Chapter 5:

Jacob POV:

I closed the door then grabbed Bella and had her backed up against it in a flash. My lips were crushing down on hers as I ran my hands all over her body. Kissing her at the beach had turned me on way more than I thought it would, and I was rock solid all the way home. I pulled the zipper down on my sweatshirt she was wearing and pulled it off of her to land on the floor.

"Jake, you are so beautiful, "she murmured as she began putting kisses all over my chest. I leaned my head back and hoped that I wouldn't explode all over her. My hands found the hem of her t-shirt and I pulled up slowly then watched in amazement as she reached down and pulled it over her head to throw it on the floor. I groaned and pulled her close as I grabbed her ass to pull her up so she straddled me and she instantly wrapped her legs around me. Our lips met again as we devoured each other.

"Jake, your dad?" Bella whispered between kisses.

"With his room at the opposite end of the house, he won't hear anything," I answered as I moved my lips to her neck. I left a trail of hot, wet kisses there, ending with a nip from my teeth on her shoulder. She jumped and let out a gasp.

I quickly turned around and headed for the bed. I laid her down and then took in the sight of her laying on my bed. Is this really happening? I eased myself down to her and kissed her again, and again. It's like we couldn't get enough of each other. I leaned down to kiss her neck, her throat, then made a trail down her collar bone . . . "Jake, wait."

I stopped and looked up at her. I knew it. I was rushing things. She wasn't ready for this. Was I ready for this? The hardening in my groin reminded me that I was more than ready.

I watched her closely, seeing that she was trying hard to make up her mind. Then she unzipped her jeans, and pulled them down, leaving just her underwear. I was completely amazed.

"Are you sure, Bella?" I whispered. "Please tell me to stop if you . . ."

She pulled my face down to hers and kissed me, wrapping her arms around my neck to keep me there. Her fingers found their way into my hair and pulled. God, I loved that. Keeping my lips on hers, I reached around and tried to work the hooks on her bra. Damnit! I didn't have any experience in this and it was showing. "Um, Bella?"

"Mmm, yes Jake," she said with her lips on mine.

"I hate to ask, but I need a little help," I said still kissing her.

She sat up, reached around to unhook it then suddenly stopped. "Jake," she whispered, her eyes fixed on mine. "Maybe we are moving a little fast . . . I . . . um, have never done this before."

Did I hear her right? Edtard had never . . . what a fucking weenie! "You mean that you and . . . didn't . . . . you know . . . he never touched you like this?" I uttered in disbelief.

She shook her head very slowly. "No. We make out, but he refuses go any farther because he's afraid he couldn't control himself, and . . . he would hurt me," Bella said softly.

I couldn't contain the grin that quickly spread on my face. "That makes me very happy, Bells." I leaned forward and kissed her. "Thank you for telling me that." She was still a virgin . . . but then so was I. I wanted so badly to be her first.

She smiled and put her hands on my chest. "When you kiss me, it makes me a little crazy. I'm finding it's too easy to get carried away with you."

I fell back on the bed. It was tough trying to calm down. I was actually throbbing from wanting her.

"I'm so sorry, Jake." Bella lay down and turned to face me. "The timing is off, you know?" She leaned over and kissed me then she said seriously, "I know you don't want to hear it, but . . . technically, I am still engaged."

"I know." I pulled her into my arms then turned to face her and kiss her gently on the lips. "I love you, Bella. I can wait," I whispered.

"I love you, too, Jacob," she whispered back.

I closed my eyes and tried to take in what had just happened. I wondered if I was dreaming, although in my dreams, we never stopped until I was buried inside her. Yeah, Jake. That really helped get rid of your boner. Turn off your brain!

"Um, Jake?"

"Hmm?"

"Could I borrow a t-shirt to sleep in?" Bella asked.

"Oh yeah. Top drawer."

She got up, pulled a t-shirt out of the drawer and slipped it over her head. As she climbed back into bed, she whispered, "Should I move to the cot?"

As an answer, I pulled the sheet up over us and wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to lay down beside me. If we weren't going to go any further, I at least wanted to hold her all night.

We fell asleep like that until sometime in the night, Bella woke me when she started moving and mumbling in her sleep. "No, wait . . . stop! I don't . . . " She was sweating, her hair sticking to her forehead as she moved her head back and forth.

I shook her gently. "Bella! Bella, honey, it's just a dream. Wake up," I whispered.

She stopped and opened her eyes. She was gasping for air and I could see her trying to figure out where she was. She took a couple of deep breaths and then relaxed back against the pillow and scraped her hair from her face.

I gathered her against me. "It's OK, Bella. You're safe here with me. Go back to sleep." And she did.

When I woke again I glanced over at the clock to see it was only six in the morning. Bella was still asleep, and I was happy to see she was finally sleeping peacefully. I loved that she was wearing one of my t-shirts. That is so fucking hot. OK, Jake, maybe you need to get away from her for a moment. I had a feeling that I was going to be walking around with a constant hard-on now from thinking about what almost happened between us.

I eased out of bed, turned to make sure she was covered up, then went to use the bathroom. When I came back, I left the door open a crack and attempted to fold my huge body onto the tiny little cot. I thought we should at least make an appearance for Dad's sake. After trying and failing to fit onto the cot, I got up and folded the cot against the wall, laid the blanket on the floor, grabbed the pillow and stretched out. I was asleep in no time.

When I woke up again, Bella was gone. I looked over and saw her clothes were still lying on the floor where we threw them last night. Last night. I let that thought wash over me for a second. I was relieved to see them there. I wasn't ready to let her go yet. My heart was already heavy at the thought of not being with her.

She walked quietly into the room, still dressed in my t-shirt. A big smile crept onto my face. "Hey, beautiful. How are you this morning?" I held my hand out to her.

"Hey, "she said, returning my smile. She came over, took my hand and laid down beside me. "I'm good. How are you?" I leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips. "Well, considering I just had the best night of my life, I would say I am great."

"Why are you on the floor?" she asked. "Did I keep you awake with my bad dreams?"

"No," I answered quickly. "I just thought we should at least try to keep up appearances for Dad, in case he looked in on us. Believe me, it was very hard to leave you in my bed – alone."

We lay there quiet for a few minutes.

"Bells? Are you OK with what almost happened last night? I mean, I know I am, but . . ." God, I'm so pathetic.

She sat up and propped herself on her elbow, then looked down at me. "Jacob, what happened last night was like . . . a force of nature or something. I have never felt that way before. It was amazing! I'm surprised that we could stop when we did." She smiled and kissed me. She sat up and said seriously, "But, I need to talk to Edward."

Here it comes. God, I hated that guy!

"Jake, I'm going to see him today. I'm going to give him his ring back and tell him that I can't marry him."

I heard her say the words I had wanted so badly to hear, but I couldn't quite believe it. "Bella? . . ." I couldn't get any other words out.

"I know this is hard for you to hear, but I still love him. I will always love him. But, I can't marry him. Not now . . . not after realizing how many doubts I have about changing, and the things I might regret and . . . knowing how I feel about you." Then she fell quiet. I had no idea what to say. I was afraid to say anything.

"Jake?" Bella said softly as she looked into my eyes, "I want to apologize for all of the pain I've caused you. I put you through a lot, and I am so sorry." Tears were streaming down her face. "I am sick of hurting both of you. Neither one of you deserve it."

"It's OK, Bells." I reached up and put her hair behind her ear. "Maybe it all had to happen to bring us where we are," I told her.

She sat up and looked at me. "I'm not perfect, Jacob. You always act like no matter what I do, I'm never at fault. That's not true. I hurt you, Jake. I did! I am taking responsibility for that and apologizing, so just shut up and let me!"

I threw my hands up in front of me. "OK, OK! I accept. Don't hurt me."

She smiled her beautiful smile then as she shook her head and smacked me on the chest. I was finding that she did that a lot. I actually kind of liked it. "What am I going to do with you?"

I grinned and pulled her down to me and whispered, "I can think of a couple of things." I nuzzled her neck and put a couple of wet kisses there as she sighed.

"Your dad will be up soon," she reminded me as she pushed herself away. "I better go . . ."

I cut her off, "Not yet." I sat up and put my arms around her.

"No, Jake. I meant that – I'm going to take a shower."

I tried to laugh it off. "Oh, sorry. Not like I'm pathetic or anything." She kissed me and said, "It's OK. I get it. Don't worry. I WILL come back." She picked up her clothes, stood up, and I watched her walk out the door and turn into the bathroom.

Bella POV:

I closed the bathroom door behind me then looked into the mirror. Did last night really happen? Did Jake and I really almost . . . I couldn't keep looking at myself. I closed my eyes. I can't believe that I almost made love to Jake while I am still engaged to Edward. How could I do that to him?

I turned on the faucet to start the water for my shower and found myself thinking about being with Edward. All those times I threw myself at him. I begged him to make love to me. He always stopped. He didn't trust himself, he could hurt me, he wanted to wait until we got married . . . all of his reasons went parading through my mind. He never even kissed me the way that Jacob does. I always feel like I'm only getting a part of Edward. Never all of him.

I knew it wasn't fair to compare Edward to Jacob. They were two completely different people, at opposite ends of the spectrum. Fire and ice. Maybe that's why it was so difficult to choose between them . . . because I was a different person when I was with each of them. With Edward, I was cool, calm and never felt any need to make any decisions because they were all made for me. He smothered me by always wanting to protect me, but I knew it was because he was so afraid of losing me. His love was almost to the point of obsession.

But with Jake . . . I laughed and did dangerous things like riding motorcycles, and he was always challenging me to think for myself and make my own decisions. He was hot and passionate about everything . . . maybe that's why I found myself so passionate with him now . . . now that I knew I loved him, too.

Jacob. I let my new feelings for Jake wash over me as I stepped under the water. Jacob never holds back. He loves me with everything he's got – all of the time. It was new to me, but suddenly I found myself wanting more.

Jacob POV:

As I laid there on the floor on my back with my arms folded behind my head, I thought about how much I hated what Bella was going to go through today. She was going to tell him that she didn't want to marry him. She wasn't going to marry him! I wanted to jump up and shout it at the top of my lungs.

I wanted to go with her, but I knew she would refuse. This would be something she would want to do on her own. She was so stubborn. One more thing I actually loved about her. I just hoped he would stick to what he told me in the tent - that if Bella did choose me, he would let her go. If not, I was prepared to fight him for her.

Of course, what really terrified me was the thought that he might change her mind. I knew he had some kind of power over her . . . I really hated that. Being away from him, Bella had finally thought about what she wanted. I didn't want her to forget all of that when she went to talk to him. But, I knew I had to be ready in case he did change her mind. I was damned sick and tired of having my heart broken over and over. This time, after last night, I was afraid it would probably kill me. I needed to man up and be ready to fight harder if that happened, and not just give up and die.

I finally got up, which wasn't easy with the brace on my leg, threw a pair of cutoffs over my boxers and went out to the kitchen. The coffee was on, so I poured a cup and sat down at the table. It wasn't long before Bella came into the kitchen and kissed me on top of the head as she walked by on her way to the coffee pot. I smiled and thought, I could really get used to this.

"Got any cereal?" she asked as she looked through the cupboard.

"On top of the fridge, "I answered.

Bella looked up to the top of the refrigerator. "Yeah, right. Like I can reach that. Not everyone in the room is a giant werewolf, you know," she shot at me.

I laughed as I stood up to help. "Oh, I'm sorry, little munchkin. Here, let me get that for you." I grabbed both boxes of cereal and held them out to her. She grabbed them out of my hands with a huff and put them on the table.

"OK, smart ass, now you can get me a bowl, a spoon and the milk while you're up." She smiled oh-so-pretty at me then pulled out a chair and sat down.

I chuckled as I got two bowls, and a couple of spoons and grabbed the milk, then sat down beside her. "Here you go, sweetie-pie."

We looked at each other and laughed. "Which would you like? Cheerios, or my personal favorite, Cap'n Crunch?"

"Oh, Cap'n Crunch, of course," she answered holding out her bowl. I shook some cereal into the bowl then scooted the milk across the table toward her.

Just then, Dad wheeled into the kitchen. "What's all the racket out here? I can't believe that Jake is up before noon? What's up with that?" he asked as he reached the table.

"Well, I haven't been out on patrols, so I guess I'm getting caught up on my sleep," I answered.

Bella got up and got a cup of coffee for him. As she set the cup in front of him, she asked, "Do you want me to fix you some breakfast, Billy?"

"Naw, cereal is fine." Bella got a bowl and spoon, and put them on the table. Dad reached for his box of Cheerios and poured some into the bowl, then reached for the milk.

We ate breakfast in silence, just enjoying each other's company. Dad had turned on the TV on his way to the kitchen and was listening to the scores from the baseball games played the night before.

I looked over at Bella, quietly eating her breakfast beside me and thought, I know I could get used to this.