Title: 40. I want to know how you slept with him, the way you held him.

Every crevice through which my shadow may ink itself.

The more I tell you of my happiness, the more unhappy I am.

That you are not part of it, that you do not covet it for yourself.

Pairing/Character/s: Yuki/Machi

Word Count: 1063 words

Summary: Yuki tells Machi his secret... and comes to a surprising conclusion. Sequel to Ch. 21 and Ch. 25

A/N: So I wrote all of this in one go, but then I reread it and realized it sucked so I spent forever rewriting it. This was requested and now I can finally say... Mission complete!

Music: My favorite sad love songs are either "Voyage" or "Heaven" by Ayumi Hamasaki, or "Dareka no Negai no Kanau Koro" by Utada Hikaru when I want a better singer. XD Tell me your favorite love songs!

Machi might hate him. If she knew that he didn't want to tell her his biggest secret, she would think he didn't trust her. She's already proven she loves him in her own way, with homemade lunches, endless conversations on the phone and kisses that taste like tart apples.

So why can't he? Why is it next to impossible to admit that he's been hiding something?

Because even if she hated him for that, she would forgive him. It would be just a few days of silent fuming.

Then again, it was just as likely that she could reject him. She could be disgusted by his secret. He thinks that dying would be much, much better than having Machi recoil at his touch. Worse, she was too kind to just leave. She would mumble an apology for being afraid. She would force herself to hold his hand, and then wash her hands until they bled. She would break and leave him.

Yuki stares at her pale hands, now wrapped around his arm. She is leaning against him as they stand in two inches of white snow. Could she bring herself to press herself against him this way if she knew?

But this is Machi.

If Tohru understood, she will understand too.

"Can I tell you something?"

The words run together, syllables colliding in a rush. She looks up right away from the snow clinging to her boots to Yuki's gray eyes.

"Do you know the story of the Chinese Zodiac?" She shakes her head slowly, tilting her head to the side. His throat sticks a little, so he closes his eyes and then speaks.

"Once there was a man named God who was very lonely. His first friend, the cat, convinces God to invite other animals to a fun banquet. Twelve animals showed up, the same twelve animals of the zodiac. God and the animals became very good friends. But one day the cat dies. Everyone realizes that eventually death will separate them, so they make a promise."

By now tears have blurred his vision so much that he can't see the expression on Machi's face.

"The friends promise that even when they die, they will be reborn and stay friends for eternity. I... am- was the possessed by the spirit of the rat. It's no longer a friendship; it's a curse."

He can no longer hold an impassive face; tears are slipping and falling into the fresh snow. His heart lurches painfully as he thinks of the curse again.

"Whenever I was hugged by a girl, I transformed into a rat. It's my real form. It's disgusting, I know. I'm not normal. None of us are-were. I grew up isolated, scared that my secret would be revealed and everyone would hate me. I... I hope you don't hate me."

She hasn't spoken in a while. Disbelief makes her brows furrow. "I- But I think- But we've embraced before."

"The curse was broken that day. I was planning to tell you then, but it didn't seem necessary- And it's such a crazy story; why would you believe me?'

The silence is killing Yuki. He has said what he needed to say, and he hopes she will react the way he needs her to react. Blood is pounding in his ears and counting the seconds.

Machi is standing a foot away from him now. She is shocked, maybe even disgusted? Her hands are twisting around each other. "It is a crazy story. You turned into an animal? Why are you- Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I want you to know my secret." His face is earnest and pleading, so much that she wants to hold him. "That day, I told you I had parted from someone, and that I was free. It was the happiest day of my life, but you were the one person who didn't understand."

Machi's face turns red as she contemplates this. Suddenly she starts shaking her head furiously. Yuki has to take a step back because she crashes against him as she embraces him, burying her face in his coat.

"I understand now. I must be crazy, but... I... believe you." She locks eyes with him. "Why would I hate you, Yuki?"

The relief makes his knees wobble. "Machi, you hate rats."

"I hate rats that live off me," Machi corrects. "And you are Yuki. You're the one who believed my story. You don't care that I'm not perfect. I don't care that you were a rat. Is that why you cringe when I put down rat traps?"

"Do you think we can get rid of the rat traps?" The subject sounds ridiculous yet it strangely allows him to breathe better. His mind clear, he gently slides shaking hands up her neck and into her hair as he kisses her. She has been crying also; he feels a sticky wetness on her cheeks.

It feels like a fantasy to have Machi embracing his whole being. When they part, Yuki starts to draw lazy circles on her hands.

She frowns, and then snorts with amusement. "But they'll eat all our food." He laughs. "OK, so we'll have to clean up more so our apartment isn't a breeding ground."

"What would you do if I were still possessed and transformed?" Yuki jokes.

The question is meant to be rhetorical, but Machi pulls away to unzip her bag and stuff tissues in a side pocket. "You would stay in my bag. Look, you could even eat your favorite snacks while you wait to transform back." She holds up a small bag of rice crackers. "I'd put your clothes in here and..."

Yuki feels his cheeks turn pink. She was willing to go so far for him.

"Machi..."

Her own face flushes as she shifts her bag back to her shoulder. "I know my bag won't be comfortable, but... what are you-"

Yuki is kneeling down on one knee, still holding her hands. He is looking at her and her only as he says, "You are kind. You are beautiful and I love you. Will you do me the honor of marrying me, Machi?"

She falls to her knees, crying and laughing. "Of course, yes. Yuki, this is- Get up, the snow is really cold."

He chuckles, eyes shining as he pulls her closer for a kiss. "Yes, but this is special."

A/N: It's a little long and rambles like mad, but who cares? I finished the request!!! (Only took three revisions and... way too much time.)