"Erik, you're happy here aren't you?" Gaia asked him quietly one day, as he stared out the window. He stayed inside more sand more often these days, often spending hours watching the world go by from his favorite chair by the window.
The young man frowned some. "Of course I am, my love. Why do you ask?" He pried, unsure if he really wanted to know the answer.
Gaia chewed the inside of her lip, unsure if she really wanted to answer. "You seem so distant. Not neglectful," she added quickly worried he might think she was unhappy. "Just… thoughtful, with your head in the clouds. I'm worried you're getting bored with me…" she told him quietly, and Erik's frown deepened.
"Only a fool could get bored with you, Gaia," He promised, and it was true… though it notably did not address her concern. While Erik loved his wife dearly, he was beginning to grow restless. While he detested crowds and busy spaces, he craved the stimulation of the city. There were always things to do, new foods to try, work to be had. While Erik had received multiple job offers, anything outside the range of Modena or Bologna had been turned to in order to stay with his wife. When he had chosen the location for their quiet country home, he had imagined things differently. Back then, Gaia had not been ill. He could imagine leaving the house during the week and making love with her on the weekends, maybe paying to have her visit him for a day or two as he oversaw his latest masterpieces. He thought of moving up from houses to churches and museums, maybe even commuting all the way to Venice and working on one of the dozen opera houses in the sinking city, where music, true music had been conceived. How he longed to walk in the shadow of Montiverdi, hearing the long-gone madrigals and extant operas in his mind as he stood where they were first performed. He was so close to where music, real music had taken root, the birthplace of the Baroque!
But he could not leave. Erik was happy all right… but in the way that a caged bird is happy. He was safe here, well fed, loved, happy enough to sing even, yet unable to spread his wings and truly be free. He noticed Gaia watching him and snapped out of his reverie. "I have a surprise for you." He announced, before vanishing into their bedroom. She chuckled some at his boyish eagerness, which caused her to cough; the illness was back, though was mercifully taking its time rather than ravaging her as it had once before.
"When did you get me anything?" She asked; he hadn't left the property since she had gone with him to the market two days ago.
"I didn't purchase it, I made it," Erik announced from the bedroom, and when he returned she hardly recognized him.
He voluntarily was without his mask… but this was not the face she had seen the day Erik had fought Marco on the construction site. Erik had a nose. She was almost certain there hadn't been one before, or if there had been it was so shriveled and misshapen it appeared to be no nose at all. His shoulders slumped when all she could do was gape. "I am still grotesque." He said mournfully, ripping the false nose of his face in the same motion he turned to hide his disfigurement from her.
"No Erik! It's just… not you," Gaia explained quietly. "Put it on a again and let me have a better look?" She pried, rising from her seat and moving towards him as he fumbled with the strange false appendage, fixing it back onto his face. If she was horrified by the rest of his ugliness, she made no remark. This gave Erik some comfort; he had long suspected his nose was one of his more startling features, next to his rotten flesh, animalistic eyes and blue-green veins. He knew no amount of trickery would ever make him handsome, but perhaps there was a way to let her look on him without disgust.
Gaia inspected him so carefully Erik thought he might burst under her scrutiny. She pulled at his skin around the false nose, trying to discover its magic when it began to peel away and Erik quickly pressed it tight. "Be careful! It's only epoxy," He explained.
"It's so clever! I would hardly have recognized you if I saw you on the street, save for your height. But why-"
Erik answered before she even finished. "So you can go out with your husband and not feel the burn of all of Modena's eyes on the back of your head," he explained. "What do you think?" Gaia almost giggled at that; how he reminded of her a peacock sometimes! How did a man with such horrible disfigurements come to be so vain?
"I think it's a charming idea, Erik, but I don't see the sense in it. Let people look if they must. Besides, if you were more handsome you might find a prettier, healthier young lady to replace me with, and then what would I do?" She teased, making it clear to Erik she did not believe he would replace her even if he suddenly became as handsome as a Roman statue. Gaia had even told him more than once she preferred him as he was; he was certainly more generously endowed than the naked young men made of marble.
"Maybe it's for my own ego then," He countered, causing Gaia to frown, "and my comfort. That awful leather thing chaffs my face, and it gets hot in the summer. When I went into the woods-" that was what he called his outburst against her now, his trip into the woods, "-I felt so… free. Oh I was miserable, but still… at the same time I was so full of life! Dreadful, horrible, wondrous life. There was nothing I couldn't do, except travel back in time and stop myself from being such a monster to you."
"Then don't wear a mask, Erik. I have never asked you to, have I?" Erik was silent at that, but Gaia was not willing to let the matter drop. "Well, have I?"
"No, you have not," Erik admitted. "But if you could see-"
"I do see, Erik. I've seen it before, and I see it now. Just with a boyish attempt to be normal covering up a small part," she pointed out. "For such a brilliant man, can you really not see that I did not marry you for vanity?" Her face changed as another thought came across it. She opened her mouth as if to speak but changed her mind.
Erik pressed her. "Yes? What is it, Gaia?"
"Erik… why do you love me? Please don't dismiss it," she added quickly. "I'm honestly curious, not fishing for pretty words."
"What an odd question," The false-nose man remarked, moving to sit on the divan while Gaia brought him tea. "I love you for more reasons than words can say, I'm sure. You're beautiful, kind, earnest when it's appropriate but delightful when the mood strikes you. Honest, stubborn to a fault sometimes. Remarkably talented at everything you try your hand at it seems, curious, passionate… I've said something wrong," He stopped his list when he noticed the wrinkle in her brow.
"It's nothing, Erik. Don't mind me, I'm just in a mood is all," she dismissed, but Erik was not content.
"Please tell me what's wrong? What have I done, how can I fix it?" That always seemed to be Erik's worry these days. He was so terrified she would leave him after what he did to her, he was afraid any little misstep would send her running.
"…You listed beautiful first. Before the things… before the things that matter," Gaia muttered, but Erik heard and frowned deeply.
"Gaia I wasn't making a list in any particular order," He offered, but Gaia shook her head.
"That's why it bothers me. Oh, you mustn't think anything of it Erik. Like I said, it's only a mood," she promised.
Erik pressed deeper. "Why should it bother you that I listed beauty in a list with no order?"
"… Because it means, deep down, that is what comes first, Erik. You said the very first thing that came to your mind. I am beautiful, before I am any of those other, perfectly wonderful things you said about me. Please, can we just let the matter drop?" She urged, covering her mouth to suppress a half hearted cough before she moved into the kitchen to put on more water.
Erik did not follow her right away. Gaia had thought she was alone in the kitchen, holding herself quietly as she unnecessarily supervised the pot of water as it boiled. She had never thought of herself as pretty, though her father and sisters had always promised she was. She had always been too much of something in school to earn her much popularity; too tall, too large-breasted too young, too heady, too mature. But when she had left the school for girls at age fourteen to take care of her father, she became a magnet for male attention. Girls her age despised her for it; she was a terrible bore they said, why should she be the neighborhood beauty? But men in her neighborhood in Rome were middle class men. They worked hard day in and day out, and saw a good wage because of it. They could afford to be picky with their women, and Gaia was exactly what they wanted; a stunning beauty, talented cook, seamstress, and housekeeper. She had good hips for childbearing, and was proving herself to be a capable lady-of-the-house by taking care of her father so well all on her own.
Gaia sobbed quietly. How she wished she was ugly! How she wished she could walk through a crowd and not be noticed, or even be despised for her looks. How she hated being viewed as an object, a piece of meat for men like Marco to take whenever they pleased… and now Erik. Erik, an admittedly hideous, awful looking man… even he valued her looks before all else. How she wished to be loved for all of those other things and for her looks last, as purely and deeply as she loved him. She wanted to be loved in spite of her looks, not because of them.
She yelped before covering her hand with her mouth out of embarrassment when Erik's light touch pulled her from her thought. "Oh Erik, you startled me," she told him, wiping at her eyes furiously and turning to face him once her face was clean. "I didn't even hear you-" Gaia was silenced immediately by the view of Erik's unmasked face, missing even its prosthetic nose. For as long as she had been asking him to see it, she was still not entirely prepared for its awfulness… but she did not scream. She did not faint, or fall back, or attempt to run past him. Gaia flinched, and that was all. It was a move so slight Erik didn't even catch it, his eyes fixated on the floor like a berated child.
The young woman's brow furrowed deeply. Poor, sweet Erik. He had his moments… but on the whole he was so wonderful. Such a beautiful, beautiful man. In exchange for the beauty of his soul he had been cursed with such a wretched face, but it was not his fault. Gaia reached out carefully to stroke his cheek, making a mental note of where the knife block was just in case her touch threw him into another one of his rages. She wasn't sure she could use a knife against him even if it would save her life, but it made her far more confident knowing it was there.
Erik spoke so softly, Gaia could hardly tell his lips were moving. "I have always known you were beautiful, Gaia. I used to have… sick, fantastic dreams about you, when we first met. I was so embarrassed by my fantasies I could hardly look at you for months, I don't know if you remember."
Gaia flushed some at that admission. "I do, actually. I thought you hated me, that you were hiding something."
"I was, but nothing sinister. Only… childish and embarrassing. But Gaia… you've always been beautiful, but I have not always loved you. I lusted after you, to an extent… but not loved. Therefore I couldn't possibly love you because of your beauty," he reasoned, and Gaia was quiet. "You are without a doubt the most beautiful woman I have or will ever know. But I am certain that that is not why I love you."
Gaia was quiet for a long moment until the whistle from the teapot on the stove demanded her attention to keep from boiling over. She quickly turned and removed it from the heat, blowing out the small flame before turning back to him tearfully. In a careful movement, she cupped her husband's face in her hands to lift his gaze to hers. "You have no idea how it warms my heart to hear you say that, Husband. And for all the reasons I love you, I love you more for it," she promised, setting her lips on his firmly. It was so much nicer to kiss him without the mask! Normally the tough leather chaffed her face much as it was doing to Erik's, leaving her lips red and swollen after they kissed. Erik returned her kisses deeply, and before long was kissing her as they fell passionately into the bed, and Gaia was consumed with all the reasons she loved her husband.
He was a devoted and passionate husband and lover, he worshiped the ground she walked on. He was intelligent, witty, and so innocent with a deep, hidden darkness to him that both scared and thrilled Gaia. She preferred it came out in his dark musings of his past and not in violent rage, but somehow it made her feel even closer to him, knowing these dark secrets were known only to she and her husband. Gaia loved how he could make all of her problems melt away with a simple touch, or a laugh, or just by reading out loud to her in languages she would never understand. When they finally collapsed, exhausted in one another's arms, Gaia frowned some. Something felt strange… different than the other times they had made love. Not unpleasant, not at all. Just… different. She felt heavier, fuller and pleasantly lethargic than usual. She chalked it up to a pleasant sensation in the light of her recent illness, and smiled to him.
"I almost forgot. Guess what I found this morning," she pressed, and Erik chuckled some pleasantly. What a beautiful sound, she mused.
"I haven't the slightest clue."
Gaia pulled herself away from her husband's warm glow and moved to a box on the bookshelf, not bothering to dress. Erik watched her appreciatively as she moved, reaching up high before returning to the bed with a smile to show him her prize; the little mechanical ballerina he had given her when their friendship first bloomed. Erik smiled nostalgically, and stroked the little dancer's skirt. "I remember this. I can't believe you kept it."
"Of course I did. You made it for me," she smiled, and Erik kissed her deeply. Within minutes the little reminder of their budding affection was placed aside as they tangled once more in the sheets, wasting away the remainder of the afternoon in one another's arms.
Author's Note: Was inspired to write a particularly long chapter today, not too sure why. Ended up getting nothing productive done for school today besides just showing up for class, this is probably just my brain's way of making up for it. :P Spent all weekend doing homework, I feel like I deserve a break. A side note: Normally I judge the quality of a particular chapter by how many hits and visitors it gets, but this function is down (yet again), so any and all reviews would be nice until it starts working again. I feel more inclined to write when I know I have readers, especially when they leave such wonderful comments as DaFatGnome and Jasmine. :)