The Fudge Foundation

"Headmistress," Professor Flitwick piped up at the Saturday afternoon staff meeting, "Where do all those new wands come from? All those exotic woods and cores? Redwood with the spine of a Cactus Cat. Mountain hemlock with Amarok hair. They are not bad, not bad at all. But very volatile! I haven't been able to conduct one uninterrupted lesson this past week!"

Hagrid cleared his throat, reached into his coat and retrieved a tiny brown owl with white flecks on her breast that looked not much bigger than a fluffy ball of dandelion seed in his huge hand. "This is a Central American Pygmy-owl. It has no business being in the Hogwarts owlery. It's very rare in the Muggle world, the climate of the Scottish Highlands is not good for her and she is much too small to cope with big parchments and clumsy children's hands," he boomed. "And it's not the only new owl in the owlery that most certainly does not belong here."

Rolanda Hooch shifted uncomfortably in her seat. When she spoke, her expression was one of nearly immeasurable suffering: "There … uh… seems to have been a mix-up concerning our order with Quick Quality Quidditch Supplies. Instead of a set of the new Cleansweeps, they sent us Screaming Eagles 3000 – enough brooms for all house teams. And a Cougar for the referee."

Severus just looked at her, one black eyebrow raised questioningly.

Bill Weasley frowned. "Whatever is going on, Minerva?"

Minerva congratulated herself on the wisdom of taking a Headache Potion before the staff meeting. Then she wondered how long the beneficial effect of the draught would last.

She shuffled the stack of papers and parchments in front of her and sighed faintly. "I am afraid there is nothing I can do about all of that. The wands, the various new familiars, as well as the brooms and a full scholarship for one student of each House per Year are all funded by the Fudge Foundation. The Office of –"

"The WHAT?" Bill Weasley exclaimed.

"Fudge!" Filius muttered. "Now what has Cornelius been fudging with this time?"

"The Minister?" Hagrid asked, confused.

"The former Minister," Severus corrected. He didn't appear surprised, merely thoughtful.

Minerva nodded. "Yes, Cornelius Fudge. Instead of investing in an expensive election campaign, he has set up the Fudge Foundation, which supports various worthy causes. Such as schools, libraries, hospitals, nature reserves, and similar institutions." She sighed. "As I was saying, the Office of Magical Law Enforcement has already examined the set-up of that trust. It is a perfectly legal welfare organisation."

She could feel the effect of the Headache Potion fade as the tension around her head and temples increased. "The board of governors are thrilled. As all of you are well aware, the financial resources Hogwarts receives from the Department for Magical Education are sparse and the tuition fees are already pushing the limits of what many parents can afford. Of course I can force no student to accept charity. And naturally all teachers need to be able to maintain discipline in class and have to ascertain the safety of their lessons."

Minerva glanced at Filius and Rolanda. Then she nodded at Hagrid. "And the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures requires us to ensure that all animals and beings at Hogwarts are cared for properly. If that is not possible, they need to be removed to more adequate surroundings."

By now the tension in her temples had given way to insistent throbbing. "Anything else? No? Then that's all for today. The staff meeting is adjourned."

oooOooo

"Now that's over, how about a round of butterbeer for everyone?" Bill Weasley suggested. "And maybe a game or two?" He withdrew a pack of cards from his within his robes.

"Let's make that real beer for today," Flitwick requested. "After the week I've had, I need a decent brew."

"Minerva?" In effort intended to soothe his own parched throat and to smooth his exit, Severus called softly to the Headmistress. "How about a round of 'Whatever Beakers'? I think all of us could use something a little more palatable than butterbeer today."

Minerva sniffed. "Oh, all right. But limited to three refills, Severus. It's Hogsmeade weekend and you all know what students get up to afterwards."

A few minutes later, the teachers had each a golden goblet with the beverage of their choice in front of them. For a while the only sounds were contented sighs and quiet slurping. Then Filius leant back with a happy burp. "Ah, much better. I say. Now, what do you make of it? A Fudge Foundation instead of a campaign?"

Bill Weasley snorted, his disgust clearly audible. "And articles, ads and flyers announcing his non-campaign everywhere. He's trying to buy off voters."

"It's working, too," Poppy chimed in. "St. Mungo's has opened a new ward this week, paid for with money from the FF."

Neville nodded. "Do you remember that research project for permanent spell damage that the Ministry wanted to stop? Suddenly it's back on the priority listings. He's really spreading the money all over the place: Luna just wrote that the Newt Scamander Foundation has also received a very generous donation. What I'm wondering is where he got all that money from. Grandmother says that the Fudge family never had that kind of funds."

Severus stared at the young herbologist on the other side of the table. He noted with pleased surprise that Neville didn't flinch. "That, Mr. Longbottom, is the most intelligent question I've ever heard from you." A few mental calculations later Severus frowned and shook his head.

"Well, Severus, you sly old s–" Filius coughed. "–Slytherin. Have you figured out who finances Fudge?"

"Quite the opposite," Severus said softly. "Considering all the causes mentioned and the sums that must have been used so far, I would say that no person, family, clan or corporation in all of wizarding Britain could bring up even a percentage of the necessary sums."

oooOooo

A/N:

Cactus Cats are based on 19th Century campfire tales of the American West.They have thorny, spine-like hair, most of all on their ears. Their tail is forked and their front legs sport sharp blades of bone, which they use to slash open the saguaro cacti to suck the sap within.

Amaroks are giant wolves in Inuit mythology.

Thank you for reading! Comments are always welcome: if something made you frown or smile, or if there's a line that you really enjoyed ... feel free to drop me a line and let me know.