A/N-This installment is a little shorter than I would like, but I'm working 30 hours this week on top of school work, so this is as good as it's going to get without making ya'll wait another week or two...Also, I'm very sorry that I didn't get around to review responses like I usually do, but I love all of the reviews, and I appreciate that you're staying with me even though I went to an angsty place. I'm moving back towards happier things though...
Jane had woken up next to Maura a few times, but never like this. Never had they both been fully clothed, Jane in her pajamas and Maura in a borrowed t shirt and yoga pants. It felt weird in a kind of new and interesting way. Jane still felt attracted to Maura, but the lingering sense that they were doomed forever to see each other only as ex-vacation sex friends wasn't there. And Jane really liked it.
Maura was still asleep, curled up on her side facing Jane. Jane remembered Maura mentioning something about sleeping styles and personality, but she couldn't remember for the life of her what it had been. All the google stuff tended to blend together after a while.
Jane watched Maura sleep for a few minutes in the least creepy way that she could manage. She had her own super unscientific theory that people were more honest when they were sleeping. Honest probably wasn't the right word, because they weren't saying anything; it was just a gut instinct that you could tell a lot from watching a person while the slept.
Maura, for example, slept curled tightly on her side, as if she was trying to hide or keep people from seeing her by making herself small. Then there was the fact that she had fallen asleep facing Jane, so close that, had Jane turned on her side they would have been nose to nose. Had Maura fallen asleep like that, looking at Jane, or was this a totally involuntary thing?
Still, she was awfully close. And then there was the fact that Maura's foot rested across Jane's ankle and her hand had fallen onto Jane's wrist. Contact that could very well have been incidental. But Jane was a big believer in the subconscious doing instinctively what the conscious part won't do.
Wait, what was Jane doing? Was she actually trying to read into Maura's body language, trying to convince herself that Maura had a thing for her beyond vacation sex? It was ridiculous, so incredibly stupid to be thinking like that when they had just found a comfortable, non-awkward place.
But there she was, thinking about it. Obsesssing about it now. Why? Why was Jane thinking this way? And why on Earth was she continuing to stare at Maura for no real reason? Well, she was nice to look at…
Shit. It really was impossible to get to and stay in that non-awkward place in her head when it came to Maura.
Jane sighed and sat up slowly and quietly, trying not to wake Maura. She swung her feet slowly off the bed and onto the floor then rested her head in her hands. It all felt so complicated, and to top it all off, Maura now had one of Jane's big secrets. Jane's flashback nightmares, a closely guarded secret from everyone but her therapist for so long, just spilled out into Maura's lap in the course of a single night.
The thing that got Jane though, that really got to her, was that it didn't bug her that much. It should be a huge problem that anyone, especially a coworker, had seen her breakdown. The fact that it didn't bother Jane actually bugged Jane more than anything.
No, for some really strange reason, she was actually glad that Maura knew. It was like she could finally just chill with someone without worrying about letting something slip because she'd already let one of the biggest somethings in her life slip. It had also been like hitting a pressure valve, had felt good to let go of some of that tension, to tell at least one person who wasn't a mental health professional. Too bad that one person was also the single coworker Jane had insane sexual chemistry with.
She could do this. Jane could be the best friends and coworker and non-sexual partner of Maura Isles. She just needed a plan. First, though, she needed a nice, big breakfast.
Maura felt Jane shift in the bed, but she hoped it was just to go to the bathroom. After all, Jane was very anti-mornings, and Maura's internal clock told her it was only about 8:00, very early for Jane to be up on her off day. But she didn't return, and Maura drifted off to sleep again. She usually liked an early start, but Maura had gotten very little sleep. After slipping under Jane's covers, Maura's mind had raced off in a dozen different directions. Had Jane seen a therapist? Probably, given that it was police procedure after any debilitating injury on the job. But was she still seeing someone? Did she need to?
Maura watched Jane intently for any signs of nightmares. For the most part, Jane slept pretty heavily, but Maura knew that PTSD flashback nightmares were most likely to occur in later REM cycles. So she waited, not sure what she planned to do if Jane did have one of her nightmares. As far as Maura knew, she'd never been present for one of Jane's nightmares, and Maura lacked the requisite medical training to deal with the kind of trauma Jane had suffered. Despite those factors contributing to a sense that Maura could do very little for Jane, the doctor just felt more useful being awake and available if Jane needed comfort.
At one point, probably around 2 AM, Maura reached out to brush her fingers against Jane's arm; a part of Maura realized that the touch was as likely to provoke a negative reaction as it was to calm Jane, should the detective wake suddenly from a nightmare. The touch was as much to comfort Maura, a way make herself feel useful. Maura wasn't sure if the touch worked on Jane, but found it strangely calming for herself, resting her hand on Jane's arm, feeling Jane's warm skin under her cool hands. Not long after, Maura drifted off to sleep.
That'd been at almost 3 AM. So, by her calculations, Maura needed about three more hours of sleep for her brain to function at optimal levels.
Maura snuggled into Jane's pillow and pulled the covers tightly around her shoulders. Now she could just drift off for a few more minutes.
Well, she could have, had Jane not started cooking some savory smelling maple smoked bacon. Maura could try to stay in bed, but her olfactory glands were being stimulated to the point that she would only ever be able to achieve, at best, a restless sleep.
Maura found one of Jane's BPD hoodies hanging on the back of her door and pulled it over her head.
She wasn't sure what version of Jane that she expected to find in the kitchen, but Maura definitely hadn't expected what she found.
She'd expected a subdued, even slightly awkward exchange with the detective. Perhaps an attempt by Jane to mitigate the seriousness of the previous night's confession. Maura got neither; instead, Jane was chipper as she'd ever been, fully dressed in yoga pants and a t shirt, humming some indistinct rock tune as she filled her plate with pancakes, sausage and bacon and proceeded to drown it all with maple syrup.
When Maura entered, Jane grinned and held out a plate.
"Just in time," she said. "Made some breakfast. Help yourself."
Maura did in fact help herself to a couple of pieces of bacon and two moderately sized pancakes with just a dash of maple syrup to top it off.
Then Maura took her usual seat at the island, fully expecting Jane to sit directly across from her, as usual. Instead, Jane sat a little further away, in the seat to the right of the one she usually sat in, the one diagonally across for Maura. Maura wondered if Jane even knew what she was doing, but she'd learned early on that Jane was very much a creature of habit, one that always sat in the same place if she could help it.
It still left the question of why Jane would change seats. It wasn't a big change though, and everything else seemed relatively normal, so Maura decided to let it go.
"Mmm," Maura said after swallowing her first bite of bacon. "As good as it smells."
"Hope that's a good thing," Jane remarked as she munched on a piece of bacon.
"It's a very good thing," Maura said as she followed Jane's lead in trying another bite of the bacon. "Got me out of bed before I completed my sleep cycle, so that's something."
"Oh, sorry 'bout that," Jane said as she started on her second piece of bacon. "Didn't mean to wake you."
"Oh, no it was a nice way to wake up. I've never woken up to the smell of breakfast before," Maura said as she instinctively reached out to touch Jane's hand as a way of reassuring her.
Jane flinched and moved her hand to her lap before Maura could touch her though. Odd, particularly considering the fact that Jane had never ever rejected physical contact before. Maybe it was subconscious, or perhaps the memory of last night's breakdown was too raw for Jane. Maybe Jane hadn't realized that she'd done it, because she carried on with the conversation in a way that was pleasant enough.
"You mean your mom seriously never made you bacon and pancakes in the morning?" Jane asked.
Maura chuckled. Clearly, Jane knew next to nothing about Constance Isles, because the woman probably hadn't cooked a day in her life despite Constance's proclaimed appreciation for fine cuisine.
"My mother never cooked. We had a chef if we wanted anything cooked, but my bedroom was in the other wing, so I never smelt breakfast until I got to the dining room," Maura said.
She rarely mentioned things like that, mostly because she knew that Jane never had those luxuries and didn't want her friend to think they were over emphasizing the class difference. Jane seemed to take it well though. She smiled an shook her head.
"Well, now you can safely check that experience off your list of things to do, I guess," Jane said. "Just be grateful I didn't wake you up cooking corned beef and cabbage. Stuff smells nasty."
They both grinned and Maura managed direct eye contact with Jane for the first time in the morning. Jane chose that moment to look back down at her plate to cut up her pancake into small pieces. Maura followed Jane's lead and took a bite of her bacon, but she was becoming increasingly confused by Jane's behavior. Her friendly, easy, conversational tone and the genuine smile didn't match her reserved, distant body language. A side effect of the previous night's conversation? Perhaps something had changed between them and Maura was just now realizing it.
"So, I was thinking," Jane said after a sip of coffee to wash down the pancakes. "We should do something a little different today."
"What did you have planned?" Maura asked.
"Here's what I think. We're gonna go out date hunting," Jane said.
"You mean you want us to each find a sexual partner?" Maura asked. She realized the term was clinical and a little awkward, but she wanted clarity for what felt like kind of an odd request from someone who had previously shown no interest in actively searching for dates.
"I guess it might lead to that stuff, but we're not doing it for ourselves," Jane said. "I was thinking that we could go find dates for each other."
"Like set each other up?" Maura asked. She squinted her eyes and tilted her head to the side, trying to understand where this was coming from. It all felt a little bit contrived and out of nowhere.
"I guess you could say that, but not exactly," Jane said. She took a bite of her maple syrup saturated pancakes. "I mean, like, a game where we pick people out for one another, and then I can decide if I wanna go for it or the other way around."
It sounded like an unnecessary complication to add to Maura's fairly strict dating routine, but this could very well be Jane's attempt at developing a closer friendship, her way of saying they were on solid ground. Besides, like Jane said, it would probably just turn into a fun little game, an inside joke.
Maura nodded.
"I just need to set the parameters first," Maura said. "As you know, my sexuality is fluid, so I am open to a partner of any gender identity. I would prefer someone between the ages of-
"Whoa, whoa," Jane said, holding up her hands in front of her. She had that half grin where she was trying to suppress a smile and failing. Maura liked that smile a lot, partly because she was one of the only people to ever get that out of Jane.
"Maybe instead of filling out the whole dating profile we use this as a way to, you know, get to know each other," Jane said. She popped her last piece of bacon into her mouth.
"But can you at least give me guidelines?"
Jane took a big bite of her pancake and just shook her head.
"Not even a twenty year age range? A personality type?"
Jane shook her head again.
"Gender?" Maura asked.
Jane raised her eyebrows suggestively. Was that a 'you should know' face? Or a 'what do you think' face? Or maybe she just wanted Maura to figure it out on her own. Maura wished Jane would make with more verbal communication.
"Trial and error," Jane said. She stood from her spot at the counter and downed the rest of her coffee. That woman really could finish a meal with impressive speed, Maura thought. "Now finish your food so we can figure out where to get us some dates."
Before Maura could decide on how best to respond, Jane had flashed her a quick grin and disappeared to the bedroom.
A/N-Thoughts on Jane's plan? I know people have expressed frustration with Jane's lack of willingness to pull the trigger, but do you think Maura should also be held responsible for doing something to move this relationship forward? It's a question that I'm sincerely curious about, and I don't have a right or wrong answer, just looking for some opinions :)
Reviews are love!