Authors Note: So, I decided Bella would admit to herself that she was falling already….even if only subconsciously through her dreams….and yes…women can have wet dreams…and we should NEVER be ashamed of them!!!
Continued Shout Outs to:
My inspiration – TEAM CLEAN
Awesome Beta – Dani
Chapter 4 – Farewell and Fantasies
Last night was the first time I dreamed of Edward Cullen, or fantasized would be more accurate. He was standing beside my bed, staring at me with an intensity so strong that I didn't dare scream or speak. I was mesmerized in the quiet of my room as his eyes grew darker in color. He was no longer Blue Eyes. The intensity of his gaze was a darker grey, like the sky when thunderclouds rolled in; just before lightning strikes.
I sat up in bed as the sheets fell to my waist, causing my hair to cascade around my shoulders and exposed breasts. My nipples were taut from chills that covered my entire body in rippled effect. He seemed to be struggling with something as his breathing labored. The heat from his presence was noticeable and I could feel my body react. Instead of a fear response, I watched my hand in slow motion as it reached out to him in the moonlit shadow. He stepped forward as I found his arm. The electricity from his touch ignited my desire. My hand trailed up his bicep and I felt his muscles tense under my fingers. I kneeled on the bed while I continued to trace up his arm, eye to eye with him. Rounding over his broad shoulders, I placed both hands on his chest. The moment seemed perfect. There were no words needed. Edward finally reached out to me and rested his hands, gently, on my waist. His fingers began tracing circles under the lace of my ivory thong, tortuously pulling down the sides ever so slightly before retreating. I leaned forward to inhale his scent. My lips parted to seek out his taste, my hands traveled to explore his chest, and my flesh pleaded to be ravaged.
My body jumped as the alarm clock yanked me into the horrible reality that was morning. My hair was tousled, my panties soaked, my body aching, and my legs quivering.
That's just typical. Even your wet dreams are cock-blocked.
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life, chica," I groaned and rolled over in bed.
Rio was lying on his back beside me. The folds of skin over his jaw were falling back around his face with his four paws raised to the ceiling. He enjoyed the comfort many humans didn't have, let alone dogs. I mumbled something to that effect as I stumbled out of bed, stubbing my toe in the process, while cursing PG style. He turned his head and looked at me quizzically with his sleepy brown eyes. If he could talk, I imagined he would say, "Where's a dog? Do we own one of those?"
The past few weeks were a blur following my second interview with Carlisle. I met with the director of the state hospital in Phoenix, even though Dr. Cullen had offered to mediate if needed. If I was going to back out of a verbal commitment, I was certainly going to do it like a woman.
A strong woman.
I knew I was making the right decision when I arrived for the appointment because it was one of those rare occasions that I felt perfectly calm. The lack of anxiety solidified my resolve as I informed Dr. Kaplan I was taking another position back home. Initially, there was irritation and bargaining, until he pushed for information on my new employment offer. He quieted at the mention of the Cullen Retreat.
"I didn't realize Carlisle was still searching for a psychiatrist, Bella. I don't know what to say. Of course we will miss you here. I've enjoyed watching you grow throughout your training." His back peddling was amazing.
"Why did you think they weren't looking for a psychiatrist?" I asked brusquely.
"Well, I assumed." He paused. "Let's just say that Dr. Cullen tends to hand pick his staff and have all things in order. But no matter, if the position has been offered, Dr. Swan--as your former mentor--I would advise you take it."
I was stunned that Dr. Kaplan would support me taking the job in Washington. He had recruited me since my intern year in psychiatry to join his staff. Now he pulled a one eighty and told me to take the job with Carlisle, without hesitation or discontent.
"I'm confused… I mean, thank you for your understanding, but why am I getting your blessing so easily?"
He smiled as he leaned back in the chair, his arms crossed behind his head and his chest jutted out in the usual male dominance seeking behavior. "It's the opportunity of a lifetime. That's a given. I will say that I've seen you come into your own these past years. The timid young woman I first met can now stand her ground with the best of them. And that's exactly what you will need to do. Don't ever question your abilities, Dr. Swan. You're a natural. I want you to know you can call me anytime."
"Thanks, Dr. Kaplan," I answered.
"Bella, since I'm no longer your boss, please, call me Stephen." He grinned again as I stood to leave, shaking my hand while placing another on my shoulder in paternal fashion. "I can't wait to see what you become."
That makes two of us!
Isn't it interesting that Carlisle gave you first name rights even AS your future boss?
Accepting the job was my first decision that wasn't painstakingly planned since I had left Forks high school. It felt wonderful.
*****
I lifted my last bag off the floor. The tiny apartment, once housing my entire life's belongings, looked quite roomy as it sat before me empty. The moving company picked up most of the boxes and furniture yesterday, with all major arrangements complete. Charlie had offered me the spare room with what seemed like genuine excitement, but I couldn't fathom living in my old bedroom again.
Too many bad memories, too many sleepless nights.
I was planning on a temporary apartment while I continued house hunting, until human resources called concerning my orientation schedule at the Retreat. After we reviewed the appointments for compliance training and paperwork, she dropped a bombshell and informed me that housing was available on the estate itself, if I was interested. "Duplex cottages" was the term used to be exact. I listened with my mouth agape as she reiterated the details of the housing, emphasizing three times that it was a part of the employment package.
Because you asked her over and over! She thinks you're either deaf or impaired, for sure.
I walked to my car, wondering how my furniture would fit in the new place. I was more than excited to see my 'cottage', or apartment, or whatever it was.
Who cares, it's free! Nothings free and you know it.
I shook the confusion and disbelief away once again, a habit I had grown accustomed to since beginning this journey. Rio waited in the passenger seat of my old clunker, excited for the road trip that was going to have him whining incessantly within thirty minutes. I decided to drive when I realized I'd have to drug and crate him inside the bottom of the plane. I couldn't do that, even though I was sure I'd want to knock him out before the trip was over. Boxers are not the type of dogs that do well with confinement.
"You get walk-breaks every three hours Rio. Don't even think about more!"
He panted eagerly with his docked nub wagging as I slid into the driver's seat. I thought about my iPod in the carry on and wished I had taken the time to download some tunes for the drive.
Like?
Hahaha.
My lack of music knowledge was a running joke to my friends and myself. I loved music, but I never took the time to gain familiarity with the artists or fully appreciate it. Choosing a party playlist or picking a station during a weekend road trip always made me extremely nervous. I felt like the songs I chose divulged something about me and exposed my inner thoughts or feelings. Letting others know the real me would place my insecurities on display and that was not on my bucket list.
I wonder if Blue Eyes could help you with your music anxiety?
Here we go again with the fantasies. Arrrgh!
My thoughts about Edward had only increased. Every day something would trigger a memory of how he looked that first day during lunch. How his eyes stared at me the entire time we were together. Or the way he tried to run his fingers through his hair that was no longer there. I wondered if he realized how instantly attracted I had been to him, or if he had noticed my body reacting via traitorous nipples. It wasn't until last night that I had actually dreamed a fantasy so detailed. I supposed it was the excitement of moving, but I was still shaken over the feelings that my recent flight of the imagination had stirred in me. My sexual frustration was at its peak; given that there were no more friends with benefits for Bella.
"One thousand six hundred and thirty-seven miles, Rio. Driving straight through it should take us twenty-three hours and fifty minutes, according to MapQuest," I mumbled. Rio cocked his head and looked at me unbothered, accustomed to my obsessive ramblings after years of hearing them. I continued unashamed, "We'll shoot for twenty-one, how's that?"
I scanned the radio as I drove past the 'Leaving Phoenix' highway sign. On more than one occasion, country music would blare through the speakers to remind me that I was lonesome, suicidal, and should drink my sorrows away.
I should have downloaded some frackin' iTunes.
Rest areas and truck stops helped along the way. I walked Rio, or let him walk me, every three hours as promised. Nearly twenty-two hours later, I passed the 'Welcome to Forks' sign, the letters were blurry from my lack of sleep. I was prone to pulling all nighters in my years of residency, but the road seemed to lull me into a kind of hypnotic state. I sighed with exhaustion as I pulled into Charlie's drive, having promised him I would stop there first. He must have been waiting since he came out to greet me immediately and helped me into the house and onto his couch.
"It's five AM, Bella! You drove straight through, huh?" I barely made out his figure as he shook his head, my lids fluttering closed. I felt Rio curl up by my feet on the couch when Charlie whispered, "Sleep for a few, we'll talk later."
When I woke up, I could smell coffee and burnt bacon. I knew immediately I had made it safely to Charlie's. I walked into the kitchen and observed the sweetest site ever as Dad was trying his best to cook breakfast.
"Dad, let me help you with that!"
"No Bells I got it. You sit right there---and I made you coffee."
I sipped on the strongest java I had tasted since the waffle house brew I had gotten hooked on in medical school. Watching Charlie butcher the eggs was entertaining. We sat in silence for a while since he obviously remembered that I was not a morning person. Enjoying silence was a quality we had in common, one that aided me in my medical career.
After managing to swallow at least half of the meal, he pushed back from the table, grinning. "Sure is great to have you home for good, Bells. Even if it does mean you working at that Insane Asylum."
Charlie was set on me becoming a Pediatrician when I entered medical school, a fact I was still reminded of by locals who thought I was training in Peds in Arizona all these years. My choosing psychiatry was a surprise to him and a struggle. Dealing with the erratic behavior and mood swings of my mom while married was hard for him. In addition, arresting and transporting people with substance abuse or mental illness were experiences Charlie participated in daily. He knew the good I could provide for patients as well as the danger I could face in my field of choice. He had encouraged me to specialize in child psychiatry on numerous occasions. But when the more chronic, mentally ill population gained my interest, Charlie was not happy.
"Asylum was once a kind word, Dad. A place of respite, of peace. The Cullen Retreat is amazing, something most people would only imagine."
"Huh." Charlie made a half-grimace before standing to place the dishes in the sink.
"Huh? What was that? Please elaborate." I knew he was holding back.
"There's been quite a bit of talk this past year, Bella. Dr. Cullen has been wonderful to our community, and I've had nothing but great interactions with his family…" he trailed off.
"I sense a but here?" I asked patiently as I watched his face contort.
He chose his words carefully. "That's the thing, Bells… that family, especially the younger son, Edmund. There have been rumors about him, saying he's unstable, even dangerous. He was the last to arrive after the hospital was finished and he would usually travel back and forth from Canada. I hear he's staying there permanently and working there. The entire family seems to be protective of him. And now you've decided you're going to be living on the estate… It just doesn't feel right."
"His name is Edward, Dad." I tried to hide the irritation in my voice. Why did I care if Charlie had concerns over Blue Eyes? It's not like I haven't had the exact same thoughts in my head.
My words flowed in an anxious manner. "I've met him once. He seems average enough."
Liar.
"Plus, the free housing is hard to pass up, considering I could walk to work. It's managed like a wildlife reserve. Please be happy for me Dad, I'm excited about this, a new start."
Charlie nodded but didn't speak. I knew I had his unconditional support, even though he was an eternal worrier.
Um, just like you!
As I headed towards the retreat I kept thinking about Charlie's words. Was Edward trouble? Did the Cullen family purposefully protect him from the public? I rolled the windows down and turned up the radio in an attempt to clear my mind. Rio was immediately ecstatic as he stuck his head out, enjoying the wind in his face. When I passed the last curve before the entrance was in view, I smiled. My near collision with a certain Volvo owner had been just months before.
He's not a mystery for you to solve Bella. He's a coworker. Don't screw this up.
I turned left, after entering the drive, and circled around the main building and gardens, which continued towards the rear of the property.
When a large lake came into view, I gasped. It was surrounded on one side by small stone cottages, scattered along the narrow bank in no particular order. Each of them was facing the water. Across the lake was a larger house, modernly designed. It blended seamlessly into the landscape with glass windows overlooking the property on all sides.
"This is unbelievable!" I said out loud, struggling to take it all in.
My eyes narrowed as I drove by each of the numbered cottages, searching for the number 10B. There was great relief when I preemptively counted out each duplex, confirming that mine was on the very end beside the wooded landscape. I passed by cottage number 9 and slowed down. In a moment of recognition my heart stopped.
Oh my God. He's my neighbor—my duplex mate?
Yes! No!! Yes!!
A silver Volvo sat in front of my designated cottage in the space for the tenant of 10A. The sun bounced off its perfect finish and reflected the light directly into my eyes. Because of my temporary blindness, I failed to recognize that Edward Cullen himself was indeed standing beside his car. His arms were crossed and he was watching me pull in.
I cut off the engine and stepped out of my Nissan, stretching and enjoying the sun on my face. Truly sunny days in Forks were rare, one of the few aspects of Arizona I would miss. I walked around the car and opened the trunk, pulling out a carry-on bag and a leash for Rio.
"Wow. People actually still listen to FM radio?" His voice startled me.
It's your imagination. He's not really there, taunting you about the music that was coming from your car.
I turned to look at him, knowing he would be there, sexy as ever. But it was worse. He was wearing just a t-shirt and jeans, but the shirt was faded and torn. It teased me with glimpses of skin across his chest and abs.
Just rip it off.
"Hello, Edward."
"Isabella." He stood there frozen, as if waiting for me to continue or respond to his comment.
He obviously hadn't been informed of my comfort with silence. I watched his face with interest while holding my hand up to my eyes in order to shield the sun. His features were more beautiful than I remembered, and being face to face again was better than any of the fantasies I had imagined over the last four weeks. He frowned after a few seconds ticked by, but didn't move. I wondered who was going to break the silence for us this time, since we both seemed to be entrenched in staring the other down. My answer came with a bark!
Rio bounded out of the car window at breakneck speed. He pounced on Blue Eyes, sending him toppling to the ground. I heard muffled groans as I watched my baby lick Edward from head to toe, followed by the sound of, laughter? Rio was wagging his nub and shaking his floppy ears playfully.
I was so taken aback by the encounter that I didn't hear Alice run up behind me from cottage 9A, her door still ajar.
"Oh my goodness!!! Look at you! Such a good boy!" Alice squealed.
Rio jumped off of Edward immediately to share his Boxer love with Alice, who seemed to be yet another neighbor. One thing that had been constant with Rio, since I purchased him as a puppy, was his judge of people. Usually he was slow to warm up to strangers, but within an hour I could tell whether a person was genuine by Rio's response. It was the one argument Sean and I could never overcome, since Rio never warmed up to Sean.
Blue Eyes managed to return to his feet, brushing off the dirt and smiling. It was the first time that I had ever seen him smile. His grin was beyond words, causing me to stutter when I finally called out to Rio and commanded him to heel. He trotted over from Alice and I leashed him, thankful to have him controlled for the moment. Looking back towards Edward, I realized his smile was already gone. It made me question if I had imagined it to begin with.
Maybe Rio was just letting out his pent up energy from the past twenty-four hours. Maybe I had misread Edward's reaction and he was annoyed by the attack, not enamored by it. Maybe my Boxer was losing his intuition about people and had offered his affection to Blue Eyes and Alice by mistake.
Never bet against Rio.
A/N: Hope you dream of your own BlueEyes tonight!!!