Elrond had not been expecting any company, imagine his surprise when a dwarf and a hobbit showed up at his doorstep, out of the blue, wanting rest and relaxation as if Rivendell was a resort where you could kick up your feet while enjoying good wine and food. Now that he thought about it, Rivendell had to look heavenly to the likes of them. With its grand halls and beautiful, natural landscaping. The lovely looking inhabitants that never were rude or ill tempered, catering to any guests needs while they stayed.

"Damn, we've made it too nice!" Elrond cursed to himself, coming to the conclusion that his home was by far the closest thing Middle Earth had to a real resort for the weary traveler. It wasn't as if Elrond was unsociable, he liked guests as much as the next elf, but he worried that his home would start receiving more and more guests that most likely wouldn't be as well behaved as master Baggins.

Thorin was treated respectfully, yet there still lingered from him the stench of predigest for elven kind. He looked upon Elronds people with weariness and uncertainty. His appearance here at all, Elrond deduced, was because of his hobbit companion Bilbo. He was very protective and lightly possessive of the unaware hobbit, making sure the little one stayed near as they were shown to their rooms.

Elrond was by no means a love expert, but having been married and caring deeply for his wife until she left for her own spiritual health reasons, he knew the signs of a male interested in someone. He observed them discreetly, their interactions as they ate meals and wandered the many areas of his home, it was obvious the dwarf was not one to part with his hobbit. It was sweet, though in Elronds personal opinion he thought Bilbo could do better, but it wasn't his decision to make. Bilbo was an adult, he could choose his friends and possible mates all on his own, but that didn't mean Elrond wouldn't give his two cents if asked. After all, Thorin was a sort of hot headed figure, maybe Bilbo would see that and find courtship somewhere else.

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"Isn't this lovely, Thorin? It's so peaceful here, a hobbit can really think in this type of atmosphere." Bilbo spoke happily to his companion.

"Does that mean you've been brain dead this whole time at the mountain? That would explain a lot." Thorin sassed his hobbit.

"Thorin!" He tisked at the teasing dwarf.

"You've got to admit, you have done a few idiotic things while staying with us. The wolf pelt, for instance. The cross dressing dwarf scheme you pulled off with my nephews. Along with throwing your pole into the blasted lake for me to retrieve. Just to mention a few." He smirked as Bilbo blushed and fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Yes, well, you act as if you've never done anything silly. You ran faster than I did from that honking devil of a goose! And you're the king, I thought you were suppose to set a good example and take on challenges, not run away from them." Bilbo made his rebuttal, treading on thin ice with some of his words.

"Are you saying I'm not a fit king, Bilbo?" He growled the words warningly. "I destroyed Smaug, didn't I? I took back our kingdom and made it flourish once more and all you can say is, 'Thorin ran away from a goose'?" He eyed Bilbo heatedly.

"Watch your temper, Thorin! You can be so sensitive. I think you're a great king, I just think you've no right to look down on me for my silliness when you've done a few strange misadventures yourself." He plainly informed the touchy dwarf, feeling his tension lessen as Thorin sighed and dropped the matter without blowing up over it.

Silently they wandered on through the halls and rooms, until two pretty looking elf maidens waved for them to enter a sweet scented room. They were told to make the guests comfortable and asked if Bilbo or Thorin would like a personal massage.

Bilbo, being the eager beaver that he was, answered a quick yes and was taken over to remove his clothes and lay on a comfortable looking table. Thorin shook his head, uninterested in an elf having their creepy little fingers running all over his naked body. Why the hobbit had been so willing was beyond the king, as he watched protectively as the hobbit laid face down on the padded table.

"Sure you're not interested, Thorin?" Bilbo called towards his friend.

"No, Bilbo." He answered assertively, taking a seat he was offered and watching as the elves began oiling up Bilbo's bare back. Nimble fingers worked over the hobbit as he giggled from time to time at their touch, after a few moments though, they had him moaning in delight at their craft. Smiling pleasantly as they continued to massage his back, one of them working their way down towards his buttocks.

"Ohh! Um, that's unnecessary." Bilbo informed the roaming hands of the elf teasing his arse with her slippery fingers.

"As you wish." She answered him politely. Her mouth started talking in elfish to the other female, leaving Bilbo and Thorin to wonder at their conversation.

"I'm glad the dwarf said no, I didn't look forward to touching all that hair he undoubtedly has." The darker haired maiden commented.

"At least this hobbit isn't as hairy as his feet are. I was surprised. Do you think it's time to flip him over and massage his front now?"

"Sure. I'm curious to see just what the little fellow has to offer down there. Elrond did say to make them feel comfortable after all."

"Oh! You are a silly thing!" The maiden chuckled as both worked to carefully move Bilbo so that he was facing them now.

It was different, watching their timeless faces as they began loosening muscles and rubbing lightly aching areas. He knew they were use to this sort of work, but he couldn't help but feel a little shy and vulnerable facing them naked like he was, laying there as they made his body feel healthier.

The one elf, the darker haired maiden who had been messing around his rump was now getting her hands on his calves and thighs, working up even more. He was about to say something until it happened. He let out a gasp as she did the unthinkable.

"Bilbo?" Thorin had heard the gasp but had yet to notice why his friend had done so.

The female who wasn't stroking his hobbit parts was busy working on his shoulders, not looking towards her busily working companion. Bilbo didn't want to freak out, and cause a scene, but his temper was beginning to rise at this maidens behavior. She had no right to be playing him like an instrument! His mind was trying to work up a modest way of getting her to stop, but all that gentle thinking stopped when she brazenly took things to the next level.

"Pardon me, dear." He pushed the gentle maiden aside and lifted his upper half up to stare down at the busily sucking she-devil.

"The concert is over, place your lips around this hobbit's flute one more time and I'll pop you one." He directly informed the wide eyed looking elf, her lips let go and she stood up from her hunched position and started blinking fast in her embarrassment.

The elf maiden who hadn't been a complete whore started cursing and yelling at the other in their native tongue, hauling her away no doubt to take her to Elrond.

Thorin stared dumbly as the hobbit calmly went about picking up his clothes and putting them back on, his shirt sticking to his oily body. He sighed at that but continued dressing, putting everything on and turning to his companion with a level head.

"Ready to go have a look around some more? Think I'm about ruined for any other massages from here." He tried making it a joke, watching as Thorin nodded, staring blankly as if he were in shock.

Gently, the hobbit took his arm and lead the shell-shocked companion with him, knowing that Thorin was still trying to wrap his head around what had just taken place. Bilbo imagined his friend would never look at a female elf quite the same after this incident.

-0-0-

"When, in my words to you both, did I ever say 'suck off the hobbit'? I simply said to make them feel comfortable and you took matters into your own hands, or should I say mouth, and took advantage of one of our guest!" Elrond glared angerily at the miffed looking maiden who had done wrong by Bilbo.

"I only thought the hobbit would enjoy himself, I never meant to disrespect you, Lord Elrond." She stated stonily to her superior.

"You've disrespected our home with these actions! Rivendell, the place to go for fresh blow jobs, is that our mission now? Is that what you want all of Middle Earth to think when they hear our city's name?" He scolded her like a child, very upset at his guest being wronged and how it would come back to bite Rivendell in the ass.

"Leave. You've done enough to sully our home with your behavior." He ordered the maiden, watching as she marched away indifferently. Some elves theses days, you just couldn't find honest, moral beings anymore! That evening Lord Elrond was going to talk to Bilbo and try to apologize for the terrible incident. Hopefully the hobbit could look past this and still enjoy the rest of his visit here in Rivendell.

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The Hobbit belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien.