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Thank you all for reading! I owe everything to my great friend Old Ping Hai for beta this chapter! Working with you is a great honor!

Well, enjoy!

Chapter 9, part 1- With Or Without You.

Sherlock P.O.V

I'm sitting here, next to John's hospital bed at St. Barts. It feels like I've been sitting here for no more than ten minutes, but the clock shows it's been nearly ten hours.

After the latest events in Moriaty's mansion, both John and I were hospitalized.
I've been shot in the shoulder, so no serious harm was done, although being shot twice in one year wasn't something I was aiming for.
But John... John is a whole other story.

John suffered from massive internal bleeding, with lots of internal organ damage, mainly to his spleen (which they had to remove during surgery.)
The day we arrived at the hospital he was rushed to surgery, but they had to stop in the middle because they weren't sure he would be able to survive it. And so, 2 days later, when they saw he was getting strong enough, they rushed him back in.

It was a long surgery, eight hours of nerve-wracking tension and fear.
But after all of that, there was only one important thing: he survived this. He survived the shock, when no one believed he would. Even the doctors were doubtful.

It's been a week since John and I were hospitalized, and it was the longest week of my life.

Everyone came by: his sister, Mrs. Hudson, Janine and Mike Stamford. Even Lestrade came, but then again, he was just in the room next to John's.

Now it's the only time this entire week that I'm finally able to be alone with him, even though he's still unconscious.
Just being here, sitting next to him and holding his hands is quite enough for now.
I'm worried; there's no point in hiding it. The fact that John is still unconscious isn't good.

They gave him a week from the second surgery, and if he doesn't wake up by then, there is only a faint chance that he will ever wake up.
But he will. I know he will.

There's knocking on the door and Mycroft walks in quietly, not waiting for a response. I refuse to acknowledge his presence, but he's just standing in the doorway.

I'm so sick of explaining what happened to everyone. I'm tired of repeating the fact that Moriarty did this, but that John is safe now, because James is dead.
Really dead.

It's almost heartbreaking to tell everyone that John might not survive this, that they will remove him from life support if he doesn't wake up by the end of a week.
But Mycroft already knows all that, he knows what happened, so why is he here? What does he want?

After a few moments, his presence really starts to annoy me, and I ask, as rudely as I can manage, what the hell he wants.

Mycroft approaches John's bed and stands beside it. He sighs heavily and stares at me.
"How is he?" he finally asks.
"He should be up any minute. He doesn't have much choice."
"Is that what the doctor said?"
"The doctor said that if he doesn't wake up in the next 3 days, they are removing him from life support."

I try to keep my voice as steady as possible, and to people who don't know me it may sound like that too, but Mycroft is one of those who knows me. So he notices, but he keeps his mouth shut. Thank god.

"Do you need anything?" He sighs again. I eye him closely and notice the black spots under his eyes and he seems a lot older than he usually looks. He was obviously exhausted from sitting next to Lestrade's bed day and night for almost a week.

"Coffee, make it dark," Mycroft smiles lightly and walks out of the room. The private room that he managed to get for John. I probably should thank him for that. Maybe later.

I hold John's hand tightly, and I start talking to him. The doctor said it might help. I tell him about what the doctor said, that he has to get better soon, and that neither the bloody doctors nor I are about to give up.
I tell him that everyone who was tortured by Moriarty is already better, and that only Lestrade is still in the hospital. I tell him that I regret leaving him, and that I'll probably regret it for the rest of my life, and that I blame Mycroft, so I swear I'll never listen to any of his ideas ever again.

Mycroft comes into the room again, not even bothering to knock. He hands me the coffee, which is rather disgusting but I drink it anyway. He takes a seat next to me and drinks his own coffee. I decide to ignore him as he sits there listening, and just continue telling John anything I can, everything he missed this week.

I tell him how Harry cried when she visited yesterday, and kept on saying she loves him and misses him and that he's the best brother who ever lived.
I don't mention of course that I yelled at her in response to her not even showing up for the wedding.
God only knows what John might remember when he wakes up.

I tell him that the room is full of flowers, chocolate, and "get well" cards, and that I don't understand why anyone would buy that stuff for an unconscious man.
Mycroft chuckles and pats my arm, which reminds me that he is still here. Seriously, doesn't he have some urgent government business?

"Why are you still here?"
"Well," he checks his watch, "it's 3:46, I can't sleep, and Greg needs some rest. He can't have me there while he's sleeping, it makes him feel uncomfortable. Either way, little brother, this is quite interesting."
He gestures toward John with his hand and smiles. I roll my eyes and tell him how ridiculous he is, but he doesn't mind. He stays seated but shuts his eyes.

I'm about to tell John about what happened with Janine, when Mycroft starts to interrupt, "Hmm... Sherlock?"
"What?"
"Did you tell him how you feel?" I turn to look at my extremely annoying brother, who still has his eyes closed.

"I told you already, there's nothing to tell." Mycroft chuckles again and shakes his head.
"What?" I ask him, beginning to be irritated that he's bothering me during my only possible time to be with John.
"Nothing to tell, Sherlock? You must be joking. Is there anyone else in the world whose hospital bed you'd sit next to for 5 days straight? When was the last time you showered? Or ate? Or even peed?" Mycroft sighs again, "You can't possibly say that there's nothing to te-"
"Mycroft, shut up, will you? There's nothing to tell because Moriarty already told him. He read him the letter I planned to leave him before my flight."
"Well... How did it go?"
"How do you think? He cried and then Moriarty started beating him so he cried more. I imagined it a bit differently to be honest," I say sarcastically. I'm tired, and it's really the last thing I want to think about.
It automatically makes me think about what John will have to say about that when he wakes up. It's utterly unnerving, and I'm trying to avoid it as long as possible.

"Given the circumstances, it's not so bad. Maybe when he wakes up, you could talk about that... I'm sure he loves you deeply, Sherlock."
"You know what? Even if he does, his wife just died. He has a baby. I went to see her yesterday, and she looks exactly like Mary. How can I compete with that? How, Mycroft?"
"You can't, he will probably need time, but he will get better. And then maybe you could give it a shot. Regardless, he is moving back with you to Baker Street, isn't he? I heard you say that to Mrs. Hudson a couple of days ago."

That fact always makes me smile when I think about it, living with John again will be fantastic. Raising his child with him... That's a bit more tricky, but we can do it.

Mycroft notices my reaction and smiles genuinely, "I'm sure you'll do great with the baby, Sherlock. Kids seems to adore you for some reason."
As flattered as I am, I'm exhausted from speaking about John and me, and I'm completely determined to make it Mycroft's turn to feel uncomfortable.
We haven't had this kind of conversation in years, it is definitely a refreshing change.

"How about you and Lestrade? Don't you want to take things to the next level? It's not like you to take things slow." Mycroft blushed and laughed bitterly.

"You're right, but I don't know if getting married is a good idea either. We talked about this, but we both represent something important in this country; he represents the Yard, and I represent the government. To do something as public as getting married might have an unwelcome effect on both of our positions. People don't often welcome homosexual couples, particularly not as representatives of something so important and meaningful."

"Just because both of you are pretty well known, doesn't mean that everyone would know about your relationship." Mycroft shrugs and closes his eyes again.
"Maybe, but it's quite a risk. We'll see though, we have time. He really wants to adopt, you know."
"Figures, Lestrade loves kids. What do you think?"
"Maybe... In a year or so."
"So you could tell everyone that he's your grandson? I don't think you should wait too long, no one likes an old daddy."
"Shut up." It is rare enough to hear Mycroft swear, but to hear him swear with a smile on his face is an event that happens once in a decade.
He even manages to surprise me.

I smile and turn again to face John, he seems so young and relaxed. As if nothing bad ever happened to him, like he is the calmest and happiest man alive. I stroke his cheeks gently, taking all the time in the world to enjoy the ability to touch him.
I suddenly feel the annoying need to go to the loo, so I get up from the chair and lean forward to kiss John's temple gently.

"Keep an eye on him, will you?" I ask Mycroft, who's already beginning to fall asleep, but that will have to wait.
I begin walking toward the bathroom when I hear Mycroft's voice behind me.
"Sherlock! He woke up!" I stand still, not really able to move, "Come on, Sherlock!" I begin running toward John's room, almost bumping into Mycroft.

John's eyes are wide open, and it seems like he's on the edge of a panic attack. I approach John, squeeze his hands tightly with one hand and stroke his hair with the other, trying my best to be reassuring and make him calm.

Meanwhile, Mycroft has called the doctor and our private nurse.
The doctor comes in the room and starts checking John's reactions.
"John, can you hear me? Do you recognize those gentlemen?" John nods, his eyes still wide, and he is staring at me. He begins to calm down and leans into my touch.

The doctor smiles widely and assures us that everything is better than expected. He says that he'll come back in a couple of hours to check on him, but that meanwhile, John has to rest.
He walks out of the room, and Mycroft follows him.

John does his best to smile back at me, but instead he just twitches his face with pain.

"What the hell happened?"