A/N: This is my first fanfic--like me being a virgin…Touch me for the very first time with a review, will ya?

SM owns twilight…I wish I owned Blue Eyes

Thanks to HK and DC for all the support!

THANKS again to my awesome beta DANI for the edits!!


Chapter 3 – Chats and Challenges

I landed in Phoenix just before midnight, pulling out my phone even before the fasten seat belt sign was 'no longer illuminated'. I wasn't surprised to find that Sean had called and left several messages. He had finished his last rotation and was taking a month off before subspecialty training. His attempts to schedule time with me were predictable given that we had continued our standing routine over the past three years. I would have gladly arranged something myself before this week's events, but now the thought of meaningless sex made me cringe with remorse.

Life is short, but is it selfish to expect more? And if one should expect more, what does 'more' look like exactly? My latest reaction to Edward Cullen sure seemed like more.

If you had MADE a booty call-- before Forks-- then you wouldn't have embarrassed your hormonal self over the Blue Eyed Cullen!

After an eye-roll to my inner critic, I retrieved my carry-on and wearily headed to the parking deck where my own loyal clunker was waiting. I reached my apartment and opened the door, immediately dropping my bags and kicking my shoes off as I collapsed on the couch. My intention was to drift into sleep at once, exhausted and still wearing my clothes, but my plan was quickly changed by sloppy wet kisses from a fifty-five pound boxer named Rio. My neighbor, Jill, had been watching the big baby since I left, and he was definitely making up for lost time. He nudged me with his black muzzle, wiggling the boxer dance across the living room and making it impossible for me to ignore him.

"Of course you want a walk now, huh?" I sighed. "C'mon boy….make it fast."

Still only half awake, I grabbed the leash and led him outside. I realized as I stood there in the moonlight that the landscape seemed even more barren now compared to the vast greenness I had just left in Forks.

Forks.

That entire trip seemed so surreal to me. From Jacob's death, to seeing Charlie again, to interviewing for a job I had no intention of wanting at The Cullen Retreat. I felt as if I had been pushed through this series of strange events by some unseen force. Even now with the return to my life here in Arizona, watching as Rio found the perfect set of rocks to saturate, I felt a growing sense of unease in the pit of my stomach. Rio looked at me expectedly with his big brown eyes, turning his head as if to remind me he was finished.

We walked back into the apartment and I realized that a shower was suddenly more necessary than going back to sleep at the moment. I peeled my clothes off and stepped into the hot steam, allowing the water to run down my shoulders, easing the tension from the plane ride and today's trials. Washing my long brown hair, I couldn't help but smile, remembering the cheesiness of Edward Cullen's past attachment to his 'glorious golden locks' as Alice called them. Did I really just sabotage a job interview by debating with a man over why he cut his hair?

You didn't want the job.

True.

But was that still true? Dr. Cullen's voice, as he described his vision of care and a holistic approach, echoed in my head. Plus, the environment of the Retreat itself was something most psychiatrists only dreamed of being a part of. The salary was definitely competitive, to say the least, and I would be closer to Charlie again--even though Dad seemed quite satisfied with his 'life without Bella' in Forks. On the other hand, the fact that no other doctors had jumped at the opportunity was definitely an enigma. Even the locum tenens' psychiatrists weren't staying very long, which made me concerned.

Carlisle had definitely skirted the issue when I questioned him and it was doubtful any of the other staff would be forthcoming. In fact, the predominance of the core medical staff that I met was either a Cullen or a family friend, except for Rosalie. Perhaps that arrangement alone was what kept people away. So, why was I still thinking about it at two o'clock in the morning?

Because you love a mystery and you know it.

I had always been the stubborn type when it came to a mystery, that much was true.

So, I stood in front of the mirror looking at my pale features and dark circles forming under my eyes as I pleaded with myself to let this one go. My long dark hair framed my face, the amber highlights matching the specks in my eyes. My mom, Renee, had always said my eyes were an open book, begging to be read.

How I wish someone like Edward would want to read me.

I acknowledged that my looks were fair, with ivory skin, large brown eyes, high cheekbones, and lips which were no Angelina, but well defined. I suppose my breasts were normal in size, although I never had the opposite sex comment on them, so their perceived quality remained a mystery to me.

Edward got a good look—perhaps you could ask him?

Ignoring myself, I continued the perusal of my body in the mirror, running my hands over my waist, turning to assess the physical aspects that most magazines and media stress are all important to men. My ass was toned, and I had always been proud of my legs, sculpted and smooth from the daily jogs I took with Rio. I knew I was no Rosalie, but the woman before me seemed to be physically average at least.

So, how was it that in my entire life the men I found attractive never returned the interest? I had struggled with that dilemma for years, wondering why I was always the one who watched from a distance as my friends got the guy, repeatedly. If a man did show interest he was usually the type that one would see on the cover of a nuclear physicist magazine, assuming the generalization about physicists. If not the stereotypical nerd, then they seemed to be the predator type, aka "creepo" as my girlfriends would dub them. I often felt like I was wearing an 'insecure and awkward' sign that lit up to those individuals, just another of my personal crosses to bear. The dating and eventual friends with benefits relationship with Sean was finally a means to an end. I had promised myself that I wouldn't turn thirty and still be a virgin, so when he asked me out in the hospital cafeteria and I didn't immediately have a visceral reaction, I knew I had found a solution.

I even realized that sex could be enjoyable after a while, once I deciphered the right amount of foreplay I needed to provide for myself before joining Sean in the bedroom. He never lasted more than a few minutes, so if I relied solely on him I was left unfulfilled and annoyed that I had cleared my schedule for the night. However, when I saw Edward Cullen today, and my body reacted, I was reminded once again that I was settling. People like him were never attainable, but I always found myself drawn to them.

Never that strongly, Bella.

Whatever.

It helped when he opened his mouth and I had realized he was a prick, of course. No one could look that beautiful and not have flaws, I suppose. The irony was that I was attracted to him despite his rudeness and audacity to challenge my psychological opinions. So much so that I was standing naked in front of my bathroom mirror, at this moment, wondering if he would find me attractive in the least.

Was I still thinking about this job because it intrigued me, or because the music therapist rocked me to the core of my being?

I finally shook my head, turning off the light and crawling into my bed. As I willed myself to close my eyes, I repeated, "Sleep it off, Bella. Sleep it off."

I woke up to my daily alarm clock blaring at its usual 5:30 am time for my morning ritual: eight ounces of water, running with Rio, shower, java, and work. The difference today was that I didn't have to go to work. In fact, I was on vacation for the next 4 weeks, at which time I was to start as a consult physician for the Arizona State Psychiatric Hospital in Phoenix. My contract with the three hundred bed facility was not yet signed, even though I had made a verbal commitment already. I informed Dr. Cullen of my pending contract and the likelihood of my staying in Arizona when I interviewed yesterday, but he seemed eager for me to come despite those facts.

I shook the cobwebs from my mind and shot daggers at Rio, daring him to get up. "We're sleeping in today, bud." I hit the clock and rolled over, staying in bed for the rest of the morning.

When I finally got up, it was closer to noon and I managed to feed myself and walk Rio without too much energy spent. I crashed back on the couch and booted up my laptop, planning to spend the next few hours on email and YouTube which was my most recent addiction.

My inbox was flashing with thirty unread messages, one in particular catching my eye immediately, which was sent from Dr. Cullen himself. He was thanking me again for the interview and asking for permission to follow-up with a phone call. I was flattered Carlisle would actually be interested in me joining his staff, especially after the lunch fiasco, but I hesitated instantly. I had to be honest with myself; four years of training in psychological formulations and insight oriented therapy were good for something, right?

My reaction to Edward Cullen was still bothering me. After just one hour with the man I found myself obsessing over him, and this wasn't me. As much as I wanted to politely decline Dr. Cullen's request for a second interview and sign my contract with the state hospital, I was hesitating. That hesitation had Blue Eyed Wonder written all over it.

I watched as my fingers typed a message in reply, accepting the request for a follow-up phone call, which I gathered would include a more formal offer. From what I could gather of Dr. Carlisle Cullen, he was a hard man to say no to when he wanted something.

But why does he want you?

I began sifting through my other emails and washed some clothes when I heard my 'you've got mail' ding come from the laptop. I felt the giddy excitement as I saw it was indeed Dr. Cullen's response. What surprised me was that, as he confirmed the time for tomorrow morning's call, he questioned my ability to internet group chat. Apparently having the input from the medical and treatment staff was not just window dressing in his attempt to lure me in. He actually desired his staff to have a chance to ask me any further questions regarding my qualifications, background, interests, and vice versa. Of course, I immediately felt my heart pounding out of my chest.

Will Blue Eyes be online for the chat? Deep breaths….

I replied with an affirmative response to his question and began mentally arguing over why I was even continuing this course of action.

Sometime during the day, Sean called once again, but I found myself explaining to him that casual just didn't work for me anymore. He was stunned to say the least, but quickly adjusted his tone as if checking a box. He wished me luck with my new job he assumed was here in Phoenix. His last words to me were like a paper cut. "You know, the State Hospital is not the best place to meet people, Bella. When you get tired of work and your mutt, you let me know and I'll pencil you back in."

At first I replied with a sarcastic "I'll keep that in mind" and hung up the phone, not giving it much credence. But just as a finger becomes tender after a seemingly minor cut, his words began to gnaw at me, causing my emotions to teeter on edge the rest of the day. Who did he think he was saying that to me?

The only guy you've ever screwed and he knows it.

I fixed myself some tuna salad and watched the history channel for a while, truly in a funk that would only be ended by more sleep. As I went to bed and set my clock to 6:00 am, I was on vacation after all, I thought about the follow-up with the Cullen Retreat tomorrow. Aside from the fact that I was already settled here, just what was keeping me in Arizona?

*****

I ran hard, pushing myself to burn all the nervous energy regarding Dr. Cullen's call. The more I considered the possibility, the more I realized that a move back to Washington may be just what I needed. Staying in Arizona, in this protective rut I had created, would likely guide me right back to where Sean predicted, penciled in on his calendar and 'settling' the rest of my life. Well I was tired of settling. I wanted a chance to find true happiness, to find myself.

Is this just about a man Bella?

No!

The Retreat could be the answer to my need for a new start, and Dr. Cullen's offer could provide me the opportunity of a lifetime if I were willing to accept the obvious concerns. The fact that no one else had wanted the job, or that Dr. Cullen had not approved of them, was important. The nepotism that seemed openly accepted in the place was different to say the least. And Edward Blue Eyes Cullen would be someone I would have to interact with.

Without becoming wet every time you see him.

I showered and finished off a bagel with coffee as I contemplated how to handle that very issue when the phone rang. Dr. Cullen did not disappoint his reputation, to say the least. His offer was far more than I expected, including a clause for renegotiation after one year. When I discussed my hesitancy regarding the State Hospital here in Arizona, Carlisle assured me his close relationship with the director would smooth out any hurt feelings if I, in fact, chose the position at the Retreat. He had me nearly signing on the proverbial dotted line after just thirty minutes, and I was both stunned and thrilled that I was actually going through with this.

Finally Carlisle mentioned the group chat via my internet browser and a specialized list serve he had created. He walked me through the steps to set up my account and the chat, explaining that the others would log on individually and we would all be able to discuss my joining the staff in detail. Just as promised, I watched as each of the core medical and treatment staff signed on.

Alice logged on first after Carlisle, with a "Bella! I'm thrilled you're actually considering us!" I could picture her pixie hair bouncing with excitement through the screen. The others including Rosalie, Emmet, and another internist named Mike logged on with more subdued greetings. Of course, I held my breath in the last minutes, letting out a huge sigh as I saw 'E Cullen is online' flash across my screen.

Well I'll be damn, even his name on a screen makes you excited.

As the question and answer period ensued, I watched his name icon as if it were about to do a magic trick. I wasn't surprised he didn't speak when he logged on, given our last exchange. I detailed the others in my training and background, as well as my desire to include the entire psychological elements into patient care, not just evidence based on biological treatments.

Dr. Mike Newton seemed to be quite friendly and helpful with all of my questions, as did Emmet when it came to adjunct personnel questions.

I was enjoying the discussion, and the interview was almost over, when a new pop up window appeared on the screen saying 'New message from E Cullen'. I sat there confused that this message was not on the running group chat box until I realized he had sent me a private message. I clicked on the box with nervousness, reading it three times before allowing it to register.

"Are you wasting our time, Isabella?" Edward's message read.

Did the man never hear of subtlety? After answering one of Mike's questions with the group, I replied to Edward succinctly, "Is working there a waste of mine?" I couldn't believe he was talking to me privately, but it seemed to feel right, given his angst and demeanor when I first met him.

He responded quickly, "You know it's the offer of a lifetime. Quit overanalyzing it, shrink."

My mouth dropped open. Who did he think he was being so forthright with me?!

God that's hot.

I stewed on his words as I started saying goodbye to the others online, letting them all know I would respond to Dr. Cullen's offer by the end of the week.

I sent one last reply to Blue Eyes before logging off. "I'll mull it over and seek inspiration from Chopin, how's that suit the music counselor?"

I knew music therapy was a well studied and excellent form of adjunct treatment for some patients, but I had to jab at his position in response to the 'shrink' comment.

I quickly logged off before he could respond, feeling my pulse quicken and my blush deepen over the exchange. Yes, I would definitely need to have a plan of action regarding Edward Cullen when I started employment. When being the key word, since I knew, even before signing off, that the Chief Psychiatrist position at The Retreat would be filled by none other than Dr. Isabella Swan.

Oh, hell yeah.

A/N: Who wouldn't want a private chat with BlueEyes?!