Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is not mine.
Whoops! Sorry, no funeral yet! I decided to put it off for the next chapter. Instead, I decided that this seemed like an ideal opportunity to reveal the reason Kenshin is a ghost, a little early. I know a lot of you are curious as to where this story is headed, so…here you go. I hope it meets your approval! Also, most of you seem to like the paintings, so I'll scatter the descriptions here and there in the chapters when I think it seems appropriate.
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Only the Beginning
Written by lolo popoki
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Chapter 8: Revelations
When Kenshin arrived back at his room, he was relieved to find that most of the men had gone already, and the others were just leaving. After a moment, the ghost was again completely alone, as the last person slid the shoji closed. Giving his body a wide berth, he approached the window and stared sadly out into the dark. Gazing up at the twinkling stars high above, he pondered his uncertain fate once more.
"Why?" he whispered softly. He clenched his fists tightly. "Why? Why am I still here? Is there a reason for all this?"
The red-head felt abandoned…lost…helpless, and confused. He was desperate for answers that apparently weren't going to be given.
"Maybe I was wrong before. Maybe this really is Hell… stuck for all eternity in an existence where no one knows you're there, merely watching…powerless to do anything at all." The ghost paused for a second, deep in thought. He shook his head, his eyes narrowed, as he rejected his theory. "That can't be it; Shishou was able to hear me…"
Kenshin fell silent as he felt his master's familiar presence outside the room, almost as if the man had been summoned by the spirit's words. Hearing the shoji slide open, he turned to watch as the large man hesitated briefly in the doorway before continuing into the room silently, the box of paintings in hand.
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On the way back to his deshi's quarters, Hiko thought about how, in such a short time, his life had been completely turned upside down. In one afternoon, his entire world had completely shattered…his orderly existence had been thrown into total confusion. For the first time in his life, Hiko felt insecure…at a loss. He had never felt so helpless. The death of his apprentice had affected him far deeper than he ever though possible, and for a brief time, he had almost lost himself in the overwhelming depression that had surrounded him.
However, Katsura had managed to drag him out of it, and for that, the swordsman was truly grateful…although somewhat humiliated that the man had seen him reduced to such a vulnerable state. As it was, Katsura's understanding support during this tragic time, had been invaluable. 'Arigatou,' Hiko had said to the man, and he had meant it. Not for the paintings…but for the simple kindness the Ishin Shishi commander had shown him.
He felt calmer now…but he couldn't help but wonder how long such a feeling would last. The swords-master knew that his mood was probably just temporary; the result of good sake and camaraderie.
Preoccupied, Hiko arrived at the room and slid the shoji open. Starting inside, his steps faltered as he once again took in the sight of his lifeless apprentice. Closing his eyes briefly, he forced himself to walk the rest of the way through the doorway into the room.
It's so hard, seeing him like this…remembering the way he was before. His eyes were so clear…so bright and eager…so full of life. He had loved learning swordsmanship so much…
Hiko moved to the side and sat, settling back against the wall with a weary sigh. It just wasn't right, that his little deshi had grown up to detest the very thing that that had brought him so much joy in his youth. All the lives he had taken, weighed so heavily on his gentle heart, dragging him down until he could no longer bear the weight of it any longer.
Glancing down, he realized the box was still clutched in his hands. The swords-master hesitated for a moment, before removing the string and lifting off the cover. Even as troubled as he had been by the second painting, he had to admit that he was still curious. Picking a scroll at random, he prayed that it wouldn't be another erotic piece. He got his wish…but the image that he found himself staring at, left him feeling vaguely disturbed, nonetheless.
It was a scene of violence. Broken and bloodied corpses garbed in blue and white, lay strewn across a grassy field…while the figure of Himura Battousai, dressed all in black, stood at the center of it all, looking like an angel of death, his blood-stained sword gripped loosely at his side. But it was not the scene itself that caught his eye; it was the expression of anguished sorrow painted on the young man's pale face, the subtle slump of his shoulders, the hopelessness in his eyes, as he stared at the carnage all around him…the very picture of a man lost in abject despair, aptly reflecting Hiko's glum thoughts of a moment ago.
Gazing at the portrait, Hiko was reminded of Katsura's earlier remark about people not looking past Kenshin's cold surface. However, the artist who painted this scroll…here now was a man who had apparently seen through the hitokiri's mask, and had glimpsed the buried agony in his soul.
Saddened, the swordsman gently rolled the painting up and placed it back in the box. Choosing another, he unrolled it, blinked, and then gave a startled laugh.
Battousai was facing a young, boyish looking samurai in a dark alley. The other man was wearing the same blue and white uniform he had seen in the previous painting, and both were intently staring at the other as they were engaged in a fierce battle of…janken? (rock-paper-scissors)
Oh Kami-sama…they look just like a couple of children trying to settle an argument! Heh…that artist certainly has a diverse style…cute, erotic, depressing, and now comical…
Still chuckling, Hiko put the painting back, and closed the box. It would be best to stop now, before he made a poor choice, and ruined his good mood with another disturbing picture.
I should probably try to get some sleep anyway
Setting the box next to him, he closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall.
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The ghost sighed in relief; he had been worried that his master would pick another one of his more humiliating portraits. Still…Hiko would eventually see them all, and that was definitely something Kenshin was not looking forward to.
He walked over and glared down at the offending box.
Stupid paintings…should have burned them when I had the chance
His mind elsewhere, he irritably kicked at the scroll box…and froze as his foot actually connected, sending the object sliding forward to hit the wall with a muffled thud.
Wha…?
"What the hell was that?"
Hiko's eyes had snapped open at the sound of the box striking the wall, and he was now peering around the room in puzzlement, trying to find the source of the noise.
Shrugging finally, he settled back down. "Must have been from another room," the swordsman muttered in annoyance, closing his eyes again.
Kenshin stared at his foot in astonishment, and then glanced over at the displaced box.
I hit it…?
Concentrating hard, he knelt down, and cautiously poked at the box with one finger. The red-head felt a brief moment of pleased satisfaction as his finger met unyielding resistance.
Well, well… this is an interesting development. I wonder…
Kenshin glanced speculatively at his sleeping master, and leaned closer, slowly reaching out his hand. Feeling soft hair beneath his light touch, the ghost smiled.
Hiko however, reacted quite violently. Jerking away with a gasp, he was on his feet in an instant, his sword in hand, as he stared around at his surroundings with wide eyes.
"What the hell is going on here!" he growled, when he determined there wasn't anyone in the room with him. Hiko's gaze lingered for a moment on his student's laid out form, and he shuddered slightly.
"Maybe…?" he murmured uneasily. The large man shook his head sharply. "No. It's just my imagination…"
He sat back down after a minute, leaning back against the wall, but he remained tense and wary.
Kenshin felt a bit guilty for disturbing his master's rest. The poor man obviously needed it.
I think I should leave him alone for a while
The ghost slipped out through the wall and into the hallway. Wandering the inn for a few minutes, he finally decided to go for a walk outside.
Out of habit, he kept himself to the shadows, gliding silently through the dark like a cat, all his senses alert for danger. After a moment, he paused, feeling foolish.
Baka…you're a ghost. No one is going to be attacking you, stupid! They won't even notice you're there…
Forcing himself to relax, Kenshin drifted aimlessly through the streets. In plain sight, he remained invisible…unseen by the few people he passed. Confident that no one really could see him, he allowed his thoughts to wander.
Suddenly snapping back to awareness, Kenshin glanced around at his location in surprise, finding himself in a familiar graveyard. Somehow, without even realizing it, his feet had taken him all the way from the inn to the site of his wife's grave. He stared sadly down at the plain stone marker and lost himself in the memories of a time, four years past.
Tomoe…I can never forgive myself for what I did to you and your fiancée. My love, I wonder where you are now?
"Hello, Kenshin."
The red-haired ghost spun around in shock. He drew in a sharp breath as he caught sight of the vision before him.
"Tomoe…"
He fell to his hands and knees, pressing his forehead against the cold ground in contrition, ghostly tears trailing down his face. He felt a cold hand brush his cheek and settle under his chin, as the spirit of his dead wife knelt in front of him, and lifted his face up to meet her impassive gaze.
"Don't cry, beloved," she said gently. "It's been over four years…you need to stop blaming yourself for my death."
"But…" he whispered brokenly. "But, I murdered you…my hands are stained with your blood…it was my fault!" Desperately, Kenshin grabbed her hand with both of his, and held it to his face, relishing the comforting sensation of physical contact, as he closed his eyes. He bit back a choked sob as he was surrounded by the scent of white plums.
Tomoe shook her head. "Technically, I am at fault for putting you in that situation to begin with. If I had not made a deal with those men to kill you…"
"No!" Kenshin opened his eyes and tightened his grip on his wife's hand. "I could never blame you for that!" He choked again. "Wh…whatever the circumstances…it was still my sword that killed you!"
"I am the one who ran in front of your blade…I made that decision on my own," the dark-haired spirit said firmly, as her husband gazed at her sorrowfully. "And," she added with a faint smile. "I was happy to do it."
"Happy?" he whispered dubiously, releasing her hand. "How…why…?"
"I was able to save my second love with my death…and, as a spirit, I have been reunited with the first."
"Kiyosato…"
She smiled again. "Hai, Kiyosato." Her expression turned more serious. "He does not blame you either…for either of our deaths."
Kenshin looked skeptical. "I can't believe that."
"Believe it, because it is true. He is aware, as are most of your victims in fact, that in war, it is 'kill or be killed.' In the midst of battle, one must die for the other to live. The men you killed, have been watching you, and have seen how much you suffered for your actions…and so, bear you no grudge. And in my case, Kiyosato saw clearly that it was an accident on your part." She reached out and brushed her fingers across his scar. "He also saw how deeply you loved me, and he is grateful that you were able to give me some measure of peace after his own death."
"Death…" He suddenly blinked. A feeling, almost like relief, swept over him. He wasn't the only one! He wasn't alone!
"Then both of you are spirits, like me?"
"Not like you," she murmured with regret, as she rose gracefully to her feet. "We are true spirits, while you are merely a ghost. There is literally a world of difference between the two. Spirits, like myself, inhabit another plane of existence, free to pass between the worlds as they like. Ghosts are bound solely to the physical world, shadows of the people they once were, unable to move on to the spirit realm. Some are trapped in a prison of their own making, because they cannot accept the reality of their own death; but they have the opportunity to move forward once they have come to terms with their loss. Others, like yourself, are left behind as punishment, only able to move on once the gods have decided their punishment is over."
Kenshin stood and bowed his head. "So, I'm being punished…"
"Yes. You were not supposed to die yet," she said rather pointedly, her eyes narrowed as Kenshin blushed slightly. "And so the gods have decided that this will be your sentence, as well as your purpose."
"My sentence, I can see, but my purpose…?" Kenshin shook his head, bewildered. "What is my purpose? What exactly am I supposed to do?"
"You wished for atonement, did you not? Your original purpose was to go forth and continue to help the people of Japan…now that you're dead, the situation has been changed somewhat, but in some ways, your purpose remains the same."
The red-haired apparition stared at his former wife in disbelief. "Help the people of Japan…? How can I possibly help anyone in my condition!"
"You may have noticed that you do have some ability to affect things in the living world - you just need practice - but there is a reason why your master can hear you. It gives him the opportunity to be your conduit to the physical world, should he choose to do so."
"What?" he gasped. "My conduit? I don't understand…"
Tomoe sighed in exasperation. "You might be able to accomplish your mission alone, but it would be easier not to. Most individuals are unable to see or hear ghosts, so you could use someone to assist you…to interact with the public in your stead. A partner."
Kenshin gaped at her. "Shishou would never go along with this plan!" he said finally. "He didn't even want me to go out to help the people in the first place!"
"Because he knew what would happen!" Tomoe's spirit said sharply. "It's true, he didn't want you to leave, but only because he knew you were not ready yet…and because the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu is supposed to be wielded to protect the people as a free sword, not under the command of another!"
The ghost bowed his head in shame, knowing what she said was true. He hadn't been ready. He hadn't been prepared for the repercussions of his decision. He may have set off with good intentions in his heart, but he had gone about it all wrong. He had foolishly allowed himself to be used, and in his carelessness, had done more harm than good. He knew that now.
Tomoe's eyes softened as she gazed at her stricken husband.
"He needs you, Kenshin," she whispered gently.
His head snapped up, a dazed expression on his face. "What…?"
"He will never admit this fact, not even to himself, but Hiko Seijuro desperately needs your help. Somewhere in his life, he lost his purpose. When he took you in, you gave that back to him. Raising you…teaching you…you gave him motivation. When you left, he felt lost, but he was still hopeful you would return someday. With your death, your master's purpose has been shattered." Tomoe paused, her gaze sympathetic.
"After the funeral," she continued. "He will probably return to his mountain, and to his lonely life of bitter isolation, completely shunning the rest of the world. But this time, he won't have the optimism of your return to ease the devastating loneliness."
"Shishou…" Kenshin whispered in dismay.
"And that brings me to the other part of your assignment. With his helping you to redeem yourself, you will be helping him to find his purpose. He needs a new mission in his life, and you will once again help him to realize it." She smiled. "Your partnership would be mutually beneficial."
Overwhelmed, Kenshin remained silent, mulling over her words carefully.
I had no idea he felt that way... Shishou needs me...? But, can I really help him?
The ghost shook his head sharply.
It doesn't matter if I can or not…I have to try! He is suffering because of me…I can't just leave him alone to endure that!
Kenshin turned his attention back to his wife, his eyes full of resolve. "How do I go about my mission? What are my orders?"
Tomoe shook her head. "There are no orders; this is not the military. The exact method will be up to you to decide. And even if you are somehow unable to convince your master to help, your mere presence will be a comfort to him; just remember to be yourself. As for the people of Japan…you will find another way. I believe in you."
The red-head looked determined. "Thank you for believing in me, Tomoe. I will try my best not to disappoint you." He hesitated for a moment, his expression somewhat self-conscious. "Um...when do you think would be a good time to approach him? And also, I know Shishou can hear me already, but is there any way for him to see me? It might be a bit disconcerting for him to have a conversation with a disembodied voice."
"Don't worry. You will know when to reveal yourself; your master will be able to see you, when that time comes. You just have to want him to." Tomoe paused, eyeing him critically. "You might want to consider changing your clothing before you make the attempt, however…" she smiled faintly, one eyebrow raised.
Confused, Kenshin glanced down at himself, and then blushed slightly. He had spent the whole day in the baggy, poorly fitted yukata he used to sleep in. How had he not noticed that? Knowing his master, he'd probably end up mercilessly ridiculing his apprentice's undignified appearance. Of course, Hiko would undoubtedly find other things to tease him about…
"How do I change?"
"Just concentrate on wearing something different," she answered, and then sighed regretfully. "I am sorry, but I must go now, beloved."
"Please don't go, Tomoe!" Kenshin pleaded desperately. "I've missed you so much…"
Stepping in front of her husband, Tomoe took his face gently between her hands.
"I know," she murmured, as she stroked his cheek fondly. "But, do not worry…we will see each other again, soon. I still have much to explain to you."
With a final soft caress, Tomoe released his face and stepped back. She vanished silently, leaving the forlorn ghost standing in the middle of the deserted cemetery…the graves of the buried dead, his only companions.
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Good lord…can you believe, 8 chapters, and it's still only been one day for them? So…what do you think? Does this chapter meet with everyone's approval? I really hope so! I rewrote it like 3 times before I was satisfied…although, I'm not sure if I even really like it that much…
Terry-McElrath: Glad you liked the chapter and the paintings! I wish I had copies of them too… I think the mouse bit was my favorite part in that chapter.
Nekotsuki: I'm so glad I didn't lose you with the ghost scenario! I like it when people are honest with me, so please let me know if you have any suggestions for improvement, or if you feel I'm getting a little carried away. Thank you so much! By the way, when's your next chapter of TJ coming out? Those 'ninjas' still bothering you?
Rabid Turtle: Yeah…crazy chapter :) I'm happy you liked it though! Sorry about the delay on the funeral, this chapter just kind of got away from me…
Night-Owl123: Don't worry, I'll have more of the painting descriptions scattered around in the chapters.
Sailor-Earth13: Yeah, Kenshin did not find it amusing at all! I was thinking about maybe bringing the artist into the story, but I'm not sure…
skenshingumi: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! I'm sure most people have things that they would rather not have come out into the open when they die…skeletons in the closet, and such.
Hikari Tsuki Chi: I'm so sorry you're sick, I hope you feel better soon! Glad you found the chapter funny though!
SiriusFan13: I've seen that picture before too…Kenshin's so cute as a chibi! I'm really happy you liked the chapter…and no, Kenshin is not gay in this story. You don't really have to thank me for responding to your reviews because I actually enjoy doing so. It gives it more of a personal touch, and kind of like having a conversation…but not :)
omasuoniwabanshi: Probably not going to be a reincarnation fic ( I know what you mean about Wolf's Rain…that really pissed me off). I'm glad you liked the humor! About that painting…the artist never actually saw Kenshin naked. He just had a good imagination ;)
xZig-zagx: I thought that was pretty funny myself, us updating on the same day. I'm so glad you're still enjoying this story! And I'm looking forward to your next chapter as well!
lilmatchgirl007: Glad you liked it! I'm sure he would be pretty broken up about it, if I bother to include him…don't know yet.
Freda Potter: Thank you! I really appreciate your support! Luckily I haven't had any problems with homophobes.
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Glossary of terms:
janken – also jan-ken-pon or commonly known as rock-paper-scissors (there are records of the game as early as 200 BC in Japan)