I sat there thinking of what I should do. Should I go back upstairs and talk to her? Do I go home and forget it ever happened. So many thoughts swam threw my head. This is a rough day for her so I cannot just leave her here, but then I also thought of what would happen if I did go upstairs and poor my heart out about Julia. I still was pissed at myself for even doing that. Why would I do that? I didn't want to kiss Julia, I was enjoying kissing CLARE! Ugh. I decided to go talk to her, I didn't want her to think the wrong thing.

I started walking up the stairs, and I heard soft cries come from inside her bedroom. I felt my heart shatter thinking I was causing her pain. Thinking I was the one to make those beautiful eyes hurt. Why would anyone enjoy this? I surely did not.

I swallowed a breath I wasn't aware I was holding in, and knocked on the door softly. I waited for a few minutes until there was no reply.

"Clare, it's me Eli." I said it cautiously as if a kind warning.

"Oh, um hold on!" I could hear scuffling, and then the door opened, and I could see she tried to make it look like she wasn't crying.

"Oh Eli, well we just let's pretend that didn't happen okay? Alright." She put on a fake smile, the fakest I've seen her wear.

"Clare, let's not." I said as a notion I wanted to come in with my hands. She sighed looking down in defeat and opened the door wider.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to me for her to come and sit down. She followed unwillingly by the look on her face, but followed none the less.

"Clare, I didn't mean to do that, like you have to know that was a total complete accident." She looked down at her hands.

"If you didn't want to all you had to do was say so, I can take a hint." She mumbled but I understood her perfectly. I felt a pang at my heart knowing that she actually believed I didn't want her. What person could not want her?

"Clare that is not it in the slightest, you have no idea how much I have wanted to kiss you; you have no idea how long I've wanted to kiss you." I could feel my ears getting red from embarrassment of admitting to her my true feelings.

"I really like you Clare." She looked at me in the eyes, searching, for what I didn't know.

"How can I believe you? Are you sure you don't want to be with whoever this Julia chick is?"

I shuttered. I haven't talked about Julia in a long time, and I really hoped it wouldn't be today that it came out. My palms were sweating and my eyes were wide with anxiety. I was so afraid of what I would do. I couldn't cry in front of Clare, never. I couldn't lose control and start yelling either. I guess there is only one way to come at this. Slowly, and very carefully.

"Julia, Julia is my girlfriend." I realized how that sounded a second late after I said it. But Clare already had wheels turning in her head.

"Girlfriend? As in girlfriend, as in you're not single as in, wow. Eli I cannot believe you wouldn't tell me this. I cannot believe you! You are not the boy I thought you were." She got up to leave, but I gently grabbed her hand before she could really leave.

"No, let me explain that came out wrong." But she wasn't having any of that.

"let you explain? It came out wrong? What came out wrong? Oh is she your totally gorgeous girlfriend? How does 'I have a girlfriend' come out wrong Eli? How,"

"She's dead!" I didn't mean to outburst like I did but her yelling at me I could not take. I was already breaching the point of tears just talking about Julia so I just needed her to be quiet. She instantly shut up and looked at me.

"Oh gosh Eli, I'm so sorry, you do not have to explain anything to me. It's not my place to know. I'm so sorry." She grabbed my hand and I swear to the gods that I don't even have faith in, that all my worries of losing it washed away, and our hands touching was all I could think about. She could get me through anything, thick and thin.

"No, I want to explain it to you. I really like you Clare, a lot more than a friend should like another friend. So I am hoping that there are no lies or secrets between us. I know your secret, maybe not the way you would've liked it to happen, but it's time that you know mine. She nodded, and squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"Julia and I met at my dad's radio job. Her dad and my dad worked together. I was there to help my dad because the guy who usually did all the coffee runs and what not was sick. Turns out, Julia's dad had the same idea with his daughter." I looked over at Clare; she looked fine so far, so I continued.

"We were both already there so we decided to just split the work load. Apparently that man had the easiest job ever, because we didn't really have anything to do." I began to tear up a little bit even though I tried to stop it.

I felt a soft finger by my eye, Clare's soft finger wiping my tears away. I sent her an appreciative glance.

I was planning on continuing our deep conversation when the door bell rang.