A/N: This chapter contains a quote from Kristen Stewart about cats, I give her the credit.
It also contains twilight Fanfic, I give SM credit—she owns it.
It also contains Blue Eyes and Pet Snakes….those belong to Team Clean (thanks HK!)
Forever thanks to Dani, my awesome beta, and Magan Bagan/Psymom for their work!
Chapter 6 – Pricks and Pythons
The orientation and compliance training made for a hellish two days of completing paperwork while watching mandatory videos that were made in the 1970s. I used the brief lunches for moving into my office, which had an amazing view of the gardens on the east wing. Alice and Rose stopped by to help with arranging the furniture, of which Alice did most of the arranging. I nicknamed her 'Lil Firecracker' since she was obviously packed full of energy and capable of extravagant displays. Rose commented on her antics with cynicism, creating this unlikely and entertaining support group.
My evenings were just as busy as I finished unpacking. I visited Charlie's, surprising him with a home cooked meal. Despite my limited skills, he's always loved my homemade lasagna. I knew he could re-bake it over the next week as leftovers. We used dinner to catch up on his life as Chief of Police for Forks. He seemed happy for the most part, spending all of his free time consoling Billy who was still dealing with the loss of Jake.
My own thoughts returned to Jake often. I wondered how he would feel about me living here again, or the jokes he would make at my expense since I swore I would never return. His sense of humor and unconditional acceptance of me were what I missed the most. He was my closest confidant. And now he was gone. I wondered if I'd ever find that kind of connection with another person in my life, or if I was destined to continue each day in cluttered isolation.
I left Charlie's house late Tuesday and pulled into the drive around midnight. Glancing at the silver Volvo parked next to me, I mumbled under my breath incoherently. Edward had been MIA since Sunday. He was not at work, not around the cottages, and definitely not on the patio.
You freaked him out, Peeping Shrink!
Granted, I hadn't seen much of anyone except for the other personnel undergoing orientation. Carlisle met me outside his office and accompanied me to the patient/resident care area. He introduced me to nursing, staff, and other physicians who crossed our path. I saw Mike wave in passing, but for the most part, was greeted by an onslaught of introductions I would never be able to remember tomorrow.
I finally met the nurse manager, Jessica Stanley. She was this talkative ball of pent up anxiety and insecurity. Her superficial smile and placating words toward Carlisle had me cringing after five minutes.
Make that four and a half minutes, at which time she turned to me. "Please let me know if there's anything you need, Dr. Swan. I expect our nurses to provide comprehensive reports in check-out each morning, as well as for treatment team every three days. If there's a problem, or if you prefer I consult with you directly as the nurse manager, I will make sure that's arranged. We're just so thrilled to finally have a psychiatrist here full-time instead of the locum tenens docs who come and go. Not that I'm complaining, Carlisle—I mean Dr. Cullen! I know the quality of patient care is your top priority. I hope we can discuss the way you would like to run the treatment team on Friday as well as the milieu of the groups and activities we have planned over the next few days, Dr. Swan…."
I listened in awe as I counted the seconds for her to take a breath. Her blonde hair was bobbing as she spoke and she used her hands in this exaggerated manner which caused me to take a step back, seeking more personal space. She didn't seem to notice as she answered with one giant step in return, so I surrendered and nodded my head accordingly. She continued for another 10 minutes.
Close talker alert!
The heavens had mercy on me as Carlisle interrupted and I met the remainder of the treatment team who I'd be working directly with. That included a social worker named Angela, several other RNs, a few LPNs, and two nurse techs. Angela was the polar opposite of Jessica, a shy personality with an endearing smile. She had light brown skin and dark brown eyes, exuding this innate caring attitude which was evident in her description of the residents. Of course, my conversation with Angela was short lived as Jessica interrupted to introduce more staff.
Alice entered the room during Jessica's latest rant, grinning at me with that knowing smile. I had to look away quickly once I realized she was invoking my inappropriate laughter response. I was thrilled that I'd be working with Alice every day. She was the primary psychologist for the Retreat, and our duties would overlap for many of the residents. She would handle all of the psychological testing and I would prescribe the medication and biological treatments. Psychological therapies were something we would collaborate on. Alice was skilled in dialectical groups, cognitive behavioral and psychoeducational techniques. I preferred insight oriented and analytical therapy, making our pairing an excellent match.
The additional therapists and adjunct personnel such as Emmet and Rose provided mindfulness activities, vocational rehabilitation, and fitness training. They were unavailable during the day's introductions, since they were leading afternoon groups at the time. The music therapist specifically was also nowhere to be found.
Imagine that.
"Have you met Edward, Dr. Swan?" Jessica asked, seemingly reading my mind. "He has a group in ten minutes, but I'm sure you've talked with him before since you guys are neighbors!" She blushed and turned to another staff member quickly.
Well at least someone seems more interested in him than afraid of him.
I don't know- I think you should feel much better given her recognition of social cues thus far?
"Yes, we've met. And Jessica? I'd prefer you call me Bella in personal conversation or in closed treatment team. If the resident is present, or if we are on rounds, than I do prefer Dr. Swan. It helps establish clear boundaries in my doctor-patient relationships," I tried my best to inform her professionally.
"Of course, Dr. Swan - I mean Bella! Making those boundaries clear is SO important in what we practice, and helps us to better treat the resident without getting enmeshed, which is so easy to do sometimes!"
I bet.
Jessica began 'running the list', reviewing the residents who would be under my care starting tomorrow. She gave me a brief overview of each case, explaining how I could access their entire histories from the secure electronic medical record and intranet available throughout the Retreat. Other than the brief review of my patient list, I had heard most of the information redundantly during orientation. Nevertheless, I thanked her for her helpfulness as well as the remainder of the team.
I rose to follow Carlisle from the room but was stopped by several of the staff who wanted to make small talk on my way out. My goal of reaching the doorway was blocked when another male physician appeared, stopping by to say hello, I presumed.
He stood halfway in the entrance, holding the door open, making it somewhat uncomfortable for me to pass without brushing against him eye to eye.
What's with these people and personal space?
He was a tall man with sandy blonde hair and small eyes, his features coarse and hardened as if from too much sun exposure.
"Excuse me," I spoke as I passed.
"It's my pleasure, Dr. Swan. Or may I call you Bella, as well?"
His words, although polite, carried an undertone, which made me cringe. His beady eyes assessed me up and down, twice!
Creepo ALERT!
You left your neon sign on again, huh?
Arrgh.
"Isabella Swan," I held out my hand, giving him my formal name as a shield from his attempt at inappropriate familiarity. "And you are?"
"I'm James - The locum tenens who has been keeping your patients well until your arrival." He winked.
Winked! Ewwww.
"Carlisle asked that I continue on for a few months, since the resident census has been at capacity lately. I was unsure of splitting the cases with a new doc, but now that we've met, I'm sure it will be a pleasure working with you. You just finished training right?"
Is he pulling the experience card right away? PRICK!
"Yes. I finished my chief residency this summer." I didn't elaborate. Never show your cards when you don't have to. His stance and overall demeanor made me very uncomfortable, and I wondered how the patients felt about him.
"Bella, let's get going! I have one more idea for your new office!"
Lil' firecracker to the rescue.
Alice led me away briskly, but I called back to James down the hall. "I look forward to working with you, too, James."
Liar.
Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. I wasn't certain, but I'd bet 'all in' that our locum tenens would NOT make the friend category.
*****
So here I was, at 1 a.m. on Wednesday morning, sitting at my desk in the spare room, turned home office, staring at the screen on my laptop. My first official day was in a few hours, and I was too excited to sleep. Sporadic insomnia was something I had dealt with often throughout medical school.
I logged onto the intranet and electronic record database, reviewing the medical histories for each of my patients. After meeting the locum tenens, James, I was hesitant to trust any assessment or diagnosis he had given the various residents. If he was that unaware of his own inept social skills, missing crucial interpersonal cues from patients was likely a given.
One resident, in particular, caught my eye. She was a 22 year old woman named Ms. Hiller, who was suffering from delusions of persecution, feeling punished by God. She presented with hyper-religiosity on admission, stating she was "a holy messenger who Satan would hunt down to silence". Her symptoms had grown worse over the past few weeks to the point of being on 1:1 suicide precaution and observation. James had given her the diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia, but she had no family history and seemed to have very little in the way of other symptoms, except for this delusion. I read each clinical note on Ms. Hiller, scouring the records for clues and formulating a plan of action for later today. I wondered what message she was focused on sending out from God…..
Speaking of messages!
I'm not sure how long it was there, or why I didn't notice it before, but my eyes eventually froze on a pop up box that had been hidden among the patient records I was reviewing.
E Cullen is online.
The little green dot flashed repeatedly, beckoning my resolve to crumble. My mind raced.
Should I? Shouldn't I?
No.
But I really want to!
Freud would say that the decision was made by my 'id', as I typed a quick message to him via the chat program.
[B: You missed treatment team today.]
I waited in anticipation with tightness in my chest. How would he respond, if at all? Eternity passed in the span of 5 seconds.
[E: How nice of you to miss me.]
His response flashed across the screen.
Bastard.
[B: I didn't say I missed you. Perhaps you should read more carefully. The devil is in the details.]
My inability to resist his antagonizing comments was infuriating!
[E: Can't admit your narcissistic injury-- that not everyone came to bow down to the reigning Queen today?]
Prick! Why do I keep trying?
[B: Can't admit your avoidance of someone who correctly identifies your insecurities- and a presumed hair fetish?]
I responded tersely, posting an addendum quickly out of guilt. I always regretted my negative barbs, but never enough to keep them in.
[B: You do realize you asked for my opinion on the hair topic that day, right? I meant no ill will.]
[E: Ill will? Do people still use that term?]
OK. So I do talk like an 80 year old woman at times. Bite Me, Blue Eyes!
[B: I don't speak for other people, Edward. How would I know? Is there anything about me that you don't want to complain about?]
[E: I like your dog.]
Well at least he has some taste. Who wouldn't love Rio?
Sean didn't.
[B: Rio? What's not to like. Are you a dog person, Edward? :)]
I sat there wondering if the smiley face was too much. Just having him talking to me made me want to smile for some odd reason.
[E: I don't know. I think they're loyal.]
Interesting choice of words, Blue Eyes.
Had he been hurt by someone? Is that why he has been so angry and sarcastic?
[B: They're more than loyal! Especially Boxers like Rio. He can literally read my thoughts, his love is unconditional, and his day is complete with just time by my side. He expects nothing more than who I am.]
[E: Interesting choice of words, Isabella. You feel unworthy of unconditional love?]
[B: What?! Are you serious? You want to start arguing again, Edward?]
[E: No.]
[B: Good.]
[E: So…would you choose a dog? If you could be any animal you wanted to be?]
[B: No. LOL. I'm much more of a cat, if I was choosing for myself. I'd definitely choose a kitten. With cats you're like "Come", and they're standing there like…screw you! Plus cats are predators. They can hunt and take care of their own needs.]
[E: Interesting.]
[B: And you, Edward? What animal would you choose if you had to be one?]
[E: I'd choose a python.]
[B: A what? You mean a snake? Snakes are cold blooded. I see no endearing qualities whatsoever!]
[E: Yes. A python. You obviously have never seen them eat.]
[B: No—I've missed that opportunity. Would it change my mind?]
[E: Well, they're predators, too. But they don't have to chase down their food and attack. A python mesmerizes its prey. Staring it down, flicking its tongue. All the while, wrapping around the awe struck victim…inch by inch. Squeezing until it loses its breath…then wrapping its mouth around it and swallowing…it whole.]
I sat there with my mouth wide open, speechless.
Oh My God! Frack me.
There was no way he was just talking about snakes, right? Surely my mind was not the only one thinking about sex right now – right?
[B: Sounds painful---for the prey.]
[E: They never know what hits them until it's over. I think it's a merciful, climactic ending.]
He was definitely talking about sex. I was definitely turned on by this man. What was wrong with me?
[B: I can imagine. I'd still like to enjoy eating my prey after a good tussle—thank you very much.]
[E: I bet you would. Goodnight, Bella.]
[B: Goodnight, Edward.]
I was stunned over the conversation ending so quickly, but even more shocked that it occurred to begin with. I could feel my body aching over his words, imagining his tongue on my body as he squeezed the life out of me. His words unearthed feelings I would never had dared admit to anyone. I wanted to be devoured, to lose control, just like that.
I logged off the computer and stood up, stretching. My hands massaged my own neck while I let my hair down. I had, inadvertently, wrapped it up in a bun while talking to Edward, apparently from the nervous energy he created. I shook it out, trying to shake away the adrenaline and questions racking my mind. I had walked into the bedroom before it hit me.
Bella.
He had called me, Bella! What does that mean? Are we friends now? Could he want more than a friendship? How did things get so complicated, so quickly? His words seemed to imply that he enjoyed bantering with me, at least, and the sexual undertones were not just my imagination from being a psychiatrist.
I pushed Rio out of my spot on the bed, and curled up on the duvet, staring at the ceiling. I wondered if he were in bed, too, just thirty feet away on the other side of the cottage. I imagined what he might be wearing to bed, or what he was thinking about me.
I knew Edward had secrets, and I'd been in the business too long to believe that they were pleasant ones. He was scarred, his eyes showed the pain. Something had him hurting, pushing everyone away.
Except he's talking to you.
But it may be just the novelty of my arrival.
I could feel myself drawn to him, both physically and mentally. Fear and excitement warred within me. This could be the beginning of something new, a chance to have a relationship with someone I was truly attracted to. But if this was something different for him, I was setting myself up to be the fool.
I had two hours to sleep before starting my first day of real work. Rio sighed and placed his big head on my stomach, his silent plea for ear scratching. I stroked his back as I drifted to sleep, wondering if Edward Cullen was going to break my heart.
The alarm sounded with a bang, shooting pain through the back of my head. I crawled to the shower and downed twelve ounces of Java before opening my eyes. I let Rio out the back door for a quick bathroom break, giving him my stare which meant 'make it quick, buster'. He pouted with his big brown eyes, but complied, doing his business and trotting back inside in less than three minutes. Standing in my closet I grabbed the first pair of khaki slacks I could find, deciding on a light brown vest over a white top. I didn't want to wear a suit or my white coat with the residents today. I wanted to be professional, yet approachable, striving for an alliance with the patients I would be treating. I looked at my watch and shrieked. Crap!!!
Running out the front door ten minutes late, I tripped on a welcome mat that had been placed there since yesterday.
Alice.
I caught myself on the handrail and started down the steps. Edward was standing on his front steps watching me, a smirk on his face.
I have great timing, huh?
The excitement from last night returned instantly, giving me goose bumps. I half waved and smiled before thinking. "Hey, Edward!"
His smirk turned into a half smile, but stopped, changing into a blank expression slowly. He looked at me perplexingly, confused and torn. Finally, he half waved back, more dismissively than in greeting. "Good morning, Isabella."
Isabella?
Prick is back.
He walked down the drive, and I hurried to my car. I didn't have time to kick myself over the romantic and hormonal feelings from last night. Edward had obviously reverted back to his original view of me, but I couldn't allow his erratic moods to ruin my first day. I would analyze Blue Eyes when I had time. Now, I needed to focus. I arrived on the unit fifteen minutes late, Jessica Stanley greeting me with a fake smile, while obviously glancing at the clock on the wall.
I'm the doctor, chica. Don't think you're gonna reprimand my time when I'll be working long after your shift is over!
"Morning, Jessica"
"Morning, Bella!"
The morning flew by as I met each patient briefly, reviewing recent labs and informing them I would be taking over their care. I scheduled in depth sessions with each resident for later, hoping to begin deciphering the jumbled mess that James had made of their medical records.
Lunch arrived, and Rose came by to drag me away to the dining hall. We sat down first at the table, but Alice, Emmett, and Jasper soon arrived. Jasper had made Alice a vegetarian sub sandwich, specifically. The rest of us enjoyed chicken Caesar salads. I could tell that Jasper liked Alice, but she seemed to flirt with him obliviously. Edward arrived late, sitting on the end of the table and barely speaking to any of us. We chatted about the change in weather for a while, until Alice maneuvered the conversation in a new direction.
"I'm thinking of getting a pet!"
Everyone looked at Alice and grinned, growing accustomed to her enthusiastic outbursts by now.
"What type of pet, Alice?" Jasper asked, beaming in adoration.
"I don't know, I love Rio—Bella's baby. But I'm not much of a dog person. Maybe a cat?"
Man this girl is clairvoyant!
I choked on my salad, eyes watering. I grabbed my glass of water and started gulping it down, looking over at Edward. He was smiling, apparently amused by my embarrassment.
I see.
I caught my breath and went on the attack in return.
"How about a pet snake, Alice? I think you'd enjoy playing with one?" I spoke the words innocently and coy, watching Alice light up with the idea of an exotic pet.
Edward began choking at the other end of the table, grabbing his napkin and turning to catch his breath. Everyone looked at him and then back at me, questioning the recent outbreak of coughing fits between the two of us.
I shrugged in response, smiling with pride. I gazed back to Edward and found him smiling in return, a look of admiration on his face.
I'm more than capable, Blue Eyes. Don't underestimate me.
I shook my head and grinned, biting another piece of chicken and chewing slowly, mesmerized by his face.
A/N: Reviews will cause BlueEyes to shed his skin!!