Enjoy. ^^

XXX

An uneasy felling surrounded Canada and Russia on the trip back home. Russia hadn't said anything for almost half an hour and Canada didn't know what to say, if he should say anything at all. It felt a little awkward seeing Russia so heartbroken. He only stared at his hands that rested on his lap. Perhaps he was deep in thought, or not thinking at all, either way it was hard to watch him like this. I should say something... anything at this point Canada thought, but he didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth to say something, but only a small 'uh' came out. As soon as Russia looked up at him, Canada immediately shut his mouth. Another awkward silence, only this time. Russia kept his eyes on Canada, making him feel a little uncomfortable. Canada tried again to say something, but he just gave up and looked away from Russia. This is ridiculous, I feel so confused... What do I do? What if I get in trouble for wanting to talk to him? What if he wants me to talk to him? Should I even bother, do I even want to-

Footsteps, they came towards Canada. Canada looked back at Russia to see him sit down beside him.

"Canada..." Russia said as he looked at Canada, no hope in his eyes.

Was he always like this after coming back from visiting China? Canada knew, Russia really did care about China. That was something Canada never had, was someone to care about him enough to remember him every day, to want to see him. Heck, he wasn't even important enough to be noticed by his own brother or father most times. By this time everybody had probably forgotten about him.

"Da?" Canada answered trying to keep even a little cheer on his face so he wouldn't make Russia even more upset than he was.

"I do not think China will ever be mine"

Canada secretly hoped that that was true, but after, he felt so selfish and terrible for thinking that in the first place. This wasn't him, to think this way for anyone, he didn't want to see Russia's pain, he wanted him to smile, to be happy, but to do this would only cause Canada pain.

"...O-Of course he will" Canada said as he looked away again, "Y-You just have to hope is all"

Canada felt the tears starting to form in his eyes. He quickly wiped the tears away, hoping Russia wouldn't see, but they only came back. Then, he felt Russia's hands on his face. Russia turned Canada's head to face Russia. The look on Russia's face was a little upset, but more curious.

"You are crying? Why?"

Canada didn't bother to say anything. His eyes focused away from Russia. He didn't want Russia to see him cry again, but what choice did he have, really? If he chose to rebel again there would be more punishments, and he really didn't feel like rebelling at the moment anyway. He knew he was already in trouble, and that was bad enough. Russia let go of Canada's face, allowing him to turn away from Russia once more.

"I'm sorry..." Canada muttered.

"...I do not understand you sometimes, Canada"

Canada could have said the same thing to Russia, but he felt too much that he knew him. How could he though, just because of a few hunches on what he thought Russia was like? Canada wiped his tears away.

"Um... H-How's your wound?" Canada asked almost in a whisper, but loud enough for Russia to hear him.

"It is fine, I have been through worse than this"

The two remained silent for a moment or so after that. Canada didn't feel too much like talking to Russia, he was still upset with him, but Canada didn't want to be upset with him... he didn't do anything wrong.

Canada rested his head against the wall as he watched everything pass by. He had never felt so lonely in his entire life, and he was always lonely before, but now he had Russia and the baltics to talk to. Still, that thought didn't make the feeling fade. The baltics, they tell me how bad Ivan truly is, just like everyone else has told me. I myself have witnessed the monster inside of him... but, I've also seen the caring side. The caring side, Russia trusted Canada now, right? Canada wasn't so sure about that. What he really wanted though, was for Russia to maybe, like him. Just thinking about that though, it made Canada question himself, Why do I have to have these feelings for him, why can't he see it? Canada glanced back over his shoulder at Russia, nervous, , if he got to know how Russia truly felt about him, he would know for sure...

"Mr. R-Russia?" Canada said as he turned to face Russia.

"Da?"

"U-Um..."

Canada began to feel nervous, he couldn't understand why. It was just a simple question, not like he was going to die if he asked it. Although, knowing Russia... he might end up dead.

"D-D-Do y-you... u-uh. I-I mean...um"

"...Da?"

"D-Do you... like me?"

"Huh?"

Canada waited impatiently for Russia's answer, his heart almost racing in his chest and the blush on his face growing bigger.

"You mean... Love?"

Just then, Canada could feel his heart jump as if it was trying to escape his chest from fear of being ripped out by Russia's own hands. His brain screamed to change the subject somehow and his body trembled. I can do this... I-I can...

"...N-NO! O-of course not! I-I mean, j-just like, y-y-you know, a-as friends?"

Canada had done what his mind wanted, but he didn't feel any better about it. Canada looked up at Russia and smiled, but it was a fake smile.

"Y-You know what, f-forget about it. J-just pretend I d-didn't say anything at all. Y-You know, l-like always..."

Russia just stared at Canada, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. Canada sighed before scooting away from Russia and getting out of his seat.

"I'll just sit across from you" He said, his shyness turning into anger.

But before Canada could make a full step Russia tugged back on the leash causing Canada to fall backwards, only so Russia could catch him. Canada glanced up at the grinning Russia. His smile was only a little frightening, but that's not what Canada was afraid of.

"Matvey, what did I say about you being my friend?"

Seeing as Russia called Canada Matvey again, and not Canada, they must have entered Russia's country again. But that wasn't important now. All Russia needed was someone he can reach out to, to trust and care about. Canada was determined to be that someone, even if he couldn't spit out the exact words.

"I-I can take any pain life throws at me! Trust me... Why can't you just let me be your friend?"

Canada stood up and faced Russia with a glare, uncaring if he were to be brutally beaten once he got back, although he knew for sure he'd regret it later.

"You're afraid of getting hurt aren't you?" Canada said, trying to remain calm.

"That's none of your bu-"

"Please answer my question!"

Canada really didn't want to get on Russia's nerves, especially after China had rejected him so badly, but he had to do this. He didn't know why, but a strong feeling inside him wanted him to do this.

Russia glared back at Canada. Things weren't going as Canada had hoped, but what else should he have expected.

"Do not interrupt me, Matvey!" Russia growled, losing his patience with Canada's behaviour.

"Why is it so hard for you to trust me? What have I done to hurt you?"

"You are no different than everybody else, you do not actually care about if I am happy, or mad, or hurt or not. So stop trying to-"

Then, Canada immediately wrapped his arms around Russia, holding him tightly. Russia stared, confused, and curious.

"Matvey, let me go"

"Nyet... Not until you tell me" Canada whispered, his accent a little off.

Russia grabbed Canada's upper arms, grasping them tightly, but Canada only held on tighter, trying not to whimper or yelp in pain as he clutched Russia's coat.

"I said, let go. Or else you will have more punishments!"

"Then t-tell me!"

"Tell you what?"

"...Tell me the truth" Canada looked up at Russia with determined eyes, "Why do you always want me to say your name? Why did you save me when you could have just watched me die painfully. People always say that that's what you like to see, others pain... I don't even think you can punish me anymore, you hesitated the last time!"

"You want pain?"

Suddenly Russia pushed Canada against the wall, grasping both his wrists with one hand as he pulled out a gun with the other. This is when Canada realized what he had gotten himself into. If only he had kept his mouth shut, this wouldn't be happening to him. Russia aimed the gun directly at Canada's heart. This would for sure actually kill Canada. Once a country dies, there's only a fifty/ fifty chance that they'd come back. Some countries have been lucky to come back, but Canada, his importance to the world didn't seem good enough for that chance to happen. Russia readied the gun, then placed his hand on the trigger. Well, I-I guess I was asking for it... Canada closed his eyes, took a quick deep breath and waited for his death.

Russia pulled the trigger a little, but not enough for it to fire. Something was stopping him. His anger showed, but he did not pull the trigger all the way. His grasp on Canada's wrists tightened, but then, they softened... Russia sighed, then threw the gun to the floor. Canada opened his eyes to see the gun across the room now.

"...Matvey..." Russia said as he looked away from Canada, "Just, stop caring about me..."

Canada's eyes showed sympathy for Russia. Russia really was afraid of getting hurt. He was afraid of letting someone get too close to him, but Canada knew all he wanted was someone to care about him... and Canada was the only one who did, that was why he didn't pull the trigger, it must have been.

"...I can't"

Russia looked back at Canada, trying to show his anger, but he couldn't seem to stay mad at the sympathetic face that gave him a kind soft smile.

Russia only stared at the kind boy as the thoughts that haunted him before, returned to him. He didn't want to admit it, but America was right. He let go of Canada.

"Fine, if you really want to risk your reputation for my sake... then you can be my friend"

Canada smiled bigger, but shyly, trying to hold in his joy. Immediately, he hugged Russia once more. Russia didn't seem to know how to react to this kind of hug. It was comfortable, not too tight, and warm. Russia looked around to see if anyone was walking by, able to see them, or just watching through the see through doors, no one. He looked back at Canada, and gently wrapped his arms around him.

The train then began to slow down, they were nearing the end of their trip.

"I do like you, Matvey..." Russia said as he pulled Canada closer into a tighter hug, "You are the only one that is nice to me"

Canada lay his head on Russia's chest as he continued to hold on to him. He knew what Russia meant by that, even though his sisters were nice to him, as far as Canada knew, he needed someone not related to him that would understand.

Russia let go of Canada and led the way out of the train as soon as it stopped. They exited the train, and Canada, instead of walking behind Russia, walked beside him the rest of the way home.

XXX

Well, this one is still a short chapter. Fffffff... I'll try to make a longer one next time. Wait till next update.