I dedicate this chapter to one of my good friends and reviewer, Peeta-Mellark-Loves-ME. To everyone else, I would put all your names up, but it is pretty much impossible to cram all of them into one little A/N. So sit back, and enjoy this chapter. But Before I go I should also give special thanks to my friend Rachel because in the very middle of this chapter I had the worst writers block ever, and Rachel helped me overcome that, so thanks soo much to Rachel and Sophie!
oOo
It was just like one of our normal days together. Katniss was curled up on my chest, napping lightly while I sat awake, worrying. I know I shouldn't be. But all the best moments we spent together ran through my mind. Yet, every time I smile remembering every kiss we shared, the feeling gets washed away by anxiety. If Katniss' memory fails and goes back to before the Games, all of those special memories would just be dreams. Merely false memories that didn't mean anything to her. She would look at me with her usual scowl, trying to think of why I looked so memorable. But then she would shrug the feeling off and be on her way, leaving me dying slowly on the inside.
"Peeta?"
My mind suddenly jolted back to reality and I glanced down at Katniss, not aware that my face was contorted painfully. "What?"
She reached up at used her finger to smooth out my eyebrows, which were practically smashed together into one, worried line. "You shouldn't be spending all your time fretting. It's not healthy."
"I know." Sighing, I pulled her closer to me. "But I can't help it. Bad things just keep stirring in my mind. What if you actually do lose all your memory starting from the Games? Would you want me to try and make you remember me and go back to normal? Or would you want me to leave you alone and let you go on a different path, content with not knowing every horrible thing that happened in the past year?"
Katniss looked troubled. "I don't know… On some far away level my mind likes the idea of peaceful oblivion," She winced at my look of hurt. "But on the other hand my life won't ever be complete. The things that have happened in the past year have made me who I am. You have made me who I am. If I go back to things, sure I'll be able to lead a normal life, but normal isn't all as it's cracked up to be. I would rather be completely anomalous and be with you, rather than spend the rest of my life being normal, without you."
I wasn't sure what to say to that. All I knew is that Katniss seemed certain her memory would be lost, but wanted to spend every moment of her life with me, in whatever way possible. It was heartbreaking, thinking this could be our last moment together. I bent down and gave her a kiss, but it seemed almost…painful.
But when we pulled away, I kept my lips hear hers. I thought of the things we could possibly do in this wretched place, how we could possibly enjoy this last day... But I can't see what I could do to show her how much I love her when she already owns my heart. Every day I try and let her know how much she means to me, that she is the very air I breathe. But how could today be any different? How could I tell her more today than I have since I've known her?
"What are you thinking about, Peeta?" Katniss murmured, tightening her hand around mine.
I decided I wasn't quite ready to share those thoughts with her and maybe change the subject from exactly what was going through my mind. "Your family."
She frowned. "What about them?"
"Well, they'll want to spend time with you before your operation, too. Not just me." I rubbed my eyes. It was getting late.
"Well, yeah, but they wouldn't have to start over if I lose my memory. Before the Games I still knew them and loved them, but things are different with you." Katniss did have a point there.
"Hm…" Now it was my turn to furrow my brows. "If you think you could wait two days before the procedure, then Prim and your mother could have one day and I could have the other. And we would find some way to make sure you weren't alone at all between."
"I'm not sure…" She bit her lip and looked away. I couldn't help but think it was cute. "Being away from you one whole day…"
I just had to laugh. "It's only a day. And besides, I'm sure you won't miss me when you are with your family."
Katniss shook her head, but smiled a little too. "I miss you right now and you are here with me. I guess I'll just have to cope…"
"But if I could make a request,"
"What?"
"I get the final day." It may have been a trivial demand, but I wanted it nonetheless. "Just you and me, for what may be the last time."
After a short silence between us, Katniss nodded her head. "Of course, Peeta."
But something about her expression made me want to hold onto her tight and comfort her. So I did. Though her look didn't change. I pressed my cheek to the top of her head. "A penny for your thoughts."
Katniss quickly changed her expression into a better one. "Nothing." She said, almost too fast. "I was just thinking that it was late and—" then she laughed. "Never mind. Sometimes my thoughts aren't supposed to be shared with other people."
Darn it, Katniss! That only made me more curious. "Please tell me?"
She seemed to be holding in her amusement, which was making her snort. "I-I really shouldn't."
"Please?" Just to be funny, I stuck my lower lip out as far as it would go.
"Well…" Katniss finally gave in. "Do you ever… Have the insane urge to just…Not wear clothes?"
That made me crack up. I wheezed, clutching my side, tears pouring down my face. Where the heck did that come from? Still crying from laughter, I turned my streaming eyes towards Katniss, who was also giggling quietly. "I can't lie to you and say I haven't but…. Seriously, Katniss? Seriously?"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She sighed, still grinning. "I told you I shouldn't say it!"
"Its fine, Katniss." I patted her fondly on the head. "But you do have a point. It is kind of late. We should get some sleep."
Katniss rolled her eyes, still visibly amused by her strange thoughts. "After a shower." And she literally rolled out of bed and dragged herself into the bathroom.
A little humor is just what we need in this desolate underground captivity. Still chuckling to myself, I got out of bed as well and stood next to the curtained-off wall of the bathroom. Over the noise of the shower water, I called to Katniss, "Hey, about that not-wearing-clothes thing, Katniss…"
But in response, there was the squeak of the nozzle and the water stopped. "Sorry, Peeta, what did you say?"
"About that not-wearing-clothes-thing…" I hoped she would understand I was just trying to be funny, not perverted or anything, but girls usually tended towards that angle when boys made jokes like that.
Katniss was silent for a few seconds. "I am not going naked to bed, if that's what you mean, Peeta."
"No, no!" I laughed. "That was a joke. Really."
She was quite for another few seconds. "Though I wouldn't mind going in my underclothes for a change. These disgusting white ones are making my itch all over."
Though, Katniss didn't give me any time to reply before she just waltzed out of the bathroom in nothing but her underwear and tank-top.
"I didn't think you were serious…" I mumbled, awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck.
Something funny was up with Katniss, today, I had to admit. She just laughed and crawled right into bed. "You don't mind, do you?"
I got into bed as well, propping myself up against the wall next to Katniss. "Not at all, but I just think you are acting a bit peculiar, that's all."
She frowned ever so slightly, a hint of worry betrayed in her otherwise cheery face. "I was just thinking… If these really are my last few days before I go back to being who I was before the Games, maybe I should treat it differently. Spend the last few days being happier and less anxious all the time. Maybe that would make the chance of something going wrong be slimmer."
I put my arm around her, feeling locks of wet black hair tickle my collarbone. "If that's all I might as well enjoy it while I can…"
Katniss the scooted away from the wall and instead put her head in my lap and closed her eyes. "Mmhm…"
We just laid very still, just like that, enjoying the moment. Until Katniss sleepily opened her eyes and looked up at me again. "Sing to me, Peeta…"
Sing to her? I don't really sing… I paint and bake, but nooo. She had to ask me to do the one thing I don't do. But if that was what she wanted… I cleared my throat. This was going to give poor Katniss nightmares; I had such a horrible singing voice.
"My arms tied behind your back
I'm hopeless in your hands
Why should life be difficult
When we do all we can?
To love
To be life for one another
And never be afraid for tomorrow
When today is all we have together.
If there is one thing left on Earth
After everything else ends
Should it be the way you smiled
Or the first night when we were friends?
And loved
To be life for one another
We should never be afraid for tomorrow
When today is all we have together
Something soft and barely broken
Something we know is there
Something fragile, still unspoken
The last thing left to bear
And could I bear to see you sleeping
If I knew I couldn't too?
Could I bear to wake up in the morning
If I knew you couldn't too?
Every day you give me
All that you have had
Show me something I can lean on and I'll always know
To love
To be life for one another
And never be afraid for tomorrow
When today is all we have together."
When I finished the last note of the song, I was then able to hear Katniss' low breathing. Her hand was curled under her cheek and her other rested only a few inches from mine.
I laced out fingers together and kissed the tips of hers. "Goodnight, Katniss. Sweet dreams, my angel."
oOo
I never really had Peeta call Katniss "my angel" before. I thought it was sweet. But before I do anything else, I want to thank my amazing sister Morgan for the lyrics of her song that she composed titled "Lullaby". :D so anyone who liked that super-beautiful song written by my sister, just review me saying so and I'll make sure she knows. But I also give you permission to like the chapter itself, too. Hehehe…