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Nessie
The end is near. Life as I know it is coming to a screeching conclusion. At least, this is what I think about as Jake and I lay together under my soft sheets. He, like me, is lost in his own head. While he most likely contemplates fighting techniques and travel information, I am debating my options. Tomorrow is my last day with my family. And then everyone leaves me behind to go fight for me.
There's only one thing I know. I want to go with. I want nothing more than to fight too. It's unfair that I should be stuck here waiting while they risk their lives all for me. I'm debating on how to tell Jake that I am coming with, when he breaks the silence.
What he says comes out as a whisper, so soft that I almost miss it. "I'm scared."
"Me too," I admit. I've never heard Jake express fear, but it only seems right at the moment. I'm comforted by the fact that he is not too confident. Confidence always causes underestimation. I prefer him to know exactly what he is getting into.
"I'm scared that we will lose and no one will be able to protect you when they come for you."
"I've got a solution to that problem," I say, seeing my chance. Jake doesn't answer. Rather, he squeezes his arms a little tighter around me and waits. "Let me go with," I hesitantly add. No response from Jacob. I swear even his heart skipped a beat.
"Absolutely not," he finally responds, his voice stern.
"I want to go and fight."
"I will not put you in danger, Nessie." I can hear a small fraction of Jacob's alpha voice. He has never spoken to me in this tone. I will lose this argument—unless I have something to work with.
It suddenly becomes clear. Like in a movie, all the conflicting emotions I have felt for the past few days come together like a puzzle. The picture they show me is one that breaks my heart. I know now what I must do. No matter how much it will hurt to give Jacob this ultimatum, I know it is right. If I can't trust him, we have nothing.
I take a deep breath before beginning the conversation I know that is coming. "If you leave me behind Jacob, we are done."
His face becomes a kaleidoscope of emotion. It finally settles on a grimace. "You want to break up with me?"
"If you leave without me," I reply coldly. I must not give in now. I know what I need to do to trust him.
"Why?" he asks, his voice cracking the tinniest bit.
"Because if you're willing to leave me here and go fight and possibly die for my sake, I can't trust you. You have always said that you will give me everything I want. I want this Jacob. I want to go fight. And if you won't agree to that, then I at least want you to stay here with me."
"Nessie, I have to fight for you."
"Why?"
"Because I will protect you above all else. These fucking leeches want to make you into a lab rat. Is that the kind of life you want?" He's seething. I have to swallow the lump in my throat before I can respond.
"Everyone else can fight for me. They don't need you to go."
"I'm an Alpha."
"So is Sam."
"Nessie," he says in complete anguish. "Please don't make me do this."
"You know your choices Jacob. I can't be in a relationship with a guy I don't trust."
"You can trust me to always protect you."
"That's not enough!" I snap back. Immediately, I feel like a total bitch. Jake's eyes drop and his arms let me go.
"Nessie, I have to go," he finally states. There's no doubt in his voice. "And you will stay here where you are safe."
The tears I have been holding back finally escape my cool reserve. My voice cracks when I ask, "Is that your choice then?"
"Yes," Jake answers with his wolf reserve. "I will not sacrifice your safety for your happiness. I would rather you live a long life then a short one no matter how happy you are in it."
"Get out of my bed," I banish. The tears are now dripping out my leaky eyes. My nose begins to run too. Jake stands up, but does not leave. He tries to hide it, but I see a small tear escape his eye as he watches me cry. "Get out!" I scream now angry. He still doesn't move. "Get the hell out of my room!" This time I stand up on my bed and begin throwing punches at Jake's solid body.
I punch, scratch, and slap Jake as if he is a big punching bag. He grabs my wrists and pulls me tight to his body. I'm crying even harder now if that's possible. I can feel small drops of his tears on my head too. "Jacob," I sigh into his chest when I begin to relax. He sets me firmly on the ground and looks into my soggy eyes. Two more tears escape.
Jake bends down and plants a soft kiss on each of my cheeks, catching the tears on his lips. I latch my fingers in his hair and drag his face into mine. We kiss soft and slow. I can feel all the anguish Jacob feels pouring through his open mouth. When he finally pulls away, I am completely beat. He plants one more kiss on my forehead before sauntering to my window and leaving me. And that's how you lose a boyfriend.