So I know both twins seem very OOC especially Alfred but I have a method to my madness I promise.
Gilbert takes the couch for the night as Matthew walks up the stairs towards his room but stops right outside his brother's door. He slowly opens the door and watches his brother in the dim light. The older twin wonders what happened to his once carefree brother who almost seems to be a shell of his former self but then is he really any different? Just as he's about to close the door he hears a soft whisper, "Mattie?"
Quickly he forces a smile, "Yeah Alfred?" He opens the door wider and enters the darkened room, "Do you need anything?"
Alfred shifts slightly as he looks up at his brother's gentle blue eyes, "Not really just um, thanks."
"You're welcome." Matthew doesn't know what else to say but he doesn't want to leave his twin especially after finding him on the bathroom floor.
"You know," Alfred gives him a small smile, "you can sleep in here tonight, if you want." He moves over for his brother to lie down next to him, "Come on Mattie I'm really cold anyway."
Matthew slides in next to his brother, "Okay." He whispers in the dark as Alfred wraps his arms around the other's chest, "Are you still feeling nauseas?"
"No I actually feel a little better." Alfred lets out a low sigh as he feels his brother's arms wrap around his shoulders, "Will you answer me now?"
"Alfred…" Matthew shakes his head looking up at the ceiling knowing his brother won't drop it now so for once he'll answer, "Yeah I do miss her." He tries to blink rapidly to force the tears away but soon they start to flow freely down his face, "God I miss her so much."
"Shh, Mattie." Alfred turns to cradle his older brother's head in his chest, "Its okay…I promise its okay." He feels his own tears rising to the surface, "I miss her too." After five years of hiding their pain from each other they finally break down all the walls they've built up, "Mama was…God she was so awesome. And she fucking didn't deserve to die like that Mattie. It's not fair."
"I know Alfie." He pulls his brother in close. Neither had been with their mother when she died so they never got a real chance to say goodbye to her. "She was amazing." He pulls Alfred in tighter just listening to his brother's breathing. "I'm sorry Al. God I'm sorry."
He had expected the tears but Alfred's surprised by the apology, "For what? You have nothing to be sorry for." He racks his brain until it hits him, "Matthew…Mama didn't die because of you and Dad didn't leave because of you either. If anything he left because of…me."
"You? You didn't do anything. You never pissed him off like I have, never gotten in trouble like me."
"Never stood up for myself." Alfred looks away not realizing he's said it until it's already out of his mouth.
Now it's time for Matthew's question, "Why don't you?"
"Why?" Alfred can feel the lump growing in his throat and he tries desperately to swallow it, "I…I don't because I'm afraid to mostly."
It's been a long time since Alfred's truly opened up to Matthew like this and finally both are getting answers they truly needed, "Afraid? Al you don't have to be afraid to stand up for yourself. I mean you don't even talk most of the time."
"Yeah well the last time I did…Dad slammed the fucking door and never looked back." Matthew stares at him in the dim light for a moment before Alfred continues, "Dad was home with me while you were at Hockey tryouts and…he started drinking."
"Alfred."
"Yeah I know once he starts drinking he gets trashed pretty quickly and he was going on and on about how it was her own fault she died. Dude, while I know he didn't mean it, it still fucking hurt so I told him to shut the fuck up and that no one asks to die alone in the hospital bed." He shakes his head finally relieved to tell someone what really happened that night, "Especially with her husband off…" He knows he doesn't have to finish his story but he needs to. "Off fucking his mistress."
Matthew sits up and stares at him, "You didn't."
"Yeah I did." Alfred rolls over and covers himself with his blanket, "So if anyone should be sorry it's me. I drove Dad away, I made him not care about us…I'm the reason he hates us, hates me." Alfred expects his brother to slide out of bed and walk out of his room but instead Matthew lies back down and holds him tight.
It all makes sense to him now, "He doesn't hate you Alfred."
Even though Alfred is still facing away he gives his brother a smirk, "You're a bad liar."
"I mean it. He doesn't hate us…I don't think he does anyway." He presses his forehead into his younger brother's back as he lets out a deep sigh, "And I don't hate you…you're my little brother I couldn't hate you."
Alfred turns back around to face him, "I...okay." He lets Matthew pull him into a warm embrace, "I love you Mattie."
Matthew strokes his brother's short blonde hair as Alfred slowly falls asleep, "I love you too." Only when Alfred's fast asleep does he kiss the top of his brother's head, "Just get better. Alfred cause," He lets out a small whisper, "I can't lose you too."