Chapter 6: One Step Forward, Two steps back.
Hello my readers, I come bearing a new chapter. I've been working on this one for a while, but I have had a lot going on with nursing school and looking for another job, so I haven't been able to work on this as much as I would have liked to. I hope to have the next chapter up before Christmas, which seems like a decent goal. I may have a couple up by then, but no promises. I don't own death note, its characters, or anything pertaining to its storyline. I do own Ellie, but that's about it.
Ellie cracked her eyes open. She hadn't realized she had fallen asleep on the couch. She stretched uncomfortably. She really wished she had made it to the bed. Her arm was tingling and cold and it felt heavy as blood rushed back into it. She shook it out and did the same with her other arm and legs when she was finally in the sitting position. She yawned and looked into the office. She saw that Laurent wasn't in front of the computer. Ellie was a little surprised. She hadn't seen him away from the computer much since they had been living together, though that had only been a week since L took on his new identity.
Ellie walked toward her small kitchen area. She noted that Laurent's room was right across from the kitchen. She cracked the door open slightly and saw him lying on the bed fully clothed. She smiled. She was glad he was able to get a little sleep.
She made herself a small breakfast before readying herself for her first day back in classes. It had only been a week, but that week had changed her significantly. In that time she had gotten married, had to hide the identity of her new husband, and she had moved into a new apartment. It was all going to take a while to get used to, and Ellie knew that when she started to get used to things May would have come around and she would be moving back to Britain with Laurent and waiting for the babies to be born. She was lucky in that she was able to adapt quickly, but it still left her head spinning.
Ellie packed her books into her backpack and walked toward the bus stop. She had checked the bus route she would be taking from the apartments. She was happy to say that it wouldn't be any more complicated than when she had lived in the building with the Kira Investigation team.
Laurent awoke hours later. The sun was shining through the blinds on the window. He wondered how long he had been asleep. He could only half remember walking to the bedroom and lying down to sleep. He yawned and checked the clock. It was almost noon. He was surprised in his ability to sleep. The only time he had slept this well was the night Ellie had conceived their children. He had gotten a few nights of sleep, enough to diminish the circles around his eyes, but he had never felt as rested as he had that night.
Ellie faced several questions about her whereabouts, apparently, disappearing for more than a week was something that could cause worry. Ellie was glad that she hadn't made many friends so she only had to answer to her professors and not a big group of people. She already felt exhausted after her first two classes and she still had two left.
Only one professor congratulated her on her marriage. Most seemed to think it was a bad idea to get married in the middle of college, especially so quickly. No one had even known that Ellie was betrothed. Ellie finished her last two classes and was glad to be on the subway heading to her bus route to get to the apartment she shared with Laurent.
Thirty minutes later Ellie was in front of her apartment building. She smiled and began walking toward the building. She heard someone call out her name and looked to see that Matsuda was behind her.
"How are you?" Ellie asked smiling.
"I'm doing well," Matsuda said. "How was the first day back?"
"A little difficult, but I'm sure I'll be able to catch up," Ellie said. "How is work? I know you are probably not allowed to say much about it, but do you enjoy being back in a more conventional setting for law enforcement?"
"I do miss the action of investigation team, but it is nice to have more stable hours," Matsuda said. "Of course these aren't always stable either, but they are more predictable than they were with the investigation team."
"I understand completely," Ellie said. "It is nice to have a normal sleep schedule again," she added laughing.
Matsuda joined her in her laughter. He noticed her heavy backpack and said, "Let me help you carry that you look weighed down."
Ellie tried to object, but Matsuda had already grabbed her backpack. She had to admit it did take a load off her back. Ellie followed Matsuda up the stairs.
"Well, this is my apartment," Matsuda said pointing to the door to the left of Ellie's. "Would you like to step inside?"
Ellie looked at the door of her own apartment. She had no idea what Laurent was doing right now or if he expected her home, she decided a few minutes couldn't hurt and it was obvious that Matsuda was excited about showing off his apartment.
"That's sounds fine," Ellie said as Matsuda unlocked the door and opened it for Ellie.
Ellie walked into his apartment and was happy to note that it was set up very similarly to Ellie's apartment. He had a two bedroom model as well. Ellie wondered what he had tucked in the second bedroom, but she refrained from asking. She didn't want to ask him anything too personal.
"What do you think?" Matsuda asked as he placed Ellie's bag on his kitchen counter.
"It's homey," Ellie said looking around. It was neat and tidy, but definitely lived in. She liked how cozy it felt. She knew that eventually her own apartment would feel like that, but right now it felt sterile and prepackaged, like a demo home.
"Would you like a tour?" Matsuda asked.
"Sure," Ellie said.
Twenty minutes later Ellie finally took a look at the watch she had tucked under her shirt. She had worn it every single day since she had gotten it back from L the day that she found out she was pregnant. She had even found a way to wear it on her wedding day. She attached it to an anklet and wore it that way. Today, however, she had it back to its normal state of being on a chain around her neck.
"I can't believe it's getting so late," Ellie said. "I should really be going."
"I keep forgetting you are married now," Matsuda said. "You can bring him over as well if you would like," Ellie said.
"He isn't really good in social situations," Ellie said.
Matsuda was reminded of the awkward car ride when Ellie got back from Watarai's memorial service. He nodded. "Well I hope that I am able to see you again."
"Well," Ellie said. "We are neighbors."
Matsuda walked Ellie out of his apartment. Ellie locked eyes with Laurent. He had been coming out of the apartment to get the mail and he looked as If he were jealous. Ellie wasn't used to that expression covering Laurent's face. Ellie quickly said goodbye to Matsuda. She hugged him surprisingly both Matsuda and Laurent. She hadn't really meant to do it, but she was surprised to see that Laurent's face was scrunched up even more adding to Ellie's theory that he was jealous. Ellie had never pegged Laurent as the jealous type. Ellie followed him into their apartment and Laurent finally spoke.
"Did you forget something?" he asked plainly knowing well what she had forgotten, but nevertheless enjoyed watching Ellie's face scrunch up the way it did when she was having to retrace her steps, or she was trying to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. Laurent had laughed watching her do it one day while she was getting ready for classes and then remembered her getting a surprised look on her face that some people called the "aha" moment. She then would run up the stairs and grab whatever book/supply she had forgotten. Laurent waited a few moments and then, as if by clockwork, Ellie's face lit up the way he had expected.
"Yes, I forgot my backpack," Ellie said blushing. She usually wasn't one to forget thing and she was certainly embarrassed that Laurent had to be the one to remind her. "I suppose I should retrieve that now."
Laurent nodded. Ellie walked out of the apartment and knocked on the door of their neighbor. Matsuda opened the door with a puzzled expression on his face.
"Ellie-chan?" Matsuda asked. "Did you forget something?"
"Yes," Ellie said blushing again. "I forgot my books," Ellie said.
"Oh," Matsuda said. "Well come in, I think you must have left them on the counter."
"Yes," Ellie said. "That's right. When you were giving me the tour I set the books down because they were very heavy."
Ellie grabbed her backpack and put it on her back. She slumped a little under its weight. "Have a good night," Ellie said as she exited his apartment.
She walked through the door of her own apartment. Laurent was back in his office and Ellie dumped her books in the middle of the living room. She had a lot of work to catch up on and she wasn't about to let herself fall even more behind. She studied there on the floor for several hours before she finally looked up and saw the Laurent was watching her intently.
Ellie blinked a couple times as their eyes met. Laurent didn't look away. "How long have you been watching me?" Ellie asked.
Laurent said nothing and turned back to his work. He was apparently embarrassed the Ellie had caught him watching her. Ellie grinned and pulled her hair in front of her face. She didn't want him seeing her grin, because he might know that she had caught on to what he was doing and he would stop. Ellie admitted to herself that she enjoyed the little game, though there was no real relationship between the two of them but there were small things that he did to show that he was still interested in some way. Ellie was of course still in love with him, but Ellie knew it was hard for him to feel the same way and wouldn't push him like she had done on their wedding night. She had thought he was pretty receptive to the idea, but her hands on his bare skin still seemed to be a boundary that stood between the two of them. Ellie decided she would take it slow, even if nothing every progressed. He was there to stand by her side, even if there wasn't much of a physical relationship. Ellie couldn't ask much more from him, she had been the one to seduce him to get them both into this mess in the first place.
Ellie sighed. She didn't think of her children as a mess that had happened, but she had wished that all of this had happened under different circumstances. She was certain there were women out there who would love to be in her place, taken care of by a wealthy man who showed no real interest in her which would leave her open to affairs or leading a separate life. Ellie didn't want that at all. She loved Laurent. She hoped that one day they could at least be friends if nothing else.
She closed her book and stretched out on the floor lying down on her back. She had been sitting with books scattered around her, but she couldn't study with all of this on her mind, and the truth was she probably needed a break anyway. She had been studying almost non-stop for four hours. She allowed her eyes to scan over to the office so she could watch Laurent. He intently typed on the computer and was seemingly lost to the world. Ellie wondered what he must be doing. She had honestly never really seen him spend time away from the computer screen, but he had always been working on something. Now Ellie had no idea what he was working on. He had stopped working the Kira case in order to allow Ellie, himself, and their family to go underground. She was interested, but she didn't want to push. If it wasn't dangerous, then it wasn't her place to question. She still had things that were very private to her that she still wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with Laurent and she guessed that he too had a few skeletons in his closet. She shifted her eyes from Laurent and out the window of her apartment. She couldn't see much from a lying angle, but she saw a bird land on the ledge of the window. She hadn't encountered too many animals in the city like this and she wished she were back in her home in Britain where the rolling acres behind the house probably held refuge to many different types of animal. She had grown up in nature, living with Laurel and Felicia. She shook her head. She didn't want to think about that. She wanted to think about Britain instead. She wanted to think about the sunlight falling in cascades in her room on a late summer afternoon. She wanted to think about the baby basinets that would soon occupy the nursery. She wanted to think about the pastel paint that would cover the walls. She wanted to think about the babies smiling up at her and reaching out for Laurent to hold them. She thought about Laurent's face lightening up when he picked up his baby. She thought about him lying next to her still asleep in the early morning.
Ellie hadn't realized that she was daydreaming until she heard footsteps walking towards her. She opened her eyes and sat up. It seemed the Laurent had gotten up to get himself a cup of tea.
"Oh," Ellie said. "I could have gotten that for you."
"I thought you were asleep," Laurent said politely.
"No, just resting," Ellie said not embarrassed by her daydreaming. She hadn't let herself drift off like that in a long time. If Ellie hadn't heard his footsteps she knew very well that she would have started having less wholesome fantasies about her husband.
"Would you like some tea?" Laurent asked offering her a cup of the tea he had brewed.
Ellie nodded and stood up to make her way over to Laurent. "Yes that sounds lovely."
Ellie walked toward Laurent and grabbed a teacup from the small teacup rack on the countertop. Her arm brushed his as she turned toward the counter to find the sugar container. The small touch sent shivers down her spine, but in a good way.
"Pardon me," Laurent said pulling his arm closer to his side. Ellie politely pulled her arm toward her side as well setting her teacup on the counter so he could fill it while she searched for the sugar.
Laurent began filling her cup with tea and, in an attempt to strike up a conversation, said "Were you able to get your books from Matsuda's apartment?"
Ellie turned around to face him. He wore the same strange expression on his face that had been wearing the first time she had stepped out of Matsuda's apartment. He was certainly jealous, but Ellie didn't see why.
"Yes," Ellie said as she faced him. In the small kitchenette area they were face to face just a couple of feet apart. In this close space she could reach out and touch him with ease. She edged her face closer to his. She could feel the heat of his breath on her cheek. She brushed her lisp against his softly before pulling away from him slightly.
This light gesture was enough to evoke a response in Laurent, though he would never show it. He stared at her in semi-shock nonetheless.
"I'm sorry," Ellie said cursing herself for her lack of self-control. Hadn't she just wanted to take things slow with him?
Laurent cleared his throat and handed her the teacup he had filled with tea. She was surprised by how normally he handled the teacups. When they had been working on the Kira Investigation team he had handled his cups, well awkwardly to say the least. He handled all things awkwardly, including her during that one intimate moment they had shared. "You know, you don't have to put on a show here. It is just me who will see," Ellie said quietly.
"This is who I am from now on. I had best be practiced at it to avoid slipping up when I have to make a public appearance," Laurent replied.
Ellie nodded. She had forgotten of course that Laurent had to have a life outside of this apartment. He had to go on with things as if they were a normal family as to not rouse suspicion. "Do you plan on making many public appearances?" she asked.
"As many as I need to make," Laurent replied in his usual apathetic manner.
"So what are you working on, if I may ask?" Ellie said.
"It is private," Laurent said walking back to the study/office. "I had actually better get back to that," he said turning the corner to once again disappear into the confines of his office. Ellie sighed loudly. Just when she thought there might be some closeness between them he would pull away. She poured the tea down the sink. She wasn't feeling very well; she just wanted to lie down. She picked the textbooks up off the floor and placed them on the kitchen table that neither of them used. Ellie walked into her bedroom took a look around. It hadn't been as nicely planned out as the house in Britain had been, but she hadn't expected that. She hadn't expected many things that she had been given. She supposed she should be grateful; this was more than she could have hoped for. Still she felt empty, always wanting more, always needing more. Perhaps she too would have to change, she would become practiced to the point where she no longer felt. She sighed again and slipped into the bed. There was no changing who she was no matter how much she wanted to. She knew the same was true for Laurent he just wasn't ready to admit it to her yet.
Laurent typed at his computer for a while. He had a stock business, which is what he considered his main title, but when he wasn't checking the stocks, he was investigating. He couldn't stop, he had wanted to for the safety of his family, but it was part of who he was. He didn't investigate into dangerous crimes, but every once in a while he would take on one of his alias's and solve a few tough cases. He smiled as he saw three new emails in his inbox from agencies requiring the help of one of his aliases. He looked into the living room. It seemed Ellie had retired, which was better for him. He found himself too distracted by her when she sat in the living room. He couldn't get much work done, but now he could focus all his attention on the cases.