A/N: Sorry for the delay! Eclipse premiere limited my editing time! Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 15 – Pity Parties and Pissed Pants
Edward walked lazily along the beach, passing by weathered rocks and driftwood which were scattered across the narrow shoreline. I could hear the ocean crashing rhythmically against the sand, its music powerful yet serene. His hair was tousled by the wind. I watched as he closed his eyes and smiled.
Smiling. This must be a dream.
His smile mesmerized me. My face responded to him with a grin of my own. He reached out in an invitation, but when I held out my hand something changed. The wind picked up and the beach grew dreary. I realized it wasn't my hand that grasped his in return. A beautiful woman with blonde hair stepped in front of me. Leaning in for a kiss, she entwined herself around his arm. He looked over her shoulder in my direction, his eyes searching for my own. The apologetic look on his face pierced my soul and told me he had made his choice. I cried out helplessly against the roar of the waves and watched him turn away. Their silhouettes grew smaller as they disappeared from view.
No!
"No!" I screamed out loud.
Sitting up in bed, trembling, my pale form was drenched with perspiration.
Tanya.
I was alone in the dark while he was looking for her.
Because she's ill, Bella.
Still.
Rio whined and rolled over against me, stretching and licking my hand in comfort. I ran my hand through his soft coat while my racing heart subtly slowed to a manageable pace.
What if he never found her? Or what if he did? Will she always be this albatross in his life, demanding his soul in return for exculpation of his guilt? I mentally kicked myself. How did I fall so deeply in love with someone who wasn't available?
Sliding out of bed, I grabbed a cup of coffee and stepped out onto the patio. I threatened Rio with his life if he took more than five minutes for his morning duties. When I finally sat down at my laptop my email inbox had two new messages. The excitement I felt from seeing a possible message from Edward was almost comical.
You're pathetic!
Just open it already!
There was a message from Dr. Kaplan, my former mentor, forwarding me a few articles I might find useful in clinical practice.
Umm…thanks?
The second message was from Edward. The subject line read '2 a.m.'. An automatic grin spread across my face as I clicked on the message.
Squeal!
[Bella – I just arrived at the hotel in Vancouver. I can't sleep, of course, and I'm wishing we were still chatting. I was serious about this week—it drives me crazy when I can't talk to you. Please don't forget about me while I'm gone. I hope we find her soon so I can stay at the Retreat with you. Later sexy! E]
Hmm.
Did he mean that he would leave the Retreat if Tanya wasn't found? And if it bothered him not to talk to me, then why didn't he give in?
You're overanalyzing again.
Edward's continued angst and refusal to allow himself an opportunity for happiness felt like a huge burden. The dream last night involving Tanya didn't help. Edward might always place her ahead of everyone else, which would make him incapable of moving on.
He could be with her at this exact moment while you're here alone.
The reality of that thought was a difficult pill to swallow. I chose a second cup of coffee and denial instead.
The bottom line was that I needed to control myself, to protect myself from my own emotions. Continuing restraint with him was a necessity. Agreeing to emails and chatting was placing my heart on the line for more injury. Whether he would hold his end of the bargain and attempt to have normal interactions with me in return was yet to be seen. Could we just be friends, was that even possible? His company and conversation were something I had become dependent on.
And you love him.
I did love him, more than seemingly possible. But continuing this emotional rollercoaster over Edward was jeopardizing my sanity. Perhaps he would prove willing to compromise and to pursue some semblance of a real relationship. Otherwise my only choice would be friendship.
God help me.
I prayed I could keep my heart and hormones in check. When I looked at the clock, I realized I was once again wasting the weekend alone in my pajamas. "Let's go, Rio!"
I ran as fast as I could, heading to the middle of nowhere on the trails. Running from my frustrations, my fears, and my desires cleared my head. But this time it gave me little peace. I ran until Rio started pausing, bored with the activity. When I reached the cottages we were both spent. Rio looked at me in consternation while I placed his water bowl down in the kitchen.
"What? You love to run?" I asked in defense.
He plopped down on the ceramic tile, heaving a disgusted sigh and panting.
A shower and light lunch gave way to a long nap, which led to watching a tear-jerker of unrequited love on the Lifetime Movie Channel. I sat on the couch in a jumbled mess, promising myself not to be the epitome of the forlorn woman.
I had been avoiding a response to Edward all day, unsure of my resolve. Typing the email back to him, I felt a strange sense of calm.
[Edward- I'm glad you made it there safely. I hope you find her as well. Are you returning to work Monday ,then? I know you're going to be exhausted! Take care …B]
Well, that was superficial.
It's all I can give right now.
I knew he would read it as superficial too. But recompense for his behavior was warranted. I needed to work on the present and get off my couch. Dialing Alice's number, I bit my nails. I hoped she would answer as I counted the rings.
"Hello?" her voice came on the line.
"Alice?"
"Hey, Bella!"
"Hey! Whatcha up to?" I hoped she was lonely too.
"You're kidding right?" she asked in a whisper.
Jasper. Their date!
"Oh crap! I forgot your date was tonight. Is he there?"
"Yeah...he just came to pick me up. I'm in my room adding the 'finishing touches'. "She giggled.
"So he's just walking around your living room unsupervised?" I teased in return.
"Well I hope he's getting all worked up! I've been waiting all week for this!" I could hear the excitement in her voice.
"What are you wearing? " I asked.
"My bright red hot pants and chili pepper tee!"
I laughed out loud. "Well I think he'll enjoy the visuals."
"I hope so! I have no idea where we're going but he said it was casual. I'll give you the details tomorrow! Hey—you ok?" She finally picked up on my loneliness.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied.
"Liar." Alice never minced words.
"Ok. I was having another pity party, but it's over now. I want you guys to have fun," I admitted.
"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. We can catch up tomorrow." I made my voice as strong as possible.
"Ok. Wish me luck!" she whispered again.
"You don't need it, Lil' Firecracker. You guys have a great time." I smiled for her happiness.
"Bye, Bella."
"Bye, Chica."
Hanging up the phone, I thought of Alice and her date. That was how a normal relationship worked. But I had never been normal.
The walls of the condo were closing in on me; my mind and body stir crazy from the monotony. I changed my clothes and decided to go into the office. Working on the weekends had never been a popular habit of mine, but I had little options. Charlie was away fishing and Rose and Emmett were together, just like Jasper and Alice.
My office was in disarray from the past week, giving me a welcome hours worth of busy work. Alphabetizing the files and deleting old emails occupied me effectively in my attempts to pass the time. I placed aside a few medical journals I had taken from the conference room outside the nurses' station. Once I finished cleaning off the desk I grabbed the stack on my way out, deciding to return them before heading home.
The Retreat was quiet, even for a Saturday evening. My footsteps echoed off the floor while I carried on another one of my internal dialogues down the long corridor. Turning the corner I barged directly into a large form. The journals and papers went flying through the air.
"Carlisle! I'm so sorry!" I apologized.
Carlisle knelt down to assist me in picking back up the scattered mess. "It's alright, Bella. How are you this evening? "
"Is it evening already? Wow. I suppose it is. I'm good. I was just catching up on some paperwork and filing. And you?" I rambled on.
"I was home and had just finished dinner with Esme when I realized I had left my briefcase in the office. I walked back over to pick it up, and to burn those calories from the dessert she made." He grinned mischievously.
His charm was intoxicating. It reminded me of Edward.
Of course it does.
"Have you heard from Edward?" I asked abruptly, wondering if he would find me presumptuous.
"He checked in this morning. Still no luck. But I'm glad he filled you in, Bella. It may help him work through this." Carlisle nodded.
"I'm not sure about that." I shrugged off his words. "Edward seems to be excellent at keeping people out."
Carlisle looked at me strangely, choosing his words with some hesitancy. "Precisely, Bella. He is. And the fact that within a few months of meeting you he decided to share such personal information speaks volumes. I mean that. I haven't seen him trust anyone since Tanya's breakdown. She broke him, Bella. Her delusions and manipulations have left him just a shell of the man he used to be. As your friend and employer I should tell you to steer far away from Edward. But as his father, seeing how you've sparked something in him I thought was gone forever, I'm asking you to stay. I want my son back. I don't know if you're just friends, or if you're romantically involved, or if you even know at this point. But if you're willing to help him, please do."
I stood holding the journals in my clutched arms, wondering how I should respond to such a plea from his father. What could I say in return? Would I be able to help Edward, even if I wanted to?
"You think I've sparked something in him?" I asked.
That's right, ask the self-centered question.
"I know you have. He was still talking about you this morning. The interest he has in your assessments and treatment planning reminds me of the old Edward. And he was very excited over your mutual patient, Ms. Hiller?" Carlisle smiled.
Work-related sparks. Of course.
I mentally kicked myself. "Oh, right. He mentioned something about the first therapy session going well. We haven't had the opportunity to discuss it."
"Well I'm sure he'll get with you once he returns. Are you heading out?" he asked.
I was still deep in thought but muttered, "Um, yes."
Carlisle stood there expectantly.
I managed a more proper reply. "Yes, I was just getting ready to leave. I need to drop off these journals I borrowed from the smaller conference room on the unit."
"I'll walk you out then," he offered.
We headed to the unit together, chatting about the weather and the nature trails which Rio and I had explored. The conference room was situated across from the nurses' station, a convenient location for the treatment teams and family meetings if necessary. The latest journals from the past few months' were left on the shelves before being transported upstairs to the library.
When we arrived at the nurses' station none of the staff were around. The patients were already in their rooms and I imagined that the nurses were giving some routine p.m. medications or checking in on a few of the more severe cases. Carlisle didn't seem to register the absence of staff at first, but then a nurse tech rounded the corner and stopped abruptly.
"Oh, Dr. Cullen. Dr. Swan. Hello!" he coughed.
"Hi, Frank." We both spoke in return, continuing our conversation from before.
Frank was a large nurse tech, a great help if ever there was a behavioral disturbance in the Retreat. He had always reminded me of a friendly giant, jovial and extroverted. But tonight he seemed quiet and troubled. He watched me warily as I headed for the conference room, clearing his throat again loudly.
I turned to glance back at him, confused, while my hand turned the knob.
The sight before me caused me to scream a blood curdling yell. "Oh my God!"
Spread eagle on the conference table was Ramona, one of the night RNs. Her skirt was pushed up to her waist with her legs wrapped around a large man, her white nurse shoes crossing over each other. I finally registered that the man who stood between her thighs was James. His pants were down, his bare ass shining directly in my face. He turned to see me mid thrust with a mixed look of shock and mild amusement on his face. Ramona scrambled to stop the festivities but Creepo just stood there looking at me, grinning. His hands remained on both sides of her, pinning her in the embarrassing position with her legs flailing.
"You're a little late, Bel….If you had called me we could have waited on you." His smirk grew bigger.
He really is sick!
"You're sick, James. You…You disgust me!" I screamed.
"Aww. C'mon Bel, you don't mean that," he crooned.
"Well I do." Carlisle pushed passed me in the doorway.
The enjoyment in James' eyes diminished instantly when he realized that Carlisle was with me, and that he had heard every word. James grabbed at his slacks while Ramona jumped off the table. Both of them were beet red in the face and perspiring.
"Dr. Cullen!" Ramona shrieked.
"Carlisle," James spoke simultaneously.
Creepo initiated a barrage of apologies and explanations as Carlisle stood there grimacing. James zipped up his pants hurriedly, but the faintest moisture could be seen on the front.
Is that semen, or urine?
Haha. This is good.
This is beyond good.
Squeeeee!
Carlisle spoke softly and bluntly, "I'd like to see you both in my office first thing Monday morning. Ramona, call in your back-up for the rest of the shift. James, leave the premises now….after you've both put yourself together."
With that he closed the door. He glanced at me for the briefest of moments before addressing Frank. "Did you know about this?"
"Dr. Cullen, I wasn't sure. I didn't know what they were doing, they said they were talking about the patients, I mean I couldn't just…" Frank babbled on.
"Ok, Frank, Ok. But I need to know, how often were they 'talking about the patients'?" Carlisle questioned.
Frank looked like a school boy who was torn over tattling on his peers. "For weeks now, at least. Whenever I'm working Dr. C, but I'm not sure of the other shifts."
"Thanks, Frank." Carlisle walked me to my car in silence, but stopped before I opened the door.
"Do you think you could handle the entire census on your own, Bella? If you had to? It may take a while to get another tenens on short notice." His concern was endearing.
Yes!
"Yes, Carlisle. I'd be glad to, if needed," I assured him.
"Thank you, Bella. I know you've had concerns over James, and I've done some digging myself this past week. It seems the behavior we witnessed tonight is a pattern for him. I should have evaluated his resume and references closer. I've just been so preoccupied."
I nodded in understanding, seeing how hard Carlisle was chastising himself. It was Creepo the sociopath that should be sorry. "We've all been fooled before. James has the type of personality to do just that. To fool people. I'm just glad you were here tonight."
"So am I, Bella. So am I." He nodded.
When the words left my mouth, I glanced back towards the front entrance. James was standing there, waiting for us to leave so he could reach his car in stealth.
Wonder if he heard me?
Who cares!
Carlisle watched me drive away. His figure stood in the parking lot with James as I disappeared.
Running to my laptop I logged on, sending another email to Edward. He was the first person I wanted to share the news with.
[Edward! OMG! Creepo was caught with his pants down tonight…LITERALLY! Carlisle was there -it was like a dream come true! LOL…..B]
I giggled playfully while drifting to sleep, talking to Rio about the night's events. "Creepo was caught mid-cum Ri…..it was classic!"
Sunday morning I slept in and woke groggy from the extra hours of shut-eye. After the morning routine with Rio I checked my email.
Reading Edward's response was sheer pleasure. [Bella- What? LMAO. That ass! Pun intended ;) What did Dad say? Is he getting canned? I wish I could have been there…. Damn I hope he's gone for good! I didn't know how much longer I could hold back from punching his face in, especially with the way he looked at you. I'm headed to the airport now…should be home soon! E]
Yes!
He's coming home!
What does that mean? Did he find her or not? Is he going back again?
Edward carried an amazing talent of always intriguing me but telling me nothing. Apparently the masochist inside me couldn't get enough.
My plan was to wait until the late afternoon to phone Alice. I wanted to avoid another interruption in case Jasper had stayed over. Alice of course had other plans as she knocked repeatedly on my door around three-o-clock.
"Bella! Bella!" I heard her on the other side.
Opening the door slowly I saw Lil' firecracker jump up and down excitedly, clapping her hands. "She's alive! Yeah!"
"I'm glad my opening the door could make your day, Alice." My sarcasm was needed.
She rushed past me and grabbed water from the fridge before lying across the sofa in a debutante pose.
"Um,ok." I laughed, "Make yourself comfy," I teased.
"Bella! I'm in love!" Alice shrieked.
"You don't say?" I sat beside her, the adrenaline intoxicating.
"I do! I do say! Jas is…he's swell!" She finally chose a word.
"Swell?" I giggled. "Did we just enter an old Gidget episode?"
"Haha. I'm serious. He took me bowling, Bella. I've never bowled in my life. He even brought along a new pair of bowling shoes, since he figured I would be appalled by the loaner system. I mean, did you know they do that? They share shoes? That should be against the law. The fungal potential alone is frightening…" She lost track.
"Alice! Alice!" I interrupted her ranting that could have lasted another ten minutes. "One step at a time, Chica! So you enjoyed the date?" I was proud of Jasper and his choice of first date for Alice. Too many guys in her past had treated her like a china doll, never letting her just relax and have fun.
She grinned brightly. "Yes I did."
"And, were there any sparks?" I prodded.
"Mmm, Bella, I wasn't very good at the bowling technique, I'll be honest. But when he placed his hands on my hips to assist in lining up the ball, I thought I was going to die right there!" She squealed again. "I told him if his aim was that good in everything, I was definitely intimidated! He's so cute when he blushes!"
"And what happened at the end of the night?" My curiosity blossomed.
"We kissed. Just a kiss, but it was the most amazing kiss I've ever had. He told me that he didn't want to rush things, and that he had wanted to date me ever since we met!" She beamed.
"Alice, I'm so happy for you!"
"Thanks, I am too. I hope he rushes things a little though. If his kiss was any indication, I can't wait for more!" She continued to recount every detail from the date, making me laugh and blush in the same sentences. I feared for poor Jasper on many levels, since Alice was definitely a handful for any companion. We made Reuben sandwiches for dinner and watched Rio do tricks for Alice's affection.
The time passed by so quickly I had forgotten to mention the Creepo incident. "Oh my God, Alice! I almost forgot!"
"What? What is it?" She asked.
Before I could spit out the words I heard the sound of a car on the gravel outside. Jumping up, I peeked through the window blinds. I recognized the silver Volvo parked outside.
He's home!
Trying to hide my excitement from Alice was needless, she knew me too well.
"You need me to go?" She asked coyly.
"What? No! You'll probably hear from him before I do!" I scoffed.
"Uh-huh. Sure, Bella."
I was starting to protest further when a knock sounded on my front door. Rio leapt from the couch and started scratching at the door with his paw. If I had four legs I would have beat him there.
Opening the door I saw the fiercest, most stunning blue eyes I had ever seen. They were smiling back at me.
Smiling. At me!
"Hey, Bella."
A/N: Surprise me with my pants down, give me a review!