Me: Helllllooooo people of currently very night-y planet earth!

Hefty: IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING. LEAVE US ALONE.

Me: Not gonna happen, bub. I need to finish before tomorrow, because it's finals week at school, so tomorrow is study day.

Grouchy: I hate study day.

Snappy: HELP US, somebody!

Me: Relax, only five reviews. Readers, FYI, my author's note got deleted last chapter the first time around, just in case you wanted to see if I actually answered to your reviews.

Smurfette: She's really going to do this, isn't she?

Gutsy: Jus get it over with.

andrea thompson chapter 3 . Dec 13, 2013

You are awesome and what's up with smurfette is she evil or something o ya have a good day bye :) and smurfs are awesome

Hefty: Well, this particular review obviously means that we should all go to bed, like, right now.

Me: Well, I don't know what gave you the impression that Smurfette was malicious, but she's certainly not. And thank you for the compliment.

Grouchy: I hate have a good day!

Guest chapter 3 . Dec 7, 2013

More

Hefty: Well... it's direct.

Me: And their request is easy to satisfy. The next person has two reviews, in quick succession.

Sweetie Smurf chapter 3 . Dec 10, 2013

Pfft. This chapter was hilarious! I loved when she fell from that plant-not that I have anything against Smurfette and Grouchy,the situation was the funny part :D yay hefty,gutsy and papa got a cameo! Woo! Don't kill gutsy he's one of my favorite smurfs! Smurf Bless! -SS (Sweetie Smurf) :)

Sweetie Smurf chapter 1 . Dec 18, 2013

P.S. Don't kill hefty either. :) he's another favorite of mine. -S.S

Me: Aww, thanks so much! I'm super glad you found it funny. It was sure fun to write. *smirks*

Smurfette: Do NOT test me at three in the morning.

Me: Er, yes ma'am. About the killing -

Hefty: LISTEN TO HER.

Gutsy: She's obviously a nice, sane girl, a rarity around here. *winks at Sweetie*

Me: ABOUT THE KILLING, you'll have to talk to Fritzy about that. She's my main enforcer. And speaking of Crazy dear:

FrittzyCrazy chapter 3 . Dec 29, 2013

Thank you so much. I need some target practice, and Hefty and Gutsy need to be taught a lesson. What a coincidence. Oh, and both of you, no matter how far you run, or how hard you try, I will find you. And. You. Will. Pay! This is a fantastic chapter, and I can definitely see this as canon. In my opinion, Grouchy both does and doesn't deserve the bloody nose. However, blood is blood, so it was still a good scene. I can't wait to read the next chapter, but until then... GET BACK HERE YOU TWO!

Me: Blood is blood is good blood and gore! Ah, violence.

Brainy: Your affinity towards it causes nightmares among children.

Hefty: GUTSY, GET UP AND RU- smurf this, I'll just sleep in my root cellar until morning.

Gutsy: I'll join you.

Me: Sure, go and rest up. It's no fun to watch you get beat into the dirt if you don't put up a good fight. Muchas gracias for the compliments!

Snappy: SmurfsbelongtoPeyo, there, I said it. Can we leave now?

Me: *sigh* Sure, I guess.

*Poof*

Me: *is all alone* Oh, REALLY?

"Jump!"

"No."

"Jump or I'll push you in," Smurfette threatened.

Grouchy crossed his arms and dug his heels in. His face was easy to read, screaming, "I'm not going anywhere and you can't make me."

Smurfette growled. They were by the river Smurf, and Grouchy needed to jump in and fish out some moss whose name Smurfette couldn't be smurfed to remember, because she was not having a repeat of the Horrible Plant Climbing Incident of Doom. With Grouchy though, everything had to be like pulling teeth, and it never seemed to be his teeth that were getting bloody.

"Smurf it, Grouchy! I can't swim in a dress, you know that."

"Bite me."

That was it. Smurfette threw back her head, roared, and charged at Grouchy, her hands outstretched like a knight's lance. Grouchy didn't have time to blink before he was shoved, arms pin wheeling and a single foot teetering on the edge of the river bank. His mouth was frozen in a silent scream of terror as he toppled into the calm pool of water.

Smurfette put her hands on her hips and graced the surrounding landscape with a smug, beaming smile. Then her mouth twitched, and her cheeks quivered.

Oh no. She fought to keep her composure even as her breath quickened. Pushing him in was one thing, he'd deserved it, but laughing would be horribly cruel of her.

By now, Smurfette was a wriggling, shivering mess. She took a deep breath to calm herself and burst into peals of delighted shrieks. Oh, she could only imagine how ridiculous he'd look when he popped up -

Why hadn't he surfaced?

Smurfette paused to scan the water, searching for any sign of life, a bubble, a ripple, a flash of blue skin.

Nothing. There was nothing. Smurfette's laughter was gone now, a dead weight sitting in the back of her throat. Grouchy was probably lying on the lake bottom, pale and lifeless, his face still stretched in a desperate cry for help.

Without thinking, Smurfette kicked of her heels and jumped into the river, desperate to save Grouchy from what was sure to be a painful death by drowning.

The water was cool and refreshing, and would have been perfect for a relaxing summer afternoon swim during any other situation. They had stopped by a shallow part of the water, just a little bit above Smurfette's head. When she spotted Grouchy, Smurfette saw that even though the smurf wasn't in any real danger, he was thrashing and bucking like a lunatic, swatting at imagined enemies hidden in the gentle current.

Smurfette swam towards him cautiously, snagging one of his wrists and dragging the struggling smurf the small distance left between them and dry land.

Smurfette broke through the waves with a significant degree of effort and pulled Grouchy up the bank, collapsing next to him in a heap. She took a few deep breaths twisted around to face Grouchy.

She hadn't expected him to hurtle into her arms, sobbing heavily. Smurfette felt her maternal instincts kick into overdrive, something coaxing her to make quiet hushing sounds, rubbing his back like she would a weeping child. But this wasn't a child, reminded herself. He was an adult with what was apparently a crippling fear of water. And she'd pushed him in a river. Guilty, Smurfette buried her nose into Grouchy's neck, wrapping him in a comforting embrace.

"Smurfette?"

Said lady's eyes shot open as she whipped her head to the left.

"Snappy?" Smurfette blinked. The smurfling whose friends she could now see farther down the bank screwed up his mouth and tilted his head curiously.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Smurfette took a moment to realize that he was referring to her rather awkward positioning with Grouchy. "I- I uhm, ah, GROUCHY FELL IN THE RIVER." Smurfette finally blurted the last sentence out, causing a whimper to rise up from the smurf cradled in her arms. Snappy's eyes widened and his lips formed a little "O" of realization.

Snappy then shocked Smurfette by kneeling down and squirming into Grouchy's arms. The older smurf stared down at the small little bundle of blue in his lap, vaguely aware that it hadn't been there a moment before.

"Hi," Snappy piped up. Smurfette, who had retreated backwards by this point, frowned at the cheerful, obviously tactless greeting. To her amazement, though, Grouchy stopped trembling violently enough to offer the child a small smile.

"Hello," he replied breathily.

"Smurfette told me you took a dunk in the river," Snappy stated bluntly. Smurfette was once again sure this would lead to some sort of violent or emotional outburst, but Grouchy let out a barking laugh, a modicum of sanity returned to his eyes.

"I guess it did, yeah."

The Smurfling, satisfied that his job was done, gave Grouchy's nose and affectionate nuzzle before hopping up and away, zooming back down the bank as a quick blue blur. Smurfette was sure that Grouchy had been slow to let go of him. Smurfette leaned back in a daze. She had never seen Grouchy act so smurfy before. She supposed he had a soft spot for children. The idea was strange to her; it didn't fit with his personality.

"Oh, and have fun with your boyfriend, Smurfette!" Snappy called out to her.

Smurfette's face turned red, while Grouchy hadn't seemed to hear. He sat upright and turned around towards Smurfette, wobbling as he crawled over to her.

"Smurfette?" he rasped.

She nodded nervously, afraid of his reaction to her unsmurfy deed. Would he yell, scream at her? Cry again?

"... Thank you. For, you know, being here with me and stuff." Grouchy bit his lip.

Smurfette was lighting struck. She would never have expected that, not in a million smurfs. Suddenly she was aware of an electrifying warmth around her hand. She glanced down to see another pair of fingers entwined with hers. Grouchy was holding her hand.

Without warning, Grouchy's face was very, very close to hers and his breath was hot on her face and smelled like peppermint and his hand was so warm, and if she just leaned in a little farther Smurfette could reach forward and kiss. Him.

She wanted to kiss him.

Smurfette yanked her hand back and pulled herself as far away from Grouchy as she could manage. She gave him a crooked smile and hoped her eyes didn't reflect her panic. Smurf it, she was only doing this because she had a bet with Princess Savina. Nothing was supposed to happen.

"Yeah, well sure, anytime!" Smurfette hoped that didn't sound as pathetic to him as it did to her. Grouchy merely squinted curiously at her for a moment before standing up with an awkward cough.

"Well savior," he started with a witty barb, "If you ever tell anyone about what you saw," he trailed off and finished with a threat, letting the sentence dangle ominously in the air. Smurfette just jumped to her feet and mumbled a quick, incomprehensible retort, confusing Grouchy with her unwillingness to respond. He simply decided to shrug and move on, bending down to scavenge the ground for a long enough stick to use to fish the moss out like they'd done a million times already. Smurfette stayed where she was and swayed with the breeze in a kind of daze.

Things had just gotten a lot more complicated.

Me: R&R. Sleep while you're at it, to. And caffeine. Caffeine's good. I NEED CAFFEI- *konk*

Slouchy: *poke* She's down for the count. Move out, smurfs!

Smurfs: Hup two three four, hup two three four. *Pick up Drama* Hup two three four...

Slouchy: *watches smurfs leave* Well, goodnight. *smiles at readers*