"You are an impudent prick," Sasori's ghost said coolly. "Surely, you knew the consequences,"

Hidan said nothing, just glanced in annoyance at Sasori's spectre.

"You're just pissed because he got you killed,"

"Perhaps," Sasori said. "Perhaps, perhaps. But that does not change the fact that you're an idiot,"

"We didn't go all the way," Hidan grumbled. "I have some self-control,"

"Liar," Sasori said, even before Hidan had thought it. Deidara's performance was without a doubt done to seduce Hidan; sensing that the Jashinist was almost arriving at his climax, Deidara stopped the rapid procession of his licking and sucking and left the room, almost as if he'd merely gone in for a chat. It had pissed the fuck out of Hidan at the time, especially when Deidara looked at him and smirked haughtily, because he knew exactly just how much Hidan wanted him, and how much Hidan wanted Deidara to finish what he'd started.

Hidan had to finish off himself, and it ended unsatisfactorily. When he did it himself, his dick always felt sore because he yanked too hard. And no shit, because it was perfectly Hidan to be rough to himself.

Just ask the millions of wounds he's ever had.

Hidan walked out of the room, feeling Sasori's disapproving glare on his back like laser beams. He went into his own room and picked his Akatsuki coat off the ground, shaking it out hastily and pulling his arm through the sleeves. He did some stretches in it so it didn't feel so foreign—he usually walked around half naked—and then picked up his scythe.

"Kakuzu!" he growled loudly, swinging the scythe about, appreciating its familiar weight in his hands. "You better be ready, you lout!"

The duo stepped out into the sunlight. It took a while for Hidan to get used to it. He shielded his eyes with a hand.

"Fuckin' sunshine," he growled.

Kakuzu revealed a tightly wound scroll from within his Akatsuki coat. "The family lives to the west," he said. His eyes traveled further down the scroll, widening in pleasure as he read. Hidan wondered if he was smiling beneath his mask, but he doubted it. "They live in a house carved from a monolith, and our sources tell that they have been sitting on an Aladdin's Cave for five generations,"

Hidan sniffed. Partnered with Kakuzu, you did little else than accompany the guy on missions like this: missions that involved nothing but money. Pein only sometimes allowed Hidan to initiate an unnecessary bloodbath these days, and today was no different. So much for a two-way relationship. Hidan calculated that this mission would take twenty minutes and no less. You had to be insane to stand up against the Akatsuki. And insanity certainly didn't render you invincible. Then again, there were many who tried. And failed miserably. Hidan couldn't blame them. For example, their target this morning, whatever their names were-five generations they've been hiding a fortune, its value accumulating as time went by, no doubt due to their antiquity. And who knows? Maybe they had added to the pile. Even he'd want to defend it.

"Our sources also say that actions performed by the family imply that they add to the pile,"

"That's nice," Hidan mumbled.

"Yearly," Kakuzu said, ignoring Hidan's clear disinterest in the situation. He let out a growl of satisfaction. "No, quarterly, if we let the speculation become fact,"

They had walked only a few minutes from the Akatsuki Lair when Kakuzu spotted a figure on the horizon. He didn't need a minute to process who it was.

"Itachi,"

The quiet man turned his head slightly, but didn't return a greeting of any sort. Hidan cocked an eyebrow but didn't say anything. He touched a hand to his crotch. Dammit, he thought. It itches.

Kakuzu and Itachi began to exchange a few words. Hidan's heart rate suddenly increased tenfold. Itachi. Shit. He wondered if the Uchiha knew about what he and Deidara had done yet. No, what Deidara had done to him. He doubted it, because Itachi hadn't so much as glanced at him yet.

Itachi said something to Kakuzu, and then suddenly turned to Hidan, who had just discreetly slipped his arm back through his sleeve and was in the process of trying to itch his dick inconspicuously. If Itachi had noticed the state of awkwardness he had caught Hidan in, he didn't show it. Instead, he just stared at him with the same expression he wore everyday.

"You are unusually quiet today, Hidan," he said indifferently. "It's a surprise,"

"It's a relief," Kakuzu grunted. He looked at the sun, then back at Itachi. "We must be on our way. Itachi," Kakuzu nodded and walked away. Hidan reluctantly withdrew his arm and jogged to catch up, avoiding Itachi's eyes as he passed him.

"There it is,"

Hidan didn't need Kakuzu to know that the house was up ahead. It stood out like a sore thumb amongst the simple wooden huts that occupied the rest of the ground. At first glance, it was obvious it had once been a giant stone obelisk...and that...

"Excellent," Kakuzu purred. Clearly, he had noticed it too. Millions upon millions of small gold flecks glimmered in the rock. Each held little value, but together..."Come, Hidan,"

"I'm comin', I'm comin'," Hidan grunted. "It's not like I'm gonna freaking stand here and pick my nose,"

As they neared the village, the rustling of their cloaks and the glint of sunlight off Hidan's three-pronged scythe became more and more apparent to the villagers, who immediately set off the panic button and were all hurtling towards the monolith-house hybrid. It was obvious that it was the village's only safehouse and formidable defence. Hidan hadn't noticed it before, but there was a thick wall surrounding the house, its battlements lined with guards. He had seen it all before. Appearances were deceiving. Only dumb, wealthy people would waste their money on building a wall such as this: Hidan didn't doubt that even the most low-ranked ninja could penetrate this so-called security measure. He gave his scythe a smooth swing before releasing it: it gleamed through the air and sank its blades into the ground, just missing a retreating male, who yelped and fell backwards onto his bottom. He scrabbled up, not daring to stare at the scythe for too long, and scuttled towards the house.

"Hidan," Kakuzu said warningly. But Hidan didn't seem to hear him, because in the next moment, he had implanted his scythe into the same guy. He was dead before he fell to the ground. Kakuzu said nothing, because there was nothing he could say. Once Hidan drew blood, there was really no way of stopping him unless you used a physical barricade. And Kakuzu really couldn't be fucked. Hidan walked over to inspect his kill. He yanked his scythe out and licked the top blade unnecessarily. The metallic taste of blood unwound him a bit, and he stopped thinking about the Deidara predicament for a moment. "Fuck you, Pein," he said under his breath. He swung his scythe around again and almost effortlessly got another kill. Kakuzu ignored the Jashinist as he bent over his the body and muttered incantations. His only interest was the money.

As soon as Hidan and Kakuzu walked into the Lair, it was obvious that Hidan had been unruly. Half of his Akatsuki coat was peeled open, hanging off his body limply, and the guy was streaked with blood and dirt. With all that blood, one would've been reasonable to assume that Hidan had gotten mauled yet somehow survived: and sure, Hidan had let the kunai hit him, but they didn't really count as devastating wounds. Especially since you were Hidan and you practically lusted for pain.

Hidan scanned the room for the flash of blonde hair. Absent. Hidan was somewhat grateful. His breath was still heavy and he needed to bath before Pein got all up his ass about the killings. But part of him wanted Deidara to see him like this.

"Why're you standing there like an idiot?" Kisame called out. His sword was laid out before him on the table. A lot of times, Hidan had wanted to touch it and play around with it, but all of those times Kisame had forbade him to.

"Samehada is not a mere plaything," he always said, very seriously, although his eyes glittered with admiration.

"Shut up, Kisame," Hidan snapped. He stalked across the room and yanked open the fridge. Behind him, Kisame chortled. The taste of blood was now dry in Hidan's mouth. He unscrewed the bottle of water and downed it quickly, his swallowing noises loud and desperate. He smacked his lips when he was done and replaced the bottle in the fridge even though it was empty.

"Shouldn't you be with your partner?" Hidan asked, recalling their meeting Itachi.

"Nah," Kisame replied smoothly. "He's off on some Itachi-only business,"

"Ha,"

Hidan dragged his scythe behind him as he walked, his chest heaving. First, he needed to wipe all this gunk off of himself. Jashin has already witnessed my sacrifices.

"Hidan,"

Pein was standing in Hidan's room.

"If you're here to fucking tell me off about killing all those fucking people, I'm not listening,"Hidan shoved past Pein and propped the scythe against the wall. He shed his coat and threw it onto his desk. It landed in a messy heap.

Pein remained motionless.

"You won't speak like that in front of me," he said slowly. The malice in his voice was sharp and clear, but it didn't faze Hidan, especially in the aggressive state that he was in. And Pein noticed, because when Hidan looked back at him, he had gone.

Hidan turned back and looked at himself in the mirror. He tried wiping the dirt smeared on his torso off with his hand, which was equally dirty, and didn't succeed. He searched around his room for a cloth that he could wet, and swore when he couldn't find one.

"Here," said a voice behind him. "Let me help,"

Hidan's head whipped around.

Deidara.