A/N: This one's for Little Miss Chocolate Drop, who suffered so long for the last chapter. ;)
This chapter picks up right where the last one left off, and it will certainly put you in a better mood than its predecessor. Enjoy!
Admittance
Liara and Ashley followed the commander up to her cabin. Neither of them really knew what to expect. The night's events thus far had been more than enough excitement for Liara, who would have been content retiring to her room and curling up with some light studying. Ashley, however, had to refrain from boasting about her heroic actions down in the mess hall. Though a part of her wished that she could have employed a little more violence before Shepard interrupted.
"I have to say, Skipper, I feel like I'm being sent to the principal's office." Ashley finally broke the uncomfortable silence. Shepard looked at her over her shoulder with a reassuring smile.
"Relax, Williams." Shepard opened the door to her cabin, and gestured for the other two to enter first. "I want to talk somewhere I know we won't be disturbed."
Ashley stepped casually into the room first and waited next to the entryway. Liara hesitated, only gaining the confidence to enter after Shepard nodded gently. She took slow steps over the threshold, taking in the room and its simple décor. Her eyes were quickly drawn to the softly lit fish tank on the left wall. Though she recognized the creatures inside as marine life, Liara had never seen any of the species before and assumed they must have been native to Earth. She approached the tank almost absentmindedly, watching the colorful swimmers gracefully drift in the clear water.
"You like them?" Shepard asked from behind, pulling Liara's attention away from the aquatic creatures.
"They are beautiful." Liara nodded as she faced Shepard.
"Anderson liked them…" Shepard's voice trailed as she looked towards the tank, then back to Liara as if snapping herself out of a memory. "I don't know anything about fish." She chuckled. Liara smiled back; finally able to relax after the scare she had faced two floors down.
"You make yourself at home, okay? I'm going to talk with Ashley." The human patted Liara's back lightly. Liara didn't want Shepard to stop touching her, but the commander's hand recoiled as she walked back toward the door where Ashley stood.
Shepard stepped close to Ashley and spoke with a hushed voice. She obviously didn't want to risk Liara overhearing.
"So what really happened downstairs? How did it all start?"
"Well, the Corporal has a very strong opinion of aliens. He's made that clear before." Ashley began, not really sure what all needed to be said. "He thinks Liara's a spy, like she's trying to seduce you or something."
"That's not a stretch of the imagination. From the outside she would look suspicious." Shepard crossed her arms as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
"But spend five minutes with her, and Liara's evil intentions seem crazy. I know." Ashley kept her voice down just as Shepard had. She knew that Liara was sensitive, and now she was shaken up. There was no need to upset her again by bringing up the same argument.
"If only everyone cared to get to know Liara, they'd trust her like they trust Garrus." Shepard shook her head.
"People trust Garrus because he worked with C-Sec. They know he respects the law." Replied Ashley.
"Good point…" Shepard looked over her shoulder at Liara, who was eagerly exploring the room, though careful to not touch anything. She was staring curiously at one of the pillows on the bed. Shepard wondered if this behavior was similar to how the asari maiden acted on an archaeological dig. Ashley leaned so she could see Liara past the commander.
"She's so weird." Ashley muttered. Shepard turned back to face her again, ensuring the chief saw her roll her eyes before changing the subject.
"I appreciate what you did. Standing up for her. I know you two don't get along very well."
"She's not so bad." Ashley shrugged. "She's a lot tougher than she thinks."
"Oh?" Shepard raised an eyebrow.
"Biotics alone? She could take me down. Liara's combat ready." Ashley's face scrunched a bit. "You know, if she wasn't so timid."
"I'm glad you've had a change of heart." Shepard smiled, proud that her training plan had worked.
"Yeah, yeah. Well she's part of the team, and I'm a team player, Skipper." Ashley said confidently before her face turned serious. "Look, Liara's really into you, and now it's starting to cause…problems. You need to talk to her, let her down easy or whatever."
Shepard's head dropped slightly. It made perfect sense that she would need to take care of Liara's crush like she had Kaidan's, but she didn't want to. At least with Kaidan, Shepard had dreaded it because she didn't like hurting his feelings. But she enjoyed Liara's affections, and most of all they were mutual.
"Yeah…" Shepard nervously rubbed the back of her neck, her short red hair sliding between her fingers. What was she supposed to do? Should she listen to Ashley's advice and turn Liara away? Or should she tell Ashley about her feelings for the asari? Wrestling with her conscience left a telling pause in their conversation.
"Holy crap." Ashley's eyes widened as the realization hit her. Shepard stiffened and searched for some sort of response, anything that would delay whatever was about to happen. Ashley's eyes darted back and forth from Shepard to Liara.
"Ashley," Shepard started, her hands hovering in front of the gunnery chief as if to calm her down.
"Holy crap." Ashley repeated. "You like her. You like Liara."
"And you are how old?" Shepard mocked Ashley's choice of words.
"What should I say?" Ashley asked with a smile. She began to joke with a deeper voice "You have taken a romantic interest in Liara."
"I didn't mean for it to happen. It just… happened."
Ashley tried to stifle her laughter with little success. "I can't believe this. I can't believe I didn't see this earlier."
"You have to keep this quiet. I don't want people finding out."
"All this time I thought Alenko was full of crap," Ashley's eyes drifted, not looking at anything in particular. She crossed her arms and began to nod to herself. "But he was right!"
"I'm serious, you can't tell anyone about this." Shepard pleaded.
"Hey, my lips are sealed." Ashley put her hands up defensively, finally able to contain her hysteric laughter. "You do know that asari are anatomically female, right?"
"Yeah, I'm aware." Shepard retorted with a huff, becoming tired of the childish game.
"Is that what you go for? I mean, are you…" Ashley hesitated, her eyes squinting. "Into that?"
Shepard stared back at her human companion, uncertain of how to reply. In her past relationships she hadn't been picky about gender, but rather the person themselves. Though her first real romantic interest had been a girl who volunteered at a meal center she had frequented as a teen on Earth's streets. From growing up homeless, and then focusing her adult life on her military career, Shepard hadn't been in many relationships. If she had a preference, she would have to guess...
"It's fine if you are, I just didn't know." Ashley broke the awkward silence between them, afraid she might have offended the commander with such a personal question. Over Shepard's shoulder she noticed Liara eying them suspiciously. Clearly her amusement at the commander's expense had caught the asari's attention. Ashley cleared her throat and returned to their conversation.
"Am I dismissed, Commander?" she asked respectfully, avoiding giving Shepard any more grief.
"Long since." Shepard teased. Ashley replied with a smile and turned for the door, stopping just before stepping out of the cabin. The comment that the corporal had made about Noveria in the mess hall echoed in her mind. She knew that accompanying Shepard and Liara would only worsen the situation after the night's events. Even though she didn't know whom the commander would ask to join her, Ashley wanted her name off the list of options.
"Commander?" she began shyly.
"Yeah Chief?"
"When we dock at Noveria… I mean, when you go to find Liara's mom, I don't want you to take me with you." Ashley hung her head.
"Why not?" Shepard asked, confused by her sudden disinterest in groundside missions.
"I just think there are better choices. If Benezia is a traitor, you'll need a good squad." Ashley thought the argument was convincing enough. Though she was always up for a good fight alongside Shepard, stepping down from this one seemed like the best choice to her.
"If that's what you want, then alright." Shepard nodded, unsure of the gunnery chief's intentions. She could tell that something was obviously bothering her, but she knew that nothing good could come from pressing the matter.
"It is." Ashley nodded in return. "Goodnight, Commander."
The door slid shut behind Ashley as she left the cabin. All the weight of the evening seemed to push down on Shepard's mind, but she would sort through everything later. She turned away from the door and towards the rest of the room, deciding to cast her attention to Liara. But the asari had disappeared. The room wasn't overly large, and the commander had been facing the only exit the whole time. Shepard walked down the steps that led into the main area of the cabin and turned to the wrap-around sofa on the right. There Liara sat with perfect posture, hands resting on her knees. The poorly hidden nervousness emitting from her body language told Shepard that she wasn't entirely sure if sitting on the couch was acceptable behavior.
"Comfortable?" Shepard asked, her crooked smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. She found Liara's socially awkward tendencies amusing, even charming in their own way. Two beautiful blue eyes looked up at Shepard with an insecurity that begged to be quenched. All Liara had done was be herself; her wary, adorable, and uncontrollably lovable self, and it was enough. Desperation arose in Shepard; a longing to satisfy Liara's every need, every want, and every whim.
Though being in the commander's private quarters was stressful and exciting, it wasn't what had triggered the vulnerability Liara felt. The two experienced an unspoken understanding; that Liara didn't want to waste anymore of the night discussing the same issue she faced everyday on the Normandy, and that if she ever needed anything, Shepard would be eagerly waiting to make things right.
Liara nodded gently and forced a grin. She knew that she would soon feel better after spending some time with the commander. Shepard always had a way of cheering her up, even unintentionally.
"So earlier," Shepard started, suddenly remembering the asari's strange fascination a few minutes before, and pointing towards the bed with her thumb, "Why were you staring at my pillow?"
"Oh!" Liara's freckled cheeks grew flush, embarrassed that the human had noticed. "I, well, there was…"
Shepard eyed her with a curious patience. The flustered asari was just as cute as ever. After a moment of stuttering, Liara gained the courage to answer.
"There was a hair." Her voice was quiet, as if admitting something shameful.
"That's it?" Shepard chuckled. That wasn't at all was she was expecting. "That's perfectly normal, Liara."
The asari looked confused. She hadn't given human hair much thought, other than her natural curiosity to touch it.
"Hair falls out." Shepard stated after seeing the baffled expression on Liara's face.
"I-I had no idea." Liara sheepishly replied. "I was uncertain if I should be concerned."
Shepard burst into laughter at the notion, but silenced herself upon seeing Liara's eyes drop to the floor in humiliation. The human joined her on the couch, sitting much more comfortably than the asari had, and smiled at her genuinely.
"I'm sorry. I'm just used to my hair, I guess." Shepard said.
"I know very little of it." The maiden looked up, slowly shedding her shame.
"Here." Shepard tilted her head in Liara's direction, her hair falling like a red curtain on the side of her face.
"You would allow me to touch it?" Liara asked with wide eyes.
"Yeah. Only if you let me touch your crests." The commander pointed to the top of Liara's head. The asari blushed again at the thought of Shepard's skin making contact with her own. The last time they had talked it had happened briefly, as a part of Shepard's peculiar behavior after the basketball game. The short moment with the human's hand under her chin had been tantalizing for Liara. The touch was gentle; she imagined that it was the way a person would comfort their lover, though she had little in the way of proof. Shepard's ivory skin had been warm from the rigorous sport she had played just before, and though Liara wasn't certain, she almost thought she could feel the beat of a raging pulse in the commander's thumb. It was an experience the asari would not soon forget, and one she had told herself would never happen again. Yet here was Shepard, freely offering what Liara had been wishing she could feel once more.
"…I suppose." Liara replied nervously. She slowly removed the glove from one of her hands, fighting the urge to tremble. Her fingers met the short locks of Shepard's hair, hundreds of silky strands weaving their way in between. Liara ran her hand through once, twice, three times over.
"I take it you like it." Shepard let out a soft chuckle. Returning to sitting upright, she held out her arm. "I've got some here too."
Liara's hand barely touched Shepard's arm, gently rubbing against the tiny blonde hairs. She looked up at Shepard to see her signature cocked smile.
"That kind of tickles." The human said. Liara smiled in return.
"And human's have this all over their bodies?" the curious asari asked.
"Pretty much." Shepard nodded. "Mostly it's just annoying."
"But you are the only sapient race with hair. That is part of what separates you from the rest of the galaxy."
"And here I thought it was our charming personalities." Shepard joked.
"That helps." Liara beamed. She hesitantly moved closer to the commander on the couch, leaning her head just as Shepard had earlier. The human wasn't shy about reaching out for the asari's crest, but she kept her touch gentle. She placed her palm against the very top of Liara's head, letting her fingers rest along the curve. Her hand was much colder than it had been the last time they had touched, but Liara didn't mind. She closed her eyes and took in the moment.
Liara's skin was perfectly smooth, and it reminded Shepard of the skin of a dolphin or other porpoise on Earth. She had been too distracted fighting against herself before to notice when she had held Liara's chin, and so Shepard wondered if the asari's skin felt the same all over.
Liara looked up as Shepard recoiled quickly. Shepard wasn't going to let her mind go there. If she thought about Liara that way, she knew there was no returning to the way things were now. Liara's head tilted slightly to side as she stared curiously at the commander, who recovered with a grin.
"Shepard, I must ask you something." Liara started, her tone much more serious than it had ever been.
"Sure. What's on your mind?" Shepard asked, wondering if it had anything to do with what just happened. Liara began ringing her hands nervously.
"We have not talked for many days now. I cannot help but feel as if you have been avoiding me." Liara furrowed her brow and swallowed the knot in her throat. "Have I done something to upset you, Commander?"
Shepard fought against the surprise that wanted to become evident on her face. In truth, she had been avoiding Liara ever since she realized how serious her feelings were for her. She didn't want to let her interest get in the way of the mission, but she never intended it to hurt Liara.
"No, of course not." Shepard consoled her. "You could never upset me, Liara. I've… been busy." Why couldn't she just tell Liara how she felt? Why couldn't she tell the truth when she knew the hollow lies only made both of them feel worse?
"Of course. You have many duties." Liara shook her head as if trying to shake out a silly notion. "But I have seen you speaking with other crewmembers. I assumed-"
"I have been avoiding you." Shepard interrupted, quickly changing her mind. The emotions running through her were so turbulent; she couldn't let Liara feel the same chaos. Liara was obviously holding back what she was truly feeling, trying to be reasonable. But Shepard could see the pain and confusion lurking underneath the surface.
"I'm sorry, Liara." Shepard's eyes dropped to her lap. "When I'm with you, it's… hard to pull myself away. I thought staying away would mean fewer distractions for both of us."
Liara tried to process what Shepard was saying. "You said you enjoyed our conversations."
"And I do, very much." Shepard looked into Liara's eyes. Confusion was all over the asari's face. She tried to be delicate. "I think… maybe too much."
"You want to talk to me, so you do not talk to me?" Liara asked slowly. It all sounded ridiculous.
"Obviously my plan backfired." Shepard smirked. "I never meant to upset you. It hurts me to know that I did."
Shepard hurt when she hurt? Had Liara heard that correctly? Though she had difficulties adjusting to human interaction, the asari could understand that there was more to what Shepard meant than what she was saying. Liara assembled the pieces in her mind, and wrestled with her own inhibition to speak the truth to Shepard. To tell the commander once and for all how she felt.
"I feel as though we have a special bond." Liara said shyly, testing to see how Shepard would react before continuing.
"I feel it too." Shepard smiled, giving Liara the courage to proceed.
"But we have known one another for barely any time at all. How is it that I can feel so close to you?"
"Sometimes when two people meet, they make a connection. They understand each other in ways no one else ever has." Shepard explained.
"That does not make sense." Liara stated, her logical brain complicating the phenomenon. Shepard stood and ran a hand through her already messy hair. Taking in a deep breath, she decided she wouldn't obscure her feelings any longer. Each of them had been taking tiny steps to a larger confession, and Shepard didn't want to waste any more time.
"Liara, I-" Shepard began, not knowing what words she should say. She changed her approach. "People have been talking. And I need to know if what they're saying is true."
The asari sat still; patiently awaiting what question the commander would ask. The evening had been a whirlwind of emotions for her.
"Do you have… feelings for me? Romantically?" Shepard asked, her throat tight and her heart racing. Was this really happening? How did the night lead to this?
Liara felt sick to her stomach. Of all the things she could say to Shepard, there was nothing she wanted to tell her more than how she felt. She had been trying so hard to muster the courage, but now that the opportunity was here she was terrified.
"I did not know if it was appropriate to act on my feelings." She replied sheepishly. With a sigh of relief Shepard's worried face softened and her tense muscles relaxed. It was no longer a rumor; she finally had a real answer, the answer that she couldn't be happier to have.
"I feel the same." The commander smiled. Liara's eyes widened.
"You do?" She asked with desperation.
"Yeah, I do." Shepard's smile widened before her head dropped. "That's why I've stayed away."
"You need to keep your focus on the mission. I understand." There was a tinge of disappointment in Liara's voice. "I am not even sure if I am ready for this."
"Then we take our time." The commander sat back down on the edge of the couch, this time closer to Liara.
"You would wait?" the perplexed asari asked.
"Well, I don't have a thousand years," Shepard slid her hand under Liara's, rubbing the backside gently with her thumb, "but yeah. I'll wait for you."
Their eyes met, and Liara felt as if electricity were pulsing through her entire body from the point where Shepard's skin touched hers. Within her chest was a fast and steady rhythm, reverberating into to her head as if she could hear her own heart beating. In 100 years she had never felt this way for another person, and she couldn't imagine anyone else more worthy of her affection. This was Shepard. The woman who sought her out and found her trapped on Therum, who without a second thought saved her from the geth, trusted her beyond reason, and treated her as an equal when few others did. Shepard; who made her laugh when she was sad, who was her company when she was lonely, and whose absence brought her to tears in the still of the night. Liara had been pining for her ever since stepping aboard the Normandy, and though it was only a short time, it seemed like an age to the young asari.
The human's emerald eyes looked down at their hands, her soft smile fading
"It's late." She said.
"Yes, it is." Liara knew that she should leave, but how could she possibly tear herself away? Surrendering to the unavoidable, Liara rose from her comfortable seat, her hand lingering in Shepard's for a moment. "I should let you get your rest."
Shepard stood as well, reluctantly releasing Liara's hand.
"You need it too. You've had a rough day."
"It is getting better." Liara smiled. Shepard returned the expression, the two of them staring at one another.
"You really should get your sleep. We have a long day ahead of us." Shepard unwillingly interrupted. She didn't have to go into specifics for Liara to understand. Tomorrow they would reach Noveria to confront her mother, learning of her motives once and for all. It was a meeting that Liara dreaded but knew was necessary.
"Good night, Shepard." Liara nodded.
"Good night, Liara."
And with that, the asari left, and Shepard felt more alone than she ever had in her cabin. Curling into her bed, she drifted into a deep sleep, and her subconscious took her mind to the place she had been so adamant to avoid.