So, I was thinking about how sandwiches weren't really a real 'thing' until pretty late on, and how most people assume they were invented by the Earl of Sandwich. So, in this little story, Avi invents the sandwich, and they have to name it. It's a rather short little drabble but it amused me at the time!

Food and Virgins
Characters: Noble Warden (Aveline "Avi" Cousland; first appearing in Kicking and Screaming), Alistair, Zevran
Pairings: None

"So, what is that?" Alistair was looking over Avi's shoulder, watching her slice the bread and layer cheese (precious cheese) and leftover deer meat onto it, followed by another slice of bread. She looked down at it.

"Food?" She offered. He sighed.

"What kind of food? I mean, does it have a name?" Alistair was slightly confused. It certainly looked simple enough, and rather handy, too.

"Um…I don't know. I simply thought this would be an easy way to eat food without getting my hands covered in meat and cheese." Avi seemed genuinely conflicted about this revelation. "Surely this has been made before."

"Well, Eamon would often put food on top of bread, then when he was done with the rest of it he'd give the bread to the hounds." Alistair mused. Avi nodded; that was rather common. Her warden companion grinned. "Well, if you did invent it, you'll have to name it."

"I believe the common custom is to name one's invention after one's self, yes?" Zevran cut in, a wicked gleam in his eye. "So that the person's name will forever be remembered for what they created?"

"I hope I would be remembered for helping to end a Blight, rather than a simple, effective way to hold meat and cheese together." She shook her head. "And I wouldn't put it past you to use every excuse you could think of to talk about 'eating a Cousland,' either."

Zevran put his hand on his chest in over-exaggerated offense. "My dear lady, I would do no such thing. How crude do you think I am?"

"Rather." Avi replied in a dry, unimpressed deadpan. Alistair's confused face caught her eye, however. "What?"

"How is that crude?" Alistair questioned, raising an eyebrow. "If you called it a Cousland, I mean." He asked it entirely innocently.

"You know, because…" Avi made a sort of non-committal motion, expecting the answer to occur to him readily enough. Probably it just went over his head and he'd realize in a moment. When it didn't, she gawked.

"How is it…Maker's breath." Avi put her head in her hands, disbelieving. Alistair, for his part, looked embarrassed. "You seriously don't know?"

"No, I don't know, or I wouldn't ask." Alistair went redder as Zevran pitched over, laughing, falling out of his seat. "Look, will you just tell me?" Then, apprehensively, "Or do I not want to know?"

"Zevran, explain it to him." Avi ordered, not looking up. The elven assassin, still cackling, hopped up and ambled over to Alistair, attempting to get his giggles under control.

"I'm not going to like this, am I…" Alistair muttered, as Zevran leaned down to whisper in his ear. Avi still had her head in her hands, but she could feel the heat going into his face. After nearly a half a minute of Zevran speaking in hushed tones, Alistair squawked, "It means what? Can…can you even do that?"

"Of course! In fact, you most definitely should! What, did you think such activities were reserved for men's pleasure?" Zevran started laughing again, even as he tried to look mock indignant. Tears were going down his face.

"I never even thought about…Andraste's flaming sword, we are not calling it a 'Cousland' or an 'Aveline' or anything else. I would never be able to have one without…" He couldn't even look at his fellow warden, and gestured to his dangerously red face, apparently unable to continue. Avi finally brought her head up, running a hand through it to push back her bangs, trying desperately to keep her own blushing down.

"Well, what do we call it? 'Handy way of holding meat and cheese' is not exactly something you can say off the cuff well." She was struggling not to laugh herself. Alistair looked so very flustered.

There was silence for a little while, as they all thought about it. Finally, Alistair suggested, "What about a meat pocket?"

Avi groaned as Zevran started cackling again. No one should be this oblivious…