Disclaimer: (sigh) Do I have to say it? I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of their affiliates. There happy now? Damn lawyers…
Wow…the response to the previous chapter was overwhelming! I'm so glad everyone seems to be enjoying the story so much. Apparently, I made a lot of people cry! For my first posted work, your reaction was more than I could ever have imagined or even hoped for. You guys have made me happier than I've been in a very long time; I think I'm going to cry…! Thank you so much for your support everyone! I really hope you continue to enjoy the story after this particular chapter. I had a rather difficult time with it. For some reason, each chapter seems to get harder and harder to get through. By the way, there is really no humor in this chapter, unless you find Hiko's rant amusing, so I hope everyone doesn't get too depressed.
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I'm going to do the reviewer section now instead of at the end this time.
omasuoniwabanshi – Thank you for your reviews! I'm really glad you like the story so far despite the character death. Hopefully, this chapter will make it a little better.
Nekotsuki – Thank you again! That was a pretty sad chapter, but I'm going to try to shift the mood somewhat, hopefully in the next chapter. Actually, that 'appearance' wasn't the one I was referring to though, as you'll soon see.
xZig-zagx – Thank you so much! I'm flattered by your response! I think I almost cried myself when I was writing it. Brought up some rather unpleasant memories.
Sailor-Earth13 – Poor, poor Hiko. It's been a really tough day for him. He'll be able to let off some steam now though.
Lucrecia LeVrai – Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed reading my story despite the problems you had with it. I'll try and keep my 'fangirl Japanese' to a bare minimum from now on. I will however, keep a few Japanese words in the story. Also, your complaint on Kenshin's over-emotional letter is valid, so I'll explain my reasoning for it. A mixture of alcohol, and a depressed state of mind, can trigger very uncharacteristic behavior in pretty much anybody - believe me, I know through experience. And about Katsura's knowing everything…I'm pretty sure Kenshin would have told him about the battles with the ninjas and all that, and the part about Kenshin's home life was from talking with the Otsu villagers themselves. As Kenshin's commander, he would want to know everything he could about the situation. Anyway, I hope you'll still enjoy this fic after what I'm now going to do with it :)
SiriusFan13 – Thanks for your lovely review! Heh… I do believe you figured it out… Hope you approve!
Terry-McElrath – Thank you! You don't need to apologize for not reviewing the last chapter. I don't mind! As long as you're still enjoying this fic, I'm happy.
Rabid Turtle – I'm really glad you like my writing! I try to add in the little bits of humor so people don't get too depressed. Not really any humor in this chapter though. Thank you!
Melissa – Don't worry, nothing I add is going to really detract from what has already happened.
Night-Owl123 – Thanks for reviewing! Hope you like this next chapter!
lilmatchgirl007 – I'm really glad you like this so far, thanks so much!
Blaze Coyotlhart – Thanks for your review! I'm glad I could make you laugh in the middle of a depressing scenario!
Ayumi Ikari – Glad to hear from you again! That is pretty funny about your boyfriend living near there… Die Welt ist klein, ja? (did I write that correctly?)
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Only the Beginning
Written by lolo popoki
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Chapter 6: The Unseen Watcher
After the night he had, Himura Kenshin was most definitely not expecting to wake up that morning. So when he opened his eyes and found himself gazing at the familiar ceiling of his room, he was certainly confused.
What's going on? I thought I was supposed to be dead… what happened?
He sat up cautiously, feeling somewhat disoriented, and glanced around the room, his confusion growing steadily. He vaguely remembered the events of the night before; he could remember the overwhelming despair that had abruptly seized him, and the two letters he had tearfully written. Then came the desperate cut…the sudden agony…his fading strength…the hours spent lying helplessly in a pool of his own blood… Shouldn't he be dead already? The former hitokiri had assumed he would be gazing into the fires of Hell by now…not staring blankly at the familiar four walls of his own bedroom.
And where was the pain? The weakness that had plagued him, as his life drained away? If he wasn't quite dead yet, he should at least feel some effects from his suicide attempt. Instead, except for a faint, light-headed sensation, he felt fine…as if nothing at all had taken place the previous evening.
He glared around at the numerous sake bottles lying scattered on the floor, all of them empty. The young swordsman shook his head in disgust.
Did I dream the whole thing? Was it all just some terrible nightmare after drinking too much sake? I did go a little overboard last night. Damn…I'm such an idiot
After rising to his feet, he glanced down at his futon… and then froze in wide-eyed shock, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.
Oh Kami-sama…I really am dead…
Kenshin found himself staring down at his own body.
Hesitantly, he knelt down beside the bloody, motionless figure, and inspected his own corpse with a kind of morbid fascination. To say the view was disturbing would be a huge understatement. Of course he had seen dead bodies before, most of them killed by his own sword, in fact. He had seen so much death in his lifetime that he had become almost numb to the sight. However, this had to be, without a doubt, the most unsettling experience Kenshin had ever had in his whole life…er, existence.
Somewhat dazed, he reached out timidly to touch the lifeless arm. The red-headed ghost jerked his hand back, as if he had been burned, when his fingers passed right through the solid flesh. Kenshin shuddered.
Okay…that's just too creepy
He stared wide-eyed at his hand and then turned his attention back to the futon. A feeling of terror suddenly gripped him, as the enormity of what he had done broke through his numb shock.
Oh no…What have I done?
Rising to his feet, the ghost began to back up slowly, his panicked eyes never leaving the unmoving body.
This can't be… Oh gods… What have I done?
He snapped his head around, startled, as his guilt-ridden thoughts were interrupted by a polite tap at his door.
"Himura-chan? Are you awake?"
Okami-san! Oh no, please don't let her come in…she shouldn't have to see me like this!
"Hai! I'm awake Okami-san; please don't open the door!" he called out to her desperately. Unfortunately, it didn't look as if she could hear him.
"Himura-chan?"
The shoji slid partway open, and Okami poked her head through the gap.
"Are you…" she broke off when she took in the grisly scene. Her eyes widened in horror, her face white as a sheet, as she covered her mouth with both hands.
"No…oh no…Himura…" she gasped in disbelief. With an anguished shriek, she suddenly turned and fled from the room, her hysterical cries echoing through the inn.
Oh dear…that didn't go too well…
Kenshin's legs gave out and he slumped to the floor, waiting for the inevitable. Sure enough, almost immediately he heard shouts of alarm and shock, and the sound of countless bare feet racing up the stairs toward his room. He closed his eyes in despair, burying his face in his hands, as the mob shoved open the shoji to gape in horrified amazement at their comrade's dead body.
The ghost was vehemently cursing himself and his hasty decision to commit seppuku.
What the hell was I thinking? That's the problem; you weren't thinking, now were you? Baka, baka, baka!
Alas, it was just a little too late for second thoughts.
"Everybody get back! Move!" Katsura pushed himself through the stunned crowd, finally reaching the open doorway. His eyes were full of sorrow as he stepped inside and knelt down next to the bloodied figure. "Oh Himura…what have you done…?"
Kenshin gazed at his boss in remorse. "Katsura-san," he whispered miserably. "Please forgive me…I'm so sorry…"
His commander showed no sign of having heard him. He remained silent for a moment and then whipped his head around to glare at the muttering group of Ishin Shishi behind him.
"Don't you all have duties to perform?" he said pointedly. "Out!"
Eyes wide, the soldiers hastily complied, vanishing back down the hall as if they were ghosts themselves. Not one single person had ever noticed the red-headed spirit right in front of them.
Kenshin sat dejectedly next to his commander, hugging his knees to his chest as he watched the man glance around the room. The Choshu leader's gaze fell on the small writing desk in the corner, where folded paper caught his eye. Rising to his feet, he approached the desk and picked up the two letters.
Opening the one marked with his name, Katsura began to read silently. His shoulders slumped wearily as he finished. Staring at the other, unopened letter in his hand, he sighed.
"Looks like I'm going to be paying a visit to Hiko Seijuro the thirteenth…" He started to head for the exit, then paused to glance back at the crumpled figure of his subordinate. "Himura…" he murmured regretfully, and then turned to walk out the door, leaving the mournful spirit alone with his corpse.
Kenshin rested his chin on his knees and wrapped his arms around his head, staring numbly at the now closed door. He sat like that for some time, trying to pull together the scattered thoughts racing though his befuddled mind.
"I'm dead…I'm really dead…" the ghost whispered softly to himself. "But, what now? Why am I still here?" He hesitated, and then closed his eyes. "What am I supposed to do…?"
Motionless, he remained in his position, miserably contemplating his hopeless situation.
Half-an-hour later, he still hadn't moved, only opening his eyes when the shoji slid open again to reveal the patriot's doctor along with Okami. Unseen, he watched curiously as they began to carefully clean and prepare his body for viewing. With remorse, he noticed that Okami's eyes were teary and blood-shot, and she had to stop frequently to keep from completely breaking down. She was weeping silently now, tears streaming down her face as she tenderly brushed out his long hair.
Kenshin closed his eyes tightly, hating himself for her tears.
Okami-san… I did this to you. Even in death, I cause so much suffering. I'm so very sorry…
After they had finished and left, the apparition moved closer to the futon to gaze down on the neatly arranged figure. The face looked so innocent…so child-like. He could see no sign of the horrible deeds that he had committed; no indication that this had been the face of a brutal murderer. For the first time in five years, he saw himself without Battousai's cold mask, and he wondered at the irony of it all: a demon with the face of an angel…
Kenshin pulled himself into a kneeling position and closed his eyes. Clearing his mind, he slipped into a meditative state, trying to calm his troubled spirit. For hours he sat, his new form unaffected by any of the physical discomforts that would normally come with prolonged meditation.
Suddenly, his eyes blinked open in disbelief as he sensed a painfully familiar ki approaching.
Shishou? I can't believe it…he actually came?
The ghost jumped to his feet and anxiously stared at the door, his meditation forgotten, as he braced himself to see a man he had never expected to see again.
Apprehensively, he watched as the shoji slid open, revealing Katsura first, trailed by the easily recognizable figure of Hiko Seijuro.
Shishou…he hasn't changed at all…
Kenshin was startled when he saw the swords-master suddenly freeze upon entering, a look of pain twisting his features briefly, as he stared at the laid out body.
Was that grief I just saw? Does he really care that I'm dead?
"I know he must have meant a great deal to you," Katsura was saying. "I'll leave you two alone for now."
Kenshin watched Hiko's face intently, as Katsura left, and the swordsman knelt beside the futon.
"Baka… wake up…please…wake up…" Hiko's expression was full of anguish, as he lightly stroked the corpse's pale cheek.
He really does care! I though he'd hate me…
He observed his Shishou's rather poignant reaction with some surprise, but nothing could have prepared him for what happened next.
The red-head could only stare, completely dumbfounded, as his usually confident master suddenly broke down into tears, hugging his deshi's body tightly to his chest.
"Shishou…" he whispered, stunned by the uncharacteristic display of emotion. He stiffened in surprise when Hiko's head suddenly snapped up to stare in his direction, his eyes wide.
"Kenshin?"
The spirit stared in shock at his former master.
Did he really hear me? Can I…talk to him…
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"Kenshin?" Hiko stared around at the room in wary confusion. He couldn't see anything out of the ordinary, and his senses weren't picking anything up either; but, he could have sworn that he had heard Kenshin's voice… The swordsman shook his head abruptly as if to clear it.
I must be more tired than I realized; my mind's starting to play tricks on me
He glanced down at the limp figure still cradled in his arms, and his breath caught sharply. The tight feeling in Hiko's chest returned, and he felt a burning sensation behind his eyes. Blinking rapidly to clear his suddenly blurred vision, he carefully lowered his student's body back to the futon, gently brushing the loose hair from Kenshin's face. The swords-master remained in that position for a long moment, running his fingers lightly through the silky red strands, smoothing them back down. He could feel the tears returning, and tried without much success to hold them back.
Kenshin...
A hint of anger began to surface through his despair.
Kenshin… how could you?
Swiping irritably at his wet face, he desperately shoved aside his grief, allowing the anger to push completely through and dry his tears.
"Damn it…damn it, Kenshin…you little bastard, how could you do this…?" he muttered bitterly. "You…you selfish, inconsiderate, brainless son of a bitch...!"
Hiko was on his feet now, glaring down at his deshi's body. "What in hell were you thinking?" he snarled as his fury began to grow. "I thought I taught you better than that! Couldn't you see that this wasn't the answer? You fucking coward!"
(Kenshin's ghost was huddled nervously in the farthest corner of the room, well away from his master's wrath. He was thinking fervently that maybe now wasn't exactly a good time to announce his presence…)
"There were people who gave up their lives for you," Hiko railed on as he began pacing restlessly. "Those three girls when you were a child, your wife Tomoe…they died protecting you so that you could live on! But no…you just went and threw that all away! Their sacrifice was wasted…and for what? Some idiotic concept of atonement? Baka! What the hell use is another bloody corpse in this god-forsaken world? You could have done so much more good by helping others while you lived out the rest of your own life!"
The swords-master continued to rant for several minutes, releasing all his pent up resentment and frustration. Feeling worn out from his angry tirade, Hiko finally stopped his agitated pacing, facing away from the laid out body. His shoulders sagged as his rage drained away, leaving him to feel vaguely empty inside.
"Baka…" he whispered bleakly. "You could have just come home; I would have taken you back, you know…"
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Well, Kenshin finally made his 'appearance.' His part in this chapter ended up so much longer than I expected, that I was thinking of ending the chapter a little earlier; but I did promise an angry Hiko, so the last part stayed in. So what do you think? Is anybody upset that I'm turning this into something of a ghost story? I noticed that some of you mentioned that you liked the realism of the fic, so I wasn't sure if you'd care for the supernatural aspect. So if you don't approve, I'm very, very sorry.