Author's Notes: Thank you so much for the positive feedback! I was so sincerely worried I was going to lose readers or get flames after the way I ended the last chapter. A little concerned about losing people with this chapter too or having people decide they hate one of the two characters. I love both these characters which is why I have so much fun writing them, especially when they fight.
"I slept with someone."
Those small words somehow fill up the room, leaving no room for air, and suddenly Mike can't breathe. He stops in his tracks, his back still to her, as time seems to pause.
When he doesn't say anything, she repeats, "I slept with-"
"I heard you." Mike says, holding up his hand to stop her from continuing. "Who? Someone in the house?"
"No, of course not."
"Who?"
"Phil. He's this guy who-"
"I know who he is. He thinks you're a pharmaceutical rep." Mike cuts her off. Mike already knows the answer to his next question, but asks anyway, "Did he force you?"
"No."
"Why are you telling me this?" Mike asks, trying to keep his voice controlled. It feels like something is caught in his throat, blocking off his air.
"Because not telling you would feel like a lie." She sounds cool and calm in comparison to his choked back rage.
"What do you expect me to say, Paige?" He can't look at her. Why? If he means so little to her that she would do this, why would she tell him about it.
"You don't have to say anything. I just thought you should know." She says in a reserved, stoic voice.
The fact that she's being so calm and collected infuriates him more. There's no emotion in her voice that he can hear, she just sounds tired. Mike feels like his world is falling apart. He can feel that ball of emotions pushing up in his throat and he feels like he may vomit.
Unwanted images of her making love to another man fill his mind. How would she look when she reached her peak? Would she be loud or quiet? There were so many things about her Mike didn't know. Phil knew. Phil knew things about Paige that Mike didn't know. What right did Phil have to know her in such a way? What did he have Mike didn't? Hadn't Mike been supportive and kind and taken care of her and she turned to someone like Phil?
Mike leans against the counter facing away from her his mind racing. His body is coiled up tight. He squeezes his eyes shut trying to force the images away, but they only come faster.
The silence pervades the room, all Mike can hear is Paige's words in his head repeated again and again, 'I slept with someone'. She slept with someone. The room is unnaturally silent, but Paige waits quietly behind him, waiting for him to respond. Letting him process.
When Mike still hasn't said anything after minutes of uncomfortable silence, Paige decides not to push him and turns to leave the room. She doesn't make it out of the kitchen before his throat becomes unplugged and everything horrible he's feeling inside comes hurling out with a scream, "FUCK, PAIGE! How could you be so stupid?!"
"Excuse me?" His outburst has definitely taken her off guard. Mike has never spoken to her like this. She's never heard Mike speak to anyone like this. She turns around in shock to face him, but he keeps yelling.
"With men! You think this Phil guy loves you? He doesn't even know who you are! How could you, of all people, let him use you like that?"
"Use me?" She repeats in a cold voice that should warn him he's on thin ice.
"Yes, use you! To him, you are nothing but a pretty face he can stick his dick in! He doesn't care about you. He doesn't know you. He used you like a gym sock, and you just let him!"
"If anyone used anyone, I used him!" Paige's temper finally ignites from his crude words and she screams right back at him. "I approached him! I asked to go back to his place!"
"That's even worse!"
"Why?!" She demands. When Mike can't seem to come up with an actual reason as to why it's worse, she continues yelling. "Wake up Mike. This is the real world. We don't all live in your black and white fantasy world, where people don't fuck, they just make love."
"Well, maybe I don't want to live in that world of yours!" Mike yells back.
"You've made that abundantly clear!"
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Mike challenges.
"You had your chance." She hates it when he plays dumb. He knows exactly what she meant. The other night she had literally begged him to fuck her, and he had patted her on the head and tucked her into bed. He had no right to get mad at her now for finding someone who actually wanted her.
"So what? This is revenge because I wouldn't fuck you when you were drunk?" Mike roars, infuriated that she would suggest such a thing.
He had done the right thing. Mike knows it. If she had just waited for him. He would have made a move eventually. When they were both ready for it. He would have wooed her and showered her with affection. She deserved so much better than drunken sex in a dirty bar with a complete stranger. Why was she settling for less?
"Look, this may come as a shock, Mike. I know you think the world revolves around you, but this has nothing to do with you! This has to do with me."
Paige is so sick of Mike's martyr complex. If anything bad happens, it's automatically his fault. Phil had nothing to do with the way she felt about Mike. Mike should be glad she was using some other sap to work through her issues rather than to subject him to it. This way he could just go back to being the friend who got the fun happy side of Paige, rather than the poor jerk who had to put up with all her emotional scarrings and demons.
"Then why are you telling me about this, if has nothing to do with me?" Mike growls.
"Well I'm sorry for saying anything. I just thought you might want to know." Paige doesn't know why she told Mike. She just felt like she needed to. She told Mike everything.
"Well I don't!" Mike yells.
"Fine! Next time I won't tell you." Paige yells right back.
"Next time?! Fuck no! There's not going to be a next time!"
"EXCUSE ME?!" Paige squeals. She can not believe he dared to just say that to her. "Did you really just forbid me? What are you going to do, Mike? Ground me?"
Mike immediately realizes this was the wrong thing to say to her. Paige looked like she was ready to kill him. He had no doubt she would fuck every man in the Drop just to prove to him she did what she damn well pleased. Instead he changes course, leaning forward to challenge her, "Does he love you?"
"It's none of your fucking business," Paige snaps. "And why do you care? You rejected me! Remember?"
"You know he doesn't." Mike scoffs, her defensiveness just proves his point and he ignores the second part of her statement. "And I know you certainly don't love him. So why would you do this?"
"You can have one without the other you know! And besides I might love him for all you know. Why do you think you know everything?" Paige challenges, arms crossed across her chest. She was so sick of Mike thinking that he knew how she should be feeling. She didn't even know what her emotions meant recently, how could he? Phil could be the fucking love of her life for all she knew, though she doubted it.
"Because all I'm hearing, is you saying if I treated you more like shit, I could have fucked you too." Mike sneers. Paige glares at him for a moment and then turns to storm off, but he's not done. He grabs her arm and yanks her around so she's just inches away when he taunts her, "What? You need men to not care about you, because love's too scary?"
"Oh yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying, Mike." The sarcasm is dripping from Paige's voice. "As always, you know better than everyone. You smug, self-righteous, sanctimonious piece of shit."
Paige shoves him hard in the chest, pushing him away from her. It's like shoving a brick wall. He barely takes two steps back, but he still looks infuriated. He's literally turning red and his fists are clenched at his sides.
Paige has never seen him like this. He looks like he may attack her, and part of her hopes he does. She is so filled with rage she just wants to fight him until they're both bloody and broken. His whole body is tense, but trembling with anger. He focuses his steely glare on her, and answers the unasked question in the air.
"I'm not going to apologize for last night." Mike says in a quiet firm voice. "Paige, you were smashed on pain pills and booze. Anything I would have done would have been legally considered rape. I did the right thing."
"And what about the night before that? Or the night before that? What about every single night you've spent in my bed for the past month?" Even though Paige was the one who pushed him away, she takes three steps towards him, poking him in the chest as she questions him.
"What was I supposed to do Paige? Fuck you the second you were out of surgery, in front of the entire hospital staff?" Mike grabs her wrist in his hand to stop her from stabbing her finger into his chest, "I wasn't out for a screw. I was trying to take care of you. I just wanted to make sure you were safe!" Mike is not sure how he became the bad guy here. He was trying to protect her.
"Oh my god." Paige can't believe Mike's still harping on this. Every fight always boiled down to this. "How many times do I have to tell you Mike? I'm fine. Stop trying to play the hero and just be real with me. Look at me. I'm fine!"
Paige wants him to look at her the way he used to, before all of this happened. That look of lust and admiration. Whenever he looked at her now his expression was different. It was sympathetic and Paige found it condescending. Except for now. Now was the first time he wasn't looking at her like she was some pathetic injured creature he needed to protect. Now he was looking at her with fierce rage and disgust. Like he wanted to tear her apart and just destroy her. It wasn't the same look she missed so much, but his hate was better than his pity.
"You're not fine or you wouldn't be acting out the way you are! Last night you mixed pain meds and booze. Tonight you fuck some stranger. This is not healthy. You need to take time to recover."
"No, I don't! I am fine!" She screams hysterically at him. He never listened to her. Why did he always think he knew best? "What do I have to do to prove that to you, Mike? Blow Phil in front of you? I am exactly who I was before all of this happened. I'm not perfect. I drink and I have sex. I make mistakes. If you don't like who I am, then leave! Go back to DC."
"I'm not the problem! You've changed!"
"No you ARE the problem! You think you know me? You've been here less than a year. You know nothing. If I changed, it only happened when you came here. I had a life before you and nobody fucking judged me for it!"
"I'm not saying you can't drink or have sex, but what you're doing is acting out! That's it. I'm making the call and tomorrow you are meeting with the psychiatrist. You keep saying you're fine but this is just out of control. You're acting like a little-"
"No, don't stop there. Say it." She challenges him staring up at him with fire in her eyes.
He hesitates for a second but then leans in, the word burning his tongue. "Slut."
She slaps him so suddenly and so hard he gets whiplash. Mike knows he deserved that.
"I am not a victim. So I didn't want my memory of the last time a man touched me to be those monsters in the warehouse. It doesn't make me crazy." Her voice is deadly quiet with a warning edge that Mike has never heard. "Yes, I made a choice. I took control and I fucked Phil. You do not get to judge me for doing what I need to do to heal."
She's not sure if it was the slap, or the sudden change of her voice, but for once he remains silent.
His silence allows her to calm down, but just a touch. Just enough to say in a soft voice, "Mike, I know you want to be the one to singlehandedly save me and nurse me back to health. And I appreciate it. I do. But there are some things you can't fix."
"Do you regret it?" Mike asks in a soft cracked voice.
What he's really asking is if she regrets shattering the routine they have. How can he sleep beside her at night if she's out fucking other men? How can he go to a bar with her and watch her leave with someone else? How can he be her hero if she won't let him? They were doing fine. They were surviving, and then she had to go and do this. If she could just say she regretted it, that she would take it all back if she could, then Mike could act like it never happened. They could continue on this way. They could pretend.
"No." She says bravely, looking him straight in the eyes. "And it's not fair that you expect me to."