Warning! This fic is slash, so if you don't like that, don't read. I should probably also warn that there will be a fair bit of swearing. When I say fair, I mean a lot.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Soap, Ghost, or any other part of Modern Warfare as they all belong to Infinity Ward. I'm just amateur writer who likes to borrow them a little.
Note from Sassy: Another chapter, another A/N from me to you. And this ramble actually has a point. As a random heads up more than anything, I know I've been pretty good at updating this story so far, but I'm afraid I might be a little slower over the next couple of days. Basically, I've hurt my shoulder/back, which is making sitting at my computer pretty damn painful. I'm going to try my hardest to keep writing and updating frequently though, I just ask you to be a teeny bit patient with me. :)
And on that note, its shout out time again my lovely reviewers!
VerityA: *big, if gentle, hugs back* I don't always write fast if it helps, and chapter nine has been rewritten more times than I care to admit. Anyway, it's all about the quality rather than the speed! Big yays for Soap and Ghost growing on you, I must be corrupting you slowly :P And haha, I love your reviews either way, so no worries.
xGhostxStealth: Again, you are very, very lovely, so thank you. And yes, Price is nothing if not sneaky, but we love him really. Or at least I do in a strange way. And sooo true about Hans Zimmer, he's a hero of mine in turns of the music he creates. I have so much love for that man.
Carovinee: Hugs and cookies make any day immeasurably better :) And I'm glad you liked the "epic" kiss (if you look hard enough you find another one soon :P) and the fluff/angst combo. It seems to be the only thing I write. :P Thank you!
God-Damned-Dog: You are brilliant. Seriously, your reviews have me grinning like an idiot (in a good way of course). Thank you so very much. And on a random note, reviewing is your choice, do so as often or as rarely as you like. I guarantee it won't be repetitive. From my perspective it's just great hearing feedback and being able to talk to fellow fans. :)
Dunedain789: THANK YOU! I was feeling the capslock love again, so there you go. And thank you, I really do feel so proud and honoured to get such lovely reviews. I hope that you continue to enjoy my characterisations too! They're the bit I work the hardest on. :)
xStealthxSniperx: Ghost hugs are all round, yes. :D I'm glad you liked my rare attempt at humour too, although Price just seems to be able to carry it off. And thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Although I read 'slash flashback" simply as 'slashback'. I think that might be what I refer to them as from now on. :)
Reeserella: Uh oh…I think it's too advanced for me to be cured, so I guess I'm going to be sick with this dreaded writer's flu for a while. *Sighs* And sure the cookies might be burnt, but Price in an apron? Priceless. :D Thanks for the lovely comment!
But hey, ready up…here comes chapter 9!
Hospitals. The mere word made Soap cringe. They were overly bright, white, stale buildings filled with lifeless rooms, in his opinion the least inspiring place for anyone to be fighting for their life in. Even worse, his distaste for hospitals rooted all the way back to his earliest of memories. He could still see it now, the ward, the rigid beds all lined up side by side, filled with the emaciated shadows of people. Real people. His Da's hand tightening on his as they walked through them all, nurses flitting amongst them and getting in the way. And his Ma, lying there, unresponsive in the furthest bed, straggly strands of brown hair mere wisps around her face. Most of all he hated the fact that when he thought of his mother, the first, and usually the only image he had was of her lying in that bed.
She'd died a week later and ever since Soap had vowed never to step into a hospital ever again for as long as he lived. Of course, in reality that was impossible. But the gut wrenching disgust from all those years ago remained steadfast in his mind, a permanent reminder flickering at the back of his thoughts.
And now, with fresh yells streaming from his mouth, Soap had decided he had had enough…
"No! You hear me? No more!" Soap felt as if he was going in circles as he inched away from the medic, leaning as far to the other side of the bed as possible. Their conversation had been going back and forth for the past twenty minutes, and Soap was so close to smashing his head against a wall just to simply get some relief from the monotony of it all. "We've been through this…"
"It is better if you rest." The medic nodded, moving slightly closer to his bedside. "You will heal faster."
"Fine…then I'll rest." Soap shook his head. "But I don't want anymore of whatever that is…" He nodded over to his empty I.V fluid bag that the poor medic had been trying to replace before the whole argument had started. "And I don't want these…" He pointed to the cannulas in his forearm. "…Either. You get me?"
"But is better for you." The medic paused. "Without this you cannot have any more pain killers."
"Fine…no more pain killers." Soap shrugged defiantly. "I just don't want to hooked up to this thing anymore."
"There is also a risk of dehydration…"
"Great…I'm good with risks." Soap muttered. "I think I can remember to drink."
"Is not that simple. I think it would be better to wait…"
"What fucking happened to 'the patient is always right', eh?"
"Actually…Its 'the customer is always right'." A new voice erupted into the room, thick with a familiar cockney accent. Soap turned his head, seeing Ghost stood in the doorway, his arm resting almost arrogantly against the doorframe as he spoke, almost an image of the 'old' Riley. Ghost laughed at Soap's expression, glancing between the medic and the Captain. "Hate to burst your bubble there, John."
"He is not listening." The medic sighed, desperately looking to Ghost for some kind of support.
"Then he never will." Riley shook his head, laughing gently. "Do as he says."
"But I think-"
"Do you want him to rest or not?" Riley watched the medic pause, obviously thinking. "He can't do that if he's complaining." He watched as the doctor hung his head despairingly, before turning round to start removing the cannula from Soap's arm. The process was finished in minutes, and the medic gathered up his things, nodding to Ghost as he left the room.
"Make sure he drinks. At least he will listen to you, yes?" When Ghost stayed silent the medic rolled his eyes, striding from the room with an angry barrage of Russian flowing from his mouth.
"I thought's he'd never fucking leave." Soap grimaced, flexing his newly freed right arm, his left hand examining the slight bruises left at the I.V sites. Laughing softly to himself he tilted his arm to show Riley triumphantly. "Freedom."
"You're a stupid twat, you know that?" Ghost shook his head.
"You were on my side a second ago."
"Only because I could hear you on the other side of the base." Riley grinned, although due to his mask the action was lost on Soap. "But the guy does know what he's talking about."
"Nah…" Soap shrugged, wrinkling his nose. "I'm alive…I'm not bleeding anymore. I figure I can handle a bit of pain." To try and illustrate this he attempted to sit up, but the action was far more painful than he expected it to be and he let out a small gasp.
"Obviously."
"Why are you here anyway? Aside from wanting to laugh at the cripple?"
"I brought you a present." The lieutenant replied quickly. "Call it a peace offering."
"For what?"
"John…" Ghost scoffed. "Don't play stupid with me." He reached into the back pocket of his trousers, producing the packet of cigarettes and dangling it in front of Soap. "And don't say I don't do anything for you…"
"Shit…" Soap's look of sheer excitement was much like a five year old's on Christmas morning, with the addition of a scruffy Mohawk and a decent amount of stubble. "I owe you one, mate."
"Technically it's Price you owe. They're his."
"I owe Price enough already." Soap laughed, watching Riley expectantly. "So… do I get one or are you just going to stand there and tease me?"
"It's tempting." Riley smirked, but he stepped forwards, sitting on the edge of Soap's bed. Slipping one slender cigarette from the packet he held it in front of Soap's mouth. "Now…open wide…" He was sure to make his tone as patronising as possible.
"Oh fuck off." Soap tried to grab the cigarette off him, but he was too slow and Riley caught his good hand with ease, immobilising it with a grip to the wrist.
"So you don't want it after all?" He moved the cigarette away.
"You're an evil cu-"
"Angry much?" Riley laughed, pushing the cigarette in between Soap's lips to silence him, whilst fishing the lighter out of his other pocket. "Shut it or I'll go get that medic you love so much." He smirked, flicking the lighter open and lighting the cigarette, whilst been thankful that whilst Soap had it in his mouth he couldn't assault him with a cascade of indignant abuse. When John finally took the cigarette in between his own freed fingers, Riley was sure to quickly move out of the way, just in case Soap did still have it within him to lash out. After all, it had always been a hazard for anyone who dared rile the Captain…
Soap however, was lost amongst wave after wave of nicotine. He'd never really thought of himself as being reliant on his smokes, but the few days he'd spent cold turkey had convinced him that an existence without the occasional cigarette really just wasn't worth it. His drags were heavy and deep, the cigarette shrinking in size dramatically until Soap was finished, stubbing it out on a metal section of his hospital bed. His nerves now steadied, Soap looked at Riley with new eyes.
"Thanks."
"Don't mention it." Riley nodded graciously. "Like I said, think of it as a peace offering."
"Yeah…" Soap paused, worrying his lip. "Look…about last night…"
"No." Ghost quickly shook his head. "I told you, I don't want to talk about it."
"I know…and I'm not going to ask anymore." Soap shrugged, leaning back against his pillows. "I just didn't know what to say half the time…"
"And I did?" Ghost laughed gently. "I've not had long enough to work out how to tell people…never mind if I should or not." He sighed. "We both said things we probably shouldn't have right?"
"I guess…"
"So in my book that makes us equal." Ghost nodded. "End of." He straightened up quickly. "You need anything?"
"My clothes…there's some over there." Soap pointed to the far corner of the room, where a pile of his more casual looking gear, mainly comprising of some beige combat trousers and a black t-shirt lay folded on a table. Scooping them up, Ghost brought them over, dumping them beside Soap on the bed. As he did so, the Captain cocked an eyebrow, glancing at him confused. "Speaking of clothes…did yours shrink or something?"
"Their Price's." Riley sighed, not sure why he felt a twinge of embarrassment.
"Ahhh…" Soap smirked knowingly. "Remind me to lend you some of mine…they'll fit you better." He reached for the t shirt beside him.
"You need a hand?"
"Very funny." Soap rolled his eyes. "I think I can manage to dress myself."
"If you say so." Lifting his hands in mock surrender, Ghost took a couple of steps back, turning his head slightly so that he could only see Soap in his peripheral vision. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the Captain try to lift his arms, before groaning and freezing. Riley rolled his eyes. He wondered how long it would take for someone as stubborn as Soap to realise just how painful dressing with a gunshot wound to the torso actually was. Subconsciously Riley raised his right arm, cradling the spot in his side where Shepherd's bullet had struck, mere centimetres from fatal. He swallowed. He was speaking from experience…
"You're loving this aren't you?" Soap grunted, only managing to get halfway out of the medical shirt that he still wore. He had half a mind to just battle through the pain and save his pride, but the thought of making things even worse and having to spend more time in a hospital bed deterred him.
"Loving what?" The innocence is Ghost's voice was almost convincing.
"Me being crippled." Soap grimaced. "Never liked seeing me as your superior, did you?"
"True." Turning back to face him, Riley stepped towards slowly. "But challenging you is more fun when you can actually fight back."
"I'd give you a good run for your money now."
"I don't doubt that." Riley laughed, reaching for the medical shirt half dangling from Soap's torso. "This your way of telling me you want some help?"
"I'm not going to ask…" Soap sighed. "If that's what you're waiting for."
"Good enough for me." Laughing to himself, Riley gently lifted up the plastic garment, quickly discarding it to the floor and leaving Soap sitting in his boxers. As he reached for Soap's t-shirt, Ghost took a split second to take in the man's torso, noting how most of the muscle was concealed by a thick layer of bandages. A patch of scarred, tanned skin remained uncovered on his shoulder however, and Riley unwittingly found himself resting his hand there, the muscle tensing beneath his calloused touch. His thumb found a long, thin scar, a raised edge that ran across Soap's collar bone, and Ghost found himself automatically tracing its length with his thumb, his mind acting on impulse. The body below him remained tense, but didn't argue, Soap himself dumbfounded by what was happening. In fairness, he didn't know what to believe anymore. The night before, Riley had been a different man and now…well, now he wasn't sure which Ghost he was actually speaking to.
He decided to find out.
With his left hand, Soap reached upwards, finding the neck of Ghost's shirt and pulling him downwards, the action a little rougher and more possessive than he first planned. The hand on his shoulder remained, but it gripped tighter, the short nails digging white crescents into his skin. Maintaining the tight grasp on his collar with his good hand, Soap tried to get a clear look into Ghost's eyes, concerned by how at first they desperately tried to avoid his gaze. But his persistence won out in the end, and once rewarded with an icy blue stare, Soap dared move further. Slowly, as if he was moving so not to scare either of them, Soap brought up his right injured hand, using the least painful of his fingers to flick up the fabric of Ghost's mask, revealing the combination of smooth and scarred skin that lay below. About halfway, Soap paused, letting his hand take in the strange texture, again asking himself just how Ghost had managed to survive such an ordeal. The hesitation proved to be his downfall though, as now he had stopped, Soap suddenly became unsure of whether he should carry on. After all, was Ghost genuinely submitting to him or was he was just doing so out of a strange feeling of guilt? Soap suddenly couldn't be sure.
It was now or never. When Soap paused, Riley took full advantage, pressing forwards so that their lips finally touched. Although he knew what he really wanted, Ghost was uncertain of how to proceed, and so the kiss became tentative, much gentler and in some ways more uncomfortable than any that they had shared before. Gradually he dared to move his lips against Soap's, and thankfully the Captain complied, copying the motion, finally making an attempt to kiss the lieutenant back. And yet, it was still all so unsure, almost non committal, as if neither man truly trusted himself to be fully lost within the act. After all, before these rare occurrences had all been about dominance, unknown lust and breaking boundaries. But now…now it all felt so alien. After all, Ghost himself hadn't been with anyone since his betrayal, something that made him feel like a fish that was now suffocating out in the open air. What if he just wasn't enough anymore?
Having been distracted, Ghost suddenly became aware of Soap's hand slowly lifting the rest of his mask, pushing the fabric, his only protection, away inch by inch. Terror instantly swept through the lieutenant's body, his head pulling away almost of his own accord, his pulse racing just that little bit faster as he reached to replace his mask. He couldn't…not yet. He wasn't ready, hadn't had the chance to prepare himself. Not for this.
"No…" His voice was a mere whisper as Ghost stared down at Soap, his heart feeling as if it was throwing itself angrily at his ribcage. He held his hands out wide, speaking more to himself than anything else. "I can't do this…"
"…You just were…"
"I didn't think…" Riley shook his head slowly, his thoughts almost stumbling over one another. He blinked hard, picking one question out of a thousand. "Why did you do that?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Soap replied with a raised eyebrow. He stood up slowly, now face to face with the lieutenant. "I thought –"
"That was a long time ago, John." Ghost bit his lip, instinctively knowing for the first time what Soap was about to say. "Another life…"
"Does that really change things?"
"Yes…maybe…I don't know." Riley shrugged, his head hanging. "I've…changed, John. You're still the same."
"I'm not…" Soap swallowed hard. "You really think that what Shepherd did didn't change me too?" He paused, looking at Ghost with honest eyes. "You might not be able to see it….but what he did… Well, let's just say it changed everything for me too." He sighed, shifting uncomfortably on the spot as he reached out, his left hand resting on Ghost's forearm. "I never stopped-"
Soap cut off mid sentence, instead staring over Riley's shoulder. The door to his room was open again, a figure standing patiently, watching, their arms folded. Suddenly aware of himself again, Soap let his arm drop away from Riley heavily as if it were made out of concrete. "…Price. How long you been there, mate?"
"Not long." The older Captain nodded, running his tongue across his teeth as his gaze slipped between the two of them. "I did knock."
"Need to be louder then." Soap laughed, although Ghost could detect a warning tone hidden beneath his good humour. By this point he had turned round, and was busy avoiding the second knowing look he'd received from Price that morning.
"Maybe." Price shrugged, stepping away from the door frame. "I heard you were up anyway." He chuckled, finally tearing his gaze from Ghost, his features softening. "Artem is livid."
"Artem…?"
"The medic." Price rolled his eyes. "He came complaining to me about you being a stubborn bastard." He grinned. "Apparently you're the epitome of the saying 'pride comes before a fall'."
"Well you know me…"
"Indeed…too well." Price half smirked. "Anyway since you're up you might as well make yourself useful. You too, Ghost. Nikolai wants to talk tactics."
"Now?"
"Now." The older man nodded. "Get yourself dressed. I'll see you both in the operations room in ten minutes." And with another, strained look in Ghost's direction, Price was back tracking down the corridor, leaving the room in an eerie, uncomfortable silence.
"Here…" Clearing his throat, Ghost held Soap's t shirt out in front of him, nodding for the Captain to slip his arms through. As he did so, Riley knew what he desperately wanted to ask, the words almost tingling on his tongue. He waited until pulling down Soap's t shirt, careful to avoid the bandages as much as possible. "What were you saying? Before Price showed up I mean…"
"It doesn't matter." Soap replied with a mutter.
"I want to know."
"When does what we want come into it?" Soap laughed darkly, sitting down and beginning to pull on his trousers, his eyes half meeting Riley's. "We don't have time for this now…"
"And if we make time?"
"You deaf?" Soap grunted grumpily. "If we're not in the ops room then Price is gonna have my head."
"I didn't mean now…" Riley rolled his eyes. "Later?"
"Depends." Soap sighed, pulling on his boots quickly and ignoring the bitter burn of pain as he did so. "You actually going to talk to me this time?"
"…I will if you will."
"Then you're on." The Captain nodded decisively. He stood slowly, not even trying to cover his grimace as another heavy wave of agony shot through him. He nodded to Ghost, indicating towards the door with his hand as he did so. "But let's just try and survive this briefing first…"
Ok, so absolutely no emotional blackmail asking you for your reviews this chapter. None. Promise. Except…well Price did burn his hands making you all cookies last time, so maybe you could take pity on him and click that 'review' button….just for him. Plus, Ghost is still offering out hugs to anyone who wants one… :)
And always, thank you so very much for reading this far. I truly hope you've enjoyed it. Until next time, take care. :D
-x-S-x-