Hey,
Yes, I know it's not sunday, but I wanted to upload it before I go on vacation, so maybe I won't be able to upload on sunday, but I'll do my best to try it :)

Thanks for reading and most importantly enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: If Grey's was mine, Jackson would have hugged April instead of just giving her a high-five ;-)

Chapter XVI: Losing My Religion

"That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough"

"What is it about April that it made you jump in front of a gun?" Penelope asked while they walked through the vanilla beans.

"I should have recorded this, Sky and Josh asked me the same. Well...I know April since my first intern year and later we both survived the merger with the Seattle Grace...and a shooting...where I lost two of my best friends,"

"Yeah, I know, Reed and Charles, right?"

Jackson looked confused at his youngest sister...how...how did she know?

Penelope laughed and said:

"You never believed in the saying that your deceased loved ones are always with you, didn't you? And by the way I can see them here, too"

Jackson shook his head and laughed along with her. Man, how had he missed this...his whole family, Mark, Charles, Lexie and Reed.

"So, what is April like?"

"She's...caring and is able to read people very well. April is sometimes a little insecure, but this just makes you want to protect her, you know? And her smile and laugh is contagious, I...I mean when she smiles or laughs...oh god I'm sounding like a hopeless romantic."

Penelope smiled understanding and asked:

"Aww, you love her, don't you?"

Jackson chuckled like a little boy and answered:

"Yes, I do love her. And that's why I jumped in front of a gun for her."

April slowly opened her eyes and breathed out, she felt empty just like the night before. She looked at the clock, it was twelve a.m. ...Wait, it was noon? Shouldn't she'd been at work since seven o'clock in the morning? The trauma surgeon looked cautionary on her phone - it showed the same time. April jumped out of her bed and screamed:

"Izzie?"

The Ohio native heard a response from her kitchen and literally stormed into it.

"Morning!" Izzie replied smiling and took a sip from her coffee.

"IT'S NOON!" April yelled at her and grabbed her own cup of coffee which Izzie had pushed over the table.

"Everything's fine. Yesterday, I asked Hunt to give us the day off, so I could take care of you."

"Did you sedate me yesterday night?" The red-head asked and took a big sip of her coffee.

"Kinda. But I did this for you, so you won't be sleep-deprived...want more coffee?"

April formed and inaudible "what" and asked slightly frustrated while she ran her fingers through her red hair:

"Sooo...you planned somethin'?"

"Actually, yes. I have to distract you from what happened yesterday, so I'm gonna take you out. Put some clothes on and then we can go, okay?"

April shrugged and left for the bathroom saying:

"You won't let me chose, so I'm just gonna get ready, right?"

"Atta girl!" Izzie laughed and took a last sip of her coffee. She quickly cleaned up the kitchen, packed her things and was ready when April came out of the bathroom.

"So, whatever you're going to do to me, just please promise that before we go there, I can visit the hospital."

April just wanted to check on Jackson, how he was doing and everything. Actually, she wanted to spend all day, all night there just to be there when he'd eventually wake up. Mama Avery had been at his bed this night, April wanted to spend the next.

At the hospital...

April walked through the hallways of the CICU and finally arrived at Jackson's room. She was about to enter it, when she saw a foreign person sitting on a chair next to his bed, holding his hand. Her first thought was Stephanie but it clearly wasn't her, she looked different. April knocked slightly at the window and greeted the female quietly.

The women looked up and April knew instantly who it was - Cora. She had the same eyes like her brother.

"Cora, right?" April asked and put her hand out.

"And you're the girl who's responsible for this, right?" Cora asked coldly and didn't move to shook April's hand.

The red head took awkwardly her hand back and replied sarcastically:

"Yeah, it's a pleasure to meet you, too."

Another awkward break came up, just the noise of Jackson's device were audible.

"You know -,"

"Can you just shut up and go?" Cora hissed and looked angry at the few months older women.

"No, I won't. I know that you don't want to lose him, he's your last living sibling. And trust me, we're playing in this case in the same team, Cora. I don't even dare to think about what my life would be if he won't wake up, okay? I love him more than I ever loved any other guy. And I would change with him without hesitation, cause' it should've been me. Yeah, he's your brother and you two have been through a lot of serious crap, there's no need to tell me this. And I can totally understand that you're utterly pissed at me, but please stop telling me that I'm responsible for this here, 'cause you have no idea how often I've told myself in the last hours that it's my freaking fault. So, can you please stop?" April tried her best to hold back the tears, but eventually one tear ran down her cheek. She had been brutally honest with Cora, she'd meant everything she'd said.

Cora exhaled and answered quietly:

"I'm sorry for being too harsh."

"No, no, I mean it's your brother in the end," April replied understanding.

"Mom doesn't know I'm here, I just saw her storming out of his room this morning, leaving with another older doctor,"

"I guess it was Dr. Webber, he's her boyfriend."

Cora's eyes grew wide in shock. So this was the guy Jackson had told her about.

"Oh my god, Jackson told me about him, that he caught them in the morning in San Francisco. Heard you didn't pass?" Cora asked directly, but not thoughtfully.

The trauma surgeon swallowed and answered:

"Yeah, I was...a little...distracted. But I'll retake them next week in New York,"

April sat down on the chair on the other side of the bed and nearly tripped over her own foots when the cardio surgeon said:

"Distracted by my brother, right?"

April blushed and her face was fire-red. She shot Jackson a quick deadly-gaze but then sat down and answered:

"Yes, but I don't think we-," she began but was interrupted by the other women.

"Was he a gentleman?"

Damn, Cora was direct, she had this from her mother. April thought about what she should say. Jackson had been a perfect gentleman for sure and she wouldn't change anything about how it had been, but talking with his sister about their sex life? Better not...

"Yes, of course, but I'd feel better if we would stop talking about my sex life, okay?"

Cora laughed, but asked:

"Since I haven't talked to my mom yet, can I ask you how long they planned to place him in an artificial coma?"

"Dr. Hunt said for at least a week, they'll wait until he'll wake up."

Cora nodded and looked to the window where Christina appeared.

"Who's she?" Christina asked April and looked at Cora.

"I'm Caroline, his sister."

The cardio surgeon from Seattle nodded and asked again:

"You're a surgeon, too?"

"Of course, I'm a cardio attending at the St. Ambrose Hospital in Los Angeles. And you are?"

April looked expectant at Christina, who had called herself a cardio whore. She just hoped that the two cardio surgeons won't start arguing.

"Christina Yang, cardio. I came here to check on him."

"No need, I checked on him twenty minutes ago. I also read his medical file, he's fine."

Christina raised her eyebrows and replied:

"I cautionary check on him again, but thanks."

April got up and said before she left the room:

"Before you start bitch-fighting I go and beg you to do this somewhere else, please."

"So, where do you plan to go with me today?" April asked as she went with Izzie to her car.

"Secret! How's Jackson?"

"He's fine, but I met his sister Cora. She's...very direct...and very much like her mother. She asked, whether Jackson was a gentleman during my first time. I mean, really?"

Izzie couldn't stop laughing, she needed five minutes before she was able to even start the car.

April smacked her arm and Izzie replied innocently:

"What the hell-

The trauma surgeon pointed her finger at her best friend and laughed:

"You know what that was for!"

But then she felt guilty because she laughed. Jackson was in a coma and she laughed. She shouldn't laugh, she should sit next to him and cry her eyes out. But...she couldn't. April loved him more than any other one, she was sure of this, she shouldn't tell herself this the whole time.
But would Jackson wanted her to just sit next to him and cry? No, she guessed. Why didn't she pray? Because the universe was mean. First they were on a good track getting together, but then Yusuf came and shot him down. Why would god do this? How in the name of himself did he let this happen? And then she realized how much this little fucking bullet had taken her. It had taken Jackson and with it and barely her faith in God. She was slowly losing her religion.

Jackson talked with Penelope for hours when he finally asked one question that he was burning to ask.

"Why does my heaven look like a vanilla farm? I've never been on one, so why?"

"Interesting, for me it looks like our old park, you know, right in front of our house," Penelope answered and smiled bright at him.

The park in front of their old house had been huge and trees had stood everywhere and big, colorful flowerbeds had grown everywhere. They'd even built a big tree house on the oldest tree they had found and when they were little kids they had played, that the knight saves the princess before the dragon could eat her.

"But why is it a vanilla farm for me and our old park for you?"

"It's from person to person different, for dad it looks like the Central Park where he met mom for the first time and for Josh it looks like a tropical island because of Hayley, you know his wife, who was from Hawaii. It shows us what we connect the most with the good or extraordinary parts of our life, where we were especially happy, or to who we feel the most connected."

Jackson smiled when he heard what the "heavens" of his family looked like. And slowly he realized why it was a vanilla farm. Before he went unconscious, he had smelt April's shampoo...vanilla. His heaven looked like a vanilla farm, because April was the good and extraordinary part of his life, the reason he wanted to live.

"You want back to her, right?" Penelope asked a little sad.

"Yes, of course, but I don't want to leave you guys here, you know? It's been such a long time and I don't want to lose you once more."

"You wouldn't lose us, one day you'll come back and that hopefully as a bent, 140 years old grey-haired grandpa with 20 great-grandchildren, okay? You could come back to them, especially to April. And trust me, she's not doing well without you, I saw it."

The plastic surgeon laughed about how his youngest sister pictured him as an 140 years old man. But he was surprised about how Penelope knew about April's condition.

"You...you really know how she's doing?"

Penelope burst out into laughter and repeated:

"You still don't believe that the deceased ones are always with you, don't you Jackie Boy?"

Again, thanks for reading and please take a minute to leave a review or suggestion, thank you! :)