"Insomnia."
I can't sleep. It's 3 a.m. and still my eyes can't seem to close fully. I tried everything. I've always been one of those people who have to just touch the pillow once and then fall sleep without even realizing it. However, not this time. I keep tossing and turning from side to side. There are so many things in my head that I can't find a place for any of them. May be the pillows suddenly became uncomfortable or the temperature is too high or I still have lots of energy for the day which I haven't used yet. Too many options and still not a final equation to solve.
I decide to get up because I am done trying. I put on my fabulous pink rabbit slippers and go downstairs for a glass of milk. I don't even bother looking if my mom is finally home and asleep in her practically unused bedroom. As I pour myself an almost full glass of cold milk and start climbing up the stairs once again, I start thinking about what I had said about the "us keeping it low" situation. Can we really do it? And if we can, how so? I've never experienced what I am about to experience and I can't help but wonder if I would even be suitable or even powerful enough to do it. I should just think of it as a new adventure. A fabulous adventure which might change my life. An adventure which has two optional directions to choose from and go to - a fairytale or pure regret.
I carefully sit on my bed while trying not to spill the milk all over my pajamas and blue sheets. I feel something vibrating and after looking around I spot it on my nightstand. As I turn and gaze at the place where it is coming from, I read "Troy" written all over the big white Blackberry screen. I put down gently, without making any unneeded sound, the small glass with milk inside and take my phone in my right hand. Then as quickly as possible, I get out of bed and put on the nearest piece of clothing I find, while opening the door which leads to my outside balcony. As I get outside, I immediately answer the phone call and suddenly encounter the sweet voice I just realized I was longing to hear and couldn't apparently fall asleep without the sound of. So, there is the solution to my equation. Wow. And they call me smart.
-Hello?
-Hey. It's me, Troy.
-I know that. Why are you calling? It's three in the morning.
Even though I tried to whisper and be a little irritated with him, I just couldn't. So, I gave up and followed my basic human instincts which I rarely do.
-I can't sleep. I cannot stop thinking about you.
I almost drop the phone but successfully go back to my senses and tighten my grip luckily just in time. I was missing him. I just admitted it to myself and am about to admit it to him because it is what I am feeling, there is no denying it and I am not a liar. Pure shock but a happy shock, if there is even that kind of one. My stomach is going wild and I can actually hear my heart going crazy in my ears. However, I cannot even begin to describe the feelings going round my stomach.
-Um..
-I know it might sound too much just after the first date but I just had to call y-
-No. No. You didn't wake me up. I can't sleep either. I can't stop thinking about you, too.
-Really?
-Yes, Troy. Really. I just went downstairs to get a glass of milk because it usually helps and then you called.
-I don't know what I am going to do, Brie.
-What do you mean?
-I don't know how I am going to pretend like nothing is going on between us in front everyone else. That's the reason I can't fall asleep.
Of course it is. Of course it is. You are Troy Bolton, aren't you? Ugh. Again thinking about everyone else and what they would think. What about his precious reputation which builds up around people he barely knows but still calls friends? God. How did I even let myself get blinded so powerfully to think he can't sleep without me by his side or with me on his mind. We had an amazing first date but I bet he has had lots of those already and this one didn't take the most wanted first place. I am not there. I am anywhere near where I want to be because of his shield. I am just part of his own stupid equation- Troy+Gabriella+everyone else=new relationship.
-Of course you were, Troy.
I hang up and turn off my phone as fast as I could. I look around and suddenly realize it is actually three in the morning. Everyone is asleep and dreaming including my mother even. Everything is too quiet and too calm. It is really is the best atmosphere for rationalizing but what if I don't want to do that right now, in the perfect moment to do so? What if I want to just escape from the mess I just finished creating? Why did I ever fall for this? I just had to stick to my usual routine of depressing over old and "not - so - hot - right now" movies and dreaming about true love. It's who I am, right? It's where I belong and it's what I do. Period.
I suddenly feel the unusual wind on my cheeks. I cannot see it but I feel it. I feel passion and beauty, forgiveness, faith, hope and love. The feelings I wish to always encounter in life because may be they are the most important ones and may be if you don't meet them at least once, you will die lost. I realize my hands are trembling and I might be getting a cold. So, I quickly get inside of my room and sit on my bed, staring blankly at the air and focusing on really nothing. I slowly take a sip from my glass, full of milk and come to the conclusion I am not going to have so much sleep tonight..once again. I look over to my nightstand and see no book - no book I have started, am in the middle of or am about to finish. Nothing to do really. I can't watch a movie because of the noise or take a long hot bath which will have to wait until the morning even though extremely needed at the moment of speaking.
So, I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling again not focusing on anything. I don't want to think about Troy Bolton. I don't want to remember this night. In fact, I want it all erased somehow or put in a box which I won't have to ever deal with again. It was so easy just two days ago. I cannot honestly believe I fell for his games and lying abilities. He tortured me two whole years of high school and I simply forgave him in less than an hour, half an hour even. It's not only that - I forgave him and we kissed. Total change of events which made me somehow happy in the beginning and then just wondered away to the total opposite - insomnia and craziness. I love to sleep. I love having dreams. I love waking up and feeling amazing because I have had the right amount of sleep and have just the right amount of energy for the day. I love waking up with a smile followed by a stretch and positive sigh. I love that way of waking up on a Sunday morning. I would have been waking up just like that a few hours from now if it wasn't for Troy Stupid Bolton (which probably has to be his real name). Gosh, I was idiotic and just careless. I am so glad I didn't share any of my amazing adventures with East High's hunk with Taylor. If I had, I would regret it enormously right now. Just a chapter of my life which would hopefully be forgotten and closed as soon as possible. An adventure which went to the other direction of regret. At least it was a short adventure which could be described by just one page.
Just as I am turning to my right, I jump a little and my eyes become wide open. I witness how Troy Stupid Bolton is standing up and is now in front of my balcony door. We catch each other's eyes and he makes a sign he is cold and wants to come in. I slowly get out of bed and open the door, so he can enter. I don't have any choice. I guess it won't be the best idea just to stare at each other through a glass door for a few hours while he is freezing because of the cold air and I am freezing because of my feelings.
-It's freezing outside.
After he says that, I point to him my comfy blue "sofa-like" chair and he sits while I find myself placed on the empty bed with blue sheets once again.
-Be quiet. My mother is sleeping.
-I know. I am sorry but I had to come and see you.
-Why's that?
I know the answer but I asked because I want more time to gather my thoughts and explain the reason for my hanging up in the best way.
-Because of what happened on the phone. One minute we were having this normal conversation and the next you suddenly hung up and then switched your phone off. I couldn't fall asleep and in fact I didn't even try to. I just got into my car and came here. What happened, Brie? What did I say?
As I look into his blue orbs filled with so much hope and confusion and surprisingly a great amount of sadness, I can't help but wonder if everything I was thinking right before he showed up, is true..even the slightest bit. How can those striking eyes always make me question myself twice, go over everything again, reconsider and then decide? Unbelievable.
-I hung up because of what you said.
-Which part exactly?
-Well, you first said that you missed me and I was happy to hear that but then I thought you missed me because of me and you said it was actually because of everyone else and their opinion. I just thought you were not going to show that side if you- the Troy Bolton who is East High's king and cares only about what everyone has to say.
-Then you didn't understand me the right way. That definitely not what I meant.
I look up from the ground where my eyes had been focused on while explaining to him. I meet those deep blue seas and suddenly my stomach turns and I feel some kind of..hope. Had I been wrong to think what I thought? Is there still a chance this thing is real and the adventure has only just begun?
-I said that but you didn't let me finish. So, I explained how I couldn't fall asleep because I don't know if I will be able to pretend like nothing is going on between us in front of everyone else, right?
-Right.
-Well, I meant that I am scared they will find out and ruin everything, ruin us and what we are just began to have and hopefully will continue having.
Then I lie on my bed and sigh loudly while my eyes are slowly closing and both of my hands are covering my embarrassed face. I cannot even begin to think how stupidly and childishly I have reacted to something which has two sides, two faces, two different directions one's mind can go to. I just decide to call myself a major idiot with no sense and mind. Then, I sit once again, stretch out to Troy and kiss him the best way possible in almost four o'clock in the morning.
-I am sorry, Troy. I really am. I guess I am acting this way because everything is so new and different, you are new and different. And better.
-I know. Don't worry.
Without saying a word more, we just read one another's mind and lie on my now not so empty bed with my head resting on his perfect and muscular shoulder. He pulls up my blue blanket over our bodies and only after a second after closing my eyes, I hear him say "Goodnight" and then everything goes away. I finally am relaxed and ready to encounter those favorite dreams of mine.
To Be Continued..