice. Just don't do anything you will regret."

"What do you mean?" she questions.

Does she really not know what I mean? If she doesn't know, then she is way too young to be dating. I sigh and look into her beautiful brown eyes. "You only get your first time once," I say cryptically.

"Oh!" she exclaims. A deep blush commands her cheeks. "I…I know."

"Good," I reply a little awkwardly myself.

"Can I ask you something Jake?" she suddenly asks.

"Anything."

Nessie begins to play with her fingers again. Whatever she wants to know is going to be awkward; I can tell already. "Do you regret your first time?"

This is entirely different from what I expected. I have no words to answer her. How do you tell your sweet angel that you are a 24 year old virgin because you're in love with someone 17 years younger? "I..uh," I start. "I'm still a virgin Ness."

Her mouth drops into the cutest little O. "Why?" she honestly wonders.

"I have never been with the right girl," I reply being totally truthful.

"How far have you gone?" Nessie leans closer to me as if she is overcome by excitement. I, on the other hand, am overcome with embarrassment.

"Just a kiss," I say feeling heat rising in my face for the first time like ever.

"Who was she?" Nessie scoots closer and peers into my eyes. I know telling her the truth right now would be really bad.

"Just a girl that doesn't matter to me anymore."

"What happened to her?"

"She got married, had a kid. You know? The usual."

Nessie's face seems to drop a little at whatever she just thought of. "Was this before or after you met me?"

"Before." Nessie's face brightens again. She takes pleasure In knowing she is the only girl I care about. I can hear the sound of leaves coming from outside. "Someone is coming," I sigh.

"It's probably Mom. She said she would come get me if I wasn't home after a half hour. I think she wanted to talk to you too." Sure enough Bella walks in my house only a few seconds after Nessie finishes talking.

"Hey Jacob, can we talk?"

"Absolutely," I reply. Before I let Nessie leave, I lift her into a tight hug. I contemplate never letting go, but decide Bella would kill me. "Nigh Ness."

"Night." She runs out of the house and I listen as her steps fade away.

"What's up?" I once again lounge on the couch.

Bella remains standing. "Are you gonna be ok with this?"

I don't pretend to not know what she is talking about. She wants to make sure that I will control myself if Nessie chooses to be with another person. "I'm fine. I figured if Edward gave her permission, then the kid has kept his thoughts clean."

"Austin's a good kid. But Jake, I need to know that you aren't going to do to Nessie what you did to me."

Once again I am at a loss for words. "Hey, I'm sorry about that. I was a moron."

"Don't apologize Jake. I know why you did it. I just don't want you pushing my daughter into a decision."

"I know. And I won't. I'm not even going to tell her that I have feelings for her in that way. She will come to me if she wants me." My honesty even surprises me. Bella peers at me with her new eyes that will never be as great as her old ones.

"Thank you Jacob," she whispers after a long silence. Before I can reply she lays a chaste kiss on my cheek and bounds out of the house. Vampires are so weird.