Well, that took much longer than it should've. Hey, guys! I'm back with the next chapter of She's Like the Moon.
Sorry it took so long (though I wonder how many times I've said that in these author's notes. It's getting really, really cold here, and my fingers are pretty much numb as I type this, but I really am excited for the story to really start unfolding – which begins now.
I've been slacking with it since August. I'm horrible T.T Sorry for making you wait. Life is getting really dramatic on my end.
She's Like the Moon, an xSilverWingsx fanfic
and Delta comes again ; and her masks are shifting like a chameleon
someone tell me why she breaks my fall,
and then breaks my heart.
-Muse
The next morning dawned snowy and pristine. Rukia glanced toward the window and saw pure white, and happiness quickly enveloped her. She hadn't played in the snow since she was a child.
Quickly, she woke Toshiro. "Get up, it's snowing."
"Fantastic," he said monotonously, his face buried in his pillow. "Because that's never happened here before." Since she had been living in a dorm for the past four months, Rukia had forgotten how grumpy Toshiro could get in the mornings. After a few more moments of waiting, he didn't make any move to get up, so she put her slippers on and thundered down the stairs, finding her mother at the kitchen table with a cup of tea.
"Hi, Rukia," she chirped, offering her cup. "Want a sip?"
"No, thanks. I was getting ready to go outside." She shuffled over to the coat closet and dug through it haphazardly. "If I can find my coat."
Hisana blinked. "I did some cleaning about a month ago. Your coat's in your room. But I don't think it's a good idea to go out in this weather. You could get sick."
Rukia just kept quiet. Usually, when her mother said things like that, it was just her gentle form of 'no'. She took a seat across the table.
Silence was a very common thing among the younger Kuchiki and her mother. They didn't ever really have much to discuss, other than small talk. It wasn't that they didn't like each other; but they weren't very compatible, friendship-wise, and it would be a waste to try and cultivate good conversations between them. Rukia ran her fingers through her hair; Hisana tapped her thumbs on the teacup. Silence, silence. Blessed silence.
After about twenty minutes had passed, Byakuya came down the stairs, in his robe for once. Rukia could honestly say that she hadn't seen him in anything other than a suit since she was ten years old.
Byakuya didn't like tea. After pouring himself a cup of black coffee from the pot Hisana must've heated earlier, he sat down next to his wife. He would not make any difference in the atmosphere, since he was just as silent as they were, but he did ask his wife a question. "Where has our snowblower gone?"
Hisana blinked her large, pale lids. "It's in the garage."
"I looked there. Honestly, I suspect that Mashiro girl."
"Mashiro?" Hisana looked amused. "No, she isn't a thief. She would have asked."
Byakuya's eyes narrowed. "Are you sure about that?"
Mashiro was a spritely, spunky young woman of about twenty who lived next door to them, with her father, a stock broker. She constantly wanted to borrow appliances, most notably the toaster oven. She was easily recognizable by her bright green hair, cut into a bob, and her incessant talking. Rukia had spoken to her on several occasions, and their conversations usually had to do with something being missing from their house.
"Not certain, obviously." Hisana shrugged. "We could buy a new snowblower, dear. It's no bother."
Her husband was too busy glaring at the teacup. Rukia was surprised it hadn't shattered under his gaze. "I still don't think we've misplaced it. Did you lend it to Renji and Akamori?"
"No, Akamori loves snow. She didn't ask." Hisana looked confused. "Maybe Mashiro did take it. We ought to lock up the garage, then, so it doesn't happen again."
"We ought to prosecute her for theft," Byakuya murmured, but Hisana ignored him in favor of Rukia.
"Any plans for the break, dear?" she asked.
"Not really," Rukia said, a knee-jerk reaction. Before she could correct herself, however, Toshiro arrived in the kitchen and opened the fridge. She noticed that her parents didn't berate Toshiro for simply reaching into the fridge and getting food – but he wasn't their son, so there was some lenience there.
Byakuya and Hisana excused themselves silently, and went back upstairs. Rukia was grateful for a moment alone with her cousin. "You okay?" she asked.
"Phenomenal," he said stiffly, pouring himself a glass of milk. "I'm going to the villa today, and Senna agreed to go with me. Now it's going to be ridiculously awkward."
"You don't know that," Rukia replied. "She might just... err..." at this point, the younger Kuchiki child was lost for words. "It'll be okay."
Toshiro shot her a look and closed the fridge. "Not everyone can have a perfect fairy-tale romance like you and Kurosaki."
Quickly, Rukia became defensive. "It isn't a romance at all."
"Please. We all know what you did when you went to 'go get some air' last night. Personally, I think it's a good match. You both annoy the living hell out of me." He made his way over to the closet, inside of which a single coat hung forlornly. He took it out and buttoned it up. "I'm going to check the mail."
Rukia's lips twisted. Of course Toshiro would tease her endlessly about Ichigo, but a part of her almost wanted that. After all, Rukia had never even been in a relationship before. "Fine."
He returned after a minute or two, clutching a few bills and something new. "You've got a letter," he said.
She felt a frown crease her forehead. "A letter?" Rukia didn't correspond with any of her relatives, and she didn't keep pen pals. "From who?"
"The school." He smirked. "You might have gotten kicked out."
"There's no reason for me to be," she reminded, but still had a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach. She glanced at the envelope, and it was indeed the school's address. She ripped it open.
Rukia Kuchiki,
We are very glad that you are considering joining our tennis team. Report to the gym on January 9, 2010, for tryouts.
-Kaien Shiba, Coach
She rolled her eyes. "Dad's two steps ahead of the game with this tennis thing." Rukia crumpled the letter up and threw it in the wastebasket, making a mental note to mark her calendar for tryouts. "So, when are you heading to the beach?"
Toshiro sighed. "I'm meeting Momo, Senna, and Kira for lunch at two."
"It's noon now. You might want to get ready."
"What's to get ready?" he said darkly, shoving his hands in the coat pockets. "I'm a guy. I don't primp."
Rukia looked away from him. "Don't let this whole Senna thing depress you. You didn't know she had a boyfriend."
He put a hand up. "Let's just stop talking about it. It's stressful. I'll sort things out with Senna later on. Would you like it if I brought up Kurosaki every fifteen seconds?" his tone was heavily spiteful, and Rukia rolled her eyes.
"Please, Toshiro. If you're going to insult me, at least be intelligent about it." And with that, Rukia stood up and passed him, going upstairs to her mess of a bedroom.
Her phone was waiting on her vanity. 1 New Text Message.
Fr: Ichigo
We can hang out later. Maybe. I'll try and convince Dad.
Her heart leapt. Quickly, she replied, All right. Let me know if he says yes.
The reply was instantaneous. He probably will. He likes you.
She slipped her phone in her pocket, feeling on edge. Since last night, the security blanket feeling seemed to have multiplied tenfold, and it was taking a mental toll on her. Rukia pulled on a pair of jeans and a simple navy turtleneck, and slipped on her black parka over it. She wondered if perhaps she should wear makeup. She owned a lot of it, but had never worn it. Oh, well. Now didn't seem like the time to mess with it.
Rukia fought with her boots—apparently, they were getting too small—until they were on before sitting down on her bed, clicking through the texts again. As usual, she hadn't missed anything, but she still felt mildly disheartened. Ichigo probably wouldn't even reply. He was probably going to avoid her because of what had happened last night.
Feeling disoriented, she watched a few old sitcoms on her small television, not even really taking them in. Had she messed everything up with Ichigo? The thought was unbearable. Around two hours went by before she turned off the TV, burying a hand in her thick hair.
Her phone beeped and she felt her heart beat faster, before she realized that it was only Orihime, asking if she wanted to come over later. Rukia told her that she would have to ask her mother, but of course that was a lie. She would, truthfully, rather see Ichigo right now. Rukia got off of her bed and went downstairs, and evidently Toshiro had already left, because his shoes were missing from the shelf by the front door.
Rukia poured herself a bowl of cereal, since she was craving sugar, and ate it in less than three minutes. She was ravenous. And anxious.
Fr: Ichigo
He said you can come over.
Rukia had to exhibit a fair amount of self-control to keep herself from audibly squealing. Okay. When are you going to come and get me?
Whenever you want, I guess. Now?
Get your ass over here, Ichigo.
I traveled half the world to say... I belong to you.
-Muse
"I threw up at a Bob Evans one time, and now every time we pass it, Mom says, 'there's Senna's Bob Evans!"'
"Oh, that's nothing!" Momo laughed. "When I was in the first grade, I told a boy I liked him, and then he threw up on me." She went red, noticing Kira's expression. "But he must've been sick."
"Ahhhh, I'd hate that," Senna said, chewing on a piece of ice. "One time, Tasuko and I were at Home Depot, and he threw up in one of the model bathtubs." She seemed sad. "He had the flu for a week."
Toshiro tensed at the mention of Senna's boyfriend, who was still very much a surprise. She didn't seem to be acting out of the ordinary, though, which annoyed him – did she not take notice of his anger? It didn't seem like it. He wanted very badly to spurn her, to bar her from coming to the villa – but for some reason, he couldn't do it.
"Anyway," he said. "One of you made detailed plans for this week, if I remember correctly."
"It was meeee!" Momo squeaked. "On Monday, we're going to the opera..."
And so, the brunette went on to describe the upcoming week's events. Toshiro just watched Senna eat, wondering why she had not bothered to mention Tasuko before. Had it been deliberate? Or coincidental? He found it intensely hard to believe that a teenage girl would go weeks on end without mentioning her boyfriend unless she had some form of ulterior motive. But given the events the previous night, that might not be the case. He chewed on his straw.
"Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?" Senna said, staring at her French fry.
Momo grinned. "I knew I wasn't the only one who said that."
Then Senna met his aquamarine eyes, and spoke in a low voice. "Toshi, what's wrong?"
"You know already," he said smoothly, and she turned away, looking frozen. Momo had suddenly fallen silent.
Kira cleared his throat. "Um, anyone want something else to drink?"
"I'm fine," Senna said in a monotonous voice, now making a noticeable effort not to meet Toshiro's eyes. "I've already had three Sprites."
Kira nodded, looking away.
Toshiro fished for conversation. "Momo, how's your mother?"
The question was relatively unrelated, but she didn't seem to think it was weird. "Fine, she misses you. She wishes you would visit us more often."
"Maybe I will, near the end of the break. Did you ever find out what they're doing with my house?"
"Someone's renting it."
"Really."
"Yeah, an old couple."
He smiled. "Have you been checking?"
She nodded. "Duh. I don't wanna forget your old house, 'Shiro. We had so many awesome times there."
It had occurred to him for a moment to ask her a question that would perhaps get under Senna's skin, but he wouldn't resort to such childish things. "I wonder what they're doing with my room."
She shrugged, and then engaged herself in a quiet conversation with Kira. Damn it. Now I'm stuck. He pulled out his phone again, clicking through the inbox, until Senna said something.
"Toshi."
He looked up, his breath catching.
"Pass the salt."
And he did, but strangely, she didn't even use the salt. She just drummed her fingers on the shaker, and he figured she must be thinking. Perhaps she was regretting what she'd done. Perhaps she was thinking about how much she missed Tasuko. There was no way to tell.
Eventually they were all finished with lunch, and the tab was split equally among the four of them. Toshiro drove them to the station, and called Hisana to pick up his car. He made small talk with Momo as they bought their tickets, whilst Senna skulked behind the three of them, her hands in her pockets. In her green jacket with brass buttons, and a tilted beret, she looked like a toy soldier fresh out of the box. He couldn't stop staring at her, not only because he was attracted to her, but also because he was intrigued. What did she have to be upset about, anyway?
The four of them settled into a compartment. "I love trains," Momo said. "I always feel like I'm on an adventure."
"Me, too," Kira said softly, but was watching Toshiro. The Hitsugaya heir had seemed tense ever since they met at the restaurant, and he knew it had to do with Senna. "I think we should go to another compartment," he told Momo, and she blinked.
"Why?" she didn't whine, just simply asked.
"Just because," he said, shooting her a look. Momo didn't understand, but she followed him out of the compartment anyway.
Once the door was closed behind them, Toshiro expected Senna to jump up and apologize for what she'd done. But she didn't, and then he wondered what compelled him to hope for such things.
"You lied to me," he said simply.
"I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you everything."
"That's bullshit." His tone hardened. "You let me get my hopes up, just to tell me that you've got a boyfriend. You're a tease."
Senna stood up, her stance very rigid. "I am not a tease," she said defiantly, her dayglow eyes steely as she glared down at him. "I'm not a tease and I'm not a slut."
"I never called you a slut," Toshiro said, his words barbed.
"That's what you're implying." She was relentless. "I'm not a slut."
"Then why did you kiss me?"
"I like you. That seemed like the best way to show it." To his surprise, she went red. "Now that I look back on it, it was idiotic."
"You like me?"
"Yes. But I love Tasuko. I'm not going to give that up. I'm sorry." She pursed her lips, and Toshiro felt frozen on the spot. He knew she didn't think of him that way, but it still stung, and though he tried not to show it, she could see the hurt on his face. "What difference does it make? We can still be friends, can't we?"
"Yes." Toshiro found his voice flat.
"I like you," she repeated. "We get along. I think you're cute... but I..."
"I get it," he cut her off. "Let's stop talking about it. We're friends. You've got your perfect boyfriend, Tasuko, Mr. Good-At-Everythi—"
"Don't do that," she said blackly.
They both fell silent, and Toshiro was fuming. Senna was a tease. But then again, she'd said she liked him. "If you didn't love him, would you give me a chance?"
"I don't see why I wouldn't," she said, but her voice was cold. "After all, you haven't screwed up majorly yet, so that's got to count for something." She was sitting back down now, wrapped up in her tweed coat, loose strands of her hair now free from her beret. "By the way, Merry Christmas. I forgot to tell you."
"Yeah. You too."
You've got to lose to know how to win.
-Aerosmith
When Ichigo pulled up to her house, Rukia was already waiting for him outside. His car was bejeweled with ice crystals under the bumper and on the windshield wipers. She smirked as he rolled down the window.
"Strawberry."
"Midget." He gave her a noncommittal look, and immediately she sensed something off about him. Today would not be a good day. Today, they would argue. All the same, she felt that jittery happiness as she got into the passenger seat, the happiness she always felt when she was around Ichigo.
He left the grounds quickly. "So, how was your night?"
"Fine, I guess. I dealt with Toshiro for a little while, but I got a good night's sleep."
"Senna?"
"How'd you guess?" she blinked, fiddling with a loose thread on her parka.
Ichigo shrugged and readjusted his off-season sunglasses. "I'm observant. They were acting weird at the dance." He flipped on the turn signal as they came to the four-way intersection of the neighborhoods. "Anyway, Dad wants to give you a Christmas present. Says his third daughter needs to be rewarded, or something."
"Whatever he wants," she said absentmindedly, watching Ichigo closely. Usually when she did this, she could discern what type of mood he was in. It was unclear, but something told her it wasn't good. Again, she thought of the scenario she'd imagined earlier—that everything was messed up, that he hated her for it. "By the way, are you pissed because of what happened yesterday?"
He was quiet for a moment. "It's confusing," he said at last.
"How?"
"Because, it just is. Can we talk about it later?"
"No. I want to talk now."
"Rukia!"
"Fine! But you're not getting out of this." She turned away from him, and she felt as if she had acted irresponsibly by bringing it up after being with him for such a short period of time.
They spent the rest of the ride in silence, as Rukia went over every word. Maybe if she'd worded it differently... as they passed Renji and Akamori's neighborhood, she thought again of her sister's awful mood, but dismissed it from her mind. Stress seemed to be coming at her from all angles.
At last they pulled into Ichigo's driveway, and she sighed. Car rides always gave Rukia time to think, but she thought that maybe if she didn't think about it, it would resolve itself. That is bullshit and you know it, she told herself. Work it out.
Ichigo simply sat in the driver's seat, after taking the key out of the ignition, staring at her. Rukia had always loved the feeling of his eyes on her, but right now it was different. A new sensation.
He sighed, exasperated. "Fine. I'll say it. I fucking love you, all right?"
She felt her breath catch. "Ichigo?"
And this time it was he who initiated the kiss, and even though it was shorter, it seemed to be urgent and with more purpose. He leaned over the glove compartment, but didn't make any move to grab her like the night before. She broke the kiss.
"I know you do," she said, and opened the door, her boots hitting the sidewalk with a thud. He sat numbly in the car, thinking about her, and how simply unreal this all felt. Rukia waited by her door until he finally got out.
"Mm," he said, looking expectant, as if he wanted her to walk ahead of him. She did.
Yuzu answered the door before she even had the chance to knock. "Rukia's here!" she called into the house with her trilling soprano, and immediately Isshin came running with a large blue box with a green bow.
She smiled. "Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas, third daughter! Open your present!" Isshin seemed so alight with almost girlish glee that she sat it down on the table and opened it blindly, her mind still on the kiss, and the man standing behind her who had given it to her. Inside the large green box was a smaller box, and inside that an even smaller box, until there was a blue jewelry box. She felt her stomach lock up as she pulled out a pearl necklace.
"It was Masaki's," Isshin explained. "Ichigo thought it was a good idea!"
"I did not," Ichigo muttered.
"Th-thank you," Rukia stammered, unable to fully express her gratitude. Isshin, however, was more than satisfied.
"I TOLD YOU ALL SHE'D LIKE IT!" he announced to the household, and the twins rejoiced. Ichigo stayed behind her, as quiet as ever, as Isshin tittered on about the necklace. Rukia thanked him numerous times and slipped it on, feeling greatly warmed by Masaki's necklace. If they had elected to give her something of Ichigo's mother's... she thought about it. Did they hold her on family level? She had only been here a few times... but then again...
She walked over to the massive Christmas tree, taking in the lights and feeling heavy with emotion.
"Dad," Ichigo said. "We're going to my room."
"Make me proud!" Isshin exclaimed, but this time Ichigo didn't bother with insulting him, he just strode off down the hallway. Rukia followed.
His room was messier than usual, his bed unmade, a few magazines strewn about. But Rukia barely noticed. She was too busy watching him—but he seemed preoccupied.
"Ichigo," she said, taking a seat on his bed. "Do you want to talk?"
"Yeah," he said, joining her. His trademark scowl became a conflicted look, and she could tell that he made no secret of it this time. "There's a problem with this. It's confusing me."
"Same here," said Rukia, feeling relief roll off of her. She surveyed Ichigo, in his black jeans and dark blue sweater, which contrasted strongly with his hair, and a smile crept across her lips. "I spent hours last night wondering if we were dating, and I'd missed the hint."
"I didn't ask," he said, and then slowly, he looked as if he'd realized something. "Do you want me to?"
"Yeah, but..." she sighed.
"If we date, our friendship will get all screwy," he said, nodding. But then they shared a look. "Doesn't stop me from wanting to, though. We could try it..."
"Maybe we could just go on a real date. Not just as friends," Rukia said, testing the waters. "Like, you know..."
"Yeah. We could go to dinner or something." Ichigo realized that this was not how most dates were made, and again he felt the pang of insecurity that always accompanied him when he made decisions like this. "I really want to, Midget."
She winked. "Or we could just hang out here."
He rolled his eyes. "With Dad? That's an ordeal, not a date."
"Ichigo," she said, her eyes far off. "How do you know that our friendship would be messed up? It might get better, you know."
He looked away, but his hand closed over hers. "Weird as this is, I'm calm. But really, Rukia. Toshiro and Senna's friendship is all fucked up now."
"They didn't date."
"But he liked her. You see where that got him."
"She's got a boyfriend already. She doesn't like Toshiro like that at all. Me and you, we like each other."
Ichigo still didn't seem convinced. "I don't like the idea of losing everything we have just to make out all the time. No matter how much I want to."
"You don't understand." Rukia sighed, pulling her hand away. "It's not going to be about that. Everything'll stay the same."
"Then what's the point in dating?" he was frustrated.
"Because if I dated you, I'd know I was the most important person in your life," she explained in a surprisingly steady voice.
"You already are," Ichigo said, raising his eyebrows. "If you haven't figured that out, I did something wrong." He looked out the window, beyond which the clouds had made way for the sun. Rukia looked away from him, too, trying to find a way to convince him.
"Ichigo," she said. "We wouldn't lose anything we have. I wouldn't let that happen, you know me better than that. Trust me on this..."
Ichigo felt nauseous. "Rukia, I can't."
(oh, god)
(he didn't just say that)
"Why can't you?" she said, not even thinking the words. "Why can't you d-do this?"
"You want me to be perfectly honest?" he said, and Rukia felt as though she might have a heart attack. All the possible things he could say rocketed through her already numb brain. "I'm scared. I told you already."
"You don't trust me, do you? If you trusted me—"
"I trust you!" he bellowed, getting off the bed quickly and raking his hands through his hair. "I do trust you. I want you. But I don't know if I can have you. I would fuck it all up. You know I would!"
"You never fuck anything up!" she said vociferously. "Stop downing yourself, that's one thing I can't stand about you, Ichigo. You're not the one who's going to fuck things up. I'm the one with the family from hell."
"Your family has nothing to do with this, and you know it. Stop making excuses. Akamori and Renji had that problem—"
"They're miserable," she said, her voice finally cracking. "Can't you see, Ichigo? Don't follow them. They defied everything that was good for them!"
"Good for them?!" he said, outraged. "You're so immature sometimes, Kuchiki! Shit happens, it doesn't matter about family! Everything in a relationship hedges on the people who are actually in it!"
Rukia's breaths were erratic. "Me and you, then, Ichigo. We could make it work."
He closed his eyes, his voice finally back to an acceptable volume. "I... you're just... Christ, Rukia." In a flash, he had her in his arms, and Rukia felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. "Let's just admit it. Both of us are fucked six ways to the weekend."
"We are, but none of it matters when I'm with you," she said, realizing how cliché she sounded, but running out of reasons to care. "We'll never know if we don't try, Ichigo. That's one thing you'll agree on, right?"
"Yeah." He separated himself from her, all of him but his eyes. "I would've never thought this would happen."
"Me either," she said. "I guess I always thought you'd just be the arrogant asshole of a friend who saved my panties from thieves."
He laughed dryly. "Nice first impression I made on you, eh?"
"Mm," she said, remembering that day. "Personally, I wondered if you thought I was an insane psycho freak."
Ichigo gave her an incredulous look. "I always have."
"Well, you know. I was weirder around you when I first met you. Now everything's... too easy." She locked her hands together, a thoughtful look on her face.
"Yeah. I used to think maybe we'd just keep meeting to give each other presents. I was a real retard then."
"Ichigo, it was only six months ago."
He thought about it for a minute. It had only taken six months for him to fall completely, ass-backwards in love with Rukia Kuchiki. "Yeah. It's funny looking back on it now. I was thinking about you a hell of a lot more than I should've been. For a second I wondered if I was insane."
"Yeah. I was obsessed with you," Rukia admitted. "I was always just waiting for someone to bring you up, because I was too scared to do it myself. I didn't want anyone knowing."
"Can't blame you," Ichigo replied, smiling faintly. "I couldn't keep it a secret, though. Dad wanted me to talk about you all the time."
"I'll bet." She grinned.
At that point, there was a knock on the door. It was Yuzu.
"Ichi-nii," she said brightly. "Can I bring you guys some ice cream?"
"Yeah. Sure, Yuzu." The way he addressed her seemed more willing. "That'd be nice."
Yuzu tilted her head to the side. "Rukia, why are you crying?"
Rukia let out a little laugh, wiping away the tear with her scratchy sleeve. She smiled at the child. "I'm going nuts," she said quietly, and Yuzu laughed as she walked away..
Bless your sweet mistakes, that crumble you down to your knees,
That brought you to this place, changing you by degrees...
When change was just what you needed..
-Ellis Paul
"Ice cream doesn't usually make me so tired."
"Maybe you're already tired." She had been here since two, and it was now nine. They'd sat around all day joking around and eating, trying to forget their argument. It wasn't enough, really, but for now he was willing to block it out.
"Are you kidding? I slept in till noon." Rukia yawned and leaned her head against the wall, kicking her shoes off. Ichigo watched her indefinably, his amber eyes vague. "I'm really tired of you looking at me like that," she pointed out. "If you've got something to say, then say it."
"...I've got to go to the bathroom," he said after a long while, getting up and ignoring her questioning look. On his way down the hall, he bumped into Isshin. The older man winked at him, and he rolled his eyes as he walked into the bathroom.
Ichigo stared at himself in the mirror, as if his own face would give him reassurance. Was Rukia planning on spending the night? How would that go over with her parents? Worse, how could he deal with it? He was fifteen, after all, and damn, he wanted her...
There was a knock on the door, and he physically jumped. "What?!" he snapped, irritated.
It was Karin. "Hurry up in there, I gotta go."
"You've got your own bathroom," he said blackly.
"Now!" she insisted, pounding still harder on the door. "N—"
At this point he opened the door, not because he was annoyed by her, but because he was eager to get back to Rukia. He didn't even remember walking into his room until he was there, and there she was, still sitting against the wall, staring at him.
"This is awkward," she announced.
"Yeah, pretty much." Ichigo was still standing up. He could barely control himself as his heartbeat banged in his ears. "So, uh, you wanna watch a movie or something?"
She seemed far too aloof. He knew she was acting. "Fine. I don't care." She reposed her features and stared up at him again, with one soft blink. "You're trying to ward everything off, Ichigo, just go with it."
He sat down. "What do you mean, Midget?"
Rukia shrugged. "Well, you know. Talk to me. Let's talk like we used to."
He frowned. "That's kind of impossible."
Her mouth twisted into an odd shape. "It doesn't really have to be. Look, Ichigo, I know you're having a hard time with this. But you don't have to be so nervous. It's just me."
"I know. That's what makes it so frickin' hard," he muttered under his breath.
Rukia gave a wry smile. "I feel the same way you do, and you know it." With that, she closed the distance between their lips, giving him a chaste kiss that she broke quickly. A hazy quality seemed to have overtaken her eyes as she watched him, stutter-shook as he tried to talk, to argue somehow. "I changed my mind... no more talking."
She kissed him again, and this time he responded. Ichigo felt as if the world around him, his messy room and his annoying family, were swirling into the distance. His fingers tousled through the thick black hair, and she barely registered the fact that her back had hit the floor. He was making noises, ones she hadn't heard before but had longed to hear. Noises of arousal.
With a wet noise he left her lips and moved to her neck, his eyelids half closed over shadowy eyes as he sucked at the skin directly underneath her chin. Rukia couldn't keep her voicebox from responding, try as she did; and as he moved lower, shuddery whispers of breath mingled with her voice, becoming moans. Their current predicament felt like a distant dream.
She guided his hands to her breasts, and his eyes flew open. "W-what are you doing?" he asked in a surprisingly calm voice, though his eyes couldn't hide his excitement. "Rukia?"
"It's obvious, isn't it?" she said with a coy smile. "It's alright, Ichigo. We aren't five years old."
"We can't jump into this, Rukia," he said, shaking his head. "We... can't..." but his hands seemed to have a mind of their own, and she was relieved to know that he wanted her as she wanted him. She should've felt embarrassed as he pulled open her shirt buttons, but she didn't. With Ichigo, it didn't seem to matter. "Christ," he breathed at the sight of her white bra. It was more chaste than he'd expected, but he was torn wondering if that was a good or bad thing. "I really..." Red rippled across his cheeks, and she smiled at the sight of him. "I really can't..."
She stared at him. "If you don't want to do anything like this, then we won't." She couldn't keep the disappointment from her voice.
"It's not... that simple. I want to, I can't, though... it's..." Fuck. Not this. He could feel an insistent tightening in his lower body. "It's not... we're not dating..." his heartbeat was an unsteady thrum as he tried to ignore his growing problem. He averted his eyes from Rukia, but they found their way back again. Their waists were perfectly lined up, oh God. "Rukia..."
She hadn't expected him to act like this at all. "I'm really not trying to pressure you, Ichigo. We both want it, can't you tell...?"
"Of course I can tell." He thumbed her bra straps. "You know what would happen if we went on like that, I'd—"
Rukia raised her eyebrows. "I'd forgive you," she said quietly, and as their eyes met, he knew that this was no act. She really wanted him. He imagined what it could be like, and the thought was accompanied by a particularly strong pulse of his erection. He reddened, realizing that it wasn't exactly obscure, and she could probably see it. His anxiety increased.
"God. Damn. You. Kuchiki," he muttered, looking away. "Why do you have to be so.. damn..." his right hand slipped under her bra, and he felt his breath catch as he brushed against a nipple. "Oh, fuck..." Immediately he removed his hand and looked at Rukia, who didn't seem upset in the slightest.
"You don't have to act so mad at yourself, you know," she pointed out, smiling below him. This only made it worse.
"I already do," he nearly growled. All the nerves in his hand felt aflame. "We can't do this."
She blinked. "Oh, Ichigo..."
They were silent for a while, Ichigo staring at the ceiling, Rukia staring at Ichigo. He had the opportunity to touch her, to even have sex with her if he wanted, and he turned it down? Was she not good looking enough for him?
No. That wasn't it. Rukia was too smart to think that. Ichigo had made it very clear that she was the one he wanted. And she would hold him to that.
"Tonight we can forget about everything," she said quietly. "It can just be you and me."
"We can't have sex," he said, conflict warring openly on his face as he shook his head. "It can't happen, I'm sorry."
She felt like an idiot. "Ichigo, you—"
"You're being a child," he said, but his tone was anything but accusatory. "You don't understand. Look at what happened to your sister."
He had her there. Rukia stared at him. She felt more and more foolish by the second. "I feel like you're going to resent me after this."
"I won't," he said. "We got all caught up again."
"We don't have to have sex," she said cautiously, "but you can do anything else you want. I've been waiting for this for too damn long, Ichigo. So have you."
He closed his eyes. "Rukia... you want to date me, but when I say no you..." he closed them tighter. "This is really a stupid way to try and convince me."
"I'm not trying to convince you of anything. You made it clear you don't fucking want me," she said flatly. "So why don't you just take me home now, Ichigo? Why don't you just keep leading me on tomorrow?"
"I'm not leading you on. Believe me. You know how I feel."
She waited. He stood.
"But you just can't date your friends," he went on. "It doesn't work."
"It CAN work. It CAN. You're just too damn scared to try." She scrambled to her feet, her shirt still hanging open.
"I can't believe this is happening." His voice sounded stiff. "I can't believe this."
"What?! I'd think you knew everything about what's going on. You don't want to date me."
"Of course I want to. I already explained it. Every single thing will change. I'll get obsessed with you and I won't be able to keep my pants on. Before you know it we'll break up and we'll try and try to fix the friendship, but we'll have both burned out."
"Is our friendship really that weak?" she sounded hysterical, even though she wasn't crying. "Is it really that much of a lie?"
"Nothing's a lie," he said quietly. "I don't think any of the days we spent last summer were a lie. Lying in the field together, was that a lie? All those times we used to die laughing at the dumbest shit? Everything is real, Rukia. Everything. That's why I don't want to lose it. If we do it'll be... a waste..." he turned away.
"Ichigo..." Rukia let out a breath. "Nothing is ever a waste with us. Don't you know that? If everything is real, it's strong enough..."
"Just listen," he said. He seemed frustrated with himself, raking his hands through his hair. "Christ, you've got me screwed in the head, Kuchiki. You've always done that to me. That's how hard I fucking fell for you."
"I can't ever stop thinking about you. Not while I'm awake, not while I'm asleep. I want you to be my boyfriend," she said, her eyes hard against his.
And the amber orbs softened, just a bit. "I know how good it could be... I could try... but I'm telling you..."
"If it doesn't work," she cut across, "we'll stay friends. I will make sure of it. But I'm tired of arguing, I really am... for sure this time..." she sighed. "I know how you feel. I understand. I don't want this friendship ruined either. I was being dense."
"We both were. We just need to get a few things straight before we jump into this."
"Right." Rukia tried to stifle a yawn, but Ichigo noticed it.
"Go to sleep," he said with a wry smile. "We can talk about it in the morning."
"I'm sick of arguing," she repeated. "No more." She slowly got under the covers, and he followed.
"We're always going to argue," he reminded, his eyes tired."There's no escaping it... but I know what you mean. We're being completely stupid about this, both of us. We can talk, actually talk, tomorrow."
"I can't carry on like this forever," she said sadly. "Please, Ichigo, please... try with me..."
"I love you," Ichigo said firmly. "Don't act like I don't. I want you to know that, all the time."
"I love you too. There's only one way I can show you how much."
He was facing the opposite wall, but she could tell he was smiling by the sound of his voice."I'll let you... okay?"
Her heart leapt. "I—I..." She hadn't expected him to even consider it. Suddenly she felt like a live wire again.
"Good night, Midget..." with that, he turned the lamp off.
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love.
-Muse
As expected, Hisana called early in the morning to ask when Rukia would be home. Isshin told her that she could stay as long as she wanted (naturally) and Hisana didn't mind if she stayed a little while longer. At this point, the younger Kuchiki child was still sound asleep, but Ichigo was awake and brewing some coffee. His father took the opportunity to approach him at the counter.
"So, son," he said happily. "I heard some things last night..."
"We didn't do it," Ichigo replied. "Sorry to get your hopes up."
Isshin frowned. "I was talking about your argument. I heard it."
"Don't you mean you were listening?" Ichigo asked sourly, checking the timer for the coffee.
Isshin shrugged. "If you're having issues with asking her out, you should just do it. You like her, so go for it."
Ichigo mumbled a string of unintelligible words before finally nodding. "That's basically what she told me. She—wait, why the hell am I talking to you?" suddenly, he looked appalled. "What the hell do you know about asking a girl out?"
"A lot," Isshin raised his eyebrows. "I was married once, you know." His eyes flicked toward the poster of Masaki. "If you don't make your move when the getting's good, you might not ever get another chance."
"What?"
"When your mom and I first started dating, she wanted to get engaged right away. I said she was going too fast... but then, she ran off with some guy who would commit fast. I almost lost her."
Ichigo's heart beat faster. "There's a big difference between wanting to date someone and wanting to get engaged to someone."
"Not at your age, really," his father replied, shaking his head. "Listen to me, Ichigo, I'm givin' ya pearls here. Rukia likes you, you like her... but if she starts to think you don't care, then, she'll stop trying. It's a personality thing. She's a lot like your mother used to be. It's all or nothing."
Then Ichigo realized. Rukia was right. Their friendship wouldn't be ruined if they worked at it, if they wholeheartedly tried. She had told her she loved him, and goddamn, he loved her back. He could hold her and kiss her whenever he wanted and not feel awkward anymore. Ichigo Kurosaki felt the dilemma that had been coasting his subconscious for months now simply evaporate into the wind.
"Rukia..." Ichigo said, thinking of her, asleep in his bed. "Listen, old man. Usually you're no help."
Isshin raised his eyebrows.
"For once, you knew something," Ichigo finished.
His father smiled brightly, and it seemed as if he was going to say something cryptic. "Your coffee's done," he announced, as the timer beeped.
Staying awake to chase a dream,
Tasting the air you're breathing in,
I hope I won't forget a thing.
-Muse
Ichigo's car pulled up to the huge gate in front of Rukia's house, and his heart thumped rapidly. Rukia was gazing sleepily out the window, her eyes vacant, but he knew she was thinking about the night before. And so was he.
She turned to him then, and a sigh escaped her lips. "I'll text you later—"
But he grabbed her hand. "I told you we were going to talk."
Immediately, her eyes widened, but she didn't seem surprised. Just alert. "I told you I didn't want to argue with you." Pieces of her hair were falling out of her blue hat, framing her astute features.
"That's not it," he assured her.
The hum of the engine should have put Ichigo at ease, but it didn't. "Listen to me, Rukia. I know you think everything you tell me goes in one ear and out the other. But last night I was listening to you."
"I know you were. I could tell." Rukia's demeanor was on the cusp of excitement.
"Look," he said, and the words tumbled out like a waterfall. "Be my girlfriend, Midget?"
For a moment, her face was impassive. "Do you really mean it, Ichigo?"
"I do," he said with absolute certainty. "I don't want to lose you. And you're right. Dating you is the only way I can really show you how much I—"
"Okay," she said, her cheeks a bit tinged. "I'll be your girlfriend, skyscraper. You don't have to be so nervous. You knew I'd say yes." She smiled a huge smile then, and kissed him full on.
There was only one word repeating in his head.
Finally. Finally.
Finally.
Thanks for reading this... I know it took me FOREVER to update it, and I'm a total bitch for taking so long xD But, I think I did pretty well on this one, even if it's not as long as I'd originally planned. I seemed to be getting 2948239058349 messages asking me when it would be updated (not literally of course), so I picked up the pace. Anyways, happy new year to everyone! (: One of my resolutions is to meet new people, and that must include you guys! So, send me a PM with your email—I love a good conversation, and I'm sure you do too! In other news, I'd like to thank you all for reviewing last chapter. [/dork] Anyway, parts of this were a headache to write... their arguments actually effect me very strongly, since I'm the one writing them, but you guys, did you like it? (: I hope.
I do love a nice review. ;)