There was a splash as Shepard thrust his arms out to arrest his fall. He felt his hands sink into an ooze, fluid lapped at his lower legs and upper arms as he lay on all fours. He felt light, he was unarmored. His ruined outer layer had been completely shed, leaving him with a simple set of pants and a shirt.

Opening his eyes, he blinked as the light slowly dimmed. He could see white sand, an orange sun, and magnificent rock formations. He looked up and saw that the sky was a light orange with hues of purple. The thought made him pause. He had only been on one world before that had such a landscape like this. He was on Rannoch.

He looked from side to side, trying to see where the beach ended. He only saw the same white line extend around the wide expanse of the ocean. There was a salty tang in the air, he could feel the spray on his face as he lay in the surf. He gently rose to his feet as he gaped in confusion. How did he even get here?

There was a gentle sound of water being disturbed behind him. He felt the ripples from a moving mass in the parts of his legs that were submerged beneath the ocean. He turned around, anxious to see a face in this desert.

Walking toward him, eyes burning brightly, was not a face that Shepard expected to see. The Collector's entire body was wreathed in an angry maze of fiery cracks, glowing as the monstrosity loomed over him. Shepard backed up towards the shore in apprehension, what was going on? What was a Collector doing here?

Without a sound being made, the insectoid alien suddenly sprung forward to grab Shepard's neck in a pincer-like grip. Shepard gagged as the impossibly strong figure slowly dragged him out to sea. He pounded on its arms but it was useless, the alien did not give.

Without warning, the Collector plunged Shepard's head below the waves, its gaze following his every move. Shepard grasped the hand around his neck but he could not so much as budge the appendage. Bubbles raced out of his mouth and nose as he struggled to get free. The Collector's head was now beneath the sea as well, but no breath was bubbling out from it. It instead continued to leer at him as Shepard became weaker and weaker.

The saltiness of the sea was on his tongue, he could feel it burning his nostrils with its acrid bite. The waves pounded overhead, buffeting him in a current. His eyes stung, blinding him.

Opening his mouth one last time to scream, he felt a wash of liquid pour down his throat as he expelled a burst of air for the last time, feeling it rush towards his-

CRACK

Shepard slumped to the hard ground, dazed. He instinctively coughed and gagged, but there was nothing in his throat anymore. In fact, he was no longer on Rannoch. He lifted his head to somehow pierce through the darkness that had enveloped him, but was physically unable. It was as if his whole world had suddenly gone dark. He had gone from drowning in water to drowning in dark.

He rose once more to try to ascertain his predicament. He turned in all directions, silently begging for an incentive to believe that he was not alone. He sighed in self-depreciation, perhaps this was the fate to which he was resigned.

But how could that be? He had made the choice he thought he was the right one. He remembered the glow of a child, the roar of Harbinger. But did the Crucible fire? What happened? Was Tali all right?

At any rate, he was not going to get any answers in this state. But that did not assuage him any for he needed to know everything. He had to know.

"You have achieved the rank of Commander…"

Shepard whirled, what was that? A voice?

"You have become the first human Spectre…"

He was starting to remember now. He recognized these voices, these words from events in his past. But this had already happened, yet they came through his head like they were being spoken right in front of him.

"The Normandy is yours, Shepard…"

"Go back and get the hell out of here, you know it's the right choice, LT…"

The last voice made his breath catch in his chest. Ashley. He had gone back for Kaiden while she destroyed a facility on the planet Virmire. It had been one of the hardest choices he ever made and was still haunted by her death. He still could feel her presence every night when he slept in his cabin, her soul torturing him.

"Ashley…no…" he whispered.

"How touching," a new voice sneered. But this didn't contain the echo that his incorporeal ghosts possessed. This had a firmness, an edge to it, coming from behind the human.

A clacking of heels caused Shepard to slowly turn around as a new presence approached. Despite the lack of light, he could somehow see a foot come into view, undraped by the shadows. The boot was grey, as were the legs that were now being revealed. The figure was completely armored in a grey armor, it turned out, but it was not human. The form was finally exposed to Shepard as a mottled face gazed at him with suspense.

Saren Arterius.

"Surprised, human?" the turian asked. "I know it has been a long time since we last spoke but this shouldn't have been entirely unexpected."

"What are you doing here?" Shepard sighed.

"You're asking the wrong person. If anything, you should be asking yourself."

"Why is that?"

"You tell me," Saren shrugged. "It's your mind."

"My mind?" Shepard staggered.

Saren's mandibles parted in a smile as the both of them were enveloped in flame that emancipated from nowhere. Shepard threw up his hands to protect himself but felt no heat. He cautiously lowered his arms and saw that they were in a different location. There was a metal deck, a holographic projection in the middle of the room, and a long corridor that led to a familiar cockpit.

"This is…" Shepard breathed. "The Normandy."

He could see crew members frantically running around as sparks flew from nearby consoles. He saw the nearest part of the ship suddenly blasted away by a brilliant yellow light, exposing it to the vacuum of space. Shepard could not feel the effects because he deduced that this was not real. Within moments, the whole ship flared red and exploded in a flash of blue and yellow as the drive core failed, sending the doomed ship to oblivion.

Shepard closed his eyes at the wanton destruction and opened them some time later to find themselves back in the familiar black void.

"Potent memories," Saren mused. "To think that I missed all this…"

"Get…out…of…my…head!" Shepard yelled as he raced toward the maddening turian. With a ferocious swipe, his outstretched hand passed through only air as the form of Saren chuckled.

"So disappointing. You cannot hurt your own demons, human. I would have thought you realized this by now."

"If it's my head, then I should be able to control my own thoughts!" Shepard roared.

Saren shook his head, "Not anymore, I'm afraid."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying…that it's over, human. You've lost."

Shepard's face hardened, "What are you saying, that I'm indoctrinated?"

"Not quite," the turian said as he slowly turned and started to walk away. Shepard, bewildered, followed him at a brisk pace, despite his loathing of the man.

The scene started to clear as the turian's form started to descend a small slope. Shepard trailing him, saw a blue glow permeate the dark. He realized that the source was a fish tank, which appeared to his left as he walked. His eyes widened as he realized that he was in his cabin, on the SR-2.

He heard a familiar voice and turned to see Saren, standing beside a bed, a look of satisfaction on his face. But, to his surprise, seated on the bed were two figures. He recognized himself immediately but the other one was smaller than him, slimmer, and draped in a purple hood.

He slowly approached the bed as he saw himself lift his hands to the quarian's visor and pull it away, exposing her face to the air for the first time as an adult. Shepard scowled at Saren.

"This is not for you to see."

"That is not your choice," Saren shot back. "Your memories are ours, I can do whatever I want with them."

Unable to act, Shepard could only stare at himself as he whispered a few words to the unmasked quarian on the bed. Even though he couldn't hear, he knew what was being spoken. Tali trembled at the words as tears began to fall down her cheeks. She was not crying out of sadness, but out of joy because she had just been told that she was beautiful, when she had feared a more negative reaction from the human sitting across her.

Shepard was breathing quickly as he was reliving the moment. Tali continued to cry and the shadow Shepard moved across the bed to wrap the quarian in a hug, reassuring her that she was perfect. She immediately grabbed his head and passionately kissed him on the lips as both of them fell on the bed, too aroused to even speak.

"All right," Shepard glanced at Saren. "Stop this."

"Why?" Saren shrugged. "Why should I listen to you?"

The quarian's helmet had now been removed, silver hair spilling in all directions, her grey skin shining in the light. She lifted a leg over the shadow Shepard as she kissed hungrily, more intensely, her fingers grasping at her suit, starting to pull it off.

"ENOUGH!" Shepard roared, rushing into the scene as it dissolved around him. He panted, enraged at the breach of privacy the turian had exhibited. Saren, meanwhile, stood in thought.

"I'm surprised that you would choose to lay with a quarian," the turian intoned. "I guess that humans don't come first in your eyes after all, Shepard. I will admit, you surprise me, human."

"Shut up," he snarled.

"Touched a nerve, have I? Such a powerful memory, a powerful reaction."

"You…didn't deserve to see her face," Shepard growled.

"You still don't understand," Saren sighed. "Simple primate, when will you realize that you belong to me? To them? You have nothing anymore. No matter how much you deny the truth, you…are now…ours."

The setting around them had cleared slightly and Shepard trembled as a slight breeze wrapped around him. He saw a dark, cloudy sky. Lightning flashed overhead. Ash and leaves wisped over his feet. He saw now, with horror, that he was in the same place his dreams transported him to every night.

The forest.

"This isn't real," Shepard shook his head. "You aren't real."

"Real is a relative term, human. What matters is what's taking place right now. Who's to say that this isn't real?"

"You…will never take me. The Reapers…they won't win."

Saren laughed, "Even now, you still resist! I must admit, Shepard, you've lasted quite longer than we've figured. It was quite the show down there, with the choice you made and all. All the options presented to you…and you still chose to destroy them. You may very well be incorruptible after all."

"What are you saying?"

The turian shook his head, "There was never supposed to be a choice, Shepard, is what I'm saying. You were supposed to take the central path, my path. You were supposed to believe that merging organic and synthetic was truly the final stage for all life. But we could never anticipate the extent to which you stood by your principles. How stubborn of an animal you are."

Shepard tilted his head, "Are…you saying that…"

"I'm saying, Shepard, that what went on in that chamber down there never really happened. It was the Reapers. All of it was. They tried to control you and you fought. You broke their attempt to indoctrinate you once and for all."

"It…didn't happen?" Shepard gasped. "But…then why am I here? What is really going on?"

"Indoctrination is not a simple concept. There are many layers to the organic psyche. When one layer is breached, the intruder has access to the next. You sealed your mind, but the presence must withdraw fully if you are ever to leave this place."

"If that never happened, then where am I now?"

Saren barked out a laugh, "Where you last left off."

"The Catalyst, the choices," Shepard coughed. "They were..?"

"The only paths your mind would have accepted as viable alternatives. If you had chosen to control the Reapers, you would have been fully indoctrinated. Do you really think that the Reapers would have been so arrogant as to practically allow themselves to be controlled from a force that is not their own?"

"The Reapers would have been tamed, they would-"

"No," Saren hissed. "You would be the one tamed. Huddled in the corner like a varren in a cage. The illusion of control, Shepard. It was never a choice."

Saren tilted his head as Shepard started to sink to his knees, "If you had chosen to synthesize matter, the result would have been the same. You would belong to the Reapers and the cycle would simply continue without your interference. That was the illusion! Your indoctrination, all of it! If the Reapers could synthesize all life they would have done it by now. There is no such thing in this galaxy, this universe, that can alter DNA with the flick of a switch, it doesn't work like that! But you…your mind formulated a third solution, a way to stop the Reapers but we engineered it to reflect heavy casualties on your side. But…you still went for it anyway."

"It was the right choice…" Shepard gritted. "I couldn't force that change upon everyone…to let the Reapers still exist…"

"And therein lies the root of the problem," Saren announced. "The assumption that you would have chosen to synthesize. The reason why the Reapers haven't synthesized all life is because…they believe differently on the apex of life."

"What?" Shepard asked, numb.

Saren stood over him as the human's eyes widened, "The Reapers themselves are the perfect union of organic and synthetic. In their minds, or collective to be precise, they are the final evolution."

"But…their creators," Shepard managed. "The ones who made the Reapers…"

"Yet another illusion," Saren snorted. "The Reapers were not created. They simply existed from the very beginning. Yet all you heard was not completely a lie. Their purpose has been extended to the far reaches of the cosmos, harvesting on other galaxies, other worlds such as this one. There never were any creators. The Reapers themselves are the creators."

Saren knelt down to address the stunned human, "The cycles exist for one reason, Shepard. To ensure that no race ever ascends to the degree the Reapers have inhabited for all time. They view themselves as the only ones who deserve the cosmic right to be perfect in any degree. The whole point is to eliminate all organic and synthetic life before they themselves can be perfected."

"Why?" Shepard could only ask that one question.

"They believe that the ascension of other races will only end in conflict, that one group will fight to achieve dominance over life itself. If others can achieve perfection then doesn't that mean that the Reapers themselves have yet to be, in of itself, perfect? Perfect is a term that denotes a statistical impossibility as perfection is, in all likelihood, a trait that cannot be obtained, but in the eyes of the Reapers, it is a possible achievement. So, they stage these cycles, gathering enough matter to create a new Reaper, their concession that they can create life out of death."

"But why spare races that are less developed? Why go after the ones who have advanced to such a degree?"

"There are an infinite number of galaxies out there, and only so many Reapers. Even though a cycle lasts for a microsecond in the grand scheme of time, the Reapers have to allocate their resources so that they can move on to the next galaxy, harvesting a race after another until they return, and then they repeat the cycle all over again. And in order to facilitate such a monumental process, their perfection of indoctrination has expedited their cycle time immensely."

"Well, it hasn't worked," Shepard grimaced. "I'm still here."

"Shepard," Saren shook his head. "You've been in the Reaper's grasp for a long time. Everything you've done, was made to influence your decision right here, right now. They couldn't control you directly, but they could manipulate you into falling down the right path."

"How?" Shepard said loudly. "How could they influence me if everything I've done was to destroy them completely?"

A high pitched laugh then burst through the howling of the wind as a small form, dressed in a white sweatshirt and dark pants, came running out of the nearby foliage. Shepard's mouth dropped as Saren huffed in satisfaction.

"The child…" Shepard whispered.

"Yes…" Saren mused. "The child. Familiar, yes? The symbol of the people you failed to save. The ones that you could not rescue."

Dark shadows were spilling across the ground. Shepard could see them take shape into different sizes and forms. Human, asari, turian, quarian, krogan. All were gazing at him with blank expressions, and all were pleading for him to save him.

Shepard jolted as one of the forms morphed into Ashely Williams, her mouth in a sad smile. Before he could speak, it then formed into the slim build of Mordin Solus, who nodded in passing. To Thane Krios who folded his hands in prayer. Then it moved on to the shining form of Legion, who dipped its head in acknowledgement.

The crowd continued to undulate and grow as face after face passed him by, some begging, some accusing. A mother with two children wrapped around her, an asari cowering as a shadow fell across her as she screamed, a tall man with greying temples and brown hair, grizzled face only giving a smile before dissipating completely.

"I did everything I could to save them…" Shepard defended, rather lamely.

"Your so-called selfless quest has changed nothing, human," Saren spat. "You never even realized how far down you had fallen."

"I'm still here!" Shepard shouted. "I gave it my all so that I could save as many people as I could! I had to! But that one child, I failed him and he will haunt me for the rest of my life because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't save them all!"

"And yet you never once realized that the child you clung to as an object of your torment never existed in the first place!"

Shepard staggered backward, not believing the words Saren had uttered, "You're lying…I saw that boy with my own eyes. He was so scared…he needed my help…"

"But did anyone else see him? Anyone besides you?"

Shepard desperately scrambled through the inner workings of his mind, trying to scrounge up the fateful memory. He closed his eyes in concentration, trying to will the encounter from his brain by force.

"You haven't forgotten how to shoot, have you?"

"Just worry about yourself, Anderson!"

He could see, to his left, the figure of a young man running to a building, taking cover behind the sliding doors. He dropped down from a ledge as he approached the building from which he had taken shelter. All of a sudden, the Reaper overhead loomed and roared, a red beam spewing from its glowing red eye. The building exploded as the light touched it, windows shattering outward, covering them with glass.

His eyes stung from the ozone. He lifted himself up as the ruined door allowed them entry. Anderson pushed on ahead to open the door but he could hear a scurrying noise. He turned to the left to see the outline of a head poke out from a vent. He walked over and saw the child inside. Gasping in surprise, he held out a hand.

"Come on, it's not safe."

"Everyone's dying." The child did not sound that scared for some reason. "You can't help me."

What did he mean by that? "I can get you to safety-"

"Shepard!" Anderson's voice burst through. "Come on! Quit dawdling?"

Shepard looked back down the vent but it was empty now. The child was completely gone.

Later on, as he gazed down from the deck of the Normandy, he could see the evacuation of Vancouver proceeding in the wake of the attack. A destroyer, moving from behind the nearby buildings shrieked as its red eye started to pulse and glow.

Near the shuttles, was the child. He stood, staring up at the monster, in a position that betrayed no fear. Shepard could now see that no one was paying the child any mind. Even though the small boy ran over to the nearest shuttle, he did not share a word or a glance with anyone else.

Lifting off, the shuttle hastily tried to retreat away from the Reaper but it fired, striking the first shuttle. Despite the considerable distance from the explosion, Shepard could still hear the high-pitched scream. The scream of a child-

"No!" Shepard yelled as he fell onto the dusty ground. His limbs were shaking, his heart fluttering. How could he have not seen it before? Why didn't anyone tell him?

"They…" Shepard's voice was shaky as he trembled. "They didn't look at him…because he wasn't there."

"Precisely, Shepard," Saren gloated. "Now you see how far their reach extends. How they managed to torment you from afar. The dreams, the child, all their doing. Indoctrination."

The laughter was nearing him again as the child wavered into view, running in slow motion as he appeared to be enjoying himself. Shepard could only gape at the sight.

"He…was never real…"

"There's more to him than that. What do you see?"

Shepard's head rose in confusion, "What? I see…a young man, he's only a figment of my imagination, though…it doesn't matter…"

"It does matter, because he is more than your imagination. Look again."

Shepard peered hard through the swirling torrent, piercing the fog that clouded his vision as he examined the child. There was nothing to see, really. Just the same clothes he wore every single time he visited this damned place. The same clothes, the same stance…different hair.

Shepard frowned. The child's hair was different, somehow. Instead of the light brown that he remembered, there seemed to be a whiter sheen than before. Indeed, for it was not a trick of the light. His hair was pure silver. His skin was also different, it looked…grey. His eyes seemingly glowed from afar, and his hands only had…three digits.

"It…isn't possible," Shepard moaned.

"Only what they wanted you to see," Saren said softly. "No one ever said it wouldn't be true."

Tears were forming in Shepard's eyes as he twitched on the ground, "A…a s-son?"

"A possible future. A pressure point. A memory."

The child stopped in his place as he saw Shepard. His mouth formed into a wide smile as he started to run towards him. Shepard, not thinking, held out his arms to the boy as he ran, longing to hold him in his arms, to feel the comforting embrace.

Without warning, a red light pierced through the clouds and struck right in front of Shepard. The resulting scream was the most horrific sound Shepard had ever heard in his life. The boy writhed in front of him as his skin started to melt, his hair catching on fire, bones deforming as the intense heat dissolved him. His eyes shone through the blaze, mouth open in pain as he shrieked. Shepard was unaware of his own screaming until the light had died, leaving behind only a pile of smoldering ash, one more donation.

"The surprises keep coming, Shepard," the voice drawled behind him. "My, my, what a night this is."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Shepard bellowed. He roared as he leaped towards the form of Saren, fists still waving through air but he continued to swing his arms. "NOT…ONE…MORE!" He was sobbing as he vainly attempted to hurt the apparition, but he quickly exhausted his energy and crumpled, breathing heavily as Saren smiled.

"Not one more?" came the slick whisper. The shadows at Shepard's knees writhed and he looked up to view his fear incarnate. Tali was now standing in front of him, wavering in the breeze. White orbs blankly shone beneath her mask, her covering flapping from the wind. Shepard could not breathe as he suddenly felt tired, too drained to continue.

"You of all people should know-," the voice said, as a crack suddenly appeared in Tali's visor. "-That there is only one true ending to this madness." As the voice spoke, the crack widened, splintering, with a horrible noise as it continued to grow, creating a spiderweb. With a hiss of leaking atmosphere, the entire plate creaked and shattered outward, exposing her to the harmful air, showering Shepard with glass.

"NOOOOOOO!" Shepard cried as he burrowed his face into the ground, unwilling to see one more thing. Ash and grit flitted into his nostrils, down his throat. He inhaled the musty substance, trying to force himself out of this hell, this nightmare. He body racked viciously as his tears stained the ground, hands grasping the earth in assurance. He silently begged for a release, a way to end his pain forever. Why couldn't he have just died?

There was a light touch on his back, a soothing touch. The fingertip he felt was warm, gentle. His muscles relaxed as his breathing calmed. He slowly raised his head and turned around to address the figure who was kneeling beside him and gasped in surprise.

Tali gently gripped both of his hands in hers and led him to his feet, slowly. Her eyes now shone with life from beneath her purple filter, slowly blinking. She brushed off the leaves that stuck to his shirt and wiped away the dirt on his forehead. Shepard did not know what to say before she beat him to it.

"You've been so strong, John. You can't give up now."

Shepard pulled the quarian close to his body, hugging her as if she could disappear at any moment, "Can you stay with me?"

"Until the very end," he heard her whisper. "But you still have a job to do."

"Tali…I," he tried. "I don't even know what I have to do anymore."

"Shh," she soothed as she brought a gloved hand to his cheek. "You do know. It's what you set out to do all this time."

"I know what you're talking about…but I'm not so sure if we can destroy the Reapers anymore…"

"Don't say that!" she admonished. "Yes, you are! It's what we've been fighting for this whole time! What I've been fighting for…"

"Tali, the Crucible is a trap. It won't work."

"No," she shook her head. "It will work."

"How? How could it possibly work after I just heard all that?"

Tali tilted her head down a fraction, considering her next words, "The Crucible amplifies the energy of the Citadel, yes? It is meant to draw from its reserves to create a shockwave of power that overloads the Reaper functions, but you already knew this."

"Yes," he muttered dimly.

"That's all the Crucible was designed to do. It was never meant to control or synthesize. It will destroy the Reapers."

"But…I talked with Hackett, they couldn't get it to work…even after I activated it on the console…"

Tali shook her head, "But John, you never did activate it."

Shepard inhaled sharply, "Are you saying that I was gone before then?"

Tali could only nod, "I'm so sorry, John. I can't imagine what you've been going through." Tali's three fingered digits trembled slightly in his grip and he squeezed his hands to steady them.

"I…I don't know what is real anymore…" he mumbled.

"I do know what is…my love for you."

Shepard moaned as Tali held his head in her hands, cradling it as she softly stroked his face. She made a few cooing sounds to steady him, to keep him from falling. Finding strength in her actions, he mustered a burst of energy as he addressed her.

"If I choose to destroy them…will it affect technology like the Catalyst said?"

"No," she breathed. "The Crucible was created to only release its energy on a specific frequency. Anything made by the Reapers will only be affected. They will be destroyed, just as you intended. The technology we rely on will still be intact, we will still be able to use the mass relays, we will still be able to use spaceships. We will survive."

"My implants…the geth," Shepard stammered. "We both have Reaper code in us…a-and EDI. What about her?"

"The Reaper code implanted in all of you is not complete. It is not a pure strand of their consciousness, their DNA. There are not enough connections for the energy to target you. You will not be killing anyone through your actions."

Tali's hand brushed his cheek, "And your implants are only based on Reaper technology. You will be fine, everyone will be fine."

"How do I know that it will happen as you say?"

Tali stepped in closer, "Because I'm telling the truth, John. I would never lie to you."

"I know you wouldn't, Tali. That is one of the many reasons why I love you."

She brought herself in for a hug this time, cutting off any more protests as he felt her warmth seep into his body, flooding him with a strength like he'd never known before. It was one of the few sensations that made him flicker with hope.

He patted her head gently, "I have to go now, right?"

She nodded against his chest, "It would be best."

"I wouldn't know where to start, I have no idea how to proceed."

"I'll show you," she breathed. The clouds above them suddenly cleared as white light flooded the entire landscape. Shepard threw up an arm to shield himself from the rays as the beams swept across the forest, illuminating everything. Tali let go of his hands and took a few steps back as she continued to speak.

"Go, John. Come back to me."

The light was surrounding her figure, her contours were getting swallowed up by the brilliance of the illumination. He squinted to get a glimpse of her before she disappeared completely.

"I will, Tali. I will do it for you."

A blazing sun was firing in his chest, a ball of pure energy was lifting him up, above the tree line as he smiled at the exquisite feeling. He laughed as he rose, fingertips tingling with power. He closed his eyes in bliss as he flew through the air, towards his destination, wherever it would be.

"I love you, John."

Ah ha! So much for my repeated statement that this chapter would be late.

This took me a while but I had to keep writing as this was one of my favorite chapters that I've ever written.

Let me know what you think about the whole things (explanations on what I've retconned will come later)