I changed the genre- sorry! I talked it over with some of you and I've been convinced to add "angst" to the categorization. It does get a little worse as we lead up to the dark subject matter, and I do apologize for the sudden change. Totally understandable if you don't want to continue reading.
Chapter five
"Bella, get the door!" my dad hollered from the basement. He was a second too late because I was already on my way, the incessant knocking going on non-stop for a full minute.
I swung the door open and a guy was standing there, his fist still pounding at a now non-existent door.
"Uh. You're not a middle-aged, balding man," he said, taking a step back.
"Uhh, nope."
He grinned, a pirate-y kind of smile, and I shrugged uncomfortably in response.
"Can I help you with something?" I finally asked when he remained silent. He backed up to look at the address on a moldering plank of wood nailed to the side of the house.
"Yeah, I'm here for your trim," he said and then put a hand up, his cheeks turning pink as I crossed my arms over my chest. "Oh shit. Oh God. I did not…well. Now that I think about it, I kind of do mean it." Again, he flashed his easy grin.
"Who are you?" I asked, amused despite my discomfort.
"Jake," he said, thrusting a hand out at me. "Is Charlie Swan here?"
"Daaaaad," I hollered, not taking my eyes from this kid. "A boy is here to see about my trim!"
His eyes widened in horror and I grinned, glad to turn the tables and make the kid uncomfortable. These days, taking small pleasures where I can find them seemed awfully important, and it was a bonus that I got to inflict humiliation and fear on a perfect stranger. Especially one who smiled too easily, no doubt because he was such a good-looking guy. He seemed like the type to charm birds out of the sky and help old ladies with their groceries; he was tall and had the most beautiful, tawny skin I'd ever seen. He looked like he spent a lot of time squinting at things, and he was squinting at me now in either consternation or utter horror- something people around me had been doing for over a year now.
"Excuse my daughter, she's a lunatic," my dad said helpfully, stepping in front of me. He was wiping his hands on a filthy towel and looking at me with exasperation. Better than the consternation and utter horror, I thought glumly.
Apparently, Jake from the next town over was looking for work to save up for college, and my father was too old to paint the trim this spring. I wasn't surprised. We all felt a helluva lot older that year. According to my father, not only were he and Jake's dad old drinking buddies, but Jake and I had met a few times.
I raised a brow toward Jake at that and he just shrugged pleasantly. I figured I would have remembered someone that tall and said as much, but he just responded with a quip about growth spurts and string beans and that I never once graced him with anything but disdain in all of our previous meetings. He said it all charmingly, though, like nothing pleased him more than my indifference, and I felt myself smile unwillingly at how easy it was to let someone poke and tease me again.
Then I spent the rest of the night staring at my ceiling, telling myself I had nothing to feel guilty about. It wasn't like I was doing anything or anything; I'd simply had a new interaction. With a guy. That I'd apparently known for years. Surely, that was okay. Right?
With spring and Jake came warm weather, and with the sun came the ghosts. We were coming up on a year and it haunted me. He haunted me. My open window was wide-mouthed, taunting and calling out whenever a breeze would slip and slither in, saying, "Remember? Remember when he leapt and leapt forever?"
People stopped looking at me with pity and started looking at me with faint disgust, their eyes urging me to get over it already. Get over it.
Except Jacob, who was kind of funny and often stoned. He rode a skateboard to our house on the weekends to paint the trim.
Jake didn't pity me or judge me. He didn't throw me pensive looks when a news story with an Amber Alert buzzed through town. He wasn't careful about not hurting my feelings and he flirted with me openly and loudly, and God. I'd missed that kind of normalcy. I'd spent so much time missing Edward that it hadn't occurred to me to miss much of anything else.
"Watch this," Jake said, standing on my porch early on a Saturday morning. He had just given up on the ancient weed whacker my dad insisted still worked if you finessed it enough.
In a flash, Jake doubled head over heels and started walking on his hands, his long legs swaying in the air, coming at me.
I gave a slow clap and whistled like a pro before he flipped back up, grinning like he'd just walked on the moon.
"Impressive," I said with a smile, walking past him to open the mailbox.
"Impressive enough?" he asked nonchalantly, hopping from foot to foot.
"For what?"
"You," he said. "If I asked you to come out with me now that you've seen my raw talent, would you say yes?"
I froze with my hand clasping the Pennysaver and felt my fingertips and lips go cold.
Not once had I given any thought to…next. Or new. Or someone else. I hadn't exactly been planning on spinsterhood, either; I simply hadn't thought of what came next at all.
"I didn't know you were, like, interested," I said casually, my mind scrambling for a rejection that didn't sound mean or psychotic or like a rejection at all and somewhere, deep down, there was the niggling feeling that I was going to say no. I wasn't certain there was a reason to say no. And with that thought came the guilt, sawing away at my insides.
"Huh. Really?" His chin ticked to the side and he looked about as confused as I felt. "You thought I just had a fetish for doing home maintenance at below union rates?"
"I thought you were saving money for college." He laughed, scratching his head while looking up at the sky before he tilted his head down to look at me thoughtfully.
"No offense, Bella, but your dad pays me like, ten bucks a day. I could go flip burgers for more but," he shrugged easily, "the view wouldn't be as nice."
"I don't really know what to say," I admitted, and he kind of jerked back and laughed a little.
"If it makes you pause, you ought to know that I can do a back-flip, too."
"It's not that," I laughed. "It's just... I'm surprised, is all."
"If you don't want to, just say no," he said. "I got my other eye on the redhead that works at the Dairy Queen. But she's not as pretty," he said with a wink.
"Jake, you do not," I said, laughing a little easier.
"Okay, I don't. But I am a great catch. Some girl would love to have me…walk on my hands for her," he said, trailing off, but when he looked back up at me, we both shook our heads and laughed. "Fine. No girl wants that. So, are you breaking me or making me here, Beautiful?"
It was like standing on the edge of the sharpest, most violent knife. Like I was seeing his face right before he slipped out of my window, and I had the looming sense that saying yes to Jake would mean saying good-bye to Edward, and these musings would have to be reflected on deeper and later, not here, and not when one of the most comforting and comfortable guys I'd ever met was standing in front of me. A tiny part of me felt the first, tiny thread of resentment take root in my gut. I wished it could be simpler. I wished I could say yes or no like any other girl, and it was kind of really fucking irritating that I couldn't.
"Do you want something to drink?" I asked instead of giving him an answer.
"Date, drink, at least I'm getting something," he said easily and followed me into the house.
I expected to be awkwardly dodging the date issue. I expected to politely host him for a while until it was time for him to leave and then I would be able to lie down and hash this out with my mind and my heart.
What I did not expect was to be lying with my head hanging over the edge of my bed, my hair dangling to the floor while Jake made fun of the contents of my closet and then pretended to read my palm.
"This is terrible," he said, tracing along my palm and shaking his head. "Oh man. This is the worst."
"What?" I asked, blood rushing to my face. He sat, his legs criss-crossing in front of me on the floor.
"You…are going to end up pedaling meth in Peoria," he said solemnly, pursing his lips and shaking his head with mock sorrow. "I'm sorry. Your fate is sealed."
"You got all that from that one line?" I asked dryly.
"Yes. It's that, or you're going to raise sheepdogs and nine children in Maine. It could go either way."
"Does it say what tips the scale in either direction?"
"Lemme see." He gently traced more designs into my palm before sitting up with a decisive nod. "A midnight showing of Raging Bull."
"What are you gonna do?" I asked him after I'd laughed a good, long while. I realized with some surprise that I hadn't laughed like that since...
Jake grinned, his flashing smile keeping my smile fixed in place. His eyes dropped to his own hand splayed in front of his face. He frowned for a second before nodding once again.
"I'm going to be declared king of the Pacific Northwest."
I slapped his hand away and then he told me about how really, he was probably going to end up in civil engineering.
It was the easiest time I'd had since. Since.
The short of it is all is that there was no association, no memory, nothing Edward attached to Jacob at all. That's how he became the easiest person for me to spend time with.
Edward would've called Jacob a douchebag and for some fucked reason, I found supreme satisfaction in that, even though I kept it to myself.
One day, I found myself telling Jessica and Rosalie about him.
"But he's crazy into horror movies, only the really terrible ones no one has ever heard of? So, we ended up streaming this shitshow about girls at a summer-camp…" I trailed off when I noticed they were motionless, staring at me with these nervous smiles.
I looked away and took a deep breath. I knew why they were silent and staring and they knew why, too. We didn't say it out loud, but Jessica cried and hugged me.
The thing about life is, it happens organically. Sure, some things are these big choices and decisions and I thought that saying hello to Jake was one of them. But really, there was no choice to make, just a life that insisted on progressing.
Wow, the response to this is seriously amazing! Thank you so, so much for your kind words of encouragement and the lovely reviews, and thank you for spreading the word around. It's humbling and flattering and amazing.
ETA: to the flouncer and to those about to flounce: I ask that you check the pairing I listed for this story before you dump me. With Twilight comes Jacob sometimes. Bear with me!