A/N: Just a few important notes:
Kisses for the reviews!!! I love hearing your thoughts, questions or ideas.
xxxDanixxx, my beta, ROCKs!
Chapter 8 Recreation and Revelations
The morning jog with Rio was fast and furious. My fingers were tingling from the cold as we came around the final curve, bringing the cottages in view. The adrenaline rush left my skin flushed and my hair sticking to the back of my neck with perspiration. Rio dashed ahead in the distance, leaving me lagging behind. I realized he had seen Edward, who was leaning on the stone column of his portico, drinking what looked like coffee. The steam rose from his cup and enveloped his face. He grinned as Rio bounded onto the porch, shaking furiously and dancing around his feet. I caught Edward reaching into his pocket while Rio sat immediately. Rio's head cocked to the left then right; classic begging strategy. He raised his right paw as Blue Eyes bent down and patted his head, opening his hand to reveal some type of treat. Rio took it gingerly, lying down beside Edward's feet to enjoy his reward while I finally arrived at the steps.
"Giving out bribes this early in the morning?" I took in the view, scanning Edward from his shoes to the black beanie, which was covering his head. He stood on the top step, which placed his crotch at my eye level. It was a fascinating position to be in.
Serendipity?
I couldn't help but wonder his size. I had seen many different variations during medical school. But from the looks of Edward's jeans, he seemed more than average.
Stop looking at it.
"Just being neighborly, Isabella. Want some coffee? You look like you could use something hot right now."
Thank God I'm already red from the jog.
STOP looking at it!
"Me? No, it's not that cold, really."
Yes it is.
Why did he want to flirt with me now, when I looked like yesterday's dish water that needed throwing out? I called Rio to heel, but he lay unmoving beside Edward. His face lied square on both paws, stubbornly comfortable.
"Are you sure? I could grab you a hot tea instead?" he asked.
"No, I'm not cold. I just finished running three miles. The fresh air feels great, actually. Anyway, I need to grab a quick shower and head to work. But thanks for the offer."
"Ok." He stood, quietly assessing me. This caused my anxiety to heighten, which made Edward grin mischievously.
"Hmm. Maybe you're not cold, but just happy to see me— like the first day we met. Didn't Freud say that when something happens twice, it's a pattern? Wonder what this means?" Edward shrugged his shoulders, taking a long sip of his coffee. "Well, have a good day, Bella." He walked back inside his condo without another word.
Suddenly, the light bulb went off.
Traitorous nipples!
I mentally slapped my forehead— again. I had stepped right into that one, well, jogged was more like it. The most frustrating part was that he was correct. My body, undeniably, reacted to seeing him. Thank goodness he couldn't hear my heart pounding.
"That wasn't Freud Maestro!" I yelled at his closed door, in vain.
I placed my hand on my hip and raised one eyebrow at Rio. He whined apologetically and trotted off Edward's door mat, coming to heel by my side. I forgave him immediately and patted his head in understanding. "I know baby. He bribed you with treats and tempted me with hot java. What else could you do?"
*****
Ms. Hiller paced in circles before me. She described the guilt she had from "not serving God" in detail. Her appearance sported the 'positive hair sign,' of too disheveled to be completely sane. Her nails were chewed into the quick, and there were dark circles under her eyes.
"I've failed him, Dr. Swan. I let my own idols replace him, and his message was not heard!"
"Ms. Hiller. Landie….Landie!"
She stopped pacing and looked at me, wild-eyed and fearful.
I lowered my voice and spoke barely above a whisper. "It's not too late. I want to help you."
"That other doctor said I'm 'psycho.' Is that what you think?" she asked.
"I think you're tired, too tired to be good for anything, or anyone. How can you focus on your message when you're this tired?"
She sat down on the couch, placing her head in her hands. Tears began to flow. "I know. I can't sleep."
"Why can't you sleep?"
Ms. Hiller looked up hesitantly, responding so faintly it was nearly inaudible. "Satan attacks me in my dreams."
"I see."
I paused while she took a few breaths. This was the first time she had mentioned Satan, and I strongly felt that the persecutory delusions were key to her symptoms.
"I can help you sleep better, if you'd like. You need energy to accomplish your mission, right?"
She bit her nails while thinking about my words, finally agreeing to take the sedative-hypnotic medication for sleep, which I ordered for bedtime. By decreasing her other medications to lower doses, and discontinuing a few, her trust in me was building.
*****
I was posting the orders before heading to lunch, when I saw Jessica and Angela in the hallway.
"Angela, can we discuss Ms. Hiller's case in treatment team tomorrow? I'd like to have more information from the school and her family."
Angela jotted a quick note in her palm pilot. "Sure, Bella."
"And Jessica, can we move Ms. Hiller to a room closer to the nurses' station? She's having nightmares and I'd like her to have immediate attention if she wakes during the night," I explained.
"Absolutely, Bella! I'll try to make the changes this afternoon," Jessica promised. By the way, are you going to the dinner party this weekend at Carlisle and Esme's? I'm dying to see the inside of their home!"
"I'll be there." I tried to hide my lack of excitement, but just barely.
I continued down the corridor, literally running into Rose. She barley stumbled from the impact.
"Rose! I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed.
"Haha. I see some things haven't changed since your teens, Bella. You're still just as clumsy as ever," Rose teased. She hugged me, bringing us fully upright again. For someone so beautiful, Rose was also tough as nails.
"You're in a great mood, Rose. If I didn't know any better I would say –wait – oh my!"
Rosalie beamed. "I worked out with Emmett last night. And by worked out I mean sex—damn good sex."
I laughed out loud. "Wow. TMI, TMI! Have you guys been 'working out' for long?"
"We've been dating about a month now. I didn't tell you guys because I wasn't sure if it was serious. We've had such a great time together. But after last night – wow – It's a whole new level. I didn't know a man could be that big and that limber…"
"Oh my, just stop, stop now, please," I begged.
We laughed together this time, walking into the dining hall as Mike came up behind us.
"You ladies wanna share what's so funny?" Mike asked.
"I don't think Rose would like to share, where this is concerned Mike," I teased.
"Believe me, Mike, you don't wanna share this with me," Rose chided.
"Ok. But you never know, I might surprise you both!" Mike playfully responded, not understanding why he set off another fit of laughter between me and Rose. Mike seemed like a genuinely nice guy, but his glances in my direction made me wary. I had no interest in 'Mr. Sunshine,' and the beams he kept sending me were dissipating my rain clouds.
My cloud cover is quite comforting, thank you very much.
Jasper brought out the food for our table and decided to join us. The lunch was spicy vegetable stir-fry. Jasper proclaimed that a great tasting vegetarian meal would be a healthy change for everyone, but he obviously awaited the approval of one. Alice took a bite and smiled, causing Jasper to look away immediately. His doting on her was so obvious; I found it unbelievable that Alice didn't recognize his requited affection. She ooh'd and aah'd so much that the entire table became uncomfortable.
Edward was already sitting at the far end of the table when we arrived. The daggers he sent my way unsettled me.
What's his problem?
Alice and Jasper continued their foreplay by discussing the shitake mushrooms. Rose was in a trance, watching the door for Emmett. I was nodding like a Stepford wife to Mike's comments, but secretly wondered what caused this most recent mood shift in BlueEyes. Didn't he just ask me to join him for something 'hot' only five hours before? His constant mood swings left me wondering if he was bipolar, but then I realized that the shifts were only with me. To everyone else, Edward was a constant prick.
"So, Bella, are you going to the dinner party this Saturday?" Mike asked with intent. I knew this because I could feel my nausea set in. I also knew I was going to be, uncomfortably, the center of attention in a few seconds.
"Um, yes, I was planning to attend." The entire table watched me squirm, anticipating the next line from Mike.
"Well, I could come by your place beforehand. We could go together, if you like?"
Awkward!!
"I'm not sure of my plans for earlier that day. Thanks for the offer, though."
"Sure—just call me if you change your mind, ok?"
I nodded quickly, thankful the suffering wasn't too long. Edward pushed his food around the plate, not looking up. His affect was rather hard to read, mixed with amusement and – pouting?
Just then, Emmett and James arrived. Emmet's smile was bigger than the state of Texas when he found Rose by my side. James also grinned, but in my general direction. He sat directly in front of me for lunch.
Is this try and make Bella vomit day?
"Hey guys! Guess what? Rose is dating this hot activities therapist, who rocks her world – that would be me!"Emmett bragged.
Alice squealed in delight as Rose punched Emmett in the arm. I had never seen Rosalie blush, but it made her look even more beautiful.
"That's just wonderful!" Alice's voice went an octave higher, if that were possible. "Are you going to tell Carlisle at the dinner party? I think that would be perfect!" Alice asked Rose.
Rose and Emmett just smiled into each other's eyes, ignoring Alice and the rest of us. It seemed that cupid was working overtime at the Retreat.
"Speaking of the party, and dates," James crooned.
Oh my God.
Please, please no.
"Do you have plans to go, Bell?"
Bell?
Why is he shortening my name? I've never even told him to call me Bella.
"Yes, James, I'll be there," I replied.
"Excellent! Do you want to meet beforehand and go together? I know I had to cancel our lunch date, and I want to make it up to you." He winked.
I heard Edward clear his throat as he pushed his food away. He glared at me, expectantly. Is he waiting for my response?
"No, James, I'd rather talk about patients during work hours. My weekends are mine."
"Ok, Bel, but you can call me if you change your mind."
Edward's mask dropped for a moment, revealing pleasure with my answer. I planned on finding out what his problem was. Was he jealous? Or just annoyed with me, in general? His demeanor day to day, or even hour to hour, was grating my nerves. I thought of going to his office after lunch, so we could talk, but that plan was nixed by 'Creepo.'
"Edward—are you going to be using your office this afternoon? I'd like to mix a few songs with the dubbing equipment. Which reminds me, do you like music, Bell?" James winked again.
Blue Eyes interrupted before I had a chance to spew venom. "I'm heading to town now. You can use it. But if you break it, I'll break your hands."
Whoa.
That's kinda violent—and hot.
Only you are turned on by alpha behavior, Bella.
"Geez, Edward. Thanks, I guess," James mumbled.
*****
The table soon cleared, leaving me and Alice alone.
"Looks like you were the popular dessert of the day, huh, Bella?" she teased.
"Hmm. I suppose, except for a blonde haired chef. He seemed to want something a little more spicy, for dessert?"
Alice sighed. "If you say so. But I think you should definitely take Mike over James, if you're considering your options." I knew she was baiting me to avoid my comment.
"I do say so. And I'm not going with either. Why is it that someone who can't take advice, always insists on giving it?"
"I can take advice!" Alice argued. "Well, maybe I have a small problem in that area, but I can, for real I can!" She rolled her eyes at her own protest.
"So take mine on this, Alice. Jasper likes you. It's worth the risk. The dinner party is the perfect chance to test the waters."
"Ok, Bella. I'll take the leap if you'll do the same with Edward. And don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about, because I watched both of you today. I know there's something there."
"Fine. But let's plan Operation 'Catch a Chef' first. You want to meet tomorrow night for a game strategy?"
"Your place or mine?" Alice giggled, hugging me before we went back to work.
*****
I was more than relieved to get into my big t-shirt and thong, comforted by a pint of strawberry cheesecake ice cream. Today had been a rollercoaster of emotions without resolution. And Edward had been MIA the rest of the afternoon. I shook my head in defeat as I realized that my recent moods were dependent on my encounters with Blue Eyes. More than anything, I wanted a real conversation with him, face to face. I didn't want to feel ambushed or antagonized. My fingers tapped the keyboard rapidly as I sat down and waited for his name to appear.
[E Cullen is online]
Of course he is.
[B: Edward, can we talk?]
[E: Sure, Bella]
[B: I mean in person. Can I come over, or can you walk over here?]
One minute, thirty seconds passed by. I counted every second.
[E: Wow]
What did that mean? It didn't feel good, that was certain.
[B: Wow? What does wow mean?]
[E: You just took me off guard.]
By asking to talk in person I took him off guard? Was I reading too much into our entire history of interactions?
That's possible—you've got a history of wanting what you can't have.
[B: Is that a 'no'?]
[E: It's more of a 'not now.']
[B: Is now a bad time? Its 1 a.m.…OMG—are you not alone?]
I felt myself blush, even though I was in my own place, alone. Why would he answer me online if he had someone there? What kind of guy would do that?
[E: No, Bella, I'm alone.]
[B: I see.]
[E: I'm sure you do NOT see.]
[B: Then tell me.]
[E: I think it's better if we keep things indirect, that's all.]
[B: Indirect? So you never want to have direct contact with me?]
[E: I wouldn't say never. And I mean, specifically, when the topic of discussion involves us]
He may not have said never, but I could feel it. The same embarrassment I had felt many times before came back. I realized I had put myself out there, only to be dismissed.
And you fell for him.
I re-read his posts, confused and frustrated.
'Never' would kill me.
[E: You're quiet.]
Hah! You think?
[B: I'm trying to understand. It's ok;I just misread things, as usual.]
[E: Damn, Bella. Didn't I use the word 'us'? You didn't misread things.]
I pulled my hair and started biting my own nails. My fragile ego clung to those words.
[B: So you DO want to have a relationship?]
[E: Do you?]
[B: Yes.]
I admitted it. Eek!
[E: I want you, Bella. Just not now. *Sigh*. It's me. I'm working through this and I can't be with you until I have things right in my head.]
[B: Working through what?]
[E: Can't we drop it? I've admitted I want you. Isn't that enough for now? I've missed you today, and 'Creepo' said you promised him a date! Not to mention Mike!]
So he was jealous. How did we get here so quickly?
Where are you exactly?
Hell if I know.
Edward said he wanted me. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone in my life. If he needed time, then that's what I'd give him.
[B: Creepo? Haha. That's hilarious. I call him the same thing!]
[E: Really? LMAO. Well, did you promise him a date?]
[B: No, Edward. I scheduled a lunch meeting to get a proper patient transfer report on each resident, but he's being passive aggressive.]
[E: Ugh. What a prick. I don't trust him. I tried to tell Dad he was antisocial and untrustworthy, but he's charming around him. Don't meet with him alone, Bella.]
[B: I have to. I need the information. He refuses to put it in the electronic record.]
[E: When are you meeting him?]
[B: I'm not sure.]
[E: Will you let me know?]
[B: Ok. But why?]
[E: I'd like to be around if you need me. And please, wear a parka when you do.]
[B: LOL. A parka?]
[E: You're beautiful, Bella. And smart. I know you have to see that.]
He doesn't know me at all does he?
Maybe he does have a mental problem.
A brain tumor?
Hmm. Wonder if he'd let me order a CAT scan.
[B: So beautiful you don't want direct contact with me.]
[E: I told you, it's not about you.]
[B: It's not you, it's me, right? *eyeroll*]
[E: Do you want me to leave you alone?]
Did I? It would be easier to just enjoy this awesome job and my new friends.
But.
I was tired of settling. I settled with Sean and I settled to please everyone else in my life, until now. Now, I wanted to take risks, to listen to my own advice. I couldn't even fathom my life without him. I realized it was too early to have feelings like this, but was never more certain. Operation 'Bag Blue Eyes' was a go. I needed to wait him out, and pray that I could break his resolve.
[B: No. I'll take this, for now.]
[E: For now?]
[B: Yes, Blue Eyes. For now. But if you wait too long, be prepared to clean up the mess.]
[E: Blue Eyes, huh? *smile* And what mess would that be, sexy?]
[B: My spontaneous combustion.]
We talked for another hour, comparing our favorite things and pet peeves. He was a perfect match in many areas, but in others my exact opposite. Like magnets, we were unable to deny the pull towards each other. I longed for his embrace as I went to sleep, hanging on his words. They repeated in my head as a mantra, "I want you, Bella."
A/N: Reviews win you a cup of hot steaming BlueEyes—with or without the Java!