Chapter 7: I Never Told You
After relieving a new review I remembered that I had this chapter sitting in my hard drive, unfinished. I worked on the rest of it and here it is. I do not own death note or its characters (as much as I would love to). Please keep reading and reviewing and I will try to keep the chapters coming.
Ellie turned in the last of her paperwork so that she would graduate that semester rather than continue on with her courses the next year in a bridge program between associates and bachelors as she had been hoping to. Ellie had made the necessary contacts back to her college in the United States so they would know that she would graduating that year. It seemed that they would be sending the diploma to her new address if she happened to not be able to make it to the ceremony. Ellie seemed to find that the best. She didn't want any connection to old life, she was continuing on a new path and it would just be best to burn the bridges behind her. She had found it fortunate that she hadn't made many friends in either college she had attended, it made the whole burning the bridge concept so much easier to follow. She sighed, that lifestyle had its downfalls of course and Ellie knew them well. The cold gripping loneliness and hopelessness that filled her from time to time was a constant reminder that she was alone. She was married, but she felt more distant from Laurent than ever. Sometimes she felt like she was an outsider looking in on her life.
Ellie worked on completing her assignments, but as the second month of her pregnancy bloomed into her third she began getting "the sickness". She was miserable not only in the morning but late at night when she would normally be sleeping all the way into the late afternoon. There was only a small window of opportunity of calm stomach and that was during the majority of her classes which didn't give her many chances to grab a bite to eat. She was trying to get what she could between classes, knowing that she had to at least try to eat to keep herself and her children nourished.
Laurent was out having a meeting, Ellie was surprised. Since she had confronted him about outside appearances he had been gone at least three days out of the week with whatever line of business he was in. She curled on the couch with a thick fleece blanket and cried. She felt like she was going crazy, like she couldn't keep anything in check. She knew Laurent was probably out because he was avoiding her and her crazy mood swings. She wanted to be able to control them, but she rarely had control of anything in her life anymore.
Ellie walked outside of the apartment to get her mail and ran into Matsuda on her way down the stairs to the mailboxes.
"Good afternoon Ellie-chan," Matsuda said waving and walking over to her. "How are you enjoying this weather?"
Ellie hadn't thought about the weather as she was focused on the chaos of her life. She guessed it was probably getting warmer and it wasn't raining that day. "It's nice." Ellie said.
"I'm guessing you probably have plans with your husband to enjoy the weather," Matsuda said pretending to look through is mail.
"No, he's out on business." Ellie said trying to not show her emotion in front of Matsuda. She used to be very good about keeping her emotions to herself, but it seemed lately with the stress of everything and the pregnancy she was having a hard time keeping such things to herself.
"I'm sorry," Matsuda said. He knew what was going on of course, this Laurent guy had gotten her pregnant, married her, and now was never around. He only felt the need to fulfill his commitment to marry her, but didn't feel the need to treat her like she was worthy of his time.
"It's a hectic time for both of us," Ellie said trying to defend Laurent. "If it weren't for the fact that I don't have classes on Saturday I wouldn't have even noticed he was gone with my being gone just as often."
"Whatever you say Ellie," Matsuda said shrugging as he walked up the stairs.
Ellie walked back into her apartment and sifted through the mail. There wasn't much, she noted there was a utility bill, bill for the internet, and she remembered that she needed to pay the landlord the rent within the week. She opened her laptop and sat on the couch. She electronically paid all of the bills that she could and then she grabbed a light jacket from her bedroom closet and made sure she had her debit card so that she could find an ATM and withdraw the money she needed for the rent. She might as well pay it now, if she didn't during this time of calm, she wouldn't remember to do it later, nor would she have the free time.
She zipped the jacket and walked out of her apartment. She walked out of the apartment building and stood at the bus stop to wait for the bus. She would have to go to the post office to withdraw her money from an ATM because in Japan you couldn't pull from foreign accounts at just any ATM. She dreaded the bus ride, as it made her nauseous. She didn't usually get nauseous from bus rides, but this morning sickness had made her more susceptible to motion sickness. She boarded the bus and waited for her stop. Once she got there and withdrew the money and a little bit extra to keep under the mattress, so she wouldn't have to do this next month as well. After she had gotten that taken care of, she decided to walk back. Surely it would take her a while to walk back and it would be easier to take the bus, but she didn't know if her stomach could handle another ride on the bus. If she got tired then she would take the bus the rest of the way, but she was determined to be able to make it back to the apartment without getting sick.
She began walking and eventually she ran into a familiar face. She was shocked out how many people she had been running into in such a highly populated place. She was surprised to find Light out in this area, not that it was a bad area, but he didn't live nearby. Ellie cautiously approached him, not saying a word and passing by him. He didn't say anything to her either and Ellie felt a shiver go through her. She ignored it. She knew that he had something to do with L's "death" and she was certain that L agreed with her suspicion. L had always been suspicious of Light, but Ellie usually gave people the benefit of the doubt. It was probably not one of her best traits.
She continued on her walk passing quite a few shops. She wondered if she should start buying any special vitamins. She knew that it was never too early to start a supplement and the healthier she was the healthier the babies would be. She walked into a store that sold herbs and looked around for a while, finally asking the woman behind the counter what she recommended for pregnant mothers.
The woman smiled at her and congratulated her. She then had another woman, presumably the woman behind the counter's daughter, direct her to all the herbs and supplements that were recommended for pregnant mothers. She purchased all of them, knowing that money was not really a worry of hers anymore. She knew she shouldn't get in the habit of doing that, but when it came to her babies, she wasn't going to chance not picking up one of the herbs. She would further research them later before she started taking them. She would also schedule an appointment with an OB/GYN later in the week to get advice.
She continued on her walk back to the apartment. It was getting darker and Ellie was grateful that the last stretch of her trip could be taken by bus though she began to regret it as soon as the bus began moving.
Her stomach lurched and she knew if she didn't get off soon the contents of her stomach would be all over the floor of the bus. She pulled the cord on the bus and the bus stopped a few moments later. Ellie got off the bus quickly grabbing all of her bags and then barely making it to the garbage can a few feet away from the stop before spilling the contents of her stomach. She heaved into the trash can and finally after many spells of dry heaving felt the urge going away. She was happy that one of the herbs she had picked up was ginger, which she had already known would be useful during her pregnancy, not really for the baby, but for her motion and morning sickness.
She sat down on the bench near the bus stop to get her bearings before walking again. She knew with how dark it was becoming she should wait for the next bus, but with the way her stomach was feeling she wasn't sure if that was going to be an option.
She waited for more than ten minutes before feeling well enough to stand up and walk another half a mile to the apartment complex. She cursed at herself for traveling so far away while being sick. She should have waited for Laurent, but Laurent wasn't talking to her much anymore.
She made it to the apartment complex unscathed and walked up the stairs to her own apartment. She turned the key in the lock and found that Laurent was home and in his office. She hung up her jacket and began putting the herbs she had purchased away when Laurent said, "I took the liberty of paying the rent this month and you have your own debit card through our joint account so you will no longer need to make unnecessary trips across town in your condition."
Ellie was shocked. First of all he had paid their rent, something she hadn't expected him to keep up with as she was the one who had paid it the first month, second he seemed to actually know that she was getting sick, which meant that he paid more attention than she thought to what was going on, and third he knew that she had made a trip across town. "How did you know I was across town today?" she asked.
"I have access to your debit account," Laurent said shrugging. "I transferred what little money you had left in the account to our joint account and cancelled the account you had before. I figured it would just be easier for you to use our money rather than the small amount you were able to accumulate while working with the Task Force."
"Why didn't you talk to me first?" Ellie demanded.
"It was more sensible to fix the problem as soon as I encountered it, I noticed that I did not leave my usual cash in the bread box for you to pay the bills with and since all of my money transfer are made electronically the logical thing would be to make it so you could use our money electronically as well," Laurent said not looking up from his computer.
Ellie suspected that this was his way of trying to take care of her, but something about it still felt too cold and unconnected to her. She supposed she had better start getting used to it. This was the way things were going to be from now on. "Thank you," she said as she walked to the bathroom to put away the herbs and supplements.
"I have a business dinner. I am to make an appearance….. with my wife," L said after Ellie had come back into the living room.
L turned to see Ellie's shocked face. "Of course, an excuse can be made if you would rather not make an appearance, but I am afraid I must for the sake of this identity."
"No," Ellie said. "No, it's not that I'm just… when is it?" she said stumbling over her words.
"Tomorrow night," L said. "I am picking up my suit as well as a cocktail dress in your size tomorrow morning. "
Ellie nodded still in a state of shock. She hadn't been expecting that. L turned back to his work and that's when doubt started coming over Ellie. What if she didn't fit in with Laurent's business partners or whomever was throwing the affair? She wasn't sure how many people were attending, who they were, what they would be expecting of Laurent Watakasuki's wife. If these were people who had been in business for years she had no idea how to communicate with them. This was majorly out of her comfort zone. She sucked in a big breath of air. She wasn't going to turn Laurent down. This could be the one and only thing they ever did together and she certainly wasn't taking that for granted. If nothing else she would be quiet and polite and count the seconds until the evening was over. Hopefully the evening wouldn't turn out to be a nightmare.
She thanked her lucky stars that the following evening would be Sunday night. That meant that she could spend that night getting prepared and the next morning as well. She would be able to get an adequate amount of sleep, which was always a plus. She smiled and began to get to work on her appearance. She contemplated cutting her hair, but decided against it. She decided she had better finish the last bit of her homework/studying tonight so she could leave the next day open.
After several hours of studying Ellie decided to call it quits for the night. Ellie looked into the computer room and noticed that L was not there. In her study daze she must not have even noticed that he got up and was walking around the apartment. She looked to see if the door to the bathroom was closed. The door was open and the room was unoccupied. Ellie looked in Laurent's bedroom and saw no one there. She had already passed by the kitchen/dinning room and had seen that he wasn't there. Had he been able to leave the apartment without her even noticing? She sighed. She hadn't expected him to say goodbye, but it would have been nice. Those sorts of things never happened in this household and she was aware of it.
She walked into her bedroom and saw that her bed was already occupied. "Wouldn't be the first time he has ended up in my bed," she thought to herself remembering what felt like so long ago. L had been sleepwalking and had curled up right next to Ellie in her bed. That was the day that she had found his silver pocket watch on her bedroom floor. That felt like years before, even though it had only been a few months. She decided to crawl into her bed alongside him. She convinced herself that this couldn't have happened accidentally, and if it had, well it was her bed and he was just going to have to move.
She undressed herself and slipped on a nightgown she had received from Misa as a wedding gift. Ellie was a little embarrassed about wearing the garment and she wondered if when Laurent awake, he would think she was desperate. She decided against the garment as she undressed again and shoved the skimpy lingerie nightgown to the back of her dresser. The sound of the dresser drawer closing awoke Laurent immediately. He looked up and saw the silhouette of a woman. He rubbed his eyes and the silhouette remained. He couldn't get a good look at her as it was dark, but he saw that she was only wearing a pair of underwear, no bra, no shirt, and no pants. He had forgotten what Ellie looked like undressed. He wondered what she must be doing in his bedroom when he realized that the bed he was in was not his own. He jumped out of the bed without thinking, and Ellie shrieked as she pulled her arms over her chest to try and cover her breasts.
"I'm sorry," Laurent said immediately trying to direct his attention away from her half-naked body.
Ellie blushed, though it couldn't be seen in the dark. She looked down at herself after he left the room. "Am I fat?" she wondered as she looked at herself in the mirror. "I mean maybe I've gained a few pounds, from the baby, but I shouldn't be that repulsive that he feels he needs to take his eyes off me. I'm his wife; does he think I'm ugly now?"
Ellie continued to question herself as she pulled on a frumpy nightgown that she hadn't worn in a while. "I might as well be comfortable it's not as if anyone wants to see anyway," she thought.
Laurent tried not to think about Ellie's body as he walked into his own bedroom. He knew he wasn't getting back to sleep. He felt unusual, his entire body was tingling. He had thoughts going through his mind that he often didn't think about when it came to Ellie. They had only had sex once, and had come close a couple times, but never done it again. He didn't want Ellie to think that now that he had impregnated her that that was the only way he thought about her now. He thought she was smart and talented, a perfect partner for him.
He walked to his computer room and sat down in his chair once again. He wasn't going to be sleeping so he might as well try to get something done.
Ellie awoke the next morning and sighed. She started a bath and took out the scented bubble bath she had received ages ago. "Marshmallow and warm vanilla," she said laughing to herself. "I knew I would get to this bubble bath eventually."
She soaked in the tub for almost an hour before draining the water. She looked at her hair and decided she had to do something different with it for once. It hung down by her shoulders. After 30 pins and an hour later Ellie looked back at herself in the mirror. It was strange seeing this much of her face, but it wasn't a bad look she supposed, much better than the ever boring look she seemed to be having as of late.
She walked into the living room in a fuzzy blue bathrobe. She saw that Laurent was gone, probably out picking up his suit and her dress. She wondered what she was going to say to these people once she got to the dinner.