Chapter 8:

Bella POV:

I didn't know how to feel as I drove away from Jacob's house. All of the emotion that had been building just came crashing down on me as the tears poured down my face. I couldn't believe what all had happened in the last two days! Deciding not to marry Edward and to stay human, realizing how much I loved Jake. Jake . . . I could still feel his lips, his hands, his . . . Whoa, Bella, pay attention to the road, I thought as the truck veered toward the ditch. I gripped the wheel, wiped my face and willed myself to watch where I was going.

Then the guilt hit me. I can't believe I let that happen, and yet, I couldn't stop it. Those words, "force of nature" came back into my mind. That's how I felt with Jacob. It was a primal need to be with him, to touch him and feel close to him. But how could I do this to Edward? What is wrong with me?

Before this Victoria/Newborn Army thing happened, I knew exactly what I wanted. I had my mind made up. I wanted Edward . . . forever . . . for eternity. I was sure of it. But was I really? I think I always had doubts in the back of my mind, just like my feelings for Jake were there, but I was just afraid to let them out. But what was I really afraid of? Losing Edward . . . again? Maybe, but I survived it once, and I knew I could survive it again. With Jacob by my side, I could survive anything.

I had to talk to Edward. It wasn't fair staying away from him for two days. I needed to be honest with him. And it needed to be now.

On the road back to Forks, I noticed a car fall in behind me as soon as I was off of the reservation. A silver Volvo. Edward. I should have expected this. I knew he was probably going crazy wondering why I hadn't called him. He blinked the lights at me to get my attention. I need to get this over with. He deserves an explanation.

I turned into the drive to the Cullen's house and pulled up outside the garage. I rested my head on the steering wheel for a moment and prayed I had the strength to do this. I did not want to hurt Edward, but I had to be honest with him. I got out of the truck to wait for him as he pulled the Volvo into the drive behind me. He opened the car door, got out, and walked at a human pace to meet me.

"Two days, Bella? You have been gone for two days and not one phone call!" he shouted as he walked toward me. "What were you thinking? I understood when you wanted to go and see for yourself that he was alright, even though you knew Carlisle was taking care of him and he would be fine. But two days?"

"Edward, I am so sorry. I should have called, I know, I left my cell at home," I started as I reached out to touch his arm. "Don't!" he spit out as he jerked his arm away from me.

He turned his back to me and stood there quiet for a second, like he was trying to get control. He turned around and looked at me. "I'm sorry, love. I was just so worried," he said more calmly. "I almost broke the treaty this morning to come and find you." He stepped over, put his arms around me, then quickly pulled back and looked at me suspiciously. I could see the questions there in his eyes. Oh, God, he knew. He could smell Jacob. Why didn't I at least shower before I left?

He grabbed my arm and walked me inside the house, past Emmett, Jasper and Alice, who were sitting and talking in the living room, and up the stairs to his room. He shut the door then turned to look at me. This was not the face I was used to seeing. Edward's usually golden eyes were turning a darker shade of black. I could see all of the hurt and fear and anger looking back at me. "God, Bella, you smell awful!" He came closer to me and leaned in toward my face. "I can smell him all over you." He stopped and stared straight into my eyes. "I can smell him ALL over you."

"Edward," I started, "I am so sorry. I can explain! Please listen to me," I begged him. I wanted him to hear all of the reasons that I changed my mind. The reasons I wanted to remain human. I went over to him and again reached out to touch him. "Edward, it's not just Jacob, there are other reasons . . ."

He shoved me away from him with such force that I flew back onto the bed and hit my head hard onto the headboard. "Ow! Edward!" I reached up and rubbed the back of my head. I was scared now. This is not the Edward I knew and loved.

"I don't want to hear your excuses," he snarled at me.

Then suddenly, he was on top of me, crushing his hard lips onto mine, grinding them against my teeth. He hands were tangled into my hair, pulling hard. "Edward!" I screamed against his lips. "You're hurting me!"

"Isn't this what you've always wanted, Bella? Isn't this what you have been begging me to do for months? Every time I said that I was afraid to hurt you, you still wanted to try. So what, you gave up and went to the dog?" He snorted, "I should have done this a long time ago." I heard a rip as my shirt was torn away. He smashed his cold lips against mine again as he ran his icy hand down my side, reaching for my jeans.

He was right. Isn't this what I had wanted? I had been begging him to make love to me for months. I even tried to bargain with him the night before the fight. I had always wanted Edward, but not like this. This was not my Edward.

"If all you want is sex, Bella, I can give you that." His hands found the zipper on my jeans. I reached down and grabbed his hand.

"Edward, stop," I begged yet again. "Not like this, please. I know you. You don't want to do this. Please, Edward, listen to me!"

I began crying, begging him over and over to stop. Finally, he let go of the zipper, and took a long, ragged breath. He looked at me and touched my cheek and I could see how much I had hurt him . . . "Bella, you were my whole world . . . how could you do this?"

I closed my eyes to keep me from seeing his pain, but I couldn't stop crying as I tried to tell him how I felt, "I'm so sorry . . . I . . . I shouldn't have . . . I love you, I do . . . but I love him, too, and I . . ." but he wasn't listening.

Quietly he said, "I should have turned you when you first asked me to instead of waiting. What a fool I was. I never thought the dog would really succeed. . ." He looked down into my eyes and whispered, "I want you, Bella, and I'm not waiting any longer to make you mine." He bent his head down toward me and then . . . I felt his teeth sink into my neck. "Edward, stop!" I begged. "Nooooo!" Then I felt the poison as it spread just like when James bit me. The searing pain began and I screamed.

The door splintered as Emmett came plowing through, followed by Alice and Jasper. "Edward, stop! She's changed her mind . . . Edward!" Alice pleaded with him. "Emmett, Jasper, GET HIM OFF OF HER!"

With one on each side of him, they finally pulled him away from me. I looked frantically at Alice. "Get him out of here!" she yelled to them. I watched in horror as Emmett and Jasper pulled Edward away, my blood dripping from his mouth, then Alice ran to the door and screamed, "Carlisle!" She noticed I wasn't wearing a shirt, so she covered me with a blanket and whispered, "It's alright, Bella."

Within seconds, Carlisle was there. Alice quickly told him what had happened. "I'm going to suck the venom out, Bella," was all he said then I again felt teeth sink into me. I was writhing in pain, just wanting it to stop. Thankfully, I finally slipped away into the darkness.

When I came to, my head hurt, and I still felt so groggy. I had this searing pain in my neck. Teeth biting into my flesh . . . Oh God! No!

I could hear whispered voices . . . Carlisle and . . . Alice. "I saw her future disappear. I knew she had changed her mind. I should have said something to him, let him see what I saw . . ."

"Maybe he did see it, Alice, and that's why he was waiting for her. But I never saw this coming. For him to behave in this manner, is . . . unacceptable. He broke the treaty we have tried so hard to maintain for over a century," I heard Carlisle say in anger. "I will have to speak to Sam, and try to explain, but, he has every right to extend the punishment. This could cause Edward his life."

I finally forced my eyes open. "No," I whispered. I could barely speak, but I wanted them to know that I did not want them to tell Sam. I couldn't stand the thought of Jacob finding out before I could tell him. I frantically looked around and saw Alice sitting in a chair, but Carlisle was gone.

"Bella, it's alright. Don't move," she said softly. She came over, sat on the bed and took my hand. "Carlisle wants you stay still for awhile until we can be sure you will be alright."

My eyes darted around the room. Edward's room! "He's not here. Emmett and Rosalie took him to Denali. He's gone, Bella," she finished quietly.

"Am I . . .?" still human? I couldn't get the words out.

"Changed? No, Bella. You're still human," Alice answered.

I closed my eyes. Thank God! How did this happen? Stupidly, I never expected him to be that angry.

I cleared my throat and asked Alice for a glass of water. My throat was burning and I needed to talk to them, make them understand. She got up and left. I closed my eyes and saw Edward's face. His eyes, so full of pain and anger. Why was I always hurting someone I love? What was wrong with me?

Alice returned with the water. She sat down on the bed and handed it to me. "Sip it slowly, Bella."

I sat up slowly, took the glass and took a few sips. "Thank you," I croaked. I relaxed back against the pillow and looked out the window. It was dark. I had no idea what time it was. Charlie would be worried. I looked over at Alice and told her, "I need to call Charlie."

"I already did," she answered. "I told him that you stopped by here to talk to Edward, and that you wanted me to call him and let him know that you would be home later. He seemed satisfied with that answer."

I closed my eyes. Jacob! Oh God, what was I going to tell Jacob? He would want to kill Edward for this. The whole pack would. The treaty. I really didn't want to start a vampire/werewolf war right now.

"Alice? I heard Carlisle say that he needed to talk to Sam. Did he yet?" I asked.

"No," she answered quietly.

"I need to tell Jacob first. Please tell Carlisle to wait," I begged.

She hesitated then finally she nodded. "I'll speak to him."

"I don't want this to start a war," I told her. Tears fell from my eyes, and slid down my cheeks. "I am so sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to hurt him like that. I can't help how I feel about Jacob. And it's not only my feelings for Jake – it' s how I feel about staying alive. It was horrible watching Edward tear Victoria into pieces. Seeing Jane inflict pain so easily, and Felix breaking Bree into tiny pieces like she was a toy." I had to stop. I was crying harder now. "I don't want to be a part of that world." I had never admitted that out loud. It had terrified me – more than even I realized until just now.

Alice took my hands and held them. "Bella, I understand. We didn't have a choice when we were turned. If I had, do you think I would have chosen this life? I have decided to make the best of it, and live it well. I have a family that I love, and a man I love and who loves me. I've made my peace with it. But, Bella, you can't choose this life if you are not 100% sure. You can't do it for Edward, no matter how much you love him. It had to be your decision. You made the right decision for you. Edward will have to accept that, no matter how painful it is."

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She was so beautiful and loving toward me. "How can you be so nice to me after what I just did to your brother?" I asked. "I broke his heart."

I could see her surprise at my question. "Bella! I can't believe you can say that after what he just did to you? You didn't deserve that."

"I want to go home, now, Alice." I started to get up and put my legs over the side of the bed. I realized I wasn't wearing a shirt. "I can't go home like this."

"Stay there. I'll go get you something." She left the room.

I looked around the room and remembered the first time I came here with Edward. That seemed a lifetime ago. I had just found out what he was, and he brought me here to meet his family. I was so full of wonder at the time. I was never afraid of him, or any of the Cullens. Until today. I reached up to touch the bandage that was now on my neck. I hoped they could forgive me. I hoped that someday, Edward could forgive me.

Alice walked back into the room with a t-shirt for me. It obviously was one of Jasper's. All Alice had were designer clothes. "I hope you don't mind. I thought you might be more comfortable wearing this than something sparkly." She smiled at me holding out the faded brown t-shirt with The Beatles written on the front.

I smiled back at her. "It's fine. Thanks." I put it on over my head and pulled it down into place. I stood up and gave her a hug. "Thank you for everything, Alice. I'm so sorry."

She returned the hug. "It's OK, Bella. Stop apologizing. I am sorry you won't be my sister. But, I do want you to be happy." She pulled back and reached up to touch the bandage on my throat. "Listen, Carlisle cleaned this and put a bandage on it, but he wants to see you later tomorrow to take a look at it. He said that you could call him and meet him in his office at the hospital if you would be more comfortable."

"OK," I mumbled. "What am I going to tell Charlie?" I tried to come up with some plausible story in my mind that sounded better than, "Hey Dad. Just got bit by my ex-fiance who by-the-way is a vampire! But it's OK cause his dad sucked out the venom." Yeah, that would go over well.

"Well, your clumsiness could actually come in handy here, Bella," she smiled. "Just tell him that you tripped and fell into a glass table, and a piece of the broken glass cut you. Carlisle patched you up, and said you'll be fine," Alice finished.

"I guess that would work." I hated lying to Charlie all of the time. It was getting harder and harder to come up with lies that sounded even remotely believable.

She walked me downstairs. Jasper stood up as I came into the living room. "Thanks for the loan," I said as I tugged at the shirt. He pulled me close and held me for a moment and I felt some of my fear and worry disappear and I realized he was using his freaky vampire powers on me. I was actually thankful for them right now.

I stepped back and looked at him. "And thank you, too, for what you did upstairs . . . with Edw . ." I stopped. I couldn't get the words out.

He smiled his dazzling smile and said with his Southern charm, "It's alright, Bella. He won't hurt you again. I'm sorry we didn't get to him sooner."

I nodded and tried to give him a small smile.

Alice turned to Jasper and said, "I'm going to walk her out to her truck." She picked up my arm and tucked into hers. "Come on, Bella."

I waved goodbye to Jasper and let her lead me out though the garage. She walked me to the truck and opened the door for me. "Do you want me to drive you home?"

"No, you don't have to do that. I'll be alright." I was in a hurry now to leave. I wanted to be home, alone in my bed, to let go and sob. I hugged her and thanked her again, and climbed into the truck. I started it up and drove down the drive towards the road that would take me home.

I parked the truck in front of the house and looked in the rear-view mirror. I look like hell. I tried to wipe my face up as best I could with the edge of the blanket that I took from Jacob's the night of the bonfire. How was I supposed to look? I had lost my virginity to the man I now loved, and almost lost my life to the man I was supposed to marry all in the same night. Good one, Bella. Only you could manage that.

Charlie was up watching TV as I walked in through the front door. "Hey Bella!" he called from the living room.

"Hi, Dad," I answered as I walked into the living room.

He turned away from the TV to look at me and of course noticed the big bandage on the side of my neck first thing. "Geez, Bella, what the hell happened to you?"

"You think you would be used to this by now, Dad, having a klutz like me for a daughter," I began the lie. I tried to keep my voice even as I sat down on the couch beside his chair. "I tripped at the Cullens and fell into one of their fancy glass tables. I cut my neck on some of the broken glass, I guess. Carlisle cleaned it out for me and bandaged it, and he wants me to come by the hospital and see him tomorrow so he can check it again."

"Well, I'm glad you're OK. I'm going to have to buy you a helmet or something, just to keep you from killing yourself," he chuckled. If you only knew, Dad. "Hey, Jake called while you were gone, twice, and told me to tell you to call him the minute you got back. He was pretty insistent. What's up with that, Bells?"

I hung my head for a minute. Jake. Oh God. I have to talk to him. One look at my neck and he was going to freak out. I wanted to put that off for as long as I could.

"Dad, you know how I said last night that Jake and I had a lot of talking to do?" I asked him.

"Mmm, hmm."

"Well, we talked, and I kind of . . . I decided. . . I'm breaking up with Edward, Dad. I went there tonight to tell him."

"And Jacob helped you make this decision?" Charlie asked.

I looked at him. Just say it, Bella. "Edward proposed to me, Dad, the other night, and I was all set to marry him, but, a lot happened over the last couple of days that made me realize that I can't marry Edward because . . . well, I'm in love with Jacob." I finally got out.

"Whoo hoo!" Charlie shouted. "That's the best news I've had in years!" He jumped up and pulled me up into a big hug. After a second or two, he pulled back and said, "Bella, you know I was never fond of this Edward guy. I tried for you, but I just couldn't see you riding around in his fancy car, going to fancy parties, living in that cold house. It just isn't you! But you and Jake. Well, I can see that pretty well." He hugged me again. "I just want you to be happy, Bells. That's all I have ever wanted for you." Isn't that what everyone keeps telling me? Just be happy Bella!

I stood there with my dad's arms around me and couldn't imagine never feeling this again. I knew I had made the right choice to stay human. "Thanks, Dad," I mumbled into his shirt.

He pulled back and said, "You better go call that boy before he drops dead from waiting."

"OK," I smiled. I started for the stairs, and I heard him say to himself, "Me and Billy as grandpas. Won't that be fun?" What is it with him and Billy and grandkids? I smiled to myself as I walked upstairs and into my room.

I took some clean pajamas out of my drawer and went into the bathroom to take a quick shower. I was careful not to get the bandage wet, which meant I couldn't wash my hair. I opened the bathroom door just as Charlie was heading for his bedroom. "Good night, Dad," I said to him.

"Night, Bells. Sleep tight." He went into his room and closed his door.

I did the same. I threw my dirty clothes into the laundry basket and sat down on the bed. I had been on an emotional roller coaster and I was exhausted. I stood up and pulled the purple cover back and got into bed. I reached for the light, but decided, like a baby, to leave it on.

Jacob. I needed to call him. I reached for my phone, and dialed his number. He answered on the first ring. "Bella?"

"Hi, Jake."

"You OK? It's been a long time."

I was trying to keep my voice from shaking. "Yes," I forced out. "I'm OK. I miss you." I did. I really did.

"I'm coming over." Click. Dial tone. I really should have expected that.