"Hi Cuddy."
"Hi Wilson. How are things going?"
"Fine, thanks. How's the selection of the new oncology head coming on?"
"We got about two dozen applicants, a handful of which are good. Are you still willing to be part of the selection committee?"
"Sure. Although I can't really say I'm looking forward to reading through a hundred recommendation letters."
"Anything else I can do for you?"
"There's something you should know. House and I have now finished the paperwork, so our married status will be filed next week at PPTH. I... we thought we should call ahead and warn you, not let you hear it via office gossip."
Even over the phone, Wilson could hear her sharp breath intake.
"That's really considerate. I appreciate. Now if this is all I'll have to stop chatting, I'm waiting for a call - maintenance contract is up for renewal soon."
"Don't overwork yourself! Bye-bye."
Wilson put down the receiver, and House looked at him with a worried expression.
"How did it go?"
"I obviously hurt her, but I think this was the best way." House didn't thank him, but gently brushed his shoulder with his fingertips. "Still, I'm glad you talked me into doing it on the phone. I couldn't have looked into her eyes."
"I love pizza night. What crappy tv show do you want to see now?"
"House, we need to talk."
"What? You found out I'm cheating on you with the new cafeteria employee, the bosomy redhead?"
Wilson couldn't help smiling. It was great to have his relationship with House almost back to the pre-cancer days.
"Unfortunately I need to talk about something serious. But I hope it's only for a short time... General Hospital starts in 35 minutes."
"Is it something to do with your chemo? Side effects I should know about?"
"No, that's good. In fact, if I wasn't an oncologist I wouldn't even consider taking early retirement. I feel wonderful these days." He moved nearer to House, and got hold of his right hand among his. House looked at this in a somewhat puzzled way, than at his friend's eyes, and noticed they were fixed on their hands as well.
"I want to talk about death. My death, and the timing thereof."
"We can't tell now how fast it will come. It might be years."
"I know, and that's not what I mean. I don't know the when, but I can make an educated guess about the how. Months, possibly years of tolerable life quality, followed by a few weeks of hell, ending in a morphine fog - when all the attending physician can do is hope that the fog doesn't hide the pain only to the outside world. I've seen too many patients desperately wanting release, and their families begging them to hang on a few weeks, or days, longer. I don't want that."
"So what is it you want?"
"My dream would be to go when I'm ready. I know precisely what to expect, and I would like to bow out before it gets too bad, while I can still close my eyes a last time on a day with pleasure in it. There are two problems with this, though."
House felt his hand getting crushed, and his leg was twitching because he didn't dare move it. He barely breathed, in fact. He waited.
"First of all, there's the law. Usually you can't help someone go. I wish you could find a way to help me, but of course not at the cost of your medical licence. If you're unlucky you might even end in jail. I'd rather take a lot of pain than risk being the cause of you losing your job."
"You did risk your job for me in the past!"
"Yes, but it's not worth it for just a short time. You have decades to live post-Wilson, and I hope they'll be filled with happiness, and this can't happen without your job."
"What's the other problem?"
"As I said, usually family and friends of the sick insist that they hang on. It's like a torture, but they can't let go. In my case, the only person caring about me is you. Will you be willing to let me go when I feel it's time, even if it means missing a few days or weeks?"
Wilson was now looking straight into House's eyes. He was also crying quietly. But the tears dried up fast when House, surprisingly, smiled.
"Don't worry. I'll find a way to bend the law and open the door for you whenever you ask. And I will consider myself fortunate for the time we have shared, instead of grieving for what might have been."
He now felt like moving, and started massaging his thigh.
"However, as we're talking about this and General Hospital is still ten minutes away, is there anything I should know about preparation for after the death? Like, a rabbi I should get in touch with? He may have his own opinions on this business."
"House, I've been religious in my own crappy way for most of my life. I've finally accepted that, just like marriage and children, this is not something I did for myself. I was still trying to be the good boy in my mother's dreams. No, I don't think there's anything or anybody waiting for me. But it's good you reminded me, so that I can leave something written and my family can't give you hell about the funeral. And now I think it is really time for General Hospital."
They kept holding hands until they left the sofa for their bedrooms, more than a hour later.