Chapter 4:

Jacob POV:

Bella was in the kitchen getting a glass of water. I felt bad for yelling at her, although in my defense, I think I had a right to. None the less, I felt the urge to go and make her feel better. I hobbled into the kitchen and said, "Sam told me they are having a bonfire down at the beach. Want to go for awhile?" I asked her.

She set the glass down and turned around. "Sure. At least you won't yell at me in front of the pack," she answered.

"Don't be so sure of that," I said with a scowl.

We walked back into the living room. "Dad? We're going down to the bonfire on the beach for awhile."

Billy looked up from the TV. "Just take it easy on that leg."

"I'll drive him down in the truck," Bella answered. Billy nodded then went back to his program on TV.

"I need a sweatshirt. Can I use the black one I wore last night?" Bella asked me.

"Sure, sure." I started to go, but she stopped me. "I'll get it," she said as she headed back to my room. She was back in a few seconds and asked, "Ready to go?"

I nodded and Bella helped me hobble out to the truck. She started it up and as she pulled out onto the road, I turned to look at her. "Bella," I started. "I meant it when I said that you have to trust me. I can't stand the thought of you keeping something from me. I thought we were best friends."

Bella smiled at me then looked back at the road. "We are, Jake. And I do trust you. I guess, for once, I was trying to protect you."

"Well, cut it out, will ya?" I said roughly. "I don't like it."

"Welcome to the club," she huffed. Then we looked at each other and laughed. Really laughed, like we hadn't laughed in a long time. It actually felt pretty good. I decided we should really try to do it more often.

Bella POV:

I pulled the truck into the beach parking lot and drove as close as I could to where everyone was gathered then parked. I got out and walked around the truck to help Jacob out. "I think it might be tough for you to walk through the sand. You can lean on me." He smiled down at me, put his arm around my shoulder, and we made our way slowly down to the bonfire. I could see most of the guys were running out in just shorts, as usual. Jake had worn a t-shirt for once, and so did Jared and Sam.

Embry came jogging over when he saw us. "Hey bro! Look at you hobbling around." He took Jake's other arm and put it around his shoulders to help him make it through the sand. "You guys hear about Quil? He imprinted!" Embry announced.

"What?" Jacob and I said at the same time. "Someone we know?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, Emily's niece, Claire! Creeepy, huh?" Embry answered.

I saw Jake's eyes go wide in disbelief. "Claire? She's like 2. How is that even possible?"

"Sam talked to the elders about it. You know when you imprint, it is up to the girl to decide what she needs you to be. For the next few years, I guess Claire will have the best big brother any little girl could want," Embry explained. "Glad it was him and not me!" he added with his cheesy grin. I laughed at that. Embry was the true ladies' man. He always had a girl he was chasing.

We made our way down to where everyone was hanging out and sat Jacob down at the picnic table. He immediately picked up a handful of chips and began eating. Seth came over and picked me up in a big bear hug. "Put her down, you idiot," Jacob growled at Seth.

"Sorry, dude. Just saying hello," Seth answered as he set me back on the ground.

"Well, why don't you just wave next time."

I smacked him on the arm. "Cut it out, Jake." He reached out and pulled me down beside him.

Emily came over and gave Jake a hug. "Oh Jacob, I'm so glad you're alright. I was worried about you." She looked different to me somehow . . . she was happy . . . very happy.

"Thanks, Em, I'm good," he said as she let go of him.

"Bella! It's good to see you again." She also hugged me, which was kind of weird and yet, kind of nice.

"Yeah, thanks, you too. I'm glad to be here," I told her honestly. I really did enjoy being with the pack.

"You need to come over and see the house. Sam and I are working on a room for the baby."

"Baby?" I exclaimed. I looked over at Jake. "Did you know about this and forget to tell me?"

He smacked my forehead. "Yeah, I'm sorry. Sam told us the other day, and with everything going on, I didn't have a chance to tell you."

I turned to Emily. "I'm so happy for you guys. Congratulations!"

Emily smiled. "Thanks, Bella. Of course, this means we have moved up the wedding date. We are getting married next month. You'll come, won't you?"

Next month, I thought. Would I still be human next month?

"Sure, I'd like that," I answered. Which was the truth. I actually would like to be there.

Just then, Sam came up behind her and put his arms around her, settling his hands where their baby would be growing. "Me, a Dad. Can you imagine?" The smile on his face told me he was very excited about the prospect.

"Yeah, poor kid," teased Jacob.

I smacked him again. "Geez, Bella," Jacob whined. "I'm going to have bruises all over me by the time I get home."

I laughed at that. "Yeah, right. Tiny little me, giving you, a big, tough werewolf bruises? I broke my hand on your jaw, remember?"

He just grinned at me and said, "Oh yeah, I remember. It was worth it."

I rolled my eyes at him then turned back to Sam and Emily. I was taken aback at the love that radiated from them. It was truly amazing. She was glowing! I had always heard that about pregnant women, but this is the first time I had actually seen it. Poor Leah. I knew this would be really hard for her to take. I looked around, but didn't see her anywhere. I would have to ask Seth about that later.

Sam and Emily moved on and Jacob looked at me and said, "Let's walk down the beach a bit."

"Are you sure? We just got here." He nodded and stood up. He put his arm around my shoulder and we walked past everyone. Jared and Kim were sharing a roasted marshmallow; Emily sat down on Sam's lap and laid her head on his shoulder; Embry was showing off for a couple of giggly girls I didn't know; Seth and Quil were taking turns throwing things at Embry when he wasn't looking. Only Paul and Leah were missing. They must be on patrol tonight.

"I wonder how Leah took the news of Emily's pregnancy," I said. "Seeing them so happy has to be hard on her."

"I guess," muttered Jake as he slugged slowly through the sand.

"Do you think she'll ever get over Sam and move on?" I asked him.

"Who knows?"

"Maybe someday she will imprint on someone and she can be happy like that," I offered.

"Mmm hmm," Jake shrugged. OK, apparently Jake wasn't in the mood for conversation, unless it was yelling at me. I wondered why he hadn't brought it up yet.

We continued to move along the beach slowly in silence. It was a beautiful night for Washington, with a big moon reflected on the water and thousands of stars twinkling in the sky. "Jake, let's sit down over here," I suggested as I pulled him over to a large log that rested on the beach. He was having a hard time walking on his leg in the sand and I didn't want him to push it.

We sat there and listed to the waves lapping at the shore. I looked up at the stars and felt a slight breeze blow my hair. Jacob put his arm around me and I laid my head on his shoulder. For the first time in a very long time, I actually felt some peace.

Jacob POV:

Bella laid her head on my shoulder. It was so natural holding her in my arms. I kept thinking about what Embry told me about Quil. Sam, Jared, and now Quil – all imprinting. Why couldn't I have imprinted on Bella? I should have . . . she is the only girl I have ever loved. As we sat there, I thought back to the day I first fell in love with Bella. She was 10 and I was almost 9. We were in the boat, out on the lake, fishing with Dad and Charlie. Bella felt a pull on her line and got so excited that she stood up to start reeling, and she fell backwards right into the water. I didn't even think – I just jumped right in after her. I grabbed her under the arms and lifted her up so her head was out of the water. Charlie reached down and plucked her out of the water and set her on the floor of the boat. Then he reached back and pulled me in too.

"What were you thinking, Jacob? You both could have drowned!" Charlie yelled at me. I told him that I didn't think – I just knew I had to get Bella. As we sat there in the boat, Bella leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, and called me her hero. From that day on, that's all I ever wanted to be, Bella's hero.

"You're awful quiet, Jacob." Bella was looking at me. "You OK?"

I turned to her to answer, and was suddenly speechless. Looking at Bella, here in the moonlight . . .God, she's so beautiful, I thought asI stared into her big brown eyes. I could get lost in those eyes. I found myself leaning toward her . . . I wanted so badly to kiss her. I wasn't sure she would let me, but I didn't care. I touched my lips to hers . . . softly, gently, hovering over them until I pulled back and rested my forehead to hers and closed my eyes. "Bella? I love you. I know you don't want to hear it, but I can't help it. I am forever, hopelessly in love with you."

We sat there like that, with our foreheads touching, not saying a word for a minute. I waited for her to pull back, to insist she didn't feel that way about me, to tell me she was going to marry him. But instead, I heard her sigh and say quietly, "Jacob, I know now how much I do love you. And I know what we could have . . . but it scares the hell out of me."

WHAT? Did she really just say . . . I raised my head and put my hand under her chin to pull her face up to mine and smile. "I'm scared, too, Bells. But I know that I will never be happy living without you. Please, please, think about staying alive . . . for me?"

Bella POV:

Staying alive . . . I closed my eyes and for some reason, the first thing that came to mind was Emily talking about making a room for her baby. For a second, I let myself imagine being pregnant. Feeling strong arms around me and hands on my belly where our baby would be growing. But I was shocked to realize it wasn't Edward's arms I saw around me . . . it was Jacob's! I never thought much about being a mom, but here I was thinking about a baby . . . Jacob's baby. The vision I had during that kiss on the mountain top came clearly into view again . . . I could see those two little children running and playing . . . did I really want that? Can I live out eternity with Edward without that regret?

Which made me think of my mom. Seeing her in Florida and trying to say good bye to her . . . it suddenly made my heart ache. I missed her, like always, but now, thinking about the look on Emily's face as she talked about her baby . . . it made me realize what it would do to my mom, if I wasn't around any more. We lived apart, but at least we could see each other when we wanted to and talk and email . . .

And then there was Charlie. I finally had the relationship I had always wanted with my dad. Can I really walk away from that? Can I be that selfish?

"Bella? You're too quiet. What's going on?" Jacob tightened his arms around me. "Talk to me, honey."

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. God, when did I turn into such a weepy woman? "Jake. . . I am just so damn sick and tired of hurting everyone!" The tears were falling now.

"Bells, look at me." He tipped my chin up. "Just tell me what you were thinking. Don't worry about who you hurt. What do YOU want?"

I sighed and wiped my face. "Don't laugh, but I was actually thinking about what it would be like to be pregnant," I started shyly, "with your baby." I watched his face and could see the shock there in his eyes at the mention of a baby. I hurried on, "I never really thought much about having kids, but seeing Sam and Emily tonight, it made me think - do I really want to give that up? Never knowing what it feels like to have a life growing inside of me? Of holding this tiny baby in my arms, or watching Charlie be a grandpa?" I laughed a little at that, and so did Jacob.

"I finally have the relationship I have always wanted with my dad, Jake. I don't know how I can walk away from that. I thought that I could . . . that I had made my decision, and . . . now, I don't know if I can."

"Then don't. It's that simple," Jacob said. "As much as it kills me to say it, you may love him, but, Bella, is that enough? To give up everything you are? Everyone you love? Think, Bella! What happens if you change for him, then realize what all you have given up? You can't take it back. Eternity is a really long time to never be with your family, to never eat pizza or chocolate ice cream, or have a baby, or feel your heart race when you kiss someone . . ."

To prove his point, Jacob pulled me roughly to him and crushed his lips on mine. His tongue parted my lips and I opened my mouth to him eagerly, wanting more. I brought my arms up around his neck and buried my hands in his hair. He deepened the kiss until I was clinging to him, trying to push myself closer to him. He didn't hold back. He didn't have to be careful. I kissed him back with more heat and passion than I had ever kissed anyone. I actually moaned against his lips. Then I forced myself to break away and stand up. I took a few steps away and looked out over the water, trying to catch my breath. He was right . . . my heart was racing.

But then the reality of the decision I had made hit me again. "It doesn't matter what I want now, Jake," I told him. "I made a deal with the Volturi, and it's not one I can just walk away from." I turned back to him. "When I went to Italy to save Edward, they were going to kill him. I made a deal with them to save his life. And if I don't keep my end of the bargain . . . "

Jacob came over to stand beside me. "I don't give a damn what the Volturi want, Bella. You are safe here in La Push. We WILL protect you. You heard Sam. You have to trust us . . . trust me." He turned me to face him. "Bella. If you choose me, I will NEVER, EVER let anyone take you away from me." I could see his love for me in his eyes, and I knew he meant every word he said. He would do anything to make sure I was safe. That's what terrified me . . . I knew I couldn't stand to lose him.

"Jake, you don't know them. They are more powerful than any other vampires! Aro, their leader, saw some special power in me. He reads minds like Edward, and he couldn't read mine, just like Edward can't. Apparently this is not really normal for humans or something. It's like I can 'shield' myself from their powers. He decided that Edward would turn me into a vampire, or he would. And if we refused, they would kill me. Alice convinced him that she saw me becoming a vampire in the future, and they let us go." As I finished I sunk down until I was sitting in the sand. All of a sudden I felt so weak . . . so tired. I let my head drop into my hands.

Jacob plopped down beside me. "I hate these fucking bloodsuckers, Bella. I won't let them take you. We will fight them if we have to."

I let the tears run down my cheeks as I played with the little wolf charm on my bracelet. I knew he meant what he said . . . he would give his life to save mine. I closed my eyes and wished that I could stop all of this . . . I loved them both, but I couldn't go on like this. I had to choose. "You know, it's not just the things I would miss . . . it's . . . it's the violence of being . . . one of them." I looked over at Jake. "Watching Edward after the fight, ripping Victoria into pieces" I stopped and took a deep breath, "I'm not so sure I want to be a part of that. Dealing with the Volturi . . . I thought I did, I thought I could handle all of that . . . for him. I love him, but . . ."

Jake reached over and gently brushed my tears from my cheek. "Bella, I know that you love him, but he's like a drug for you. You think you need him, but is he really what's best for you?"

He looked right into my eyes and at that moment, I finally understood what he had been trying to tell me for so long. He cupped my cheek with his hand and said softly, "I know that I am exactly right for you. It would be effortless with us . . . as easy as breathing. Please, just think about it. I think I could make you happy . . . if you would only give me the chance."

I looked up and stared into his dark eyes. This was my Jacob . . . the one who wore his heart on his sleeve. He never held anything back with me . . . he never had and he probably never would. I had hurt him over and over and yet, here he was, offering me everything he had. I gave into the sudden impulse that rippled through me, and leaned over and kissed him. I locked my arms around his neck and really kissed him. I put all of the love I was feeling into that kiss, and felt him do the same. It was like we were connected by some force of nature. I was hanging on for dear life.

"Bella? What does this mean?" he said against my lips.

I pulled back a little and said, "I love you, Jake. I love you, and I don't want to live a life without you in it. That's all I know right now."

He smiled at me, that "Jacob smile" I loved so much. "That's enough for me." He leaned in and kissed me again, slower this time, and with more feeling. But, this time, I brushed my tongue along his lip and he opened to me. It was amazing kissing Jacob, being able to explore these new feelings without a sense of danger. He held me loosely and I ran my hand slowly up over his muscular bicep to his strong shoulder. We kissed over and over, until we were both breathless.

Finally he pulled away and said quietly, "Let's go home."

I smiled at him, and nodded. I stood up, brushed the sand from my butt then turned away from the water and took a few steps.

"Um, Bells?" I heard him call. "I need some help." I forgot about the brace on his leg, and he was struggling to stand up. I turned around to go back and help him, my foot hit a hole, and I ended up face down in the sand. I raised my face and spit out the sand that was in my mouth then said to Jacob, "Don't you dare laugh!"

Too late . . . he was already laughing, a good hard belly laugh. "Are you OK?" he choked out.

I pushed myself to stand and brushed the sand off. "Yes, I'm fine," I said as I limped toward him. I reached down and put his arm around my shoulders to help him up.

"This is great. The klutz helping the cripple. We make quite a pair," Jake laughed.

I couldn't help but laugh with him at that. It took us a couple of tries, but we finally got Jake up and we both limped back to the truck. I opened the door for him, and turned to help him get in. He leaned down and kissed me, a long, slow, lingering kiss. Wow. I felt that all the way to my toes. "Thanks, Bells," he said tenderly. "Thank you for staying and taking care of me."

I nodded and walked around the truck, my head in the clouds, and got in. Before I started the engine, I found myself scooting over toward Jacob and kissing him again, running my hands over his shoulders and chest. I secretly loved that he hardly ever wore a shirt. I could feel the heat from him surround me until finally, I had to pull away, gasping for air. I scooted back to the driver's side, started the truck and took off.

"Bella! Watch where you're going!" Jake yelled, as I almost took out a trash can.

"Sorry!" I shouted.

I looked over to see Jacob smiling at me. My heart did a flip flop. "Bella, pay attention. You were a little close to those mail boxes!" he shouted as he laughed.

I had no idea what was happening to me and why I was suddenly feeling so reckless . . . especially with Jake. It's like I was just so tired of thinking . . . I wanted to shut my brain off and just stop time for awhile. I needed to take time to think about me and what I really wanted, but I just didn't want to do it right now. I was tired, so sick and tired of all of it.

I finally got us back to his house in one piece. The house was dark, so we crept in as quietly as we could then Jake took my hand to lead me to his bedroom. True to Billy's word, there was the cot, set up on the opposite side of the room from Jake's bed. He looked at me and grinned. "So what do you think Charlie would consider 'funny business?'"