"Bilbo, have I told you that I haven't had a proper bedding since before Smaug came to the mountain?" Thorin spoke openly, his arms around Bilbo's shoulders as they walked together down the hall towards the bedrooms.
"That long, Thorin? But you're such a sharp looking dwarf! I imagined you were bedding dwarfs often during your years wandering outside of your homeland." Bilbo confessed his thoughts, feeling very comfortable as he conversed with the other.
"I'm not one to admit this openly, but I found that my sex drive was nonexistent while wandering the lands, in search of a different place to call home. So much of my mind was on how and when I'd ever get back to the Lonely Mountain that relations just weren't apart of my agenda. Working with the blacksmiths throughout different towns, you wouldn't believe how many human maidens tried making advances. It was tiresome, always trying to do my work and have flocks of maidens ogling me like a prized cock. Excuse me, prized possession. I hated it." He spoke his mind to the listening friend, their steps moving into the bedroom of Bilbo.
They sat on the edge of the bed together as Thorin asked Bilbo a rather personal question, "When was the last time you were bedding someone, Bilbo?"
The hobbit blushed as he thought back to his last try at enjoying females in that manner.
"It was rotten." Were the first words out of his mouth, "I find that it was easier enjoying a conversation with a lady than actually enjoying her physically. They always expect you to be the forceful and fierce type while loving and I...I just don't have it in me. I rather the other lead the way, so to speak, than have me at the reins. And afterwords, they were never impressed, they just left right away and never talked to me again. I stopped having sex after that, I just felt like the worst partner a hobbit could ever have. I had made my peace with being a bachelor the rest of my days when you lot suddenly came into my life and made it exciting." He felt a hand reach out and take his own, Bilbo looked over at his friend and saw that the dwarfs eyes were glassy looking.
"You'd give up so easily, live your life alone, Bilbo? I find that a terrible waste, you're a loyal friend and have had my back in many battles. It is hard to believe such sadness ever existed in your past with how you go about your days in the mountain." Thorin squeezed Bilbos hand kindly as he spoke.
"It's because I am happy, staying in the mountain makes me feel a part of something bigger than just myself. I'm not reminded of missing out on normal hobbit lifestyles that I can never be apart of. I'm content living with you." He openly admitted to the dwarf.
"You know, Bilbo, I was worried you left us because you were missing the Shire." Thorin let out his thoughts.
"I came to see if you cared enough to follow, Thorin. With our last bout we had I wasn't sure if you still wanted me there."
"Bilbo!" Thorin tisked, "When will you see that I can't stand the thought of you ever going away?" He had a sincere smile as one hand cupped the blushing hobbits cheek affectionately.
"Bilbo, it's been bothering me since you said it, so I have to ask. The other night when you told me that you didn't fancy women, were you trying to tell me something else?" He searched the hobbits face questioningly.
"What do you think I meant?" The hobbit lightly teased the dwarf, Thorin put on a determined face.
"Tell me!" He demanded, taking both hands and holding down the hobbit by his upper arm, pushing his back against the bed.
"I think you know." Bilbo smiled playfully as he watched the dwarf fight internally with his own frustration.
"I have a guess, but I want a real answer from you!" He demanded of his captured companion, Bilbo looking up at the dwarf with a smart ass look on his face.
"I'm not telling." He playfully teased the other, squirming in Thorin's grasp and moving enough to roll away from the dwarf, smacking his body into the pillows on the upper part of the bed.
"Tell me!" He hissed at Bilbo as he clambered along the bed, reaching for the squirming hobbit.
They fussed and fought until Thorin had Bilbo pinned again, this time the hobbit was face down, his hands behind his back as Thorin demanded the hobbit tell him what he wanted.
"Fine, I don't fancy women because I find myself more attracted to...males." Bilbo answered the dwarf who was holding him captive in a very intimate manner.
Bilbo couldn't see it, but his words had made the dwarf blush, his eyes taking in just how provocative his position must seem while holding down his stubborn companion. Gently he let the hobbit go and moved his body off the fellow. Bilbo maneuvered himself so that he was sitting cross legged next to the quiet dwarf.
"Bilbo, my Oakenshield only releases when I think about you." This blunt statement made the hobbit gape at the dwarf, dumbstruck at the out of the blue admittance. Maybe Bilbo's feelings weren't one sided after all.
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Bilbo was the one to lean in ever so carefully and peck the dwarf lightly, timidly on the lips. Thorin held very still as the hobbit kissed him, his internal organs feeling as if they were on fire at the unexpected show of affection.
As Bilbo began to pull back slowly, the burning, passion filled dwarf swooped the hobbit into his arms and pressed his firm lips against the soft ones belonging to Bilbo. Hungrily he sought the hobbits mouth, his hands holding on tightly to the little bodied fellow as he tasted what the hobbit had to offer. Greedily Thorin began to roam his flowing fingers throughout the others body, diving under clothes and feeling warm, smooth skin.
Bilbo let him, enjoying the ferocity of his companions exploration, letting out a gasp as the rough handed dwarf pinched Bilbo teasingly on the nipple. Gandalf help him, he'd never felt so excited and wanting with any other partner!
Thorins mouth released it's hold while the dwarf hurriedly worked on taking off the hobbits shirt, tossing it aside and then removing his own so that they might touch skin to skin. Bilbos eyes turned huge as he watched the dwarf strip off his shirt, showing off his broad and hairy chest. Little hands sought to touch the hair, slipping along the others chest down to his abdomen.
Thorin let out a groan as he felt Bilbo guide his hands down to his abdomen, his loins undoubtedly showing how terribly bad the little one was teasing him. The hobbits eyes did indeed look down to the straddling waist and could easily tell that the dwarf was enjoying their intimate touches. Trousers still kept the powerful Oakenshield at bay, as the dwarf lowered himself to be flushed against the laying hobbit.
"Tell me, Bilbo, was this your grand plan? To woo me into submission?" He huskily spoke to the still wide eyed looking hobbit.
"I just wanted to tell you I had feelings for you, I never thought I'd get this kind of reaction, though." He admitted willingly to the smiling king.
"And how are you enjoying my reaction?" He coyly asked, taking a bold hand and seeing if the fellow was as interested as he was. Through the material of Bilbos trousers, Thorin could feel the others stiff manhood, this fact pleased the dwarf as he busily messed with the obscuring buttons.
"Thorin, maybe we should take this slow. I mean, we are acting a bit rashly, maybe we did have too much wine at dinner?"
"Nonsense! I barely drank any, that elf was probably just ready to rid himself of our company." Thorin argued, still working on the silly little buttons on his companions pants.
"Thorin, I don't want this to be some drunken fling and then we act like nothing happened the next day." Bilbo spoke his concerns, halting the dwarfs hands with his own.
"Bilbo, I..." Thorin paused his sentence, his face making an odd expression. "Bilbo?"
"Yes Thorin?"
"Bilbo I, I don't feel well." He spoke uneasily, moving off the hobbit hurriedly and holding his stomach in pain.
"Thorin?" Bilbo sat up and watched with growing concern as the dwarf rocked back and forth strangely.
"I ..." He stood up and rushed for the doors, leaving Bilbo alone and wondering what was wrong.
Hurriedly Thorin rushed down the halls, searching for a place to rid himself of the bile he felt building in his throat. Randomly he chose a door and zoomed into it, finding that he could hold out no longer, the dwarf started retching all over what he had assumed was an empty bed.
It was not, in fact, empty. Thorin had stumbled his way into Lord Elronds room and was now vomiting up half eaten mushrooms all over the suddenly awoken elf. Bile spat everywhere, the dwarf let it all out, the elf underneath the covers trying to quickly move out of the line of fire.
Cursing in elfish, Lord Elrond looked angerily at the dwarf and his now ruined blankets. Noticing with his keen eyes that the dwarf had retched up mushrooms, the elf started to connect the dots.
Leaving the dwarf without a word, Elrond marched his half vomited on body towards the kitchens. Throwing open the doors in his temper, the elf started calling out for all the cooks to line up and present themselves.
Uneasily the cooks lined up, trying hard not to gag at the smell Elrond had waifing off his body. Their lord paced up and down the line, grinding his teeth in his attempt to no fly completely off the handle.
"I demand to know who prepared the mushrooms this evening!" He barked out the order, a shaky legged elf moved forward, looking ashamed as Elrond marched up to the guilty faced other.
"What did you do to the food?!" He hissed angrily to the flinching underling.
"It was only a prank, Lord Elrond. I thought you disliked mushrooms and wouldn't eat them." He answered his irate leader.
"Oh, this isn't my bile that you're seeing. It's dwarfs vomit! That dwarf rushed into my room and retched all over my bed and myself. Mind explaining yourself?" He was twitching now, in his growing anger.
"The dwarf, he was rude to me in the sauna, so I thought I'd get back at him by serving the mushrooms that cause silly behavior. They weren't suppose to harm him or make him ill!"
"Well they certainly did, and I had to pay for your misdeeds because of it! I want you out of my kitchens and out of Rivendell before morning!" He pointed angrily to the exit.
Hurriedly the elf ran away from the fuming Elrond, the other elves waited quietly for further instructions, feeling sorry for their leaders predicament.
"Everyone else, if I find anymore foolish behavior from any of you or the others around here, so help me!" He hissed out his words as he turned on his heel to go take care of his filth ridden body. Since the arrival of his guests, Elronds people had been acting out of character, perhaps the sooner they left the better things would be in Rivendell...
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The Hobbit belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien