At dinner, Elrond had apologized over and over again to the understanding hobbit. The kind hearted guest held no grudge over it, though that couldn't be said for Thorin. He kept inquiring where the 'elf whore' was so that he might have a word with her. Elrond kept telling the dwarf that he had already sent her away, that she wasn't welcome in Rivendell anymore.

"I lose my appetite every time I imagine poor Bilbo laying there getting his ..." Thorin would stop talking, bend another spoon in his frustration and have to ask for another. Out of everyone, Bilbo was the least upset over it, able to brush off the incident so that he could enjoy the rest of his time spent in Rivendell.

He ate his fill of the fruits and vegetables the elves had to offer, while Thorin eyed the green food with disinterest, opting out to sink his teeth into what little bread they provided. He ate less than Bilbo, still nauseated at the random images that would pop into his mind. Elves would always have a negative effect on Thorin, no matter how much Bilbo tried to make the dwarf understand their 'culture'.

Soon it was time for bed, the companions walked together towards where their rooms awaited. At least the elves had made Thorin's room close to Bilbo. He was the only being the dwarf trusted around this snobby den of pointy ears.

The dwarf king followed Bilbo into his room, checking out the area to make sure everything was safe, looking under the bed even which exasperated Bilbo to no end.

"Never know if that she-devil is hiding to finish the job, Bilbo." Thorin informed the other.

"Then she'd be here a great long while, I'm not one to fancy women much, let alone elf women. Well then, goodnight Thorin." On that note the dwarf was pushed out of the room, doors shutting the hobbit in securely.

Thorin kept thinking about what that little hobbit had said, as if mentioning it offhandedly to the dwarf for future reference...what did Thorin care if Bilbo didn't fancy women? ...Okay, so deep down, way down in his secret place inside his mind, the king found that new bit of information quite interesting, and possibly something to explore if ever given the chance. But Thorin didn't dwell on his secret thoughts, he had other worries to keep at bay. Like plotting elves that would do things to his sleeping body and he'd never wake to know what they did to him...

Why did he come up with such terrible thoughts? Now he was going to have a very hard time sleeping. Perhaps thinking about Bilbos preferences would drive out evil plotting elf images.

-0-0-

Bilbo was snug in his bed, dreaming away the night when a light tapping sound awoke him. Slumber still at her weary eyes, the hobbit plopped out of bed, wobbly walked to the door and peeked out to see who would call on him at such a late hour.

"Bilbo, I can't sleep." It was Thorin! And by Gandalf's beard did the fellow look red eyed and tired!

"What do you want me to do, sing you a lullaby and kiss your teddy goodnight for you?" He tiredly teased the other, who then pushed aside the weak hobbit and shut the doors behind him.

"I don't like sleeping among elves without someone there to guard me in case they,..." He go awkwardly quiet.

"In case they what, Thorin?" Bilbo asked, curious as to why his mighty dwarf friend was so damn paranoid.

Thorins lower lip jutted out, his eyes looking anywhere but at Bilbo as he tried beating around the bush on what he was worried about, "Well, with what happened to you I worry they might think it funny to take...advantage of a sleeping dwarf. My head hits that pillow and all I imagine hearing are elves taking down their trousers and doing Durin knows what to my unconscious body. Shaming me while I sleep, the devils!" He was being very serious here, though with the content you have to imagine Bilbo's thoughts on the matter. He took it as a joke and chuckled, making Thorin shake the still sleepy eyed fellow by his nightshirt.

"I'm serious, Bilbo! They are cleaver, nasty things and I will sleep much better knowing your hobbit arse is here to keep them at bay." He looked Bilbo right in the eyes, wanting the hobbit to believe him.

"Geez, Thorin. Alright! Just climb on in, I guess. The bed is big enough to fit a whole army." He commented as Thorin let go his hold. Bilbo turned and scrambled into the bed and under the covers, his head dipping on the fluffy pillow as he watched Thorin stare uncertainly.

"What?" Bilbo asked, wanting to know the new issue the king had. Bilbo would be damned if Thorin thought he'd sleep on the floor. This was his room, after all. If Thorin didn't like bunking with hobbits, he could park his rear on the cold ground!

"I uh, I don't know how to say this without alarming you Bilbo. So I'm just going to wait till you're asleep to do it." Thorin coughed awkwardly as he waited for the hobbit to close his peeking eyes.

"What do you mean, 'It'? I find it even harder to fall asleep wondering what you're about to do that you don't want me seeing." He eyed the dwarf wearily, hoping it wasn't something like a gross dwarfish ritual.

"I won't do it while you're awake, Bilbo. So turn your head the other way and go to sleep." He gestured for the hobbit to do as he was told.

"Fine!" He hissed, rolling around but waiting this situation out. If he pretended to fall asleep, maybe he could catch Thorin in the act! Whatever that act might be...

A good half hour went by, and he started hearing rustling sounds, Bilbo waited patiently, listening intently to Thorins breathing. The bed sunk in a little, meaning the dwarf was already there, covers lifted and the hobbit was now sharing his bed with the king, but what was his big deal?

Acting as if moving around in his sleep, Bilbo closed his eyes, rolled over towards Thorin to face him, and cracked his eyes lightly to peek at his bedmate.

With the darkness of the room and the covers on, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Thorin was resting his eyes, laying on his back, he'd taken his shirt off because Bilbo could see the curly chest hairs peeking over the covers. So, he took his shirt off and didn't want Bilbo to see him? They'd seen each other barren before, in silly misadventures, why so shy now?

Bilbo shrugged at his friends behavior and cuddled into his pillow, resting his eyes seriously as they closed.

-0-0-

Elrond thought he'd serve his guest an extra special breakfast, waking early and setting up everyone to do their tasks efficiently, his time flying by. His guest had yet to come down of their own accord, so Elrond thought nothing of being a kind host and informing them that breakfast was ready. He headed for Bilbo's room first, opening the door gently and smiling warmly as he started informing the hobbit...

Elronds smile faded as his eyes took in the sight of Bilbos bed, his companion Thorin, was naked and spooning the hobbit as they slept on. Upset with the vision on Thorins naked, hairy ass searing into his eyes, the elf carefully shut the door and left them to their business. It wasn't his place to barge in on...on whatever that just was.

Hurriedly he went to the nearest wash basin and scrubbed his hands, feeling dirty at seeing the unwanted image and not knowing how else to make himself feel cleaner. "So much...hair..." He hissed the words to himself as he scrubbed faster, harder, wanting the dirty feeling gone from his mind and soul.

-0-0-

Lazily the hobbit began to awaken, blearily opening his eyes, his buttock pressed against something warm and hard. Carefully he rolled around in bed to look at the dwarf that had been spooning him unknowingly. Thorin was snoring lightly with his mouth open, making Bilbo giggle at the usually aloof king. Gently the hobbit pulled back the covers, getting ready to slip out of bed when his eyes took in the surprising fact that Thorin had slept in the nude. Face growing beat red, his eyes looked away from the bare body of his friend as he walked over to the wardrobe.

Apparently the dwarf woke up very proud in the mornings, Thorin's flag was most certain flying at full mast this day! It's appearance had thrown Bilbo for a loop as he vaguely worked at opening the wardrobe doors to access his clothes.

Well, this explained why Thorin had wanted Bilbo asleep last night, no way would the hobbit have let Thorins unclothed body slink in so closely to Bilbos...Maybe. Alright, so the hobbit wasn't sure how to feel about it. He liked Thorin, but the dwarf didn't know that and he wasn't going to try advancing on someone who wasn't an interested person, it just wasn't Bilbo's way.

Sighing with frustration over hormones he hadn't felt since his puberty years, the hobbit banged his head lightly against the wardrobe at his own cowardice. He had to tell Thorin eventually how he was feeling, but how ever was he going to do that? He needed advice, someone with years of experience in love. Elrond was old, maybe the elf could offer Bilbo some wisdom? With a small plot forming, he began dressing himself, letting Thorin sleep as much as he'd like. It wasn't Bilbo's place to wake the sleeping dwarf, he'd probably be happier with Bilbo gone when he awoke anyway, so that he could put on some clothes without admitting his nighttime fetish.

With his trousers buttoned, his shirt tucked in nicely, the hobbit was off to find Elrond and hopefully get the relationship advice he so badly needed.

-0-0-

The Hobbit belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien